a house-boat on the styx-第13部分

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fine　line　of　punches　ready　to　be　served。　　Modest　Noll；　will　you

kindly　inflict　yourself　upon　the　gathering；　and　send　me　word　when　you

get　through；　if　you　ever　do；　so　that　I　may　return　and　present　number

two　to　the　assembly；　whoever　or　whatever　he　may　be？〃



With　these　words　the　Doctor　retired；　and　poor　Goldsmith；　pale　with

fear；　rose　up　to　speak。　　It　was　evident　that　he　was　quite　as　doubtful

of　his　ability　as　a　talker　as　was　Johnson。



〃I'm　not　much　of　a　talker；　or；　as　some　say；　speaker；〃　he　said。

〃Talking　is　not　my　forte；　as　Doctor　Johnson　has　told　you；　and　I　am

therefore　not　much　at　it。　　Speaking　is　not　in　my　line。　　I　cannot

speak　or　talk；　as　it　were；　because　I　am　not　particularly　ready　at　the

making　of　a　speech；　due　partly　to　the　fact　that　I　am　not　much　of　a

talker　anyhow；　and　seldom　if　ever　speak。　　I　will　therefore　not　bore

you　by　attempting　to　speak；　since　a　speech　by　one　who　like　myself　is；

as　you　are　possibly　aware；　not　a　fluent　nor　indeed　in　any　sense　an

eloquent　speaker；　is　apt　to　be　a　bore　to　those　who　will　be　kind

enough　to　listen　to　my　remarks；　but　will　read　instead　the　first　five

chapters　of　the　Vicar　of　Wakefield。〃



〃Who　suggested　any　such　night　as　this；　anyhow？〃　growled　Carlyle。

〃Five　chapters　of　the　Vicar　of　Wakefield　for　a　starter！　　Lord　save

us；　we'll　need　a　Vicar　of　Sleepfield　if　he's　allowed　to　do　this！〃



〃I　move　we　adjourn；〃　said　Darwin。



〃Can't　something　be　done　to　keep　these　younger　members　quiet？〃　asked

Solomon；　frowning　upon　Carlyle　and　Darwin。



〃Yes；〃　said　Douglas　Jerrold。　　〃Let　Goldsmith　go　on。　　He'll　have　them

asleep　in　ten　minutes。〃



Meanwhile；　Goldsmith　was　plodding　earnestly　through　his　stint；

utterly　and　happily　oblivious　of　the　effect　he　was　having　upon　his

audience。



〃This　is　awful；〃　whispered　Wellington　to　Bonaparte。



〃Worse　than　Waterloo；〃　replied　the　ex…Emperor；　with　a　grin；　〃but　we

can　stop　it　in　a　minute。　　Artemas　Ward　told　me　once　how　a　camp…

meeting　he　attended　in　the　West　broke　up　to　go　outside　and　see　a　dog…

fight。　　Can't　you　and　I　pretend　to　quarrel？　　A　personal　assault　by

you　on　me　will　wake　these　people　up　and　discombobulate　Goldsmith。

Say　the　wordonly　don't　hit　too　hard。〃



〃I'm　with　you；〃　said　Wellington。　　Whereupon；　with　a　great　show　of

heat；　he　roared　out；　〃You？　　Never！　　I'm　more　afraid　of　a　boy　with　a

bean…snapper　that　I　ever　was　of　you！〃　and　followed　up　his　remark　by

pulling　Bonaparte's　camp…chair　from　under　him；　and　letting　the

conqueror　of　Austerlitz　fall　to　the　floor　with　a　thud　which　I　have

since　heard　described　as　dull　and　sickening。



The　effect　was　instantaneous。　　Compared　to　a　personal　encounter

between　the　two　great　figures　of　Waterloo；　a　reading　from　his　own

works　by　Goldsmith　seemed　lacking　in　the　elements　essential　to　the

holding　of　an　audience。　　Consequently；　attention　was　centred　in　the

belligerent　warriors；　and；　by　some　odd　mistake；　when　a　peace…loving

member　of　the　assemblage；　realizing　the　indecorousness　of　the

incident；　cried　out；　〃Put　him　out！　put　him　out！〃　the　attendants

rushed　in；　and；　taking　poor　Goldsmith　by　his　collar；　hustled　him　out

through　the　door；　across　the　deck；　and　tossed　him　ashore　without

reference　to　the　gang…plank。　　This　accomplished；　a　personal

explanation　of　their　course　was　made　by　the　quarrelling　generals；

and；　peace　having　been　restored；　a　committee　was　sent　in　search　of

Goldsmith　with　suitable　apologies。　　The　good　and　kindly　soul

returned；　but　having　lost　his　book　in　the　melee；　much　to　his　own

gratification；　as　well　as　to　that　of　the　audience；　he　was　permitted

to　rest　in　quiet　the　balance　of　the　evening。



〃Is　he　through？〃　said　Johnson；　poking　his　head　in　at　the　door　when

order　was　restored。



〃Yes；　sir；〃　said　Boswell；　〃that　is　to　say；　he　has　retired　permanently

from　the　field。　　He　didn't　finish；　though。〃



〃Fellow…spooks；〃　began　Johnson　once　more；　〃now　that　you　have　been

delighted　with　the　honeyed　eloquence　of　the　last　speaker；　it　is　my

privilege　to　present　to　you　that　eminent　fabulist　Baron　Munchausen；

the　greatest　unrealist　of　all　time；　who　will　give　you　an　exhibition

of　his　paradoxical　power　of　lying　while　standing。〃



The　applause　which　greeted　the　Baron　was　deafening。　　He　was；　beyond

all　doubt；　one　of　the　most　popular　members　of　the　club。



〃Speaking　of　whales；〃　said　he；　leaning　gracefully　against　the　table。



〃Nobody　has　mentioned　'em；〃　said　Johnson。



〃True；〃　retorted　the　Baron；　〃but　you　always　suggest　them　by　your

apparently　unquenchable　thirst　for　spoutingspeaking　of　whales；　my

friend　Jonah；　as　well　as　the　rest　of　you；　may　be　interested　to　know

that　I　once　had　an　experience　similar　to　his　own；　and；　strange　to

say；　with　the　identical　whale。〃



Jonah　arose　from　his　seat　in　the　back　of　the　room。　　〃I　do　not　wish　to

be　unpleasant；〃　he　said；　with　a　strong　effort　to　be　calm；　〃but　I　wish

to　ask　if　Judge　Blackstone　is　in　the　room。〃



〃I　am；〃　said　the　Judge；　rising。　　〃What　can　I　do　for　you？〃



〃I　desire　to　apply　for　an　injunction　restraining　the　Baron　from　using

my　whale　in　his　story。　　That　whale；　your　honor；　is　copyrighted；〃　said

Jonah。　　〃If　I　had　any　other　claim　to　the　affection　of　mankind　than

the　one　which　is　based　on　my　experience　with　that　leviathan；　I　would

willingly　permit　the　Baron　to　introduce　him　into　his　story；　but　that

whale；　your　honor；　is　my　stock　in　tradehe　is　my　all。〃



〃I　think　Jonah's　point　is　well　taken；〃　said　Blackstone；　turning　to

the　Baron。　　〃It　would　be　a　distinct　hardship；　I　think；　if　the

plaintiff　in　this　action　were　to　be　deprived　of　the　exclusive　use　of

his　sole　accessory。　　The　injunction　prayed　for　is　therefore　granted。

The　court　would　suggest；　however；　that　the　Baron　continue　with　his

story；　using　another　whale　for　the　purpose。〃



〃It　is　impossible；〃　said　Munchausen；　gloomily。　　〃The　whole　point　of

the　story　depends　upon　its　having　been　Jonah's　whale。　　Under　the

circumstances；　the　only　thing　I　can　do　is　to　sit　down。　　I　regret　the

narrowness　of　mind　exhibited　by　my　friend　Jonah；　but　I　must　respect

the　decision　of　the　court。〃



〃I　must　take　exception　to　the　Baron's　allusion　to　my　narrowness　of

mind；〃　said　Jonah；　with　some　show　of　heat。　　〃I　am　simply　defending　my

rights；　and　I　intend　to　continue　to　do　so　if　the　whole　world　unites

in　considering　my　mind　a　mere　slot　scarcely　wide　enough　for　the

insertion　of　a　nickel。　　That　whale　was　my　discovery；　and　the　personal

discomfort　I　endured　in　perfecting　my　experience　was　such　that　I

resolved　to　rest　my　reputation　upon　his　broad　proportions　onlyto

sink　or　swim　with　himand　I　cannot　at　this　late　day　permit　another

to　crowd　me　out　of　his　exclusive　use。〃



Jonah　sat　down　and　fanned　himself；　and　the　Baron；　with　a　look　of

disgust　on　his　face；　left　the　room。



〃Up　to　his　old　tricks；〃　he　growled　as　he　went。　　〃He　queers　everything

he　goes　into。　　If　I'd　known　he　was　a　member　of　this　club　I'd　never

have　joined。〃



〃We　do　not　appear　to　be　progressing　very　rapidly；〃　said　Doctor

Johnson；　rising。　　〃So　far　we　have　made　two　efforts　to　have　stories

told；　and　have　met　with　disaster　each　time。　　I　don't　know　but　what

you　are　to　be　congratulated；　however；　on　your　escape。　　Very　few　of

you；　I　observe；　have　as　yet　fallen　asleep。　　The　next　number　on　the

programme；　I　see；　is　Boswell；　who　was　to　have　entertained　you　with　a

few　reminiscences；　I　say　was　to　have　done　so；　because　he　is　not　to　do

so。〃



〃I'm　ready；〃　said　Boswell；　rising。



〃No　doubt；〃　retorted　Johnson；　severely；　〃but　I　am　not。　　You　are　a　man

with　one　subjectmyself。　　I　admit　it's　a　good　subject；　but　you　are

not　the　man　to　treat　of　ithere。　　You　may　suffice　for　mortals；　but

here　it　is　different。　　I　can　speak　for　myself。　　You　can　go　out　and

sit　on　the　banks　of　the　Vitriol　Reservoir　and　lecture　to　the　imps　if

you　want　to；　but　when　it　comes　to　reminiscences　of　me　I'm　on　deck

myself；　and　I　flatter　myself　I　remember　what　I　said　and　did　more

accurately　than　you　do。　　Therefore；　gentlemen；　instead　of　listening

to　Boswell　at　this　point；　you　will　kindly　excuse　him　and　listen　to

me。　　Ahem！　　When　I　was　a　boy〃



〃Excuse　me；〃　said　Solomon；　rising；　〃about　how　long　is　thisahthis

entertaining　discourse　of　yours　to　continue？〃



〃Until　I　get　through；〃　returned　Johnson；　wrathfully。



〃Are　you　aware；　sir；　that　I　am　on　the　programme？〃　asked　Solomon。



〃I　am；〃　said　the　Doctor。　　〃With　that　in　mind；　for　the　sake　of　our

fellow…spooks　who　are　present；　I　am　very　much　inclined　to　keep　on

forever。　　When　I　was　a　boy〃



Carlyle　rose　up　at　this　point。



〃I　should　like　to　ask；〃　he　said；　mildly；　〃if　this　is　supposed　to　be

an　audience　of　children？　　I；　for　one；　have　no　wish　to　listen　to　the

juvenile　stories　of　Doctor　Johnson。　　Furthermore；　I　have　come　here

particularly　to…night　to　hear　Boswell。　　I　want　to　compare　him　with

Froude。　　I　therefore　protest　against〃



〃There　is　a　roof　to　this　house…boat；〃　said　Doctor　Johnson。　　〃If　Mr。

Carlyle　will　retire　to　the　roof　with　Boswell　I　have　no　doubt　he　can

be　accommodated。　　As　for　Solomon's　interruption；　I　can　afford　to　pass

that　over　with　the　silent　contempt　it　deserves；　though　I　may　add　with

propriety　that　I　consider　his　most　famous　proverbs　the　most　absurd

bits　of　hack…work　I　ever　encountered；　and　as　for　that　story　about

dividing　a　baby　between　two　mothers　by　splitting　it　in　two；　it　was

grossly　inhuman　unless　the　baby　was　twins。　　When　I　was　a　boy〃



As　the　Doctor　proceeded；　Carlyle　and　Solomon；　accompanied　by　the　now

angry　Boswell；　left　the　room；　and　my　account　of　the　Story…tellers'

Night　must　perforce　stop；　because；　though　I　have　never　heretofore

confessed　it；　all　my　information　concerning　the　house…boat　on　the

Styx　has　been　derived　from　the　memoranda　of　Boswell。　　It　may　be

interesting　to　the　reader　to　learn；　however；　that；　according　to

Boswell's　account；　the　Story…tellers'　Night　was　never　finished；　but

whether　this　means　that　it　broke　up　immediately　afterwards　in　a　riot；

or　that　Doctor　Johnson　is