sketches of young gentlemen-第5部分

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political　young　gentleman　was。　　But　as　this　good　custom　in　common

with　many　others　has　'gone　out；'　and　left　no　word　when　it　is　likely

to　be　home　again；　as　political　young　ladies　are　by　no　means　rare；

and　political　young　gentlemen　the　very　reverse　of　scarce；　we　are

bound　in　the　strict　discharge　of　our　most　responsible　duty　not　to

neglect　this　natural　division　of　our　subject。



If　the　political　young　gentleman　be　resident　in　a　country　town　（and

there　ARE　political　young　gentlemen　in　country　towns　sometimes）；　he

is　wholly　absorbed　in　his　politics；　as　a　pair　of　purple　spectacles

communicate　the　same　uniform　tint　to　all　objects　near　and　remote；

so　the　political　glasses；　with　which　the　young　gentleman　assists

his　mental　vision；　give　to　everything　the　hue　and　tinge　of　party

feeling。　　The　political　young　gentleman　would　as　soon　think　of

being　struck　with　the　beauty　of　a　young　lady　in　the　opposite

interest；　as　he　would　dream　of　marrying　his　sister　to　the　opposite

member。



If　the　political　young　gentleman　be　a　Conservative；　he　has　usually

some　vague　ideas　about　Ireland　and　the　Pope　which　he　cannot　very

clearly　explain；　but　which　he　knows　are　the　right　sort　of　thing；

and　not　to　be　very　easily　got　over　by　the　other　side。　　He　has　also

some　choice　sentences　regarding　church　and　state；　culled　from　the

banners　in　use　at　the　last　election；　with　which　he　intersperses　his

conversation　at　intervals　with　surprising　effect。　　But　his　great

topic　is　the　constitution；　upon　which　he　will　declaim；　by　the　hour

together；　with　much　heat　and　fury；　not　that　he　has　any　particular

information　on　the　subject；　but　because　he　knows　that　the

constitution　is　somehow　church　and　state；　and　church　and　state

somehow　the　constitution；　and　that　the　fellows　on　the　other　side

say　it　isn't；　which　is　quite　a　sufficient　reason　for　him　to　say　it

is；　and　to　stick　to　it。



Perhaps　his　greatest　topic　of　all；　though；　is　the　people。　　If　a

fight　takes　place　in　a　populous　town；　in　which　many　noses　are

broken；　and　a　few　windows；　the　young　gentleman　throws　down　the

newspaper　with　a　triumphant　air；　and　exclaims；　'Here's　your

precious　people！'　　If　half…a…dozen　boys　run　across　the　course　at

race　time；　when　it　ought　to　be　kept　clear；　the　young　gentleman

looks　indignantly　round；　and　begs　you　to　observe　the　conduct　of　the

people；　if　the　gallery　demand　a　hornpipe　between　the　play　and　the

afterpiece；　the　same　young　gentleman　cries　'No'　and　'Shame'　till　he

is　hoarse；　and　then　inquires　with　a　sneer　what　you　think　of　popular

moderation　NOW；　in　short；　the　people　form　a　never…failing　theme　for

him；　and　when　the　attorney；　on　the　side　of　his　candidate；　dwells

upon　it　with　great　power　of　eloquence　at　election　time；　as　he　never

fails　to　do；　the　young　gentleman　and　his　friends；　and　the　body　they

head；　cheer　with　great　violence　against　THE　OTHER　PEOPLE；　with

whom；　of　course；　they　have　no　possible　connexion。　　In　much　the　same

manner　the　audience　at　a　theatre　never　fail　to　be　highly　amused

with　any　jokes　at　the　expense　of　the　public　…　always　laughing

heartily　at　some　other　public；　and　never　at　themselves。



If　the　political　young　gentleman　be　a　Radical；　he　is　usually　a　very

profound　person　indeed；　having　great　store　of　theoretical　questions

to　put　to　you；　with　an　infinite　variety　of　possible　cases　and

logical　deductions　therefrom。　　If　he　be　of　the　utilitarian　school；

too；　which　is　more　than　probable；　he　is　particularly　pleasant

company；　having　many　ingenious　remarks　to　offer　upon　the　voluntary

principle　and　various　cheerful　disquisitions　connected　with　the

population　of　the　country；　the　position　of　Great　Britain　in　the

scale　of　nations；　and　the　balance　of　power。　　Then　he　is　exceedingly

well　versed　in　all　doctrines　of　political　economy　as　laid　down　in

the　newspapers；　and　knows　a　great　many　parliamentary　speeches　by

heart；　nay；　he　has　a　small　stock　of　aphorisms；　none　of　them

exceeding　a　couple　of　lines　in　length；　which　will　settle　the

toughest　question　and　leave　you　nothing　to　say。　　He　gives　all　the

young　ladies　to　understand；　that　Miss　Martineau　is　the　greatest

woman　that　ever　lived；　and　when　they　praise　the　good　looks　of　Mr。

Hawkins　the　new　member；　says　he's　very　well　for　a　representative；

all　things　considered；　but　he　wants　a　little　calling　to　account；

and　he　is　more　than　half　afraid　it　will　be　necessary　to　bring　him

down　on　his　knees　for　that　vote　on　the　miscellaneous　estimates。　　At

this；　the　young　ladies　express　much　wonderment；　and　say　surely　a

Member　of　Parliament　is　not　to　be　brought　upon　his　knees　so　easily；

in　reply　to　which　the　political　young　gentleman　smiles　sternly；　and

throws　out　dark　hints　regarding　the　speedy　arrival　of　that　day；

when　Members　of　Parliament　will　be　paid　salaries；　and　required　to

render　weekly　accounts　of　their　proceedings；　at　which　the　young

ladies　utter　many　expressions　of　astonishment　and　incredulity；

while　their　lady…mothers　regard　the　prophecy　as　little　else　than

blasphemous。



It　is　extremely　improving　and　interesting　to　hear　two　political

young　gentlemen；　of　diverse　opinions；　discuss　some　great　question

across　a　dinner…table；　such　as；　whether；　if　the　public　were

admitted　to　Westminster　Abbey　for　nothing；　they　would　or　would　not

convey　small　chisels　and　hammers　in　their　pockets；　and　immediately

set　about　chipping　all　the　noses　off　the　statues；　or　whether；　if

they　once　got　into　the　Tower　for　a　shilling；　they　would　not　insist

upon　trying　the　crown　on　their　own　heads；　and　loading　and　firing

off　all　the　small　arms　in　the　armoury；　to　the　great　discomposure　of

Whitechapel　and　the　Minories。　　Upon　these；　and　many　other　momentous

questions　which　agitate　the　public　mind　in　these　desperate　days；

they　will　discourse　with　great　vehemence　and　irritation　for　a

considerable　time　together；　both　leaving　off　precisely　where　they

began；　and　each　thoroughly　persuaded　that　he　has　got　the　better　of

the　other。



In　society；　at　assemblies；　balls；　and　playhouses；　these　political

young　gentlemen　are　perpetually　on　the　watch　for　a　political

allusion；　or　anything　which　can　be　tortured　or　construed　into　being

one；　when；　thrusting　themselves　into　the　very　smallest　openings　for

their　favourite　discourse；　they　fall　upon　the　unhappy　company　tooth

and　nail。　　They　have　recently　had　many　favourable　opportunities　of

opening　in　churches；　but　as　there　the　clergyman　has　it　all　his　own

way；　and　must　not　be　contradicted；　whatever　politics　he　preaches；

they　are　fain　to　hold　their　tongues　until　they　reach　the　outer

door；　though　at　the　imminent　risk　of　bursting　in　the　effort。



As　such　discussions　can　please　nobody　but　the　talkative　parties

concerned；　we　hope　they　will　henceforth　take　the　hint　and

discontinue　them；　otherwise　we　now　give　them　warning；　that　the

ladies　have　our　advice　to　discountenance　such　talkers　altogether。







THE　DOMESTIC　YOUNG　GENTLEMAN







Let　us　make　a　slight　sketch　of　our　amiable　friend；　Mr。　Felix　Nixon。

We　are　strongly　disposed　to　think；　that　if　we　put　him　in　this

place；　he　will　answer　our　purpose　without　another　word　of　comment。



Felix；　then；　is　a　young　gentleman　who　lives　at　home　with　his

mother；　just　within　the　twopenny…post　office　circle　of　three　miles

from　St。　Martin…le…Grand。　　He　wears　Indiarubber　goloshes　when　the

weather　is　at　all　damp；　and　always　has　a　silk　handkerchief　neatly

folded　up　in　the　right…hand　pocket　of　his　great…coat；　to　tie　over

his　mouth　when　he　goes　home　at　night；　moreover；　being　rather　near…

sighted；　he　carries　spectacles　for　particular　occasions；　and　has　a

weakish　tremulous　voice；　of　which　he　makes　great　use；　for　he　talks

as　much　as　any　old　lady　breathing。



The　two　chief　subjects　of　Felix's　discourse；　are　himself　and　his

mother；　both　of　whom　would　appear　to　be　very　wonderful　and

interesting　persons。　　As　Felix　and　his　mother　are　seldom　apart　in

body；　so　Felix　and　his　mother　are　scarcely　ever　separate　in　spirit。

If　you　ask　Felix　how　he　finds　himself　to…day；　he　prefaces　his　reply

with　a　long　and　minute　bulletin　of　his　mother's　state　of　health；

and　the　good　lady　in　her　turn；　edifies　her　acquaintance　with　a

circumstantial　and　alarming　account；　how　he　sneezed　four　times　and

coughed　once　after　being　out　in　the　rain　the　other　night；　but

having　his　feet　promptly　put　into　hot　water；　and　his　head　into　a

flannel…something；　which　we　will　not　describe　more　particularly

than　by　this　delicate　allusion；　was　happily　brought　round　by　the

next　morning；　and　enabled　to　go　to　business　as　usual。



Our　friend　is　not　a　very　adventurous　or　hot…headed　person；　but　he

has　passed　through　many　dangers；　as　his　mother　can　testify：　　there

is　one　great　story　in　particular；　concerning　a　hackney　coachman　who

wanted　to　overcharge　him　one　night　for　bringing　them　home　from　the

play；　upon　which　Felix　gave　the　aforesaid　coachman　a　look　which　his

mother　thought　would　have　crushed　him　to　the　earth；　but　which　did

not　crush　him　quite；　for　he　continued　to　demand　another　sixpence；

notwithstanding　that　Felix　took　out　his　pocket…book；　and；　with　the

aid　of　a　flat　candle；　pointed　out　the　fare　in　print；　which　the

coachman　obstinately　disregarding；　he　shut　the　street…door　with　a

slam　which　his　mother　shudders　to　think　of；　and　then；　roused　to　the

most　appalling　pitch　of　passion　by　the　coachman　knocking　a　double

knock　to　show　that　he　was　by　no　means　convinced；　he　broke　with

uncontrollable　force　from　his　parent　and　the　servant　girl；　and

running　into　the　street　without　his　hat；　actually　shook　his　fist　at

the　coachman；　and　came　back　again　with　a　face　as　white；　Mrs。　Nixon

says；　looking　about　her　for　a　simile；　as　white　as　that　ceiling。

She　never　will　forget　his　fury　that　night；　Never！



To　this　account　Felix　listens　with　a　solemn　face；　occasionally

looking　at　you　to　see　how　it　affects　you；　and　when　his　mother　has

made　an　end　of　it；　adds　that　he　looked　at　every　coachman　he　met　for

three　weeks　afterwards；　in　hopes　that　he　might　see　the　scoundrel；