going into society-第1部分

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Going　into　Society



by　Charles　Dickens









At　one　period　of　its　reverses；　the　House　fell　into　the　occupation　of

a　Showman。　　He　was　found　registered　as　its　occupier；　on　the　parish

books　of　the　time　when　he　rented　the　House；　and　there　was　therefore

no　need　of　any　clue　to　his　name。　　But；　he　himself　was　less　easy　to

be　found；　for；　he　had　led　a　wandering　life；　and　settled　people　had

lost　sight　of　him；　and　people　who　plumed　themselves　on　being

respectable　were　shy　of　admitting　that　they　had　ever　known　anything

of　him。　　At　last；　among　the　marsh　lands　near　the　river's　level；　that

lie　about　Deptford　and　the　neighbouring　market…gardens；　a　Grizzled

Personage　in　velveteen；　with　a　face　so　cut　up　by　varieties　of

weather　that　he　looked　as　if　he　had　been　tattooed；　was　found　smoking

a　pipe　at　the　door　of　a　wooden　house　on　wheels。　　The　wooden　house

was　laid　up　in　ordinary　for　the　winter；　near　the　mouth　of　a　muddy

creek；　and　everything　near　it；　the　foggy　river；　the　misty　marshes；

and　the　steaming　market…gardens；　smoked　in　company　with　the　grizzled

man。　　In　the　midst　of　this　smoking　party；　the　funnel…chimney　of　the

wooden　house　on　wheels　was　not　remiss；　but　took　its　pipe　with　the

rest　in　a　companionable　manner。



On　being　asked　if　it　were　he　who　had　once　rented　the　House　to　Let；

Grizzled　Velveteen　looked　surprised；　and　said　yes。　　Then　his　name

was　Magsman？　　That　was　it；　Toby　Magsmanwhich　lawfully　christened

Robert；　but　called　in　the　line；　from　a　infant；　Toby。　　There　was

nothing　agin　Toby　Magsman；　he　believed？　　If　there　was　suspicion　of

suchmention　it！



There　was　no　suspicion　of　such；　he　might　rest　assured。　　But；　some

inquiries　were　making　about　that　House；　and　would　he　object　to　say

why　he　left　it？



Not　at　all；　why　should　he？　　He　left　it；　along　of　a　Dwarf。



Along　of　a　Dwarf？



Mr。　Magsman　repeated；　deliberately　and　emphatically；　Along　of　a

Dwarf。



Might　it　be　compatible　with　Mr。　Magsman's　inclination　and

convenience　to　enter；　as　a　favour；　into　a　few　particulars？



Mr。　Magsman　entered　into　the　following　particulars。



It　was　a　long　time　ago；　to　begin　with；afore　lotteries　and　a　deal

more　was　done　away　with。　　Mr。　Magsman　was　looking　about　for　a　good

pitch；　and　he　see　that　house；　and　he　says　to　himself；　〃I'll　have

you；　if　you're　to　be　had。　　If　money'll　get　you；　I'll　have　you。〃



The　neighbours　cut　up　rough；　and　made　complaints；　but　Mr。　Magsman

don't　know　what　they　WOULD　have　had。　　It　was　a　lovely　thing。　　First

of　all；　there　was　the　canvass；　representin　the　picter　of　the　Giant；

in　Spanish　trunks　and　a　ruff；　who　was　himself　half　the　heighth　of

the　house；　and　was　run　up　with　a　line　and　pulley　to　a　pole　on　the

roof；　so　that　his　Ed　was　coeval　with　the　parapet。　　Then；　there　was

the　canvass；　representin　the　picter　of　the　Albina　lady；　showing　her

white　air　to　the　Army　and　Navy　in　correct　uniform。　　Then；　there　was

the　canvass；　representin　the　picter　of　the　Wild　Indian　a　scalpin　a

member　of　some　foreign　nation。　　Then；　there　was　the　canvass；

representin　the　picter　of　a　child　of　a　British　Planter；　seized　by

two　Boa　Constrictorsnot　that　WE　never　had　no　child；　nor　no

Constrictors　neither。　　Similarly；　there　was　the　canvass；　representin

the　picter　of　the　Wild　Ass　of　the　Prairiesnot　that　WE　never　had　no

wild　asses；　nor　wouldn't　have　had　'em　at　a　gift。　　Last；　there　was

the　canvass；　representin　the　picter　of　the　Dwarf；　and　like　him　too

（considerin）；　with　George　the　Fourth　in　such　a　state　of　astonishment

at　him　as　His　Majesty　couldn't　with　his　utmost　politeness　and

stoutness　express。　　The　front　of　the　House　was　so　covered　with

canvasses；　that　there　wasn't　a　spark　of　daylight　ever　visible　on

that　side。　　〃MAGSMAN'S　AMUSEMENTS；〃　fifteen　foot　long　by　two　foot

high；　ran　over　the　front　door　and　parlour　winders。　　The　passage　was

a　Arbour　of　green　baize　and　gardenstuff。　　A　barrel…organ　performed

there　unceasing。　　And　as　to　respectability；if　threepence　ain't

respectable；　what　is？



But；　the　Dwarf　is　the　principal　article　at　present；　and　he　was　worth

the　money。　　He　was　wrote　up　as　MAJOR　TPSCHOFFKI；　OF　THE　IMPERIAL

BULGRADERIAN　BRIGADE。　　Nobody　couldn't　pronounce　the　name；　and　it

never　was　intended　anybody　should。　　The　public　always　turned　it；　as

a　regular　rule；　into　Chopski。　　In　the　line　he　was　called　Chops；

partly　on　that　account；　and　partly　because　his　real　name；　if　he　ever

had　any　real　name　（which　was　very　dubious）；　was　Stakes。



He　was　a　un…common　small　man；　he　really　was。　　Certainly　not　so　small

as　he　was　made　out　to　be；　but　where　IS　your　Dwarf　as　is？　　He　was　a

most　uncommon　small　man；　with　a　most　uncommon　large　Ed；　and　what　he

had　inside　that　Ed；　nobody　ever　knowed　but　himself：　　even　supposin

himself　to　have　ever　took　stock　of　it；　which　it　would　have　been　a

stiff　job　for　even　him　to　do。



The　kindest　little　man　as　never　growed！　　Spirited；　but　not　proud。

When　he　travelled　with　the　Spotted　Babythough　he　knowed　himself　to

be　a　nat'ral　Dwarf；　and　knowed　the　Baby's　spots　to　be　put　upon　him

artificial；　he　nursed　that　Baby　like　a　mother。　　You　never　heerd　him

give　a　ill…name　to　a　Giant。　　He　DID　allow　himself　to　break　out　into

strong　language　respectin　the　Fat　Lady　from　Norfolk；　but　that　was　an

affair　of　the　'art；　and　when　a　man's　'art　has　been　trifled　with　by　a

lady；　and　the　preference　giv　to　a　Indian；　he　ain't　master　of　his

actions。



He　was　always　in　love；　of　course；　every　human　nat'ral　phenomenon　is。

And　he　was　always　in　love　with　a　large　woman；　I　never　knowed　the

Dwarf　as　could　be　got　to　love　a　small　one。　　Which　helps　to　keep　'em

the　Curiosities　they　are。



One　sing'ler　idea　he　had　in　that　Ed　of　his；　which　must　have　meant

something；　or　it　wouldn't　have　been　there。　　It　was　always　his

opinion　that　he　was　entitled　to　property。　　He　never　would　put　his

name　to　anything。　　He　had　been　taught　to　write；　by　the　young　man

without　arms；　who　got　his　living　with　his　toes　（quite　a　writing

master　HE　was；　and　taught　scores　in　the　line）；　but　Chops　would　have

starved　to　death；　afore　he'd　have　gained　a　bit　of　bread　by　putting

his　hand　to　a　paper。　　This　is　the　more　curious　to　bear　in　mind；

because　HE　had　no　property；　nor　hope　of　property；　except　his　house

and　a　sarser。　　When　I　say　his　house；　I　mean　the　box；　painted　and　got

up　outside　like　a　reg'lar　six…roomer；　that　he　used　to　creep　into；

with　a　diamond　ring　（or　quite　as　good　to　look　at）　on　his　forefinger；

and　ring　a　little　bell　out　of　what　the　Public　believed　to　be　the

Drawing…room　winder。　　And　when　I　say　a　sarser；　I　mean　a　Chaney

sarser　in　which　he　made　a　collection　for　himself　at　the　end　of　every

Entertainment。　　His　cue　for　that；　he　took　from　me：　　〃Ladies　and

gentlemen；　the　little　man　will　now　walk　three　times　round　the

Cairawan；　and　retire　behind　the　curtain。〃　　When　he　said　anything

important；　in　private　life；　he　mostly　wound　it　up　with　this　form　of

words；　and　they　was　generally　the　last　thing　he　said　to　me　at　night

afore　he　went　to　bed。



He　had　what　I　consider　a　fine　minda　poetic　mind。　　His　ideas

respectin　his　property　never　come　upon　him　so　strong　as　when　he　sat

upon　a　barrel…organ　and　had　the　handle　turned。　　Arter　the　wibration

had　run　through　him　a　little　time；　he　would　screech　out；　〃Toby；　I

feel　my　property　cominggrind　away！　　I'm　counting　my　guineas　by

thousands；　Tobygrind　away！　　Toby；　I　shall　be　a　man　of　fortun！　　I

feel　the　Mint　a　jingling　in　me；　Toby；　and　I'm　swelling　out　into　the

Bank　of　England！〃　　Such　is　the　influence　of　music　on　a　poetic　mind。

Not　that　he　was　partial　to　any　other　music　but　a　barrel…organ；　on

the　contrary；　hated　it。



He　had　a　kind　of　a　everlasting　grudge　agin　the　Public：　　which　is　a

thing　you　may　notice　in　many　phenomenons　that　get　their　living　out

of　it。　　What　riled　him　most　in　the　nater　of　his　occupation　was；　that

it　kep　him　out　of　Society。　　He　was　continiwally　saying；　〃Toby；　my

ambition　is；　to　go　into　Society。　　The　curse　of　my　position　towards

the　Public　is；　that　it　keeps　me　hout　of　Society。　　This　don't　signify

to　a　low　beast　of　a　Indian；　he　an't　formed　for　Society。　　This　don't

signify　to　a　Spotted　Baby；　HE　an't　formed　for　Society。I　am。〃



Nobody　never　could　make　out　what　Chops　done　with　his　money。　　He　had

a　good　salary；　down　on　the　drum　every　Saturday　as　the　day　came

round；　besides　having　the　run　of　his　teethand　he　was　a　Woodpecker

to　eatbut　all　Dwarfs　are。　　The　sarser　was　a　little　income；

bringing　him　in　so　many　halfpence　that　he'd　carry　'em　for　a　week

together；　tied　up　in　a　pocket…handkercher。　　And　yet　he　never　had

money。　　And　it　couldn't　be　the　Fat　Lady　from　Norfolk；　as　was　once

supposed；　because　it　stands　to　reason　that　when　you　have　a　animosity

towards　a　Indian；　which　makes　you　grind　your　teeth　at　him　to　his

face；　and　which　can　hardly　hold　you　from　Goosing　him　audible　when

he's　going　through　his　War…Danceit　stands　to　reason　you　wouldn't

under　them　circumstances　deprive　yourself；　to　support　that　Indian　in

the　lap　of　luxury。



Most　unexpected；　the　mystery　come　out　one　day　at　Egham　Races。　　The

Public　was　shy　of　bein　pulled　in；　and　Chops　was　ringin　his　little

bell　out　of　his　drawing…room　winder；　and　was　snarlin　to　me　over　his

shoulder　as　he　kneeled　down　with　his　legs　out　at　the　back…doorfor

he　couldn't　be　shoved　into　his　house　without　kneeling　down；　and　the

premises　wouldn't　accommodate　his　legswas　snarlin；　〃Here's　a

precious　Public　for　you；　why　the　Devil　don't　they　tumble　up？〃　when　a

man　in　the　crowd　holds　up　a　carrier…pigeon；　and　cries　out；　〃If

there's　any　person　here　as　has　got　a　ticket；　the　Lottery's　just

drawed；　and　the　number　as　has　come　up　for　the　great　prize　is　three；

seven；　forty…two！　　Three；　seven；　forty…two！〃　　I　was　givin　the　man　to

the　Furies　myself；　for　calling　off　the　Public's　attentionfor　the

Public　will　turn　away；　at　any　time；　to　look　at　anything　in

preference　to　the　thing　showed　'em；　and　if　you　doubt　it；　get　'em

together　for　any　indiwidual　purpose　on　the　face　of　the　earth；　and

send　on