unconscious comedians-第3部分

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Gazonal。



〃Before　piloting　monsieur　about；　I　have　to　see　Gaillard；〃　said　Bixiou。



〃But　we　can　use　Gaillard　for　the　cousin；〃　replied　Leon。



〃What　sort　of　machine　is　that？〃　asked　Gazonal。



〃He　isn't　a　machine；　he　is　a　machinist。　Gaillard　is　a　friend　of　ours

who　has　ended　a　miscellaneous　career　by　becoming　the　editor　of　a

newspaper；　and　whose　character　and　finances　are　governed　by　movements

comparable　to　those　of　the　tides。　Gaillard　can　contribute　to　make　you

win　your　lawsuit〃



〃It　is　lost。〃



〃That's　the　very　moment　to　win　it；〃　replied　Bixiou。



When　they　reached　Theodore　Gaillard's　abode；　which　was　now　in　the　rue

de　Menars；　the　valet　ushered　the　three　friends　into　a　boudoir　and

asked　them　to　wait；　as　monsieur　was　in　secret　conference。



〃With　whom？〃　asked　Bixiou。



〃With　a　man　who　is　selling　him　the　incarceration　of　an　UNSEIZABLE

debtor；〃　replied　a　handsome　woman　who　now　appeared　in　a　charming

morning　toilet。



〃In　that　case；　my　dear　Suzanne；〃　said　Bixiou；　〃I　am　certain　we　may　go

in。〃



〃Oh！　what　a　beautiful　creature！〃　said　Gazonal。



〃That　is　Madame　Gaillard；〃　replied　Leon　de　Lora；　speaking　low　into　his

cousin's　ear。　〃She　is　the　most　humble…minded　woman　in　Paris；　for　she

had　the　public　and　has　contented　herself　with　a　husband。〃



〃What　is　your　will；　messeigneurs？〃　said　the　facetious　editor；　seeing

his　two　friends　and　imitating　Frederic　Lemaitre。



Theodore　Gaillard；　formerly　a　wit；　had　ended　by　becoming　a　stupid　man

in　consequence　of　remaining　constantly　in　one　centre；a　moral

phenomenon　frequently　to　be　observed　in　Paris。　His　principal　method　of

conversation　consisted　in　sowing　his　speeches　with　sayings　taken　from

plays　then　in　vogue　and　pronounced　in　imitation　of　well…known　actors。



〃We　have　come　to　blague；〃　said　Leon。



〃'Again；　young　men'〃　（Odry　in　the　Saltimbauques）。



〃Well；　this　time；　we've　got　him；　sure；〃　said　Gaillard's　other　visitor；

apparently　by　way　of　conclusion。



〃ARE　you　sure　of　it；　pere　Fromenteau？〃　asked　Gaillard。　〃This　it　the

eleventh　time　you've　caught　him　at　night　and　missed　him　in　the

morning。〃



〃How　could　I　help　it？　I　never　saw　such　a　debtor！　he's　a　locomotive；

goes　to　sleep　in　Paris　and　wakes　up　in　the　Seine…et…Oise。　A　safety

lock　I　call　him。〃　Seeing　a　smile　on　Gaillard's　face　he　added：　〃That's

a　saying　in　our　business。　Pinch　a　man；　means　arrest　him；　lock　him　up。

The　criminal　police　have　another　term。　Vidoeq　said　to　his　man；　'You

are　served'；　that's　funnier；　for　it　means　the　guillotine。〃



A　nudge　from　Bixiou　made　Gazonal　all　eyes　and　ears。



〃Does　monsieur　grease　my　paws？〃　asked　Fromenteau　of　Gaillard；　in　a

threatening　but　cool　tone。



〃'A　question　that　of　fifty　centimes'〃　（Les　Saltimbauques）；　replied　the

editor；　taking　out　five　francs　and　offering　them　to　Fromenteau。



〃And　the　rapscallions？〃　said　the　man。



〃What　rapscallions？〃　asked　Gaillard。



〃Those　I　employ；〃　replied　Fromenteau　calmly。



〃Is　there　a　lower　depth　still？〃　asked　Bixiou。



〃Yes；　monsieur；〃　said　the　spy。　〃Some　people　give　us　information

without　knowing　they　do　so；　and　without　getting　paid　for　it。　I　put

fools　and　ninnies　below　rapscallions。〃



〃They　are　often　original；　and　witty；　your　rapscallions！〃　said　Leon。



〃Do　you　belong　to　the　police？〃　asked　Gazonal；　eying　with　uneasy

curiosity　the　hard；　impassible　little　man；　who　was　dressed　like　the

third　clerk　in　a　sheriff's　office。



〃Which　police　do　you　mean？〃　asked　Fromenteau。



〃There　are　several？〃



〃As　many　as　five；〃　replied　the　man。　〃Criminal；　the　head　of　which　was

Vidoeq；　secret　police；　which　keeps　an　eye　on　the　other　police；　the

head　of　it　being　always　unknown；　political　police；that's　Fouche's。

Then　there's　the　police　of　Foreign　Affairs；　and　finally；　the　palace

police　（of　the　Emperor；　Louis　XVIII。；　etc。）；　always　squabbling　with

that　of　the　quai　Malaquais。　It　came　to　an　end　under　Monsieur　Decazes。

I　belonged　to　the　police　of　Louis　XVIII。；　I'd　been　in　it　since　1793；

with　that　poor　Contenson。〃



The　four　gentlemen　looked　at　each　other　with　one　thought：　〃How　many

heads　he　must　have　brought　to　the　scaffold！〃



〃Now…a…days；　they　are　trying　to　get　on　without　us。　Folly！〃　continued

the　little　man；　who　began　to　seem　terrible。　〃Since　1830　they　want

honest　men　at　the　prefecture！　I　resigned；　and　I've　made　myself　a　small

vocation　by　arresting　for　debt。〃



〃He　is　the　right　arm　of　the　commercial　police；〃　said　Gaillard　in

Bixiou's　ear；　〃but　you　can　never　find　out　who　pays　him　most；　the

debtor　or　the　creditor。〃



〃The　more　rascally　a　business　is；　the　more　honor　it　needs。　I'm　for　him

who　pays　me　best；〃　continued　Fromenteau　addressing　Gaillard。　〃You　want

to　recover　fifty　thousand　francs　and　you　talk　farthings　to　your　means

of　action。　Give　me　five　hundred　francs　and　your　man　is　pinched　to…

night；　for　we　spotted　him　yesterday！〃



〃Five　hundred　francs　for　you　alone！〃　cried　Theodore　Gaillard。



〃Lizette　wants　a　shawl；〃　said　the　spy；　not　a　muscle　of　his　face

moving。　〃I　call　her　Lizette　because　of　Beranger。〃



〃You　have　a　Lizette；　and　you　stay　in　such　a　business！〃　cried　the

virtuous　Gazonal。



〃It　is　amusing！　People　may　cry　up　the　pleasures　of　hunting　and　fishing

as　much　as　they　like　but　to　stalk　a　man　in　Paris　is　far　better　fun。〃



〃Certainly；〃　said　Gazonal；　reflectively；　speaking　to　himself；　〃they

must　have　great　talent。〃



〃If　I　were　to　enumerate　the　qualities　which　make　a　man　remarkable　in

our　vocation；〃　said　Fromenteau；　whose　rapid　glance　had　enabled　him　to

fathom　Gazonal　completely；　〃you'd　think　I　was　talking　of　a　man　of

genius。　First；　we　must　have　the　eyes　of　a　lynx；　next；　audacity　（to

tear　into　houses　like　bombs；　accost　the　servants　as　if　we　knew　them；

and　propose　treacheryalways　agreed　to）；　next；　memory；　sagacity；

invention　（to　make　schemes；　conceived　rapidly；　never　the　samefor

spying　must　be　guided　by　the　characters　and　habits　of　the　persons

spied　upon；　it　is　a　gift　of　heaven）；　and；　finally；　agility；　vigor。　All

these　facilities　and　qualities；　monsieur；　are　depicted　on　the　door　of

the　Gymnase…Amoros　as　Virtue。　Well；　we　must　have　them　all；　under　pain

of　losing　the　salaries　given　us　by　the　State；　the　rue　de　Jerusalem；　or

the　minister　of　Commerce。〃



〃You　certainly　seem　to　me　a　remarkable　man；〃　said　Gazonal。



Fromenteau　looked　at　the　provincial　without　replying；　without

betraying　the　smallest　sign　of　feeling；　and　departed；　bowing　to　no

one；a　trait　of　real　genius。



〃Well；　cousin；　you　have　now　seen　the　police　incarnate；〃　said　Leon　to

Gazonal。



〃It　has　something　the　effect　of　a　dinner…pill；〃　said　the　worthy

provincial；　while　Gaillard　and　Bixiou　were　talking　together　in　a　low

voice。



〃I'll　give　you　an　answer　to…night　at　Carabine's；〃　said　Gaillard　aloud；

re…seating　himself　at　his　desk　without　seeing　or　bowing　to　Gazonal。



〃He　is　a　rude　fellow！〃　cried　the　Southerner　as　they　left　the　room。



〃His　paper　has　twenty…two　thousand　subscribers；〃　said　Leon　de　Lora。

〃He　is　one　of　the　five　great　powers　of　the　day；　and　he　hasn't；　in　the

morning；　the　time　to　be　polite。　Now；〃　continued　Leon；　speaking　to

Bixiou；　〃if　we　are　going　to　the　Chamber　to　help　him　with　his　lawsuit

let　us　take　the　longest　way　round。〃



〃Words　said　by　great　men　are　like　silver…gilt　spoons　with　the　gilt

washed　off；　by　dint　of　repetition　they　lose　their　brilliancy；〃　said

Bixiou。　〃Where　shall　we　go？〃



〃Here；　close　by；　to　our　hatter？〃　replied　Leon。



〃Bravo！〃　cried　Bixiou。　〃If　we　keep　on　in　this　way；　we　shall　have　an

amusing　day　of　it。〃



〃Gazonal；〃　said　Leon；　〃I　shall　make　the　man　pose　for　you；　but　mind

that　you　keep　a　serious　face；　like　the　king　on　a　five…franc　piece；　for

you　are　going　to　see　a　choice　original；　a　man　whose　importance　has

turned　his　head。　In　these　days；　my　dear　fellow；　under　our　new

political　dispensation；　every　human　being　tries　to　cover　himself　with

glory；　and　most　of　them　cover　themselves　with　ridicule；　hence　a　lot　of

living　caricatures　quite　new　to　the　world。〃



〃If　everybody　gets　glory；　who　can　be　famous？〃　said　Gazonal。



〃Fame！　none　but　fools　want　that；〃　replied　Bixiou。　〃Your　cousin　wears

the　cross；　but　I'm　the　better　dressed　of　the　two；　and　it　is　I　whom

people　are　looking　at。〃



After　this　remark；　which　may　explain　why　orators　and　other　great

statesmen　no　longer　put　the　ribbon　in　their　buttonholes　when　in　Paris；

Leon　showed　Gazonal　a　sign；　bearing；　in　golden　letters；　the

illustrious　name　of　〃Vital；　successor　to　Finot；　manufacturer　of　hats〃

（no　longer　〃hatter〃　as　formerly）；　whose　advertisements　brought　in　more

money　to　the　newspapers　than　those　of　any　half…dozen　vendors　of　pills

or　sugarplums；the　author；　moreover；　of　an　essay　on　hats。



〃My　dear　fellow；〃　said　Bixiou　to　Gazonal；　pointing　to　the　splendors　of

the　show…window；　〃Vital　has　forty　thousand　francs　a　year　from　invested

property。〃



〃And　he　stays　a　hatter！〃　cried　the　Southerner；　with　a　bound　that

almost　broke　the　arm　which　Bixiou　had　linked　in　his。



〃You　shall　see　the　man；〃　said　Leon。　〃You　need　a　hat　and　you　shall　have

one　gratis。〃



〃Is　Monsieur　Vital　absent？〃　asked　Bixiou；　seeing　no　one　behind　the

desk。



〃Monsieur　is　correcting　proof　in　his　study；〃　replied　the　head　clerk。



〃Hein！　what　style！〃　said　Leon　to　his　cousin；　then　he　added；　addressing

the　clerk：　〃Could　we　speak　to　him　without　injury　to　his　inspiration？〃



〃Let　those　gentlemen　enter；〃　said　a　voice。



It　was　a　bourgeois　voice；　the　voice　of　one　eligible　to　the　Chamber；　a

powerful　voice；　a　wealthy　voice。



Vital　deigned　to　show　himself；　dressed　entirely　in　black　cloth；　with　a

splendid　frilled　shirt　adorned　with　one　diamond。　The　three　friends

observed　a　young　and　pretty　woman　sitting　near　the　desk；　working　at

some　embroidery。



Vital　is　a　man　between　thirty　and　forty　years　of　age；　with　a　natural

joviality　now　repressed　by　ambitious　ideas。　He　is　blessed　with　that

medium　height　which　is　the　privile