a house-boat on the styx-第10部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！



rather　than　his　arguments；　completely　won　over　all　opposition　to　his

proposition。







CHAPTER　VIII：　　A　DISCONTENTED　SHADE







〃It　seems　to　me；〃　said　Shakespeare；　wearily；　one　afternoon　at　the

club〃that　this　business　of　being　immortal　is　pretty　dull。　　Didn't

somebody　once　say　he'd　rather　ride　fifty　years　on　a　trolley　in　Europe

than　on　a　bicycle　in　Cathay？〃



〃I　never　heard　any　such　remark　by　any　self…respecting　person；〃　said

Johnson。



〃I　said　something　like　it；〃　observed　Tennyson。



Doctor　Johnson　looked　around　to　see　who　it　was　that　spoke。



〃You？〃　he　cried。　　〃And　who；　pray；　may　you　be？〃



〃My　name　is　Tennyson；〃　replied　the　poet。



〃And　a　very　good　name　it　is；〃　said　Shakespeare。



〃I　am　not　aware　that　I　ever　heard　the　name　before；〃　said　Doctor

Johnson。　　〃Did　you　make　it　yourself？〃



〃I　did；〃　said　the　late　laureate；　proudly。



〃In　what　pursuit？〃　asked　Doctor　Johnson。



〃Poetry；〃　said　Tennyson。　　〃I　wrote　'Locksley　Hall'　and　'Come　into　the

Garden；　Maude。'〃



〃Humph！〃　said　Doctor　Johnson。　　〃I　never　read　'em。〃



〃Well；　why　should　you　have　read　them？〃　snarled　Carlyle。　　〃They　were

written　after　you　moved　over　here；　and　they　were　good　stuff。　　You

needn't　think　because　you　quit；　the　whole　world　put　up　its　shutters

and　went　out　of　business。　　I　did　a　few　things　myself　which　I　fancy

you　never　heard　of。〃



〃Oh；　as　for　that；〃　retorted　Doctor　Johnson；　with　a　smile；　〃I've　heard

of　you；　you　are　the　man　who　wrote　the　life　of　Frederick　the　Great　in

nine　hundred　and　two　volumes〃



〃Seven！〃　snapped　Carlyle。



〃Well；　seven　then；〃　returned　Johnson。　　〃I　never　saw　the　work；　but　I

heard　Frederick　speaking　of　it　the　other　day。　　Bonaparte　asked　him　if

he　had　read　it；　and　Frederick　said　no；　he　hadn't　time。　　Bonaparte

cried；　'Haven't　time？　　Why；　my　dear　king；　you've　got　all　eternity。'

'I　know　it；'　replied　Frederick；　'but　that　isn't　enough。　　Read　a　page

or　two；　my　dear　Napoleon；　and　you'll　see　why。'〃



〃Frederick　will　have　his　joke；〃　said　Shakespeare；　with　a　wink　at

Tennyson　and　a　smile　for　the　two　philosophers；　intended；　no　doubt；　to

put　them　in　a　more　agreeable　frame　of　mind。　　〃Why；　he　even　asked　me

the　other　day　why　I　never　wrote　a　tragedy　about　him；　completely

ignoring　the　fact　that　he　came　along　many　years　after　I　had　departed。

I　spoke　of　that；　and　he　said；　'Oh；　I　was　only　joking。'　　I　apologized。

'I　didn't　know　that；'　said　I。　　'And　why　should　you？'　said　he。

'You're　English。'〃



〃A　very　rude　remark；〃　said　Johnson。　　〃As　if　we　English　were　incapable

of　seeing　a　joke！〃



〃Exactly；〃　put　in　Carlyle。　　〃It　strikes　me　as　the　absurdest　notion

that　the　Englishman　can't　see　a　joke。　　To　the　mind　that　is　accustomed

to　snap　judgments　I　have　no　doubt　the　Englishman　appears　to　be　dull

of　apprehension；　but　the　philosophy　of　the　whole　matter　is　apparent

to　the　mind　that　takes　the　trouble　to　investigate。　　The　Briton　weighs

everything　carefully　before　he　commits　himself；　and　even　though　a

certain　point　may　strike　him　as　funny；　he　isn't　going　to　laugh　until

he　has　fully　made　up　his　mind　that　it　is　funny。　　I　remember　once

riding　down　Piccadilly　with　Froude　in　a　hansom　cab。　　Froude　had　a

copy　of　Punch　in　his　hand；　and　he　began　to　laugh　immoderately　over

something。　　I　leaned　over　his　shoulder　to　see　what　he　was　laughing

at。　　'That　isn't　so　funny；'　said　I；　as　I　read　the　paragraph　on　which

his　eye　was　resting。　　'No；'　said　Froude。　　'I　wasn't　laughing　at　that。

I　was　enjoying　the　joke　that　appeared　in　the　same　relative　position

in　last　week's　issue。'　　Now　that's　the　pointthe　whole　point。　　The

Englishman　always　laughs　over　last　week's　Punch；　not　this　week's；　and

that　is　why　you　will　find　a　file　of　that　interesting　journal　in　the

home　of　all　well…to…do　Britons。　　It　is　the　back　number　that　amuses

himwhich　merely　proves　that　he　is　a　deliberative　person　who　weighs

even　his　humor　carefully　before　giving　way　to　his　emotions。〃



〃What　is　the　average　weight　of　a　copy　of　Punch？〃　drawled　Artemas

Ward；　who　had　strolled　in　during　the　latter　part　of　the　conversation。



Shakespeare　snickered　quietly；　but　Carlyle　and　Johnson　looked　upon

the　intruder　severely。



〃We　will　take　that　question　into　consideration；〃　said　Carlyle。

〃Perhaps　to…morrow　we　shall　have　a　definite　answer　ready　for　you。〃



〃Never　mind；〃　returned　the　humorist。　　〃You've　proved　your　point。

Tennyson　tells　me　you　find　life　here　dull；　Shakespeare。〃



〃Somewhat；〃　said　Shakespeare。　　〃I　don't　know　about　the　rest　of　you

fellows；　but　I　was　not　cut　out　for　an　eternity　of　ease。　　I　must　have

occupation；　and　the　stage　isn't　popular　here。　　The　trouble　about

putting　on　a　play　here　is　that　our　managers　are　afraid　of　libel

suits。　　The　chances　are　that　if　I　should　write　a　play　with　Cassius　as

the　hero；　Cassius　would　go　to　the　first　night's　performance　with　a

dagger　concealed　in　his　toga；　with　which　to　punctuate　his　objections

to　the　lines　put　in　his　mouth。　　There　is　nothing　I'd　like　better　than

to　manage　a　theatre　in　this　place；　but　think　of　the　riots　we'd　have！

Suppose；　for　an　instant；　that　I　wrote　a　play　about　Bonaparte！　　He'd

have　a　box；　and　when　the　rest　of　you　spooks　called　for　the　author　at

the　end　of　the　third　act；　if　he　didn't　happen　to　like　the　play　he'd

greet　me　with　a　salvo　of　artillery　instead　of　applause。〃



〃He　wouldn't　if　you　made　him　out　a　great　conqueror　from　start　to

finish；〃　said　Tennyson。



〃No　doubt；〃　returned　Shakespeare；　sadly；　〃but　in　that　event

Wellington　would　be　in　the　other　stage…box；　and　I'd　get　the　greeting

from　him。〃



〃Why　come　out　at　all？〃　asked　Johnson。



〃Why　come　out　at　all？〃　echoed　Shakespeare。　　〃What　fun　is　there　in

writing　a　play　if　you　can't　come　out　and　show　yourself　at　the　first

night？　　That's　the　author's　reward。　　If　it　wasn't　for　the　first…night

business；　though；　all　would　be　plain　sailing。〃



〃Then　why　don't　you　begin　it　the　second　night？〃　drawled　Ward。



〃How　the　deuce　could　you？〃　put　in　Carlyle。



〃A　most　extraordinary　proposition；〃　sneered　Johnson。



〃Yes；〃　said　Ward；　〃but　wait　a　weekyou'll　see　the　point　then。〃



〃There　isn't　any　doubt　in　my　mind；〃　said　Shakespeare；　reverting　to

his　original　proposition；　〃that　the　only　perfectly　satisfactory　life

is　under　a　system　not　yet　adopted　in　either　worldthe　one　we　have

quitted　or　this。　　There　we　had　hard　work　in　which　our　mortal

limitations　hampered　us　grievously；　here　we　have　the　freedom　of　the

immortal　with　no　hard　work；　in　other　words；　now　that　we　feel　like

fighting…cocks；　there　isn't　any　fighting　to　be　done。　　The　great　life

in　my　estimation；　would　be　to　return　to　earth　and　battle　with　mortal

problems；　but　equipped　mentally　and　physically　with　immortal

weapons。〃



〃Some　people　don't　know　when　they　are　well　off；〃　said　Beau　Brummel。

〃This　strikes　me　as　being　an　ideal　life。　　There　are　no　tailors　bills

to　paywe　are　ourselves　nothing　but　memories；　and　a　memory　can

clothe　himself　in　the　shadow　of　his　former　grandeurI　clothe　myself

in　the　remembrance　of　my　departed　clothes；　and　as　my　memory　is　good　I

flatter　myself　I'm　the　best…dressed　man　here。　　The　fact　that　there

are　ghosts　of　departed　unpaid　bills　haunting　my　bedside　at　night

doesn't　bother　me　in　the　least；　because　the　bailiffs　that　in　the　old

life　lent　terror　to　an　overdue　account；　thanks　to　our　beneficent

system　here；　are　kept　in　the　less　agreeable　sections　of　Hades。　　I

used　to　regret　that　bailiffs　were　such　low　people；　but　now　I　rejoice

at　it。　　If　they　had　been　of　a　different　order　they　might　have　proven

unpleasant　here。〃



〃You　are　right；　my　dear　Brummel；〃　interposed　Munchausen。　　〃This　life

is　far　preferable　to　that　in　the　other　sphere。　　Any　of　you　gentlemen

who　happen　to　have　had　the　pleasure　of　reading　my　memoirs　must　have

been　struck　with　the　tremendous　difficulties　that　encumbered　my

progress。　　If　I　wished　for　a　rare　liqueur　for　my　luncheon；　a　liqueur

served　only　at　the　table　of　an　Oriental　potentate；　more　jealous　of　it

than　of　his　one　thousand　queens；　I　had　to　raise　armies；　charter

ships；　and　wage　warfare　in　which　feats　of　incredible　valor　had　to　be

performed　by　myself　alone　and　unaided　to　secure　the　desired

thimbleful。　　I　have　destroyed　empires　for　a　bon…bon　at　great　expense

of　nervous　energy。〃



〃That's　very　likely　true；〃　said　Carlyle。　　〃I　should　think　your　feats

of　strength　would　have　wrecked　your　imagination　in　time。〃



〃Not　so；〃　said　Munchausen。　　〃On　the　contrary；　continuous　exercise

served　only　to　make　it　stronger。　　But；　as　I　was　going　to　say；　in　this

life　we　have　none　of　these　fearful　obstaclesit　is　a　life　of

leisure；　and　if　I　want　a　bird　and　a　cold　bottle　at　any　time；　instead

of　placing　my　life　in　peril　and　jeopardizing　the　peace　of　all　mankind

to　get　it；　I　have　only　to　summon　before　me　the　memory　of　some

previous　bird　and　cold　bottle；　dine　thereon　like　a　well…ordered

citizen；　and　smoke　the　spirit　of　the　best　cigar　my　imagination　can

conjure　up。〃



〃You　miss　my　point；〃　said　Shakespeare。　　〃I　don't　say　this　life　is

worse　or　better　than　the　other　we　used　to　live。　　What　I　do　say　is

that　a　combination　of　both　would　suit　me。　　In　short；　I'd　like　to　live

here　and　go　to　the　other　world　every　day　to　business；　like　a　suburban

resident　who　sleeps　in　the　country　and　makes　his　living　in　the　city。

For　instance；　why　shouldn't　I　dwell　here　and　go　to　London　every　day；

hire　an　office　there；　and　put　out　a　sign　something　like　this：





WILLIAM　SHAKESPEARE

DRAMATIST

Plays　written　while　you　wait





I　guess　I'd　find　plenty　to　do。〃



〃Guess　again；〃　said　Tennyson。　　〃My　dear　boy；　you　forget　one　thing。

YOU　ARE　OUT　OF　DATE。　　People　don't　go　to　the　theatres　to　hear　YOU；

they　go　to　see　the　people　who　DO　you。〃



〃That　is　true；〃　said　Ward。　　〃And　they　do　do　you；　my　beloved　William。

It's　a　wonder　to　me　you　are　not　dizzy　turning　over　in　your　grave　the

way　they　do　you。〃



〃Can　it　be　that　I　can　ever　be　out　of　date？〃　asked　Shakespeare。　　〃I

know；　of　course；　tha