the autobiography of a quack-第5部分

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With　this　the　man　buttoned　about　him　a　shaggy　gray　overcoat；　and　took　his　leave　without　a　single　word　in　addition。

A　minute　later　he　came　back　and　said：　‘‘Stagers　is　in　this　business；　and　I　was　to　remind　you　of　Lou　Wilson；I　forgot　that；　the　woman　that　died　last　year。　That's　all。''　Then　he　went　away；　leaving　me　in　a　cold　sweat。　I　knew　now　I　had　no　choice。　I　understood　why　I　had　been　selected。

For　the　first　time　in　my　life；　that　night　I　couldn't　sleep。　I　thought　to　myself；　at　last；　that　I　would　get　up　early；　pack　a　few　clothes；　and　escape；　leaving　my　books　to　pay　as　they　might　my　arrears　of　rent。　Looking　out　of　　the　window；　however；　in　the　morning；　I　saw　Stagers　prowling　about　the　opposite　pavement；　and　as　the　only　exit　except　the　street　door　was　an　alleyway　which　opened　along…　side　of　the　front　of　the　house；　I　gave　myself　up　for　lost。　About　ten　o'clock　I　took　my　case　of　instruments　and　started　for　File's　house；　followed；　as　I　too　well　understood；　by　Stagers。

I　knew　the　house；　which　was　in　a　small　up…　town　street；　by　its　closed　windows　and　the　craped　bell；　which　I　shuddered　as　I　touched。　However；　it　was　too　late　to　draw　back；　and　I　therefore　inquired　for　Mrs。　File。　A　haggard…　looking　young　woman　came　down；　and　led　me　into　a　small　parlor；　for　whose　darkened　light　I　was　thankful　enough。

‘‘Did　you　write　this　note？''

‘‘I　did；''　said　the　woman；　‘‘if　you're　the　coroner。　Joe　Filehe's　my　husbandhe's　gone　out　to　see　about　the　funeral。　I　wish　it　was　his；　I　do。''

‘‘What　do　you　suspect？''　said　I。

‘‘I'll　tell　you；''　she　returned　in　a　whisper。　‘‘I　think　he　was　made　away　with。　I　think　there　was　foul　play。　I　think　he　was　poisoned。　That's　what　I　think。''

‘‘I　hope　you　may　be　mistaken；''　said　I。　‘‘Suppose　you　let　me　see　the　body。''

‘‘You　shall　see　it；''　she　replied；　and　following　her；　I　went　up…stairs　to　a　front　chamber；　where　I　found　the　corpse。

‘‘Get　it　over　soon；''　said　the　woman；　with　strange　firmness。　‘‘If　there　ain't　no　murder　been　done　I　shall　have　to　run　for　it；　if　there　was''and　her　face　set　hard‘‘I　guess　I'll　stay。''　With　this　she　closed　the　door　and　left　me　with　the　dead。

If　I　had　known　what　was　before　me　I　never　could　have　gone　into　the　thing　at　all。　It　looked　a　little　better　when　I　had　opened　a　window　and　let　in　plenty　of　light；　for　although　I　was；　on　the　whole；　far　less　afraid　of　dead　than　living　men；　I　had　an　absurd　feeling　that　I　was　doing　this　dead　man　a　distinct　wrongas　if　it　mattered　to　the　dead；　after　all！　When　the　affair　was　over；　I　thought　more　of　the　possible　consequences　than　of　its　relation　to　the　dead　man　himself；　but　do　as　I　would　at　the　time；　I　was　in　a　ridiculous　funk；　and　especially　when　going　through　the　forms　of　a　post…mortem　examination。

I　am　free　to　confess　now　that　I　was　careful　not　to　uncover　the　man's　face；　and　that　when　it　was　over　I　backed　to　the　door　and　hastily　escaped　from　the　room。　On　the　stairs　　opposite　to　me　Mrs。　File　was　seated；　with　her　bonnet　on　and　a　bundle　in　her　hand。

‘‘Well；''　said　she；　rising　as　she　spoke；　and　with　a　certain　eagerness　in　her　tone；　‘‘what　killed　him？　Was　it　poison？''

‘‘Poison；　my　good　woman！''　said　I。　‘‘When　a　man　has　typhoid　fever　he　don't　need　poison　to　kill　him。　He　had　a　relapse；　that's　all。''

‘‘And　do　you　mean　to　say　he　wasn't　poisoned；''　said　she；　with　more　than　a　trace　of　disappointment　in　her　voice‘‘not　poisoned　at　all？''

‘‘No　more　than　you　are；''　said　I。　‘‘If　I　had　found　any　signs　of　foul　play　I　should　have　had　a　regular　inquest。　As　it　is；　the　less　said　about　it　the　better。　The　fact　is；　it　would　have　been　much　wiser　to　have　kept　quiet　at　the　beginning。　I　can't　understand　why　you　should　have　troubled　me　about　it　at　all。　The　man　had　a　perforation。　It　is　common　enough　in　typhoid。''

‘‘That's　what　the　doctor　saidI　didn't　believe　him。　I　guess　now　the　sooner　I　leave　the　better　for　me。''

‘‘As　to　that；''　I　returned；　‘‘it　is　none　of　my　business；　but　you　may　rest　certain　about　the　cause　of　your　brother's　death。''

My　fears　were　somewhat　quieted　that　　evening　when　Stagers　and　the　wolf　appeared　with　the　remainder　of　the　money；　and　I　learned　that　Mrs。　File　had　fled　from　her　home　and；　as　File　thought　likely；　from　the　city　also。　A　few　months　later　File　himself　disappeared；　and　Stagers　found　his　way　for　the　third　time　into　the　penitentiary。　Then　I　felt　at　ease。　I　now　see；　for　my　own　part；　that　I　was　guilty　of　more　than　one　mistake；　and　that　I　displayed　throughout　a　want　of　intelligence。　I　ought　to　have　asked　more；　and　also　might　have　got　a　good　fee　from　Mrs。　File　on　account　of　my　services　as　coroner。　It　served　me；　however；　as　a　good　lesson；　but　it　was　several　months　before　I　felt　quite　comfortable。

Meanwhile　money　became　scarce　once　more；　and　I　was　driven　to　my　wit's　end　to　devise　how　I　should　continue　to　live　as　I　had　done。　I　tried；　among　other　plans；　that　of　keeping　certain　pills　and　other　medicines；　which　I　sold　to　my　patients；　but　on　the　whole　I　found　it　better　to　send　all　my　prescriptions　to　one　druggist；　who　charged　the　patient　ten　or　twenty　cents　over　the　correct　price；　and　handed　this　amount　to　me。

In　some　cases　I　am　told　the　percentage　is　supposed　to　be　a　donation　on　the　part　of　the　　apothecary；　but　I　rather　fancy　the　patient　pays　for　it　in　the　end。　It　is　one　of　the　absurd　vagaries　of　the　profession　to　discountenance　the　practice　I　have　described；　but　I　wish；　for　my　part；　I　had　never　done　anything　more　foolish　or　more　dangerous。　Of　course　it　inclines　a　doctor　to　change　his　medicines　a　good　deal；　and　to　order　them　in　large　quantities；　which　is　occasionally　annoying　to　the　poor；　yet；　as　I　have　always　observed；　there　is　no　poverty　as　painful　as　your　own；　so　that　I　prefer　to　distribute　pecuniary　suffering　among　many　rather　than　to　concentrate　it　on　myself。　That's　a　rather　neat　phrase。

About　six　months　after　the　date　of　this　annoying　adventure；　an　incident　occurred　which　altered　somewhat；　and　for　a　time　improved；　my　professional　position。　During　my　morning　office…hour　an　old　woman　came　in；　and　putting　down　a　large　basket；　wiped　her　face　with　a　yellow…cotton　handkerchief；　and　afterwards　with　the　corner　of　her　apron。　Then　she　looked　around　uneasily；　got　up；　settled　her　basket　on　her　arm　with　a　jerk　which　may　have　decided　the　future　of　an　egg　or　two；　and　remarked　briskly：　‘‘Don't　see　no　little　bottles　about；　got　the　wrong　stall；　I　guess。　You　ain't　no　homeopath　doctor；　are　you？''

With　great　presence　of　mind；　I　replied：　‘‘Well；　ma'am；　that　depends　upon　what　you　want。　Some　of　my　patients　like　one；　and　some　like　the　other。''　I　was　about　to　add；　‘‘You　pay　your　money　and　you　take　your　choice；''　but　thought　better　of　it；　and　held　my　peace；　refraining　from　classical　quotation。

‘‘Being　as　that's　the　case；''　said　the　old　lady；　‘‘I'll　just　tell　you　my　symptoms。　You　said　you　give　either　kind　of　medicine；　didn't　you？''

‘‘Just　so；''　replied　I。

‘‘Clams　or　oysters；　whichever　opens　most　lively；　as　my　old　Joe　saystends　the　oyster…　stand　at　stall　No。　9。　Happen　to　know　Joe？''

No；　I　did　not　know　Joe；　but　what　were　the　symptoms？

They　proved　to　be　numerous；　and　included　a　stunning　in　the　head　and　a　misery　in　the　side；　with　bokin　after　victuals。

I　proceeded；　of　course；　to　apply　a　stethoscope　over　her　ample　bosom；　though　what　I　heard　on　this　and　similar　occasions　I　should　find　it　rather　difficult　to　state。　I　remember　well　my　astonishment　in　one　instance　where；　having　unconsciously　applied　my　instrument　over　a　clamorous　silver　watch　in　the　watch…　fob　of　a　sea…captain；　I　concluded　for　a　moment　that　he　was　suffering　from　a　rather

remarkable　displacement　of　the　heart。　As　to　my　old　lady；　whose　name　was　Checkers；　and　who　kept　an　apple…stand　near　by；　I　told　her　that　I　was　out　of　pills　just　then；　but　would　have　plenty　next　day。　Accordingly；　I　proceeded　to　invest　a　small　amount　at　a　place　called　a　homeopathic　pharmacy；　which　I　remember　amused　me　immensely。

A　stout　little　German；　with　great　silver　spectacles；　sat　behind　a　counter　containing　numerous　jars　of　white　powders　labeled　concisely　‘‘Lac。；''　‘‘Led。；''　‘‘Onis。；''　‘‘Op。；''　‘‘Puls。；''　etc。；　while　behind　him　were　shelves　filled　with　bottles　of　what　looked　like　minute　white　shot。

‘‘I　want　some　homeopathic　medicine；''　said　I。

‘‘Vat　kindt？''　said　my　friend。　‘‘Vat　you　vants　to　cure！''

I　explained　at　random　that　I　wished　to　treat　diseases　in　general。

‘‘Vell；　ve　gifs　you　a　case；　mit　a　pook；''　and　thereon　produced　a　large　box　containing　bottles　of　small　pills　and　powders；　labeled　variously　with　the　names　of　the　diseases；　so　that　all　you　required　was　to　use　the　headache　or　colic　bottle　in　order　to　meet　the　needs　of　those　particular　maladies。

I　was　struck　at　first　with　the　exquisite　simplicity　of　this　arrangement；　but　before　purchasing；　I　happened　luckily　to　turn　over　the　leaves　of　a　book；　in　two　volumes；　which　lay　on　the　counter；　it　was　called　‘‘Jahr's　Manual。''　Opening　at　page　310；　vol。　i；　I　lit　upon　‘‘Lachesis；''　which　proved　to　my　amazement　to　be　snake…venom。　This　Mr。　Jahr　stated　to　be　indicated　for　use　in　upward　of　a　hundred　symptoms。　At　once　it　occurred　to　me　that　‘‘Lach。''　was　the　medicine　for　my　money；　and　that　it　was　quite　needless　to　waste　cash　on　the　box。　I　therefore　bought　a　small　jar　of　‘‘Lach。''　and　a　lot　of　little　pills；　and　started　for　home。

My　old　woman　proved　a　fast　friend；　and　as　she　sent　me　numerous　patients；　I　by　and　by　altered　my　sign　to　‘‘Homeopathic　Physician　and　Surgeon；''　whatever　that　may　mean；　and　was　regarded　by　my　medical　brothers　as　a　lost　sheep；　and　by　the　little…pill　doctors　as　one　who　had　seen　the　error　of　his　ways。

In　point　of　fact；　my　new　practice　had　decided　advantages。　All　pills　looked　and　tasted　alike；　and　the　same　might　be　said　of　the　powders；　so　that　I　was　never　troubled　by　those　absurd　investigations　into　the　nature　of　remedies　which　some　patients　are　prone　to　　make。　Of　course　I　desired　to　get　business；　and　it　was　therefore　obviously　unwise　to　give　little　pills　of　‘‘Lac。；''　or　‘‘Puls。；''　or　‘‘Sep。；''　when　a　man　needed　a　dose　of　oil；　or　a　white…　faced　girl　iron；　or　the　like。　I　soon　made　the　useful　discovery　that　it　was　only　necessary　to　prescribe　cod…liver　oil；　for　instance；　as　a　diet；　in　order　to　make　use　of　it　where　required。　When　a　man　got　impatient　over　an　ancient　ague；　I　usually　found；　too；　that　I　could　persuade　him　to　let　me　try　a　go