the poor clare-第6部分

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t　there　was　a　struggle　going　on　in　her　mind；　which　at　times　（I　loved　so　dearly）　I　could　have　begged　her　to　spare　herself；　even　though　the　happiness　of　my　whole　life　should　have　been　the　sacrifice；　for　her　complexion　grew　paler；　her　aspect　of　sorrow　more　hopeless；　her　delicate　frame　yet　slighter。　　During　this　period　I　had　written；　I　should　say；　to　my　uncle；　to　beg　to　be　allowed　to　prolong　my　stay　at　Harrogate；　not　giving　any　reason；　but　such　was　his　tenderness　towards　me；　that　in　a　few　days　I　heard　from　him；　giving　me　a　willing　permission；　and　only　charging　me　to　take　care　of　myself；　and　not　use　too　much　exertion　during　the　hot　weather。

One　sultry　evening　I　drew　near　the　farm。　　The　windows　of　their　parlour　were　open；　and　I　heard　voices　when　I　turned　the　corner　of　the　house；　as　I　passed　the　first　window　（there　were　two　windows　in　their　little　ground…floor　room）。　　I　saw　Lucy　distinctly；　but　when　I　had　knocked　at　their　doorthe　house…door　stood　always　ajarshe　was　gone；　and　I　saw　only　Mrs。　Clarke；　turning　over　the　work…things　lying　on　the　table；　in　a　nervous　and　purposeless　manner。　　I　felt　by　instinct　that　a　conversation　of　some　importance　was　coming　on；　in　which　I　should　be　expected　to　say　what　was　my　object　in　paying　these　frequent　visits。　　I　was　glad　of　the　opportunity。　　My　uncle　had　several　times　alluded　to　the　pleasant　possibility　of　my　bringing　home　a　young　wife；　to　cheer　and　adorn　the　old　house　in　Ormond　Street。　　He　was　rich；　and　I　was　to　succeed　him；　and　had；　as　I　knew；　a　fair　reputation　for　so　young　a　lawyer。　　So　on　my　side　I　saw　no　obstacle。　It　was　true　that　Lucy　was　shrouded　in　mystery；　her　name　（I　was　convinced　it　was　not　Clarke）；　birth；　parentage；　and　previous　life　were　unknown　to　me。　　But　I　was　sure　of　her　goodness　and　sweet　innocence；　and　although　I　knew　that　there　must　be　something　painful　to　be　told；　to　account　for　her　mournful　sadness；　yet　I　was　willing　to　bear　my　share　in　her　grief；　whatever　it　might　be。

Mrs。　Clarke　began；　as　if　it　was　a　relief　to　her　to　plunge　into　the　subject。

〃We　have　thought；　sirat　least　I　have　thoughtthat　you　knew　very　little　of　us；　nor　we　of　you；　indeed；　not　enough　to　warrant　the　intimate　acquaintance　we　have　fallen　into。　　I　beg　your　pardon；　sir；〃　she　went　on；　nervously；　〃I　am　but　a　plain　kind　of　woman；　and　I　mean　to　use　no　rudeness；　but　I　must　say　straight　out　that　Iwethink　it　would　be　better　for　you　not　to　come　so　often　to　see　us。　　She　is　very　unprotected；　and〃

〃Why　should　I　not　come　to　see　you；　dear　madam？〃　asked　I；　eagerly；　glad　of　the　opportunity　of　explaining　myself。　　〃I　come；　I　own；　because　I　have　learnt　to　love　Mistress　Lucy；　and　wish　to　teach　her　to　love　me。

Mistress　Clarke　shook　her　head；　and　sighed。

〃Don't；　sirneither　love　her；　nor；　for　the　sake　of　all　you　hold　sacred；　teach　her　to　love　you！　　If　I　am　too　late；　and　you　love　her　already；　forget　her；forget　these　last　few　weeks。　　O！　　I　should　never　have　allowed　you　to　come！〃　she　went　on　passionately；　〃but　what　am　I　to　do？　　We　are　forsaken　by　all；　except　the　great　God；　and　even　He　permits　a　strange　and　evil　power　to　afflict　uswhat　am　I　to　do！　Where　is　it　to　end？〃　She　wrung　her　hands　in　her　distress；　then　she　turned　to　me：　　〃Go　away；　sir！　go　away；　before　you　learn　to　care　any　more　for　her。　　I　ask　it　for　your　own　sakeI　implore！　　You　have　been　good　and　kind　to　us；　and　we　shall　always　recollect　you　with　gratitude；　but　go　away　now；　and　never　come　back　to　cross　our　fatal　path！〃

〃Indeed；　madam；〃　said　I；　〃I　shall　do　no　such　thing。　　You　urge　it　for　my　own　sake。　　I　have　no　fear；　so　urgednor　wish；　except　to　hear　moreall。　　I　cannot　have　seen　Mistress　Lucy　in　all　the　intimacy　of　this　last　fortnight；　without　acknowledging　her　goodness　and　innocence；　and　without　seeingpardon　me；　madamthat　for　some　reason　you　are　two　very　lonely　women；　in　some　mysterious　sorrow　and　distress。　　Now；　though　I　am　not　powerful　myself；　yet　I　have　friends　who　are　so　wise　and　kind　that　they　may　be　said　to　possess　power。　Tell　me　some　particulars。　　Why　are　you　in　griefwhat　is　your　secret…　…why　are　you　here？　　I　declare　solemnly　that　nothing　you　have　said　has　daunted　me　in　my　wish　to　become　Lucy's　husband；　nor　will　I　shrink　from　any　difficulty　that；　as　such　an　aspirant；　I　may　have　to　encounter。　　You　say　you　are　friendlesswhy　cast　away　an　honest　friend？　　I　will　tell　you　of　people　to　whom　you　may　write；　and　who　will　answer　any　questions　as　to　my　character　and　prospects。　　I　do　not　shun　inquiry。〃

She　shook　her　head　again。　　〃You　had　better　go　away；　sir。　　You　know　nothing　about　us。〃

〃I　know　your　names；〃　said　I；　〃and　I　have　heard　you　allude　to　the　part　of　the　country　from　which　you　came；　which　I　happen　to　know　as　a　wild　and　lonely　place。　　There　are　so　few　people　living　in　it　that；　if　I　chose　to　go　there；　I　could　easily　ascertain　all　about　you；　but　I　would　rather　hear　it　from　yourself。〃　　You　see　I　wanted　to　pique　her　into　telling　me　something　definite。

〃You　do　not　know　our　true　names；　sir；〃　said　she；　hastily。

〃Well；　I　may　have　conjectured　as　much。　　But　tell　me；　then；　I　conjure　you。　　Give　me　your　reasons　for　distrusting　my　willingness　to　stand　by　what　I　have　said　with　regard　to　Mistress　Lucy。〃

〃Oh；　what　can　I　do？〃　exclaimed　she。　　〃If　I　am　turning　away　a　true　friend；　as　he　says？Stay！〃　coming　to　a　sudden　decision〃　I　will　tell　you　somethingI　cannot　tell　you　allyou　would　not　believe　it。　But；　perhaps；　I　can　tell　you　enough　to　prevent　your　going　on　in　your　hopeless　attachment。　　I　am　not　Lucy's　mother。〃

〃So　I　conjectured；〃　I　said。　　〃Go　on。〃

〃I　do　not　even　know　whether　she　is　the　legitimate　or　illegitimate　child　of　her　father。　　But　he　is　cruelly　turned　against　her；　and　her　mother　is　long　dead；　and　for　a　terrible　reason；　she　has　no　other　creature　to　keep　constant　to　her　but　me。　　Sheonly　two　years　ago　such　a　darling　and　such　a　pride　in　her　father's　house！　　Why；　sir；　there　is　a　mystery　that　might　happen　in　connection　with　her　any　moment；　and　then　you　would　go　away　like　all　the　rest；　and；　when　you　next　heard　her　name；　you　would　loathe　her。　　Others；　who　have　loved　her　longer；　have　done　so　before　now。　　My　poor　child！　whom　neither　God　nor　man　has　mercy　uponor；　surely；　she　would　die！〃

The　good　woman　was　stopped　by　her　crying。　　I　confess；　I　was　a　little　stunned　by　her　last　words；　but　only　for　a　moment。　　At　any　rate；　till　I　knew　definitely　what　was　this　mysterious　stain　upon　one　so　simple　and　pure；　as　Lucy　seemed；　I　would　not　desert　her；　and　so　I　said；　and　she　made　me　answer：…

〃If　you　are　daring　in　your　heart　to　think　harm　of　my　child；　sir；　after　knowing　her　as　you　have　done；　you　are　no　good　man　yourself；　but　I　am　so　foolish　and　helpless　in　my　great　sorrow；　that　I　would　fain　hope　to　find　a　friend　in　you。　　I　cannot　help　trusting　that；　although　you　may　no　longer　feel　toward　her　as　a　lover；　you　will　have　pity　upon　us；　and　perhaps；　by　your　learning　you　can　tell　us　where　to　go　for　aid。〃

〃I　implore　you　to　tell　me　what　this　mystery　is；〃　I　cried；　almost　maddened　by　this　suspense。

〃I　cannot；〃　said　she；　solemnly。　　〃I　am　under　a　deep　vow　of　secrecy。　If　you　are　to　be　told；　it　must　be　by　her。〃　　She　left　the　room；　and　I　remained　to　ponder　over　this　strange　interview。　　I　mechanically　turned　over　the　few　books；　and　with　eyes　that　saw　nothing　at　the　time；　examined　the　tokens　of　Lucy's　frequent　presence　in　that　room。

When　I　got　home　at　night；　I　remembered　how　all　these　trifles　spoke　of　a　pure　and　tender　heart　and　innocent　life。　　Mistress　Clarke　returned；　she　had　been　crying　sadly。

〃Yes；〃　said　she；　〃it　is　as　I　feared：　　she　loves　you　so　much　that　she　is　willing　to　run　the　fearful　risk　of　telling　you　all　herselfshe　acknowledges　it　is　but　a　poor　chance；　but　your　sympathy　will　be　a　balm；　if　you　give　it。　　To…morrow；　come　here　at　ten　in　the　morning；　and；　as　you　hope　for　pity　in　your　hour　of　agony；　repress　all　show　of　fear　or　repugnance　you　may　feel　towards　one　so　grievously　afflicted。〃

I　half　smiled。　　〃Have　no　fear；〃　I　said。　　It　seemed　too　absurd　to　imagine　my　feeling　dislike　to　Lucy。

〃Her　father　loved　her　well；〃　said　she；　gravely；　〃yet　he　drove　her　out　like　some　monstrous　thing。〃

Just　at　this　moment　came　a　peal　of　ringing　laughter　from　the　garden。　It　was　Lucy's　voice；　it　sounded　as　if　she　were　standing　just　on　one　side　of　the　open　casementand　as　though　she　were　suddenly　stirred　to　merrimentmerriment　verging　on　boisterousness；　by　the　doings　or　sayings　of　some　other　person。　　I　can　scarcely　say　why；　but　the　sound　jarred　on　me　inexpressibly。　　She　knew　the　subject　of　our　conversation；　and　must　have　been　at　least　aware　of　the　state　of　agitation　her　friend　was　in；　she　herself　usually　so　gentle　and　quiet。　I　half　rose　to　go　to　the　window；　and　satisfy　my　instinctive　curiosity　as　to　what　had　provoked　this　burst　of；　ill…timed　laughter；　but　Mrs。　Clarke　threw　her　whole　weight　and　power　upon　the　hand　with　which　she　pressed　and　kept　me　down。

〃For　God's　sake！〃　she　said；　white　and　trembling　all　over；　〃sit　still；　be　quiet。　　Oh！　be　patient。　　To…morrow　you　will　know　all。　　Leave　us；　for　we　are　all　sorely　afflicted。　　Do　not　seek　to　know　more　about　us。〃

Again　that　laughso　musical　in　sound；　yet　so　discordant　to　my　heart。　She　held　me　tighttighter；　without　positive　violence　I　could　not　have　risen。　　I　was　sitting　with　my　back　to　the　window；　but　I　felt　a　shadow　pass　between　the　sun's　warmth　and　me；　and　a　strange　shudder　ran　through　my　frame。　　In　a　minute　or　two　she　released　me。

〃Go；〃　repeated　she。　　〃Be　warned；　I　ask　you　once　more。　　I　do　not　think　you　can　stand　this　knowledge　that　you　seek。　　If　I　had　had　my　own　way；　Lucy　should　never　have　yielded；　and　promised　to　tell　you　all。　　Who　knows　what　may　come　of　it？〃

〃I　am　firm　in　my　wish　to　know　all。　　I　return　at　ten　tomorrow　morning；　and　then　expect　to　see　Mistress　Lucy　herself。〃

I　turned　away；　having　my　own　suspicions；　I　confess；　as　to　Mistress　Clarke's　sanity。

Conjectures　as　to　the　meaning　of　her　hints；　and　uncomfortable　thoughts　connected　with　that　strange　laughter；　filled　my　mind。　　I　could　hardly　sleep。　　I　rose　early；　and　long　before　the　hour　I　had　appointed；　I　was　on　the　path　over　the　common　that　led　to　the　old　farm…house　where　they　lodged。　　I　suppose　that　Lucy　had　passed　no　better　a　night　than　I；　for　there　she　was　also；　slowly　pacing　with　her　even　step；　her　eyes　bent　down；　her　whole　look　most　saintly　and　pure。　She　started　when　I　came　close