a house-boat on the styx-第7部分

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what　a　bore　it　is　to　have　to　listen　to　a　poet　reading　his　own　poem。

Pugilists'　Clubs　are　good；　so　are　all　other　class　clubs；　but　so　also

are　clubs　like　our　own；　which　takes　in　all　who　are　worthy。　　Here　a

poet　can　talk　poetry　as　much　as　he　wants；　but　at　the　same　time　he

hears　something　besides　poetry。　　We　must　stick　to　our　original　idea。〃



〃Then　let　us　do　something　to　abate　the　nuisance　of　which　I　complain；〃

said　Confucius。　　〃Can't　we　adopt　a　house　rule　that　poets　must　not　be

inspired　between　the　hours　of　11　A。M。　and　5　P。M。；　or　in　the　evening

after　eight；　that　any　poet　discovered　using　more　than　five　arm…chairs

in　the　composition　of　a　quatrain　will　be　charged　two　oboli　an　hour

for　each　chair　in　excess　of　that　number；　and　that　the　billiard…marker

shall　be　required　to　charge　a　premium　of　three　times　the　ordinary　fee

for　tables　used　by　versifiers　in　lieu　of　writing…pads？〃



〃That　wouldn't　be　a　bad　idea；〃　said　Sir　Walter　Raleigh。　　〃I；　as　a

poet　would　not　object　to　that。　　I　do　all　my　work　at　home；　anyhow。〃



〃There's　another　phase　of　this　business　that　we　haven't　considered

yet；　and　it's　rather　important；〃　said　Demosthenes；　taking　a　fresh

pebble　out　of　his　bonbonniere。　　〃That's　in　the　matter　of　stationery。

This　club；　like　all　other　well…regulated　clubs；　provides　its　members

with　a　suitable　supply　of　writing　materials。　　Charon　informs　me　that

the　waste…baskets　last　week　turned　out　forty…two　reams　of　our　best

correspondence　paper　on　which　these　poets　had　scribbled　the　first

draft　of　their　verses。　　Now　I　don't　think　the　club　should　furnish　the

poets　with　the　raw　material　for　their　poems　any　more　than；　to　go　back

to　Confucius's　shoemaker；　it　should　supply　leather　for　our　cobblers。〃



〃What　do　you　mean　by　raw　material　for　poems？〃　asked　Sir　Walter；　with

a　frown。



〃Pen；　ink；　and　paper。　　What　else？〃　said　Demosthenes。



〃Doesn't　it　take　brains　to　write　a　poem？〃　said　Raleigh。



〃Doesn't　it　take　brains　to　make　a　pair　of　shoes？〃　retorted

Demosthenes；　swallowing　a　pebble　in　his　haste。



〃They've　got　a　right　to　the　stationery；　though；〃　put　in　Blackstone。

〃A　clear　legal　right　to　it。　　If　they　choose　to　write　poems　on　the

paper　instead　of　boring　people　to　death　with　letters；　as　most　of　us

do；　that's　their　own　affair。〃



〃Well；　they're　very　wasteful；〃　said　Demosthenes。



〃We　can　meet　that　easily　enough；〃　observed　Cassius。　　〃Furnish　each

writing…table　with　a　slate。　　I　should　think　they'd　be　pleased　with

that。　　It's　so　much　easier　to　rub　out　the　wrong　word。〃



〃Most　poets　prefer　to　rub　out　the　right　word；〃　growled　Confucius。

〃Besides；　I　shall　never　consent　to　slates　in　this　house…boat。　　The

squeaking　of　the　pencils　would　be　worse　than　the　poems　themselves。〃



〃That's　true；〃　said　Cassius。　　〃I　never　thought　of　that。　　If　a　dozen

poets　got　to　work　on　those　slates　at　once；　a　fife　corps　wouldn't　be　a

circumstance　to　them。〃



〃Well；　it　all　goes　to　prove　what　I　have　thought　all　along；〃　said

Doctor　Johnson。　　〃Homer's　idea　is　a　good　one；　and　Samson　was　wise　in

backing　it　up。　　The　poets　need　to　be　concentrated　somewhere　where

they　will　not　be　a　nuisance　to　other　people；　and　where　other　people

will　not　be　a　nuisance　to　them。　　Homer　ought　to　have　a　place　to

compose　in　where　the　vingt…et…un　players　will　not　interrupt　his

frenzies；　and；　on　the　other　hand；　the　vingt…et…un　and　other　players

should　be　protected　from　the　wooers　of　the　muse。　　I'll　vote　to　have

the　Poets'　Corner；　and　in　it　I　move　that　Cassius's　slate　idea　be

carried　out。　　It　will　be　a　great　saving；　and　if　the　corner　we　select

be　far　enough　away　from　the　other　corners　of　the　club；　the　squeaking

of　the　slate…pencils　need　bother　no　one。〃



〃I　agree　to　that；〃　said　Blackstone。　　〃Only　I　think　it　should　be

understood　that；　in　granting　the　petition　of　the　poets；　we　do　not

bind　ourselves　to　yield　to　doctors　and　lawyers　and　shoemakers　and

plumbers　in　case　they　should　each　want　a　corner　to　themselves。〃



〃A　very　wise　idea；〃　said　Sir　Walter。　　Whereupon　the　resolution　was

suitably　worded；　and　passed　unanimously。



Just　where　the　Poets'　Corner　is　to　be　located　the　members　of　the

committee　have　not　as　yet　decided；　although　Confucius　is　strongly　in

favor　of　having　it　placed　in　a　dingy　situated　a　quarter　of　a　mile

astern　of　the　house…boat；　and　connected　therewith　by　a　slight　cord；

which　can　be　easily　cut　in　case　the　squeaking　of　the　poets'　slate…

pencils　becomes　too　much　for　the　nervous　system　of　the　members　who

have　no　corner　of　their　own。







CHAPTER　VI：　　SOME　THEORIES；　DARWINIAN　AND　OTHERWISE







〃I　observe；〃　said　Doctor　Darwin；　looking　up　from　a　perusal　of　an

asbestos　copy　of　the　London　Times〃I　observe　that　an　American

professor　has　discovered　that　monkeys　talk。　　I　consider　that　a　very

interesting　fact。〃



〃It　undoubtedly　is；〃　observed　Doctor　Livingstone；　〃though　hardly　new。

I　never　said　anything　about　it　over　in　the　other　world；　but　I

discovered　years　ago　in　Africa　that　monkeys　were　quite　as　well　able

to　hold　a　sustained　conversation　with　each　other　as　most　men　are。〃



〃And　I；　too；〃　put　in　Baron　Munchausen；　〃have　frequently　conversed

with　monkeys。　　I　made　myself　a　master　of　their　idioms　during　my　brief

sojourn　inahinwell；　never　mind　where。　　I　never　could　remember

the　names　of　places。　　The　interesting　point　is　that　at　one　period　of

my　life　I　was　a　master　of　the　monkey　language。　　I　have　even　gone　so

far　as　to　write　a　sonnet　in　Simian；　which　was　quite　as　intelligible

to　the　uneducated　as　nine…tenths　of　the　sonnets　written　in　English　or

American。〃



〃Do　you　mean　to　say　that　you　could　acquire　the　monkey　accent？〃　asked

Doctor　Darwin；　immediately　interested。



〃In　most　instances；〃　returned　the　Baron；　suavely；　〃though　of　course

not　in　all。　　I　found　the　same　difficulty　in　some　cases　that　the

German　or　the　Chinaman　finds　when　he　tries　to　speak　French。　　A

Chinaman　can　no　more　say　Trocadero；　for　instance；　as　the　Frenchman

says　it；　than　he　can　fly。　　That　peculiar　throaty　aspirate　the

Frenchman　gives　to　the　first　syllable；　as　though　it　were　spelled

trhoque；　is　utterly　beyond　the　Chineseand　beyond　the　American；　too；

whose　idea　of　the　tonsillar　aspirate　leads　him　to　speak　of　the

trochedeero；　naturally　falling　back　upon　troches　to　help　him　out　of

his　laryngeal　difficulties。〃



〃You　ought　to　have　been　on　the　staff　of　Punch；　Baron；〃　said

Thackeray；　quietly。　　〃That　joke　would　have　made　you　immortal。〃



〃I　AM　immortal；〃　said　the　Baron。　　〃But　to　return　to　our　discussion　of

the　Simian　tongue：　　as　I　was　saying；　there　were　some　little　points

about　the　accent　that　I　could　never　get；　and；　as　in　the　case　of　the

German　and　Chinaman　with　the　French　language；　the　trouble　was　purely

physical。　　When　you　consider　that　in　polite　Simian　society　most　of

the　talkers　converse　while　swinging　by　their　tails　from　the　limb　of　a

tree；　with　a　sort　of　droning　accent；　which　results　from　their　swaying

to　and　fro；　you　will　see　at　once　why　it　was　that　I；　deprived　by

nature　of　the　necessary　apparatus　with　which　to　suspend　myself　in

mid…air；　was　unable　to　quite　catch　the　quality　which　gives　its　chief

charm　to　monkey…talk。〃



〃I　should　hardly　think　that　a　man　of　your　fertile　resources　would

have　let　so　small　a　thing　as　that　stand　in　his　way；〃　said　Doctor

Livingstone。　　〃When　a　man　is　able　to　make　a　reputation　for　himself

like　yours；　in　which　material　facts　are　never　allowed　to　interfere

with　his　doing　what　he　sets　out　to　do；　he　ought　not　to　be　daunted　by

the　need　of　a　tail。　　If　you　could　make　a　cherry…tree　grow　out　of　a

deer's　head；　I　fail　to　see　why　you　could　not　personally　grow　a　tail；

or　anything　else　you　might　happen　to　need　for　the　attainment　of　your

ends。〃



〃I　was　not　so　anxious　to　get　the　accent　as　all　that；〃　returned　the

Baron。　　〃I　don't　think　it　is　necessary　for　a　man　to　make　a　monkey　of

himself　just　for　the　pleasure　of　mastering　a　language。　　Reasoning

similarly；　a　man　to　master　the　art　of　braying　in　a　fashion

comprehensible　to　the　jackass　of　average　intellect　should　make　a

jackass　of　himself；　cultivate　his　ears；　and　learn　to　kick；　so　as

properly　to　punctuate　his　sentences　after　the　manner　of　most

conversational　beasts　of　that　kind。〃



〃Then　you　believe　that　jackasses　talk；　too；　do　you？〃　asked　Doctor

Darwin。



〃Why　not？〃　said　the　Baron。　　〃If　monkeys；　why　not　donkeys？　　Certainly

they　do。　　All　creatures　have　some　means　of　communicating　their

thoughts　to　each　other。　　Why　man　in　his　conceit　should　think

otherwise　I　don't　know；　unless　it　be　that　the　birds　and　beasts　in

their　conceit　probably　think　that　they　alone　of　all　the　creatures　in

the　world　can　talk。〃



〃I　haven't　a　doubt；〃　said　Doctor　Livingstone；　〃that　monkeys　listening

to　men　and　women　talking　think　they　are　only　jabbering。〃



〃They're　not　far　from　wrong　in　most　cases　if　they　do；〃　said　Doctor

Johnson；　who　up　to　this　time　had　been　merely　an　interested　listener。

〃I've　thought　that　many　a　time　myself。〃



〃Which　is　perhaps；　in　a　slight　degree；　a　confirmation　of　my　theory；〃

put　in　Darwin。　　〃If　Doctor　Johnson's　mind　runs　in　the　same　channels

that　the　monkey's　mind　runs　in；　why　may　we　not　say　that　Doctor

Johnson；　being　a　man；　has　certain　qualities　of　the　monkey；　and　is

therefore；　in　a　sense；　of　the　same　strain？〃



〃You　may　say　what　you　please；〃　retorted　Johnson；　wrathfully；　〃but

I'll　make　you　prove　what　you　say　about　me。〃



〃I　wouldn't　if　I　were　you；〃　said　Doctor　Livingstone；　in　a　peace…

making　spirit。　　〃It　would　not　be　a　pleasant　task　for　you；　compelling

our　friend　to　prove　you　descended　from　the　ape。　　I　should　think　you'd

prefer　to　make　him　leave　it　unproved。〃



〃Have　monkeys　Boswells？〃　queried　Thackeray。



〃I　don't　know　anything　about　'em；〃　said　Johnson；　petulantly。



〃No　more　do　I；〃　said　Darwin；　〃and　I　didn't　mean　to　be　offensive；　my

dear　Johnson。　　If　I　claim　Simian　ancestry　for　you；　I　claim　it　equally

for　myself。〃



〃Well；　I'm　no　snob；〃　said　Johnson；　unmollified。　　〃If　you