lecture08-第4部分

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and　that　she　never　would　say　yes。　　Although　for　a　year　we　took



our　meals　at　the　same　boarding…house；　so　that　I　saw　her



continually　and　familiarly；　our　closer　relations　had　to　be



largely　on　the　sly；　and　this　fact；　together　with　my　jealousy　of



another　one　of　her　male　admirers　and　my　own　conscience　despising



me　for　my　uncontrollable　weakness；　made　me　so　nervous　and



sleepless　that　I　really　thought　I　should　become　insane。　　I



understand　well　those　young　men　murdering　their　sweethearts；



which　appear　so　often　in　the　papers。　　Nevertheless　I　did　love　her



passionately；　and　in　some　ways　she　did　deserve　it。







〃The　queer　thing　was　the　sudden　and　unexpected　way　in　which　it



all　stopped。　　I　was　going　to　my　work　after　breakfast　one　morning；



thinking　as　usual　of　her　and　of　my　misery；　when；　just　as　if　some



outside　power　laid　hold　of　me；　I　found　myself　turning　round　and



almost　running　to　my　room；　where　I　immediately　got　out　all　the



relics　of　her　which　I　possessed；　including　some　hair；　all　her



notes　and　letters　and　ambrotypes　on　glass。　　The　former　I　made　a



fire　of；　the　latter　I　actually　crushed　beneath　my　heel；　in　a　sort



of　fierce　joy　of　revenge　and　punishment。　　I　now　loathed　and



despised　her　altogether；　and　as　for　myself　I　felt　as　if　a　load　of



disease　had　suddenly　been　removed　from　me。　　That　was　the　end。　　I



never　spoke　to　her　or　wrote　to　her　again　in　all　the　subsequent



years；　and　I　have　never　had　a　single　moment　of　loving　thought



towards　one　for　so　many　months　entirely　filled　my　heart。　　In



fact；　I　have　always　rather　hated　her　memory；　though　now　I　can　see



that　I　had　gone　unnecessarily　far　in　that　direction。　　At　any



rate；　from　that　happy　morning　onward　I　regained　possession　of　my



own　proper　soul；　and　have　never　since　fallen　into　any　similar



trap。〃







This　seems　to　me　an　unusually　clear　example　of　two　different



levels　of　personality；　inconsistent　in　their　dictates；　yet　so



well　balanced　against　each　other　as　for　a　long　time　to　fill　the



life　with　discord　and　dissatisfaction。　　At　last；　not　gradually；



but　in　a　sudden　crisis；　the　unstable　equilibrium　is　resolved；　and



this　happens　so　unexpectedly　that　it　is　as　if；　to　use　the



writer's　words；　〃some　outside　power　laid　hold。〃







Professor　Starbuck　gives　an　analogous　case；　and　a　converse　case



of　hatred　suddenly　turning　into　love；　in　his　Psychology　of



Religion；　p。　141。　　Compare　the　other　highly　curious　instances



which　he　gives　on　pp。　137…144；　of　sudden　non…religious



alterations　of　habit　or　character。　He　seems　right　in　conceiving



all　such　sudden　changes　as　results　of　special　cerebral　functions



unconsciously　developing　until　they　are　ready　to　play　a



controlling　part　when　they　make　irruption　into　the　conscious



life。　　When　we　treat　of　sudden　'conversion；'　I　shall　make　as　much



use　as　I　can　of　this　hypothesis　of　subconscious　incubation。　



















　In　John　Foster's　Essay　on　Decision　of　Character；　there　is



an　account　of　a　case　of　sudden　conversion　to　avarice；　which　is



illustrative　enough　to　quote：







A　young　man；　it　appears；　〃wasted；　in　two　or　three　years；　a　large



patrimony　in　profligate　revels　with　a　number　of　worthless



associates　who　called　themselves　his　friends；　and　who；　when　his



last　means　were　exhausted；　treated　him　of　course　with　neglect　or



contempt。　　Reduced　to　absolute　want；　he　one　day　went　out　of　the



house　with　an　intention　to　put　an　end　to　his　life；　but　wandering



awhile　almost　unconsciously；　he　came　to　the　brow　of　an　eminence



which　overlooked　what　were　lately　his　estates。　　Here　he　sat　down；



and　remained　fixed　in　thought　a　number　of　hours；　at　the　end　of



which　he　sprang　from　the　ground　with　a　vehement；　exulting



emotion。　　He　had　formed　his　resolution；　which　was；　that　all　these



estates　should　be　his　again；　he　had　formed　his　plan；　too；　which



he　instantly　began　to　execute。　　He　walked　hastily　forward；



determined　to　seize　the　first　opportunity；　of　however　humble　a



kind；　to　gain　any　money；　though　it　were　ever　so　despicable　a



trifle；　and　resolved　absolutely　not　to　spend；　if　he　could　help



it；　a　farthing　of　whatever　he　might　obtain。　　The　first　thing　that



drew　his　attention　was　a　heap　of　coals　shot　out　of　carts　on　the



pavement　before　a　house。　　He　offered　himself　to　shovel　or　wheel



them　into　the　place　where　they　were　to　be　laid；　and　was　employed。







He　received　a　few　pence　for　the　labor；　and　then；　in　pursuance　of



the　saving　part　of　his　plan　requested　some　small　gratuity　of　meat



and　drink；　which　was　given　　him。　　He　then　looked　out　for



the　next　thing　that　might　chance；　and　went；　with　indefatigable



industry；　through　a　succession　of　servile　employments　in



different　places；　of　longer　and　shorter　duration；　still



scrupulous　in　avoiding；　as　far　as　possible；　the　expense　of　a



penny。　　He　promptly　seized　every　opportunity　which　could　advance



his　design；　without　regarding　the　meanness　of　occupation　or



appearance。　　By　this　method　he　had　gained；　after　a　considerable



time；　money　enough　to　purchase　in　order　to　sell　again　a　few



cattle；　of　which　he　had　taken　pains　to　understand　the　value。　　He



speedily　but　cautiously　turned　his　first　gains　into　second



advantages；　retained　without　a　single　deviation　his　extreme



parsimony；　and　thus　advanced　by　degrees　into　larger　transactions



and　incipient　wealth。　　I　did　not　hear；　or　have　forgotten；　the



continued　course　of　his　life；　but　the　final　result　was；　that　he



more　than　recovered　his　lost　possessions；　and　died　an　inveterate



miser；　worth　L60；000。〃＇94＇







＇94＇　Op。　cit。；　Letter　III。；　abridged。















Let　me　turn　now　to　the　kind　of　case；　the　religious　case；　namely；



that　immediately　concerns　us。　　Here　is　one　of　the　simplest



possible　type；　an　account　of　the　conversion　to　the　systematic



religion　of　healthy…mindedness　of　a　man　who　must　already　have



been　naturally　of　the　healthy…minded　type。　　It　shows　how；　when



the　fruit　is　ripe；　a　touch　will　make　it　fall。







Mr。　Horace　Fletcher；　in　his　little　book　called　Menticulture；



relates　that　a　friend　with　whom　he　was　talking　of　the



self…control　attained　by　the　Japanese　through　their　practice　of



the　Buddhist　discipline　said：







〃'You　must　first　get　rid　of　anger　and　worry。'　　'But；'　said　I；



'is　that　possible？'　　'Yes；'　replied　he；　'it　is　possible　to　the



Japanese；　and　ought　to　be　possible　to　us。'







〃On　my　way　back　I　could　think　of　nothing　else　but　the　words　get



rid；　get　rid'；　and　the　idea　must　have　continued　to　possess　me



during　my　sleeping　hours；　for　the　first　consciousness　in　the



morning　brought　back　the　same　thought；　with　the　revelation　of　a



discovery；　which　framed　itself　into　the　reasoning；　'If　it　is



possible　to　get　rid　of　anger　and　worry；　why　is　it　necessary　to



have　them　at　all？'　　I　felt　the　strength　of　the　argument；　and　at



once　accepted　the　reasoning。　　The　baby　had　discovered　that　it



could　walk。　　It　would　scorn　to　creep　any　longer。







〃From　the　instant　I　realized　that　these　cancer　spots　of　worry　and



anger　were　removable；　they　left　me。　　With　the　discovery　of　their



weakness　they　were　exorcised。　　From　that　time　life　has　had　an



entirely　different　aspect。







〃Although　from　that　moment　the　possibility　and　desirability　of



freedom　from　the　depressing　passions　has　been　a　reality　to　me；　it



took　me　some　months　to　feel　absolute　security　in　my　new　position；



but；　as　the　usual　occasions　for　worry　and　anger　have　presented



themselves　over　and　over　again；　and　I　have　been　unable　to　feel



them　in　the　slightest　degree；　I　no　longer　dread　or　guard　against



them；　and　I　am　amazed　at　my　increased　energy　and　vigor　of　mind；



at　my　strength　to　meet　situations　of　all　kinds　and　at　my



disposition　to　love　and　appreciate　everything。







〃I　have　had　occasion　to　travel　more　than　ten　thousand　miles　by



rail　since　that　morning。　　The　same　Pullman　porter；　conductor；



hotel…waiter；　peddler；　book…agent；　cabman；　and　others　who　were



formerly　a　source　of　annoyance　and　irritation　have　been　met；　but



I　am　not　conscious　of　a　single　incivility。　　All　at　once　the　whole



world　has　turned　good　to　me。　　I　have　become；　as　it　were；



sensitive　only　to　the　rays　of　good。







〃I　could　recount　many　experiences　which　prove　a　brand…new



condition　of　mind；　but　one　will　be　sufficient。　　Without　the



slightest　feeling　of　annoyance　or　impatience；　I　have　seen　a　train



that　I　had　planned　to　take　with　a　good　deal　of　interested　and



pleasurable　anticipation　move　out　of　the　station　without　me；



because　my　baggage　did　not　arrive。　　The　porter　from　the　hotel



came　running　and　panting　into　the　station　just　as　the　train



pulled　out　of　sight。　　When　he　saw　me；　he　looked　as　if　he　feared　a



scolding。　and　began　to　tell　of　being　blocked　in　a　crowded　street



and　unable　to　get　out。　　When　he　had　finished；　I　said　to　him：　　'It



doesn't　matter　at　all；　you　couldn't　help　it；　so　we　will　try　again



to…morrow。　　Here　is　your　fee；　I　am　sorry　you　had　all　this　trouble



in　earning　it。'　　The　look　of　surprise　that　came　over　his　face　was



so　filled　with　pleasure　that　I　was　repaid　on　the　spot　for　the



delay　in　my　departure。　　Next　day　he　would　not　accept　a　cent　for



the　service；　and　he　and　I　are　friends　for　life。







〃During　the　first　weeks　of　my　experience　I　was　on　guard　only



against　worry　and　anger；　but；　in　the　mean　time；　having　noticed



the　absence　of　the　other　depressing　and　dwarfing　passions；　I



began　to　trace　a　relationship；　until　I　was　convinced　that　they