unconscious comedians-第8部分

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kind。　But　if　we　devoted　ourselves　to　art　only；　we　should　lie　in

Bicetre；　mad！〃　and　he　turned　back　with　an　inimitable　gesture　to　his

client；　after　saying　to　Regulus；　〃Prepare　monsieur；　he　is　evidently　an

artist。〃



〃A　journalist；〃　said　Bixiou。



Hearing　that　word；　Marius　gave　two　or　three　strokes　of　the　comb　to　the

ordinary　head　and　flung　himself　upon　Gazonal；　taking　Regulus　by　the

arm　at　the　instant　that　the　pupil　was　about　to　begin　the　operation　of

the　little　scissors。



〃I　will　take　charge　of　monsieur。　Look；　monsieur；〃　he　said　to　the

grocer；　〃reflect　yourself　in　the　great　mirrorif　the　mirror　permits。

Ossian！〃



A　lacquey　entered；　and　took　hold　of　the　client　to　dress　him。



〃You　pay　at　the　desk；　monsieur；〃　said　Marius　to　the　stupefied　grocer；

who　was　pulling　out　his　purse。



〃Is　there　any　use；　my　dear　fellow；〃　said　Bixiou；　〃in　going　through

this　operation　of　the　little　scissors？〃



〃No　head　ever　comes　to　me　uncleansed；〃　replied　the　illustrious　hair…

dresser；　〃but　for　your　sake；　I　will　do　that　of　monsieur　myself；

wholly。　My　pupils　sketch　out　the　scheme；　or　my　strength　would　not　hold

out。　Every　one　says　as　you　do：　'Dressed　by　Marius！'　Therefore；　I　can

give　only　the　finishing　strokes。　What　journal　is　monsieur　on？〃



〃If　I　were　you；　I　should　keep　three　or　four　Mariuses；〃　said　Gazonal。



〃Ah！　monsieur；　I　see；　is　a　feuilletonist；〃　said　Marius。　〃Alas！　in

dressing　heads　which　expose　us　to　notice　it　is　impossible。　Excuse　me！〃



He　left　Gazonal　to　overlook　Regulus；　who　was　〃preparing〃　a　newly

arrived　head。　Tapping　his　tongue　against　his　palate；　he　made　a

disapproving　noise；　which　may　perhaps　be　written　down　as　〃titt；　titt；

titt。〃



〃There；　there！　good　heavens！　that　cut　is　not　square；　your　scissors　are

hacking　it。　Here！　see　there！　Regulus；　you　are　not　clipping　poodles；

these　are　menwho　have　a　character；　if　you　continue　to　look　at　the

ceiling　instead　of　looking　only　between　the　glass　and　the　head；　you

will　dishonor　my　house。〃



〃You　are　stern；　Monsieur　Marius。〃



〃I　owe　them　the　secrets　of　my　art。〃



〃Then　it　is　an　art？〃　said　Gazonal。



Marius；　affronted；　looked　at　Gazonal　in　the　glass；　and　stopped　short；

the　scissors　in　one　hand；　the　comb　in　the　other。



〃Monsieur；　you　speak　like　achild！　and　yet；　from　your　accent；　I　judge

you　are　from　the　South；　the　birthplace　of　men　of　genius。〃



〃Yes；　I　know　that　hair…dressing　requires　some　taste；〃　replied　Gazonal。



〃Hush；　monsieur；　hush！　I　expected　better　things　of　YOU。　Let　me　tell

you　that　a　hair…dresser；I　don't　say　a　good　hair…dresser；　for　a　man

is；　or　he　is　not；　a　hair…dresser；a　hair…dresser；　I　repeat；　is　more

difficult　to　find　thanwhat　shall　I　say？　thanI　don't　know　whata

minister？（Sit　still！）　No；　for　you　can't　judge　by　ministers；　the

streets　are　full　of　them。　A　Paganini？　No；　he's　not　great　enough。　A

hair…dresser；　monsieur；　a　man　who　divines　your　soul　and　your　habits；

in　order　to　dress　your　hair　conformably　with　your　being；　that　man　has

all　that　constitutes　a　philosopherand　such　he　is。　See　the　women！

Women　appreciate　us；　they　know　our　value；　our　value　to　them　is　the

conquest　they　make　when　they　have　placed　their　heads　in　our　hands　to

attain　a　triumph。　I　say　to　you　that　a　hair…dresserthe　world　does　not

know　what　he　is。　I　who　speak　to　you；　I　am　very　nearly　all　that　there

is　ofwithout　boasting　I　may　say　I　am　knownStill；　I　think　more

might　be　doneThe　execution；　that　is　everything！　Ah！　if　women　would

only　give　me　carte　blanche！if　I　might　only　execute　the　ideas　that

come　to　me！　I　have；　you　see；　a　hell　of　imagination！but　the　women

don't　fall　in　with　it；　they　have　their　own　plans；　they'll　stick　their

fingers　or　combs；　as　soon　as　my　back　is　turned；　through　the　most

delicious　edificeswhich　ought　to　be　engraved　and　perpetuated；　for

our　works；　monsieur；　last　unfortunately　but　a　few　hours。　A　great

hair…dresser；　hey！　he's　like　Careme　and　Vestris　in　their　careers。

（Head　a　little　this　way；　if　you　please；　SO；　I　attend　particularly　to

front　faces！）　Our　profession　is　ruined　by　bunglers　who　understand

neither　the　epoch　nor　their　art。　There　are　dealers　in　wigs　and

essences　who　are　enough　to　make　one's　hair　stand　on　end；　they　care

only　to　sell　you　bottles。　It　is　pitiable！　But　that's　business。　Such

poor　wretches　cut　hair　and　dress　it　as　they　can。　I；　when　I　arrived　in

Paris　from　Toulouse；　my　ambition　was　to　succeed　the　great　Marius；　to

be　a　true　Marius；　to　make　that　name　illustrious。　I　alone；　more　than

all　the　four　others；　I　said　to　myself；　'I　will　conquer；　or　die。'

（There！　now　sit　straight；　I　am　going　to　finish　you。）　I　was　the　first

to　introduce　ELEGANCE；　I　made　my　salons　the　object　of　curiosity。　I

disdain　advertisements；　what　advertisements　would　have　cost；　monsieur；

I　put　into　elegance；　charm；　comfort。　Next　year　I　shall　have　a

quartette　in　one　of　the　salons　to　discourse　music；　and　of　the　best。

Yes；　we　ought　to　charm　away　the　ennui　of　those　whose　heads　we　dress。　I

do　not　conceal　from　myself　the　annoyances　to　a　client。　（Look　at

yourself！）　To　have　one's　hair　dressed　is　fatiguing；　perhaps　as　much　so

as　posing　for　one's　portrait。　Monsieur　knows　perhaps　that　the　famous

Monsieur　Humbolt　（I　did　the　best　I　could　with　the　few　hairs　America

left　himscience　has　this　in　common　with　savages；　that　she　scalps　her

men　clean）；　that　illustrious　savant；　said　that　next　to　the　suffering

of　going　to　be　hanged　was　that　of　going　to　be　painted；　but　I　place　the

trial　of　having　your　head　dressed　before　that　of　being　painted；　and　so

do　certain　women。　Well；　monsieur；　my　object　is　to　make　those　who　come

here　to　have　their　hair　cut　or　frizzed　enjoy　themselves。　（Hold　still；

you　have　a　tuft　which　MUST　be　conquered。）　A　Jew　proposed　to　supply　me

with　Italian　cantatrices　who；　during　the　interludes；　were　to　depilate

the　young　men　of　forty；　but　they　proved　to　be　girls　from　the

Conservatoire；　and　music…teachers　from　the　Rue　Montmartre。　There　you

are；　monsieur；　your　head　is　dressed　as　that　of　a　man　of　talent　ought

to　be。　Ossian；〃　he　said　to　the　lacquey　in　livery；　〃dress　monsieur　and

show　him　out。　Whose　turn　next？〃　he　added　proudly；　gazing　round　upon

the　persons　who　awaited　him。



〃Don't　laugh；　Gazonal；〃　said　Leon　as　they　reached　the　foot　of　the

staircase；　whence　his　eye　could　take　in　the　whole　of　the　Place　de　la

Bourse。　〃I　see　over　there　one　of　our　great　men；　and　you　shall　compare

his　language　with　that　of　the　barber；　and　tell　me　which　of　the　two　you

think　the　most　original。〃



〃Don't　laugh；　Gazonal；〃　said　Bixiou；　mimicking　Leon's　intonation。

〃What　do　you　suppose　is　Marius's　business？〃



〃Hair…dressing。〃



〃He　has　obtained　a　monopoly　of　the　sale　of　hair　in　bulk；　as　a　certain

dealer　in　comestibles　who　is　going　to　sell　us　a　pate　for　three　francs

has　acquired　a　monopoly　of　the　sale　of　truffles；　he　discounts　the

paper　of　that　business；　he　loans　money　on　pawn　to　clients　when

embarrassed；　he　gives　annuities　on　lives；　he　gambles　at　the　Bourse；　he

is　a　stockholder　in　all　the　fashion　papers；　and　he　sells；　under　the

name　of　a　certain　chemist；　an　infamous　drug　which；　for　his　share

alone；　gives　him　an　income　of　thirty　thousand　francs；　and　costs　in

advertisements　a　hundred　thousand　yearly。〃



〃Is　it　possible！〃　cried　Gazonal。



〃Remember　this；〃　said　Bixiou；　gravely。　〃In　Paris　there　is　no　such

thing　as　a　small　business；　all　things　swell　to　large　proportions；　down

to　the　sale　of　rags　and　matches。　The　lemonade…seller　who；　with　his

napkin　under　his　arm；　meets　you　as　you　enter　his　shop；　may　be　worth

his　fifty　thousand　francs　a　year；　the　waiter　in　a　restaurant　is

eligible　for　the　Chamber；　the　man　you　take　for　a　beggar　in　the　street

carries　a　hundred　thousand　francs　worth　of　unset　diamonds　in　his

waistcoat　pocket；　and　didn't　steal　them　either。〃



The　three　inseparables　（for　one　day　at　any　rate）　now　crossed　the　Place

de　la　Bourse　in　a　way　to　intercept　a　man　about　forty　years　of　age；

wearing　the　Legion　of　honor；　who　was　coming　from　the　boulevard　by　way

of　the　rue　Neuve…Vivienne。



〃Hey！〃　said　Leon；　〃what　are　you　pondering　over；　my　dear　Dubourdieu？

Some　fine　symbolic　composition？　My　dear　cousin；　I　have　the　pleasure　to

present　to　you　our　illustrious　painter　Dubourdieu；　not　less　celebrated

for　his　humanitarian　convictions　than　for　his　talents　in　art。

Dubourdieu；　my　cousin　Palafox。〃



Dubourdieu；　a　small；　pale　man　with　melancholy　blue　eyes；　bowed

slightly　to　Gazonal；　who　bent　low　as　before　a　man　of　genius。



〃So　you　have　elected　Stidmann　in　place　of〃　he　began。



〃How　could　I　help　it？　I　wasn't　there；〃　replied　Lora。



〃You　bring　the　Academy　into　disrepute；〃　continued　the　painter。　〃To

choose　such　a　man　as　that！　I　don't　wish　to　say　ill　of　him；　but　he

works　at　a　trade。　Where　are　you　dragging　the　first　of　arts；the　art

those　works　are　the　most　lasting；　bringing　nations　to　light　of　which

the　world　has　long　lost　even　the　memory；　an　art　which　crowns　and

consecrates　great　men？　Yes；　sculpture　is　priesthood；　it　preserves　the

ideas　of　an　epoch；　and　you　give　its　chair　to　a　maker　of　toys　and

mantelpieces；　an　ornamentationist；　a　seller　of　bric…a…brac！　Ah！　as

Chamfort　said；　one　has　to　swallow　a　viper　every　morning　to　endure　the

life　of　Paris。　Well；　at　any　rate；　Art　remains　to　a　few　of　us；　they

can't　prevent　us　from　cultivating　it〃



〃And　besides；　my　dear　fellow；　you　have　a　consolation　which　few　artists

possess；　the　future　is　yours；〃　said　Bixiou。　〃When　the　world　is

converted　to　our　doctrine；　you　will　be　at　the　head　of　your　art；　for

you　are　putting　into　it　ideas　which　people　will　understandWHEN　they

are　generalized！　In　fifty　years　from　now　you'll　be　to　all　the　world

what　you　are　to　a　few　of　us　at　this　moment；a　great　man。　The　only

question　is　how　to　get　along　till　then。〃



〃I　have　just　finished；〃　resumed　the　great　artist；　his　face　expanding

like　that　of　a　man　whose　hobby　is　stroked；　〃an　allegorical　figure　of

Harmony；　and　if　you　will　come　and　see　it；　you　will　understand　why　it

should　have　taken