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english stories-london-第7部分

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knew where the distinction lay morally; but there /is/ that feelingI

have it myself。



Unfortunately; prevarication has this drawback: that; if ever the

truth comes to light; the prevaricator is in just the same case as if

he had lied to the most shameless extent; and for a man to point out

that the words he used contained no absolute falsehood will seldom

restore confidence。



I might; of course; still tell the colonel of my misfortune; and leave

him to infer that it had happened after our interview; but the poodle

was fast becoming cold and stiff; and they would most probably suspect

the real time of the occurrence。



And then Lilian would hear that I had told a string of falsehoods to

her uncle over the dead body of their idolised Bingoan act; no

doubt; of abominable desecration; of unspeakable profanity; in her

eyes。



If it would have been difficult before to prevail on her to accept a

blood…stained hand; it would be impossible after that。 No; I had

burned my ships; I was cut off for ever from the straightforward

course; that one moment of indecision had decided my conduct in spite

of me; I must go on with it now; and keep up the deception at all

hazards。



It was bitter。 I had always tried to preserve as many of the moral

principles which had been instilled into me as can be conveniently

retained in this grasping world; and it had been my pride that;

roughly speaking; I had never been guilty of an unmistakable

falsehood。



But henceforth; if I meant to win Lilian; that boast must be

relinquished for ever。 I should have to lie now with all my might;

without limit or scruple; to dissemble incessantly; and 〃wear a mask;〃

as the poet Bunn beautifully expressed it long ago; 〃over my hollow

heart。〃 I felt all this keenly; I did not think it was right; but what

was I to do?



After thinking all this out very carefully; I decided that my only

course was to bury the poor animal where he fell; and say nothing

about it。 With some vague idea of precaution; I first took off the

silver collar he wore; and then hastily interred him with a garden…

trowel; and succeeded in removing all traces of the disaster。



I fancy I felt a certain relief in the knowledge that there would now

be no necessity to tell my pitiful story and risk the loss of my

neighbours' esteem。



By…and…by; I thought; I would plant a rose…tree over his remains; and

some day; as Lilian and I; in the noontide of our domestic bliss;

stood before it admiring its creamy luxuriance; I might (perhaps) find

courage to confess that the tree owed some of that luxuriance to the

long…lost Bingo。



There was a touch of poetry in this idea that lightened my gloom for

the moment。



I need scarcely say that I did not go round to Shuturgarden that

evening。 I was not hardened enough for that yet; my manner might

betray me; and so I very prudently stayed at home。



But that night my sleep was broken by frightful dreams。 I was

perpetually trying to bury a great; gaunt poodle; which would persist

in rising up through the damp mould as fast as I covered him up。 。 。 。

Lilian and I were engaged; and we were in church together on Sunday;

and the poodle; resisting all attempts to eject him; forbade our bans

with sepulchral barks。 。 。 。 It was our wedding…day; and at the

critical moment the poodle leaped between us and swallowed the

ring。 。 。 。 Or we were at the wedding…breakfast; and Bingo; a grisly

black skeleton with flaming eyes; sat on the cake and would not allow

Lilian to cut it。 Even the rose…tree fancy was reproduced in a

distorted formthe tree grew; and every blossom contained a miniature

Bingo; which barked; and as I woke I was desperately trying to

persuade the colonel that they were ordinary dog…roses。



I went up to the office next day with my gloomy secret gnawing my

bosom; and; whatever I did; the spectre of the murdered poodle rose

before me。 For two days after that I dared not go near the Curries;

until at last one evening after dinner I forced myself to call;

feeling that it was really not safe to keep away any longer。



My conscience smote me as I went in。 I put on an unconscious; easy

manner; which was such a dismal failure that it was lucky for me that

they were too much engrossed to notice it。



I never before saw a family so stricken down by a domestic misfortune

as the group I found in the drawing…room; making a dejected pretence

of reading or working。 We talked at firstand hollow talk it wason

indifferent subjects; till I could bear it no longer; and plunged

boldly into danger。



〃I don't see the dog;〃 I began; 〃I suppose youyou found him all

right the other evening; colonel?〃 I wondered; as I spoke; whether

they would not notice the break in my voice; but they did not。



〃Why; the fact is;〃 said the colonel; heavily; gnawing his gray

moustache; 〃we've not heard anything of him since; he'she's run

off!〃



〃Gone; Mr。 Weatherhead; gone without a word!〃 said Mrs。 Currie;

plaintively; as if she thought the dog might at least have left an

address。



〃I wouldn't have believed it of him;〃 said the colonel; 〃it has

completely knocked me over。 Haven't been so cut up for yearsthe

ungrateful rascal!〃



〃O uncle!〃 pleaded Lilian; 〃don't talk like that; perhaps Bingo

couldn't help itperhaps some one has s…s…shot him!〃



〃Shot!〃 cried the colonel; angrily。 〃By heaven! if I thought there was

a villain on earth capable of shooting that poor inoffensive dog;

I'd Why /should/ they shoot him; Lilian? Tell me that! II hope you

won't let me hear you talk like that again。 /You/ don't think he's

shot; eh; Weatherhead?〃



I saidHeaven forgive me!that I thought it highly improbable。



〃He's not dead!〃 cried Mrs。 Currie。 〃If he were dead I should know it

somehowI'm sure I should! But I'm certain he's alive。 Only last

night I had such a beautiful dream about him。 I thought he came back

to us; Mr。 Weatherhead; driving up in a hansom…cab; and he was just

the same as everonly he wore blue spectacles; and the shaved part of

him was painted a bright red。 And I woke up with the joyso; you

know; it's sure to come true!〃



It will be easily understood what torture conversations like these

were to me; and how I hated myself as I sympathised and spoke

encouraging words concerning the dog's recovery; when I knew all the

time he was lying hid under my garden mould。 But I took it as a part

of my punishment; and bore it all uncomplainingly; practice even made

me an adept in the art of consolationI believe I really was a great

comfort to them。



I had hoped that they would soon get over the first bitterness of

their loss; and that Bingo would be first replaced and then forgotten

in the usual way; but there seemed no signs of this coming to pass。



The poor colonel was too plainly fretting himself ill about it; he

went pottering about forlornly; advertising; searching; and seeing

people; but all; of course; to no purpose; and it told upon him。 He

was more like a man whose only son and heir had been stolen than an

Anglo…Indian officer who had lost a poodle。 I had to affect the

liveliest interest in all his inquiries and expeditions; and to listen

to and echo the most extravagant eulogies of the departed; and the

wear and tear of so much duplicity made me at last almost as ill as

the colonel himself。



I could not help seeing that Lilian was not nearly so much impressed

by my elaborate concern as her relatives; and sometimes I detected an

incredulous look in her frank brown eyes that made me very uneasy。

Little by little; a rift widened between us; until at last in despair

I determined to know the worst before the time came when it would be

hopeless to speak at all。 I chose a Sunday evening as we were walking

across the green from church in the golden dusk; and then I ventured

to speak to her of my love。 She heard me to the end; and was evidently

very much agitated。 At last she murmured that it could not be; unless

no; it never could be now。



〃Unless; what?〃 I asked。 〃LilianMiss Roseblade; something has come

between us lately; you will tell me what that something is; won't

you?〃



〃Do you want to know /really/?〃 she said; looking up at me through her

tears。 〃Then I'll tell you; itit's Bingo!〃



I started back overwhelmed。 Did she know all? If not; how much did she

suspect? I must find out that at once。 〃What about Bingo?〃 I managed

to pronounce; with a dry tongue。



〃You never l…loved him when he was here;〃 she sobbed; 〃you know you

didn't!〃



I was relieved to find it was no worse than this。



〃No;〃 I said; candidly; 〃I did not love Bingo。 Bingo didn't love /me/;

Lilian; he was always looking out for a chance of nipping me

somewhere。 Surely you won't quarrel with me for that!〃



〃Not for that;〃 she said; 〃only; why do you pretend to be so fond of

him now; and so anxious to get him back again? Uncle John believes

you; but /I/ don't。 I can see quite well that you wouldn't be glad to

find him。 You could find him easily if you wanted to!〃



〃What do you mean; Lilian?〃 I said; hoarsely。 〃/How/ could I find

him?〃 Again I feared the worst。



〃You're in a government office;〃 cried Lilian; 〃and if you only chose;

you could easily g…get g…government to find Bingo! What's the use of

government if it can't do that? Mr。 Travers would have found him long

ago if I'd asked him!〃



Lilian had never been so childishly unreasonable as this before; and

yet I loved her more madly than ever; but I did not like this allusion

to Travers; a rising barrister; who lived with his sister in a pretty

cottage near the station; and had shown symptoms of being attracted by

Lilian。



He was away on circuit just then; luckily; but; at least; even he

would have found it a hard task to find Bingothere was comfort in

that。



〃You know that isn't just; Lilian;〃 I observed; 〃but only tell me what

you wa
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