the light princess-第3部分

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peculiarity　in　the　princess　that；　once　she　was　set　agoing；　it

always　cost　her　time　and　trouble　to　check　herself。　　On　this　occasion

there　was　no　time。　　She　must　kiss…and　she　kissed　the　page。　　She　did

not　mind　it　much；　for　she　had　no　shyness　in　her　composition；　and

she　knew；　besides；　that　she　could　not　help　it。　　So　she　only　laughed；

like　a　musical　box。　　The　poor　page　fared　the　worst。　　For　the

princess；　trying　to　correct　the　unfortunate　tendency　of　the　kiss；

put　out　her　hands　to　keep　her　off　the　page；　so　that；　along　with　the

kiss；　he　received；　on　the　other　cheek；　a　slap　with　the　huge　black

toad；　which　she　poked　right　into　his　eye。　　He　tried　to　laugh；　too；

but　the　attempt　resulted　in　such　an　odd　contortion　of　countenance；

as　showed　that　there　was　no　danger　of　his　pluming　himself　on　the

kiss。　　As　for　the　king；　his　dignity　was　greatly　hurt；　and　he　did　not

speak　to　the　page　for　a　whole　month。



I　may　here　remark　that　it　was　very　amusing　to　see　her　run；　if　her

mode　of　progression　could　properly　be　called　running。　　For　first　she

would　make　a　bound；　then；　having　alighted；　she　would　run　a　few

steps；　and　make　another　bound。　　Sometimes　she　would　fancy　she　had

reached　the　ground　before　she　actually　had；　and　her　feet　would　go

backwards　and　forwards；　running　upon　nothing　at　all；　like　those　of

a　chicken　on　its　back。　　Then　she　would　laugh　like　the　very　spirit　of

fun；　only　in　her　laugh　there　was　something　missing。　　What　it　was；　I

find　myself　unable　to　describe。　　I　think　it　was　a　certain　tone；

depending　upon　the　possibility　of　sorrowMORBIDEZZA；　perhaps。　　She

never　smiled。







7。　　Try　Metaphysics。





After　a　long　avoidance　of　the　painful　subject；　the　king　and　queen

resolved　to　hold　a　council　of　three　upon　it；　and　so　they　sent　for

the　princess。　　In　she　came；　sliding　and　flitting　and　gliding　from

one　piece　of　furniture　to　another；　and　put　herself　at　last　in　an

armchair；　in　a　sitting　posture。　　Whether　she　could　be　said　to　sit；

seeing　she　received　no　support　from　the　seat　of　the　chair；　I　do　not

pretend　to　determine。



〃My　dear　child；〃　said　the　king；　〃you　must　be　aware　by　this　time

that　you　are　not　exactly　like　other　people。〃



〃Oh；　you　dear　funny　papa！　　I　have　got　a　nose；　and　two　eyes；　and　all

the　rest。　　So　have　you。　　So　has　mamma。〃



〃Now　be　serious；　my　dear；　for　once；〃　said　the　queen。



〃No；　thank　you；　mamma；　I　had　rather　not。〃



〃Would　you　not　like　to　be　able　to　walk　like　other　people？〃　said　the

king。

〃No　indeed；　I　should　think　not。　　You　only　crawl。　　You　are　such　slow

coaches！〃



〃How　do　you　feel；　my　child？〃　he　resumed；　after　a　pause　of

discomfiture。



〃Quite　well；　thank　you。〃



〃I　mean；　what　do　you　feel　like？〃



〃Like　nothing　at　all；　that　I　know　of。〃



〃You　must　feel　like　something。〃



〃I　feel　like　a　princess　with　such　a　funny　papa；　and　such　a　dear　pet

of　a　queen…mamma！〃



〃Now　really！〃　began　the　queen；　but　the　princess　interrupted　her。



〃Oh　Yes；〃　she　added；　〃I　remember。　　I　have　a　curious　feeling

sometimes；　as　if　I　were　the　only　person　that　had　any　sense　in　the

whole　world。〃



She　had　been　trying　to　behave　herself　with　dignity；　but　now　she

burst　into　a　violent　fit　of　laughter；　threw　herself　backwards　over

the　chair；　and　went　rolling　about　the　floor　in　an　ecstasy　of

enjoyment。　　The　king　picked　her　up　easier　than　one　does　a　down

quilt；　and　replaced　her　in　her　former　relation　to　the　chair。　　The

exact　preposition　expressing　this　relation　I　do　not　happen　to　know。



〃Is　there　nothing　you　wish　for？〃　resumed　the　king；　who　had　learned

by　this　time　that　it　was　useless　to　be　angry　with　her。



〃Oh；　you　dear　papa！yes；〃　answered　she。



〃What　is　it；　my　darling？〃



〃I　have　been　longing　for　itoh；　such　a　time！ever　since　last

night。〃

〃Tell　me　what　it　is。〃



〃Will　you　promise　to　let　me　have　it？〃



The　king　was　on　the　point　of　saying　Yes；　but　the　wiser　queen

checked　him　with　a　single　motion　of　her　head。　　〃Tell　me　what　it　is

first；〃　said　he。



〃No　no。　　Promise　first。〃



〃I　dare　not。　　What　is　it？〃



〃Mind；　I　hold　you　to　your　promise。It　isto　be　tied　to　the　end　of

a　stringa　very　long　string　indeed；　and　be　flown　like　a　kite。　　Oh；

such　fun！　　I　would　rain　rose…water；　and　hail　sugar…plums；　and　snow

whipped…cream；　andandand〃



A　fit　of　laughing　checked　her；　and　she　would　have　been　off　again

over　the　floor；　had　not　the　king　started　up　and　caught　her　just　in

time。　　Seeing　nothing　but　talk　could　be　got　out　of　her；　he　rang　the

bell；　and　sent　her　away　with　two　of　her　ladies…in…waiting。



〃Now；　queen；〃　he　said；　turning　to　her　Majesty；　〃what　IS　to　be

done？〃



〃There　is　but　one　thing　left；〃　answered　she。　　〃Let　us　consult　the

college　of　Metaphysicians。〃



〃Bravo！〃　cried　the　king；　〃we　will。〃



Now　at　the　head　of　this　college　were　two　very　wise　Chinese

philosophers…by　name　Hum…Drum；　and　Kopy…Keck。　　For　them　the　king

sent；　and　straightway　they　came。　　In　a　long　speech　he　communicated

to　them　what　they　knew　very　well　alreadyas　who　did　not？namely；

the　peculiar　condition　of　his　daughter　in　relation　to　the　globe　on

which　she　dwelt；　and　requested　them　to　consult　together　as　to　what

might　be　the　cause　and　probable　cure　of　her　INFIRMITY。　　The　king

laid　stress　upon　the　word；　but　failed　to　discover　his　own　pun。　　The

queen　laughed；　but　Hum…Drum　and　Kopy…Keck　heard　with　humility　and

retired　in　silence。



The　consultation　consisted　chiefly　in　propounding　and　supporting；

for　the　thousandth　time；　each　his　favourite　theories。　　For　the

condition　of　the　princess　afforded　delightful　scope　for　the

discussion　of　every　question　arising　from　the　division　of

thought…in　fact；　of　all　the　Metaphysics　of　the　Chinese　Empire。　　But

it　is　only　justice　to　say　that　they　did　not　altogether　neglect　the

discussion　of　the　practical　question；　what　was　to　be　done。



Hum…Drum　was　a　Materialist；　and　Kopy…Keck　was　a　Spiritualist。　　The

former　was　slow　and　sententious；　the　latter　was　quick　and　flighty：

the　latter　had　generally　the　first　word；　the　former　the　last。



〃I　reassert　my　former　assertion；〃　began　Kopy…Keck；　with　a　plunge。

〃There　is　not　a　fault　in　the　princess；　body　or　soul；　only　they　are

wrong　put　together。　　Listen　to　me　now；　Hum…Drum；　and　I　will　tell　you

in　brief　what　I　think。　　Don't　speak。　　Don't　answer　me。　　I　won't　hear

you　till　I　have　done。　At　that　decisive　moment；　when　souls　seek

their　appointed　habitations；　two　eager　souls　met；　struck；

rebounded；　lost　their　way；　and　arrived　each　at　the　wrong　place。　　The

soul　of　the　princess　was　one　of　those；　and　she　went　far　astray。　　She

does　not　belong　by　rights　to　this　world　at　all；　but　to　some　other

planet；　probably　Mercury。　　Her　proclivity　to　her　true　sphere

destroys　all　the　natural　influence　which　this　orb　would　otherwise

possess　over　her　corporeal　frame。　　She　cares　for　nothing　here。　　There

is　no　relation　between　her　and　this　world。



〃She　must　therefore　be　taught；　by　the　sternest　compulsion；　to　take

an　interest　in　the　earth　as　the　earth。　　She　must　study　every

department　of　its　historyits　animal　history；　its　vegetable

history；　its　mineral　history；　its　social　history；　its　moral

history；　its　political　history；　its　scientific　history；　its

literary　history；　its　musical　history；　its　artistical　history；

above　all；　its　metaphysical　history。　　She　must　begin　with　the

Chinese　dynasty　and　end　with　Japan。　　But　first　of　all　she　must　study

geology；　and　especially　the　history　of　the　extinct　races　of

animals…their　natures；　their　habits；　their　loves；　their　hates；

their　revenges。　　She　must〃



〃Hold；　h…o…o…old！〃　roared　Hum…Drum。　　〃It　is　certainly　my　turn　now。

My　rooted　and　insubvertible　conviction　is；　that　the　causes　of　the

anomalies　evident　in　the　princess's　condition　are　strictly　and

solely　physical。　　But　that　is　only　tantamount　to　acknowledging　that

they　exist。　　Hear　my　opinion。　From　some　cause　or　other；　of　no

importance　to　our　inquiry；　the　motion　of　her　heart　has　been

reversed。　　That　remarkable　combination　of　the　suction　and　the

force…pump　works　the　wrong　way…I　mean　in　the　case　of　the

unfortunate　princess：　it　draws　in　where　it　should　force　out；　and

forces　out　where　it　should　draw　in。　　The　offices　of　the　auricles　and

the　ventricles　are　subverted。　　The　blood　is　sent　forth　by　the　veins；

and　returns　by　the　arteries。　　Consequently　it　is　running　the　wrong

way　through　all　her　corporeal　organismlungs　and　all。　　Is　it　then

at　all　mysterious；　seeing　that　such　is　the　case；　that　on　the　other

particular　of　gravitation　as　well；　she　should　differ　from　normal

humanity？　　My　proposal　for　the　cure　is　this：



〃Phlebotomize　until　she　is　reduced　to　the　last　point　of　safety。　　Let

it　be　effected；　if　necessary；　in　a　warm　bath。　　When　she　is　reduced

to　a　state　of　perfect　asphyxy；　apply　a　ligature　to　the　left　ankle；

drawing　it　as　tight　as　the　bone　will　bear。　　Apply；　at　the　same

moment；　another　of　equal　tension　around　the　right　wrist。　　By　means

of　plates　constructed　for　the　purpose；　place　the　other　foot　and

hand　under　the　receivers　of　two　air…pumps。　　Exhaust　the　receivers。

Exhibit　a　pint　of　French　brandy；　and　await　the　result。〃



〃Which　would　presently　arrive　in　the　form　of　grim　Death；〃　said

Kopy…Keck。



〃If　it　should；　she　would　yet　die　in　doing　our　duty；〃　retorted

Hum…Drum。



But　their　Majesties　had　too　much　tenderness　for　their　volatile

offspring　to　subject　her　to　either　of　the　schemes　of　the　equally

unscrupulous　philosophers。　　Indeed；　the　most　complete　knowledge　of

the　laws　of　nature　would　have　been　unserviceable　in　her　case；　for

it　was　impossible　to　classify　her。　　She　was　a　fifth　imponderable

body；　sharing　all　the　other　properties　of　the　ponderable。







8。　　Try　a　Drop　of　Water。





Perhaps　the　best　thing　for　the　princess　would　have　been　to　fall　in

love。　　But　how　a　princess　who　had　no　gravity　could　fall　into

anything　is　a　difficultyperhaps　THE　difficulty。



As　for　her　own　feelings　on　the　subject；　she　did　not　even　know　that

there　was