memoirs of carwin the biloquist-第6部分

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　overflow　of　thoughts；　when　he　allowed　me　his　company；　I　felt　myself　painfully　bewildered　with　regard　to　his　genuine　condition　and　sentiments。

He　had　it　in　his　power　to　introduce　me　to　society；　and　without　an　introduction；　it　was　scarcely　possible　to　gain　access　to　any　social　circle　or　domestic　fireside。　　Add　to　this；　my　own　obscure　prospects　and　dubious　situation。　　Some　regular　intellectual　pursuit　would　render　my　state　less　irksome；　but　I　had　hitherto　adopted　no　scheme　of　this　kind。



Chapter　V。


Time　tended；　in　no　degree；　to　alleviate　my　dissatisfaction。　It　increased　till　the　determination　became　at　length　formed　of　opening　my　thoughts　to　Ludloe。　　At　the　next　breakfast　interview　which　took　place；　I　introduced　the　subject；　and　expatiated　without　reserve；　on　the　state　of　my　feelings。　　I　concluded　with　entreating　him　to　point　out　some　path　in　which　my　talents　might　be　rendered　useful　to　himself　or　to　mankind。

After　a　pause　of　some　minutes；　he　said；　What　would　you　do？　You　forget　the　immaturity　of　your　age。　　If　you　are　qualified　to　act　a　part　in　the　theatre　of　life；　step　forth；　but　you　are　not　qualified。　　You　want　knowledge；　and　with　this　you　ought　previously　to　endow　yourself。　。　。　。　。　　Means；　for　this　end；　are　within　your　reach。　　Why　should　you　waste　your　time　in　idleness；　and　torment　yourself　with　unprofitable　wishes？　　Books　are　at　hand　。　。　。　。　books　from　which　most　sciences　and　languages　can　be　learned。　　Read；　analise；　digest；　collect　facts；　and　investigate　theories：　ascertain　the　dictates　of　reason；　and　supply　yourself　with　the　inclination　and　the　power　to　adhere　to　them。　　You　will　not；　legally　speaking；　be　a　man　in　less　than　three　years。　　Let　this　period　be　devoted　to　the　acquisition　of　wisdom。　　Either　stay　here；　or　retire　to　an　house　I　have　on　the　banks　of　Killarney；　where　you　will　find　all　the　conveniences　of　study。

I　could　not　but　reflect　with　wonder　at　this　man's　treatment　of　me。　　I　could　plead　none　of　the　rights　of　relationship；　yet　I　enjoyed　the　privileges　of　a　son。　　He　had　not　imparted　to　me　any　scheme；　by　pursuit　of　which　I　might　finally　compensate　him　for　the　expense　to　which　my　maintenance　and　education　would　subject　him。　He　gave　me　reason　to　hope　for　the　continuance　of　his　bounty。　　He　talked　and　acted　as　if　my　fortune　were　totally　disjoined　from　his；　yet　was　I　indebted　to　him　for　the　morsel　which　sustained　my　life。　Now　it　was　proposed　to　withdraw　myself　to　studious　leisure；　and　romantic　solitude。　　All　my　wants；　personal　and　intellectual；　were　to　be　supplied　gratuitously　and　copiously。　　No　means　were　prescribed　by　which　I　might　make　compensation　for　all　these　benefits。　　In　conferring　them　he　seemed　to　be　actuated　by　no　view　to　his　own　ultimate　advantage。　　He　took　no　measures　to　secure　my　future　services。

I　suffered　these　thoughts　to　escape　me；　on　this　occasion；　and　observed　that　to　make　my　application　successful；　or　useful；　it　was　necessary　to　pursue　some　end。　　I　must　look　forward　to　some　post　which　I　might　hereafter　occupy　beneficially　to　myself　or　others；　and　for　which　all　the　efforts　of　my　mind　should　be　bent　to　qualify　myself。

These　hints　gave　him　visible　pleasure；　and　now；　for　the　first　time；　he　deigned　to　advise　me　on　this　head。　　His　scheme；　however；　was　not　suddenly　produced。　　The　way　to　it　was　circuitous　and　long。　It　was　his　business　to　make　every　new　step　appear　to　be　suggested　by　my　own　reflections。　　His　own　ideas　were　the　seeming　result　of　the　moment；　and　sprung　out　of　the　last　idea　that　was　uttered。　Being　hastily　taken　up；　they　were；　of　course；　liable　to　objection。　These　objections；　sometimes　occurring　to　me　and　sometimes　to　him；　were　admitted　or　contested　with　the　utmost　candour。　　One　scheme　went　through　numerous　modifications　before　it　was　proved　to　be　ineligible；　or　before　it　yielded　place　to　a　better。　　It　was　easy　to　perceive；　that　books　alone　were　insufficient　to　impart　knowledge：　that　man　must　be　examined　with　our　own　eyes　to　make　us　acquainted　with　their　nature：　　that　ideas　collected　from　observation　and　reading；　must　correct　and　illustrate　each　other：　　that　the　value　of　all　principles；　and　their　truth；　lie　in　their　practical　effects。　Hence；　gradually　arose；　the　usefulness　of　travelling；　of　inspecting　the　habits　and　manners　of　a　nation；　and　investigating；　on　the　spot；　the　causes　of　their　happiness　and　misery。　　Finally；　it　was　determined　that　Spain　was　more　suitable　than　any　other；　to　the　views　of　a　judicious　traveller。

My　language；　habits；　and　religion　were　mentioned　as　obstacles　to　close　and　extensive　views；　but　these　difficulties　successively　and　slowly　vanished。　　Converse　with　books；　and　natives　of　Spain；　a　steadfast　purpose　and　unwearied　diligence　would　efface　all　differences　between　me　and　a　Castilian　with　respect　to　speech。　Personal　habits；　were　changeable；　by　the　same　means。　　The　bars　to　unbounded　intercourse；　rising　from　the　religion　of　Spain　being　irreconcilably　opposite　to　mine；　cost　us　no　little　trouble　to　surmount；　and　here　the　skill　of　Ludloe　was　eminently　displayed。

I　had　been　accustomed　to　regard　as　unquestionable；　the　fallacy　of　the　Romish　faith。　　This　persuasion　was　habitual　and　the　child　of　prejudice；　and　was　easily　shaken　by　the　artifices　of　this　logician。　I　was　first　led　to　bestow　a　kind　of　assent　on　the　doctrines　of　the　Roman　church；　but　my　convictions　were　easily　subdued　by　a　new　species　of　argumentation；　and；　in　a　short　time；　I　reverted　to　my　ancient　disbelief；　so　that；　if　an　exterior　conformity　to　the　rights　of　Spain　were　requisite　to　the　attainment　of　my　purpose；　that　conformity　must　be　dissembled。

My　moral　principles　had　hitherto　been　vague　and　unsettled。　　My　circumstances　had　led　me　to　the　frequent　practice　of　insincerity；　but　my　transgressions　as　they　were　slight　and　transient；　did　not　much　excite　my　previous　reflections；　or　subsequent　remorse。　　My　deviations；　however；　though　rendered　easy　by　habit；　were　by　no　means　sanctioned　by　my　principles。　　Now　an　imposture；　more　profound　and　deliberate；　was　projected；　and　I　could　not　hope　to　perform　well　my　part；　unless　steadfastly　and　thoroughly　persuaded　of　its　rectitude。

My　friend　was　the　eulogist　of　sincerity。　　He　delighted　to　trace　its　influence　on　the　happiness　of　mankind；　and　proved　that　nothing　but　the　universal　practice　of　this　virtue　was　necessary　to　the　perfection　of　human　society。　　His　doctrine　was　splendid　and　beautiful。　　To　detect　its　imperfections　was　no　easy　task；　to　lay　the　foundations　of　virtue　in　utility；　and　to　limit；　by　that　scale；　the　operation　of　general　principles；　to　see　that　the　value　of　sincerity；　like　that　of　every　other　mode　of　action；　consisted　in　its　tendency　to　good；　and　that；　therefore　the　obligation　to　speak　truth　was　not　paramount　or　intrinsical：　　that　my　duty　is　modelled　on　a　knowledge　and　foresight　of　the　conduct　of　others；　and　that；　since　men　in　their　actual　state；　are　infirm　and　deceitful；　a　just　estimate　of　consequences　may　sometimes　make　dissimulation　my　duty　were　truths　that　did　not　speedily　occur。　　The　discovery；　when　made；　appeared　to　be　a　joint　work。　　I　saw　nothing　in　Ludlow　but　proofs　of　candour；　and　a　judgment　incapable　of　bias。

The　means　which　this　man　employed　to　fit　me　for　his　purpose；　perhaps　owed　their　success　to　my　youth　and　ignorance。　　I　may　have　given　you　exaggerated　ideas　of　his　dexterity　and　address。　　Of　that　I　am　unable　to　judge。　　Certain　it　is；　that　no　time　or　reflection　has　abated　my　astonishment　at　the　profoundness　of　his　schemes；　and　the　perseverance　with　which　they　were　pursued　by　him。　　To　detail　their　progress　would　expose　me　to　the　risk　of　being　tedious；　yet　none　but　minute　details　would　sufficiently　display　his　patience　and　subtlety。

It　will　suffice　to　relate；　that　after　a　sufficient　period　of　preparation　and　arrangements　being　made　for　maintaining　a　copious　intercourse　with　Ludlow；　I　embarked　for　Barcelona。　　A　restless　curiosity　and　vigorous　application　have　distinguished　my　character　in　every　scene。　　Here　was　spacious　field　for　the　exercise　of　all　my　energies。　　I　sought　out　a　preceptor　in　my　new　religion。　　I　entered　into　the　hearts　of　priests　and　confessors；　the　~hidalgo~　and　the　peasant；　the　monk　and　the　prelate；　the　austere　and　voluptuous　devotee　were　scrutinized　in　all　their　forms。

Man　was　the　chief　subject　of　my　study；　and　the　social　sphere　that　in　which　I　principally　moved；　but　I　was　not　inattentive　to　inanimate　nature；　nor　unmindful　of　the　past。　　If　the　scope　of　virtue　were　to　maintain　the　body　in　health；　and　to　furnish　its　highest　enjoyments　to　every　sense；　to　increase　the　number；　and　accuracy；　and　order　of　our　intellectual　stores；　no　virtue　was　ever　more　unblemished　than　mine。　　If　to　act　upon　our　conceptions　of　right；　and　to　acquit　ourselves　of　all　prejudice　and　selfishness　in　the　formation　of　our　principles；　entitle　us　to　the　testimony　of　a　good　conscience；　I　might　justly　claim　it。

I　shall　not　pretend　to　ascertain　my　rank　in　the　moral　scale。　Your　notions　of　duty　differ　widely　from　mine。　　If　a　system　of　deceit；　pursued　merely　from　the　love　of　truth；　if　voluptuousness；　never　gratified　at　the　expense　of　health；　may　incur　censure；　I　am　censurable。　　This；　indeed；　was　not　the　limit　of　my　deviations。　Deception　was　often　unnecessarily　practised；　and　my　biloquial　faculty　did　not　lie　unemployed。　　What　has　happened　to　yourselves　may　enable　you；　in　some　degree；　to　judge　of　the　scenes　in　which　my　mystical　exploits　engaged　me。　　In　none　of　them；　indeed；　were　the　effects　equally　disastrous；　and　they　were；　for　the　most　part；　the　result　of　well　digested　projects。

To　recount　these　would　be　an　endless　task。　　They　were　designed　as　mere　specimens　of　power；　to　illustrate　the　influence　of　superstition：　　to　give　sceptics　the　consolation　of　certainty：　　to　annihilate　the　scruples　of　a　tender　female；　or　facilitate　my　access　to　the　bosoms　of　courtiers　and　monks。

The　first　achievement　of　this　kind　took　place　in　the　convent　of　the　Escurial。　　For　some　time　the　hospitality　of　this　brotherhood　allowed　me　a　cell　in　that　magnificent　and　gloomy　fabric。　　I　was　drawn　hither　chiefly　by　the　treasures　of　Arabian　literature；　which　are　preserved　here　in　the　keeping　of　a　learned　Maronite；　from　Lebanon。　　Standing　one　evening　on　the　steps　of　the　great　altar；　this　devout　friar　expatiated　on　the　miraculous　evidences　of　his　religion；　and；　in　a　moment　of　enthusiasm；