sketches of young gentlemen-第10部分

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We　have　heard　another　throwing…off　young　gentleman；　after　striking

a　note　or　two　upon　the　piano；　and　accompanying　it　correctly　（by

dint　of　laborious　practice）　with　his　voice；　assure　a　circle　of

wondering　listeners　that　so　acute　was　his　ear　that　he　was　wholly

unable　to　sing　out　of　tune；　let　him　try　as　he　would。　　We　have　lived

to　witness　the　unmasking　of　another　throwing…off　young　gentleman；

who　went　out　a　visiting　in　a　military　cap　with　a　gold　band　and

tassel；　and　who；　after　passing　successfully　for　a　captain　and　being

lauded　to　the　skies　for　his　red　whiskers；　his　bravery；　his

soldierly　bearing　and　his　pride；　turned　out　to　be　the　dishonest　son

of　an　honest　linen…draper　in　a　small　country　town；　and　whom；　if　it

were　not　for　this　fortunate　exposure；　we　should　not　yet　despair　of

encountering　as　the　fortunate　husband　of　some　rich　heiress。

Ladies；　ladies；　the　throwing…off　young　gentlemen　are　often

swindlers；　and　always　fools。　　So　pray　you　avoid　them。







THE　YOUNG　LADIES'　YOUNG　GENTLEMAN







This　young　gentleman　has　several　titles。　　Some　young　ladies

consider　him　'a　nice　young　man；'　others　'a　fine　young　man；'　others

'quite　a　lady's　man；'　others　'a　handsome　man；'　others　'a　remarkably

good…looking　young　man。'　　With　some　young　ladies　he　is　'a　perfect

angel；'　and　with　others　'quite　a　love。'　　He　is　likewise　a　charming

creature；　a　duck；　and　a　dear。



The　young　ladies'　young　gentleman　has　usually　a　fresh　colour　and

very　white　teeth；　which　latter　articles；　of　course；　he　displays　on

every　possible　opportunity。　　He　has　brown　or　black　hair；　and

whiskers　of　the　same；　if　possible；　but　a　slight　tinge　of　red；　or

the　hue　which　is　vulgarly　known　as　SANDY；　is　not　considered　an

objection。　　If　his　head　and　face　be　large；　his　nose　prominent；　and

his　figure　square；　he　is　an　uncommonly　fine　young　man；　and

worshipped　accordingly。　　Should　his　whiskers　meet　beneath　his　chin；

so　much　the　better；　though　this　is　not　absolutely　insisted　on；　but

he　must　wear　an　under…waistcoat；　and　smile　constantly。



There　was　a　great　party　got　up　by　some　party…loving　friends　of　ours

last　summer；　to　go　and　dine　in　Epping　Forest。　　As　we　hold　that　such

wild　expeditions　should　never　be　indulged　in；　save　by　people　of　the

smallest　means；　who　have　no　dinner　at　home；　we　should　indubitably

have　excused　ourself　from　attending；　if　we　had　not　recollected　that

the　projectors　of　the　excursion　were　always　accompanied　on　such

occasions　by　a　choice　sample　of　the　young　ladies'　young　gentleman；

whom　we　were　very　anxious　to　have　an　opportunity　of　meeting。　　This

determined　us；　and　we　went。



We　were　to　make　for　Chigwell　in　four　glass　coaches；　each　with　a

trifling　company　of　six　or　eight　inside；　and　a　little　boy　belonging

to　the　projectors　on　the　box　…　and　to　start　from　the　residence　of

the　projectors；　Woburn…place；　Russell…square；　at　half…past　ten

precisely。　　We　arrived　at　the　place　of　rendezvous　at　the　appointed

time；　and　found　the　glass　coaches　and　the　little　boys　quite　ready；

and　divers　young　ladies　and　young　gentlemen　looking　anxiously　over

the　breakfast…parlour　blinds；　who　appeared　by　no　means　so　much

gratified　by　our　approach　as　we　might　have　expected；　but　evidently

wished　we　had　been　somebody　else。　　Observing　that　our　arrival　in

lieu　of　the　unknown　occasioned　some　disappointment；　we　ventured　to

inquire　who　was　yet　to　come；　when　we　found　from　the　hasty　reply　of

a　dozen　voices；　that　it　was　no　other　than　the　young　ladies'　young

gentleman。



'I　cannot　imagine；'　said　the　mamma；　'what　has　become　of　Mr。　Balim　…

always　so　punctual；　always　so　pleasant　and　agreeable。　　I　am　sure　I

can…NOT　think。'　　As　these　last　words　were　uttered　in　that　measured；

emphatic　manner　which　painfully　announces　that　the　speaker　has　not

quite　made　up　his　or　her　mind　what　to　say；　but　is　determined　to

talk　on　nevertheless；　the　eldest　daughter　took　up　the　subject；　and

hoped　no　accident　had　happened　to　Mr。　Balim；　upon　which　there　was　a

general　chorus　of　'Dear　Mr。　Balim！'　and　one　young　lady；　more

adventurous　than　the　rest；　proposed　that　an　express　should　be

straightway　sent　to　dear　Mr。　Balim's　lodgings。　　This；　however；　the

papa　resolutely　opposed；　observing；　in　what　a　short　young　lady

behind　us　termed　'quite　a　bearish　way；'　that　if　Mr。　Balim　didn't

choose　to　come；　he　might　stop　at　home。　　At　this　all　the　daughters

raised　a　murmur　of　'Oh　pa！'　except　one　sprightly　little　girl　of

eight　or　ten　years　old；　who；　taking　advantage　of　a　pause　in　the

discourse；　remarked；　that　perhaps　Mr。　Balim　might　have　been　married

that　morning　…　for　which　impertinent　suggestion　she　was　summarily

ejected　from　the　room　by　her　eldest　sister。



We　were　all　in　a　state　of　great　mortification　and　uneasiness；　when

one　of　the　little　boys；　running　into　the　room　as　airily　as　little

boys　usually　run　who　have　an　unlimited　allowance　of　animal　food　in

the　holidays；　and　keep　their　hands　constantly　forced　down　to　the

bottoms　of　very　deep　trouser…pockets　when　they　take　exercise；

joyfully　announced　that　Mr。　Balim　was　at　that　moment　coming　up　the

street　in　a　hackney…cab；　and　the　intelligence　was　confirmed　beyond

all　doubt　a　minute　afterwards　by　the　entry　of　Mr。　Balim　himself；

who　was　received　with　repeated　cries　of　'Where　have　you　been；　you

naughty　creature？'　whereunto　the　naughty　creature　replied；　that　he

had　been　in　bed；　in　consequence　of　a　late　party　the　night　before；

and　had　only　just　risen。　　The　acknowledgment　awakened　a　variety　of

agonizing　fears　that　he　had　taken　no　breakfast；　which　appearing

after　a　slight　cross…examination　to　be　the　real　state　of　the　case；

breakfast　for　one　was　immediately　ordered；　notwithstanding　Mr。

Balim's　repeated　protestations　that　he　couldn't　think　of　it。　　He

did　think　of　it　though；　and　thought　better　of　it　too；　for　he　made　a

remarkably　good　meal　when　it　came；　and　was　assiduously　served　by　a

select　knot　of　young　ladies。　　It　was　quite　delightful　to　see　how　he

ate　and　drank；　while　one　pair　of　fair　hands　poured　out　his　coffee；

and　another　put　in　the　sugar；　and　another　the　milk；　the　rest　of　the

company　ever　and　anon　casting　angry　glances　at　their　watches；　and

the　glass　coaches；　…　and　the　little　boys　looking　on　in　an　agony　of

apprehension　lest　it　should　begin　to　rain　before　we　set　out；　it

might　have　rained　all　day；　after　we　were　once　too　far　to　turn　back

again；　and　welcome；　for　aught　they　cared。



However；　the　cavalcade　moved　at　length；　every　coachman　being

accommodated　with　a　hamper　between　his　legs　something　larger　than　a

wheelbarrow；　and　the　company　being　packed　as　closely　as　they

possibly　could　in　the　carriages；　'according；'　as　one　married　lady

observed；　'to　the　immemorial　custom；　which　was　half　the　diversion

of　gipsy　parties。'　　Thinking　it　very　likely　it　might　be　（we　have

never　been　able　to　discover　the　other　half）；　we　submitted　to　be

stowed　away　with　a　cheerful　aspect；　and　were　fortunate　enough　to

occupy　one　corner　of　a　coach　in　which　were　one　old　lady；　four　young

ladies；　and　the　renowned　Mr。　Balim　the　young　ladies'　young

gentleman。



We　were　no　sooner　fairly　off；　than　the　young　ladies'　young

gentleman　hummed　a　fragment　of　an　air；　which　induced　a　young　lady

to　inquire　whether　he　had　danced　to　that　the　night　before。　　'By

Heaven；　then；　I　did；'　replied　the　young　gentleman；　'and　with　a

lovely　heiress；　a　superb　creature；　with　twenty　thousand　pounds。'

'You　seem　rather　struck；'　observed　another　young　lady。　　''Gad　she

was　a　sweet　creature；'　returned　the　young　gentleman；　arranging　his

hair。　　'Of　course　SHE　was　struck　too？'　inquired　the　first　young

lady。　　'How　can　you　ask；　love？'　interposed　the　second；　'could　she

fail　to　be？'　　'Well；　honestly　I　think　she　was；'　observed　the　young

gentleman。　　At　this　point　of　the　dialogue；　the　young　lady　who　had

spoken　first；　and　who　sat　on　the　young　gentleman's　right；　struck

him　a　severe　blow　on　the　arm　with　a　rosebud；　and　said　he　was　a　vain

man　…　whereupon　the　young　gentleman　insisted　on　having　the　rosebud；

and　the　young　lady　appealing　for　help　to　the　other　young　ladies；　a

charming　struggle　ensued；　terminating　in　the　victory　of　the　young

gentleman；　and　the　capture　of　the　rosebud。　　This　little　skirmish

over；　the　married　lady；　who　was　the　mother　of　the　rosebud；　smiled

sweetly　upon　the　young　gentleman；　and　accused　him　of　being　a　flirt；

the　young　gentleman　pleading　not　guilty；　a　most　interesting

discussion　took　place　upon　the　important　point　whether　the　young

gentleman　was　a　flirt　or　not；　which　being　an　agreeable　conversation

of　a　light　kind；　lasted　a　considerable　time。　　At　length；　a　short

silence　occurring；　the　young　ladies　on　either　side　of　the　young

gentleman　fell　suddenly　fast　asleep；　and　the　young　gentleman；

winking　upon　us　to　preserve　silence；　won　a　pair　of　gloves　from

each；　thereby　causing　them　to　wake　with　equal　suddenness　and　to

scream　very　loud。　　The　lively　conversation　to　which　this　pleasantry

gave　rise；　lasted　for　the　remainder　of　the　ride；　and　would　have

eked　out　a　much　longer　one。



We　dined　rather　more　comfortably　than　people　usually　do　under　such

circumstances；　nothing　having　been　left　behind　but　the　cork…screw

and　the　bread。　　The　married　gentlemen　were　unusually　thirsty；　which

they　attributed　to　the　heat　of　the　weather；　the　little　boys　ate　to

inconvenience；　mammas　were　very　jovial；　and　their　daughters　very

fascinating；　and　the　attendants　being　well…behaved　men；　got

exceedingly　drunk　at　a　respectful　distance。



We　had　our　eye　on　Mr。　Balim　at　dinner…time；　and　perceived　that　he

flourished　wonderfully；　being　still　surrounded　by　a　little　group　of

young　ladies；　who　listened　to　him　as　an　oracle；　while　he　ate　from

their　plates　and　drank　from　their　glasses　in　a　manner　truly

captivating　from　its　excessive　playfulness。　　His　conversation；　too；

was　exceedingly　brilliant。　　In　fact；　one　elderly　lady　assured　us；

that　in　the　course　of　a　little　lively　BADINAGE　on　the　subject　of

ladies'　dresses；　he　had　evinced　as　much　knowledge　as　if　he　had　been

b