idle thoughts of an idle fellow-第7部分

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isted　without　vanity；　and　if　he　did　he　would　be　an　extremely　uncomfortable　person　to　have　anything　to　do　with。　　He　would；　of　course；　be　a　very　good　man；　and　we　should　respect　him　very　much。　　He　would　be　a　very　admirable　mana　man　to　be　put　under　a　glass　case　and　shown　round　as　a　specimena　man　to　be　stuck　upon　a　pedestal　and　copied；　like　a　school　exercisea　man　to　be　reverenced；　but　not　a　man　to　be　loved；　not　a　human　brother　whose　hand　we　should　care　to　grip。　　Angels　may　be　very　excellent　sort　of　folk　in　their　way；　but　we；　poor　mortals；　in　our　present　state；　would　probably　find　them　precious　slow　company。　　Even　mere　good　people　are　rather　depressing。　　It　is　in　our　faults　and　failings；　not　in　our　virtues；　that　we　touch　one　another　and　find　sympathy。　　We　differ　widely　enough　in　our　nobler　qualities。　　It　is　in　our　follies　that　we　are　at　one。　　Some　of　us　are　pious；　some　of　us　are　generous。　　Some　few　of　us　are　honest；　comparatively　speaking；　and　some；　fewer　still；　may　possibly　be　truthful。　　But　in　vanity　and　kindred　weaknesses　we　can　all　join　hands。　　Vanity　is　one　of　those　touches　of　nature　that　make　the　whole　world　kin。　　From　the　Indian　hunter；　proud　of　his　belt　of　scalps；　to　the　European　general；　swelling　beneath　his　row　of　stars　and　medals；　from　the　Chinese；　gleeful　at　the　length　of　his　pigtail；　to　the　〃professional　beauty；〃　suffering　tortures　in　order　that　her　waist　may　resemble　a　peg…top；　from　draggle…tailed　little　Polly　Stiggins；　strutting　through　Seven　Dials　with　a　tattered　parasol　over　her　head；　to　the　princess　sweeping　through　a　drawing…room　with　a　train　of　four　yards　long；　from　'Arry；　winning　by　vulgar　chaff　the　loud　laughter　of　his　pals；　to　the　statesman　whose　ears　are　tickled　by　the　cheers　that　greet　his　high…sounding　periods；　from　the　dark…skinned　African；　bartering　his　rare　oils　and　ivory　for　a　few　glass　beads　to　hang　about　his　neck；　to　the　Christian　maiden　selling　her　white　body　for　a　score　of　tiny　stones　and　an　empty　title　to　tack　before　her　nameall　march；　and　fight；　and　bleed；　and　die　beneath　its　tawdry　flag。

Ay；　ay；　vanity　is　truly　the　motive…power　that　moves　humanity；　and　it　is　flattery　that　greases　the　wheels。　　If　you　want　to　win　affection　and　respect　in　this　world；　you　must　flatter　people。　　Flatter　high　and　low；　and　rich　and　poor；　and　silly　and　wise。　　You　will　get　on　famously。　Praise　this　man's　virtues　and　that　man's　vices。　　Compliment　everybody　upon　everything；　and　especially　upon　what　they　haven't　got。　　Admire　guys　for　their　beauty；　fools　for　their　wit；　and　boors　for　their　breeding。　　Your　discernment　and　intelligence　will　be　extolled　to　the　skies。

Every　one　can　be　got　over　by　flattery。　　The　belted　earl〃belted　earl〃　is　the　correct　phrase；　I　believe。　　I　don't　know　what　it　means；　unless　it　be　an　earl　that　wears　a　belt　instead　of　braces。　　Some　men　do。　　I　don't　like　it　myself。　　You　have　to　keep　the　thing　so　tight　for　it　to　be　of　any　use；　and　that　is　uncomfortable。　　Anyhow；　whatever　particular　kind　of　an　earl　a　belted　earl　may　be；　he　is；　I　assert；　get…overable　by　flattery；　just　as　every　other　human　being　is；　from　a　duchess　to　a　cat's…meat　man；　from　a　plow　boy　to　a　poetand　the　poet　far　easier　than　the　plowboy；　for　butter　sinks　better　into　wheaten　bread　than　into　oaten　cakes。

As　for　love；　flattery　is　its　very　life…blood。　　Fill　a　person　with　love　for　themselves；　and　what　runs　over　will　be　your　share；　says　a　certain　witty　and　truthful　Frenchman　whose　name　I　can't　for　the　life　of　me　remember。　　（Confound　it！　　I　never　can　remember　names　when　I　want　to。）　Tell　a　girl　she　is　an　angel；　only　more　angelic　than　an　angel；　that　she　is　a　goddess；　only　more　graceful；　queenly；　and　heavenly　than　the　average　goddess；　that　she　is　more　fairy…like　than　Titania；　more　beautiful　than　Venus；　more　enchanting　than　Parthenope；　more　adorable；　lovely；　and　radiant；　in　short；　than　any　other　woman　that　ever　did　live；　does　live；　or　could　live；　and　you　will　make　a　very　favorable　impression　upon　her　trusting　little　heart。　　Sweet　innocent！　she　will　believe　every　word　you　say。　　It　is　so　easy　to　deceive　a　womanin　this　way。

Dear　little　souls；　they　hate　flattery；　so　they　tell　you；　and　when　you　say；　〃Ah；　darling；　it　isn't　flattery　in　your　case；　it's　plain；　sober　truth；　you　really　are；　without　exaggeration；　the　most　beautiful；　the　most　good；　the　most　charming；　the　most　divine；　the　most　perfect　human　creature　that　ever　trod　this　earth；〃　they　will　smile　a　quiet；　approving　smile；　and；　leaning　against　your　manly　shoulder；　murmur　that　you　are　a　dear　good　fellow　after　all。

By　Jove！　fancy　a　man　trying　to　make　love　on　strictly　truthful　principles；　determining　never　to　utter　a　word　of　mere　compliment　or　hyperbole；　but　to　scrupulously　confine　himself　to　exact　fact！　　Fancy　his　gazing　rapturously　into　his　mistress'　eyes　and　whispering　softly　to　her　that　she　wasn't；　on　the　whole；　bad…looking；　as　girls　went！　Fancy　his　holding　up　her　little　hand　and　assuring　her　that　it　was　of　a　light　drab　color　shot　with　red；　and　telling　her　as　he　pressed　her　to　his　heart　that　her　nose；　for　a　turned…up　one；　seemed　rather　pretty；　and　that　her　eyes　appeared　to　him；　as　far　as　he　could　judge；　to　be　quite　up　to　the　average　standard　of　such　things！

A　nice　chance　he　would　stand　against　the　man　who　would　tell　her　that　her　face　was　like　a　fresh　blush　rose；　that　her　hair　was　a　wandering　sunbeam　imprisoned　by　her　smiles；　and　her　eyes　like　two　evening　stars。

There　are　various　ways　of　flattering；　and；　of　course；　you　must　adapt　your　style　to　your　subject。　　Some　people　like　it　laid　on　with　a　trowel；　and　this　requires　very　little　art。　　With　sensible　persons；　however；　it　needs　to　be　done　very　delicately；　and　more　by　suggestion　than　actual　words。　　A　good　many　like　it　wrapped　up　in　the　form　of　an　insult；　as〃Oh；　you　are　a　perfect　fool；　you　are。　　You　would　give　your　last　sixpence　to　the　first　hungry…looking　beggar　you　met；〃　while　others　will　swallow　it　only　when　administered　through　the　medium　of　a　third　person；　so　that　if　C　wishes　to　get　at　an　A　of　this　sort；　he　must　confide　to　A's　particular　friend　B　that　he　thinks　A　a　splendid　fellow；　and　beg　him；　B；　not　to　mention　it；　especially　to　A。　　Be　careful　that　B　is　a　reliable　man；　though；　otherwise　he　won't。

Those　fine；　sturdy　John　Bulls　who　〃hate　flattery；　sir；〃　〃Never　let　anybody　get　over　me　by　flattery；〃　etc。；　etc。；　are　very　simply　managed。　Flatter　them　enough　upon　their　absence　of　vanity；　and　you　can　do　what　you　like　with　them。

After　all；　vanity　is　as　much　a　virtue　as　a　vice。　　It　is　easy　to　recite　copy…book　maxims　against　its　sinfulness；　but　it　is　a　passion　that　can　〃move　us　to　good　as　well　as　to　evil。　　Ambition　is　only　vanity　ennobled。　　We　want　to　win　praise　and　admirationor　fame　as　we　prefer　to　name　itand　so　we　write　great　books；　and　paint　grand　pictures；　and　sing　sweet　songs；　and　toil　with　willing　hands　in　study；　loom；　and　laboratory。

We　wish　to　become　rich　men；　not　in　order　to　enjoy　ease　and　comfortall　that　any　one　man　can　taste　of　those　may　be　purchased　anywhere　for　200　pounds　per　annumbut　that　our　houses　may　be　bigger　and　more　gaudily　furnished　than　our　neighbors'；　that　our　horses　and　servants　may　be　more　numerous；　that　we　may　dress　our　wives　and　daughters　in　absurd　but　expensive　clothes；　and　that　we　may　give　costly　dinners　of　which　we　ourselves　individually　do　not　eat　a　shilling's　worth。　　And　to　do　this　we　aid　the　world's　work　with　clear　and　busy　brain；　spreading　commerce　among　its　peoples；　carrying　civilization　to　its　remotest　corners。

Do　not　let　us　abuse　vanity；　therefore。　　Rather　let　us　use　it。　　Honor　itself　is　but　the　highest　form　of　vanity。　　The　instinct　is　not　confined　solely　to　Beau　Brummels　and　Dolly　Vardens。　　There　is　the　vanity　of　the　peacock　and　the　vanity　of　the　eagle。　　Snobs　are　vain。　But　so；　too；　are　heroes。　　Come；　oh！　my　young　brother　bucks；　let　us　be　vain　together。　　Let　us　join　hands　and　help　each　other　to　increase　our　vanity。　　Let　us　be　vain；　not　of　our　trousers　and　hair；　but　of　brave　hearts　and　working　hands；　of　truth；　of　purity；　of　nobility。　　Let　us　be　too　vain　to　stoop　to　aught　that　is　mean　or　base；　too　vain　for　petty　selfishness　and　little…minded　envy；　too　vain　to　say　an　unkind　word　or　do　an　unkind　act。　　Let　us　be　vain　of　being　single…hearted；　upright　gentlemen　in　the　midst　of　a　world　of　knaves。　　Let　us　pride　ourselves　upon　thinking　high　thoughts；　achieving　great　deeds；　living　good　lives。



ON　GETTING　ON　IN　THE　WORLD。

Not　exactly　the　sort　of　thing　for　an　idle　fellow　to　think　about；　is　it？　　But　outsiders；　you　know；　often　see　most　of　the　game；　and　sitting　in　my　arbor　by　the　wayside；　smoking　my　hookah　of　contentment　and　eating　the　sweet　lotus…leaves　of　indolence；　I　can　look　out　musingly　upon　the　whirling　throng　that　rolls　and　tumbles　past　me　on　the　great　high…road　of　life。

Never…ending　is　the　wild　procession。　　Day　and　night　you　can　hear　the　quick　tramp　of　the　myriad　feetsome　running；　some　walking；　some　halting　and　lame；　but　all　hastening；　all　eager　in　the　feverish　race；　all　straining　life　and　limb　and　heart　and　soul　to　reach　the　ever…receding　horizon　of　success。

Mark　them　as　they　surge　alongmen　and　women；　old　and　young；　gentle　and　simple；　fair　and　foul；　rich　and　poor；　merry　and　sadall　hurrying；　bustling；　scrambling。　　The　strong　pushing　aside　the　weak；　the　cunning　creeping　past　the　foolish；　those　behind　elbowing　those　before；　those　in　front　kicking；　as　they　run；　at　those　behind。　　Look　close　and　see　the　flitting　show。　　Here　is　an　old　man　panting　for　breath；　and　there　a　timid　maiden　driven　by　a　hard　and　sharp…faced　matron；　here　is　a　studious　youth；　reading　〃How　to　Get　On　in　the　World〃　and　letting　everybody　pass　him　as　he　stumbles　along　with　his　eyes　on　his　book；　here　is　a　bored…looking　man；　with　a　fashionably　dressed　woman　jogging　his　elbow；　here　a　boy　gazing　wistfully　back　at　the　sunny　village　that　he　never　again　will　see；　here；　with　a　firm　and　easy　step；　strides　a　broad…shouldered　man；　and　here；　with　stealthy　tread；　a　thin…faced；　stooping　fellow　dodges　and　shuffles　upon　his　way；　here；　with　gaze　fixed　always　on　the　ground；　an　artful　rogue　carefully　works　his　way　from　side　to　side　of　the　road　and　thinks　he　is　going　forward；　and　here　a　youth　with　a　noble　face　stands；　hesitating　as　he　looks　from　the　distant　goal　to　the　mud　beneath　his　feet。

And　now　into　sight　comes　a　fair　girl；　with　her　dainty　face　growing　more