a house-boat on the styx-第8部分

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dear　Johnson。　　If　I　claim　Simian　ancestry　for　you；　I　claim　it　equally

for　myself。〃



〃Well；　I'm　no　snob；〃　said　Johnson；　unmollified。　　〃If　you　want　to　brag

about　your　ancestors；　do　it。　　Leave　mine　alone。　　Stick　to　your　own

genealogical　orchard。〃



〃Well；　I　believe　fully　that　we　are　all　descended　from　the　ape；〃　said

Munchausen。　　〃There　isn't　any　doubt　in　my　mind　that　before　the　flood

all　men　had　tails。　　Noah　had　a　tail。　　Shem；　Ham；　and　Japheth　had

tails。　　It's　perfectly　reasonable　to　believe　it。　　The　Ark　in　a　sense

proved　it。　　It　would　have　been　almost　impossible　for　Noah　and　his

sons　to　construct　the　Ark　in　the　time　they　did　with　the　assistance　of

only　two　hands　apiece。　　Think；　however；　of　how　fast　they　could　work

with　the　assistance　of　that　third　arm。　　Noah　could　hammer　a　clapboard

on　to　the　Ark　with　two　hands　while　grasping　a　saw　and　cutting　a　new

board　or　planing　it　off　with　his　tail。　　So　with　the　others。　　We　all

know　how　much　a　third　hand　would　help　us　at　times。〃



〃But　how　do　you　account　for　its　disappearance？〃　put　in　Doctor

Livingstone。　　〃Is　it　likely　they　would　dispense　with　such　a　useful

adjunct？〃



〃No；　it　isn't；　but　there　are　various　ways　of　accounting　for　its

loss；〃　said　Munchausen。　　〃They　may　have　overworked　it　building　the

Ark；　Shem；　Ham；　or　Japheth　may　have　had　his　caught　in　the　door　of　the

Ark　and　cut　off　in　the　hurry　of　the　departure；　plenty　of　things　may

have　happened　to　eliminate　it。　　Men　lose　their　hair　and　their　teeth；

why　might　not　a　man　lose　a　tail？　　Scientists　say　that　coming

generations　far　in　the　future　will　be　toothless　and　bald。　　Why　may　it

not　be　that　through　causes　unknown　to　us　we　are　similarly　deprived　of

something　our　forefathers　had？〃



〃The　only　reason　for　man's　losing　his　hair　is　that　he　wears　a　hat　all

the　time；〃　said　Livingstone。　　〃The　Derby　hat　is　the　enemy　of　hair。

It　is　hot；　and　dries　up　the　scalp。　　You　might　as　well　try　to　raise

watermelons　in　the　Desert　of　Sahara　as　to　try　to　raise　hair　under　the

modern　hat。　　In　fact；　the　modern　hat　is　a　furnace。〃



〃Well；　it's　a　mighty　good　furnace；〃　observed　Munchausen。　　〃You　don't

have　to　put　coal　on　the　modern　hat。〃



〃Perhaps；〃　interposed　Thackeray；　〃the　ancients　wore　their　hats　on

their　tails。〃



〃Well；　I　have　a　totally　different　theory；〃　said　Johnson。



〃You　always　did　have；〃　observed　Munchausen。



〃Very　likely；〃　said　Johnson。　　〃To　be　commonplace　never　was　my

ambition。〃



〃What　is　your　theory？〃　queried　Livingstone。



〃WellI　don't　know；〃　said　Johnson；　〃if　it　be　worth　expressing。〃



〃It　may　be　worth　sending　by　freight；〃　interrupted　Thackeray。　　〃Let　us

have　it。〃



〃Well；　I　believe；〃　said　Johnson〃I　believe　that　Adam　was　a　monkey。〃



〃He　behaved　like　one；〃　ejaculated　Thackeray。



〃I　believe　that　the　forbidden　tree　was　a　tender　one；　and　therefore

the　only　one　upon　which　Adam　was　forbidden　to　swing　by　his　tail；〃

said　Johnson。



〃Clear　enoughso　far；〃　said　Munchausen。



〃But　that　the　possession　of　tails　by　Adam　and　Eve　entailed　a　love　of

swinging　thereby；　and　that　they　could　not　resist　the　temptation　to

swing　from　every　limb　in　Eden；　and　that　therefore；　while　Adam　was　off

swinging　on　other　trees；　Eve　took　a　swing　on　the　forbidden　tree；　that

Adam；　returning；　caught　her　in　the　act；　and　immediately　gave　way

himself　and　swung；〃　said　Johnson。



〃Then　you　eliminate　the　serpent？〃　queried　Darwin。



〃Not　a　bit　of　it；〃　Johnson　answered。　　〃The　serpent　was　the　tail。

Look　at　most　snakes　to…day。　　What　are　they　but　unattached　tails？〃



〃They　do　look　it；〃　said　Darwin；　thoughtfully。



〃Why；　it's　clear　as　day；〃　said　Johnson。　　〃As　punishment　Adam　and　Eve

lost　their　tails；　and　the　tail　itself　was　compelled　to　work　for　a

living　and　do　its　own　walking。〃



〃I　never　thought　of　that；〃　said　Darwin。　　〃It　seems　reasonable。〃



〃It　is　reasonable；〃　said　Johnson。



〃And　the　snakes　of　the　present　day？〃　queried　Thackeray。



〃I　believe　to　be　the　missing　tails　of　men；〃　said　Johnson。　　〃Somewhere

in　the　world　is　a　tail　for　every　man　and　woman　and　child。　　Where

one's　tail　is　no　one　can　ever　say；　but　that　it　exists　simultaneously

with　its　owner　I　believe。　　The　abhorrence　man　has　for　snakes　is

directly　attributable　to　his　abhorrence　for　all　things　which　have

deprived　him　of　something　that　is　good。　　If　Adam's　tail　had　not

tempted　him　to　swing　on　the　forbidden　tree；　we　should　all　of　us　have

been　able　through　life　to　relax　from　business　cares　after　the　manner

of　the　monkey；　who　is　happy　from　morning　until　night。〃



〃Well；　I　can't　see　that　it　does　us　any　good　to　sit　here　and　discuss

this　matter；〃　said　Doctor　Livingstone。　　〃We　can't　reach　any

conclusion。　　The　only　way　to　settle　the　matter；　it　seems　to　me；　is　to

go　directly　to　Adam；　who　is　a　member　of　this　club；　and　ask　him　how　it

was。〃



〃That's　a　great　idea；〃　said　Thackeray；　scornfully。　　〃You'd　look　well

going　up　to　a　man　and　saying；　'Excuse　me；　sir；　butahwere　you　ever

a　monkey？'〃



〃To　say　nothing　of　catechising　a　man　on　the　subject　of　an　old　and

dreadful　scandal；〃　put　in　Munchausen。　　〃I'm　surprised　at　you；

Livingstone。　　African　etiquette　seems　to　have　ruined　your　sense　of

propriety。〃



〃I'd　just　as　lief　ask　him；〃　said　Doctor　Johnson。　　〃Etiquette？　　Bah！

What　business　has　etiquette　to　stand　in　the　way　of　human　knowledge？

Conventionality　is　the　last　thing　men　of　brains　should　strive　after；

and　I；　for　one；　am　not　going　to　be　bound　by　it。〃



Here　Doctor　Johnson　touched　the　electric　bell；　and　in　an　instant　the

shade　of　a　buttons　appeared。



〃Boy；　is　Adam　in　the　club…house　today？〃　asked　the　sage。



〃I'll　go　and　see；　sir；〃　said　the　boy；　and　he　immediately　departed。



〃Good　boy　that；〃　said　Thackeray。



〃Yes；　but　the　service　in　this　club　is　dreadful；　considering　what　we

might　have；〃　said　Darwin。　　〃With　Aladdin　a　member　of　this　club；　I

don't　see　why　we　can't　have　his　lamp　with　genii　galore　to　respond。

It　certainly　would　be　more　economical。〃



〃True；　but　I；　for　one；　don't　care　to　fool　with　genii；〃　said

Munchausen。　　〃When　one　member　can　summon　a　servant　who　is　strong

enough　to　take　another　member　and　do　him　up　in　a　bottle　and　cast　him

into　the　sea；　I　have　no　use　for　the　system。　　Plain　ordinary　mortal

shades　are　good　enough　for　me。〃



As　Munchausen　spoke；　the　boy　returned。



〃Mr。　Adam　isn't　here　to…day；　sir；〃　he　said；　addressing　Doctor

Johnson。　　〃And　Charon　says　he's　not　likely　to　be　here；　sir；　seeing　as

how　his　account　is　closed；　not　having　been　settled　for　three　months。〃



〃Good；〃　said　Thackeray。　　〃I　was　afraid　he　was　here。　　I　don't　want　to

have　him　asked　about　his　Eden　experiences　in　my　behalf。　　That's

personality。〃



〃Well；　then；　there's　only　one　other　thing　to　do；〃　said　Darwin。

〃Munchausen　claims　to　be　able　to　speak　Simian。　　He　might　seek　out

some　of　the　prehistoric　monkeys　and　put　the　question　to　them。〃



〃No；　thank　you；〃　said　Munchausen。　　〃I'm　a　little　rusty　in　the

language；　and；　besides；　you　talk　like　an　idiot。　　You　might　as　well

speak　of　the　human　language　as　the　Simian　language。　　There　are　French

monkeys　who　speak　monkey　French；　African　monkeys　who　talk　the　most

barbarous　kind　of　Zulu　monkey　patois；　and　Congo　monkey　slang；　and　so

on。　　Let　Johnson　send　his　little　Boswell　out　to　drum　up　information。

If　there　is　anything　to　be　found　out　he'll　get　it；　and　then　he　can

tell　it　to　us。　　Of　course　he　may　get　it　all　wrong；　but　it　will　be

entertaining；　and　we'll　never　know　any　difference。〃



Which　seemed　to　the　others　a　good　idea；　but　whatever　came　of　it　I

have　not　been　informed。







CHAPTER　VII：　　A　DISCUSSION　AS　TO　LADIES'　DAY







〃I　met　Queen　Elizabeth　just　now　on　the　Row；〃　said　Raleigh；　as　he

entered　the　house…boat　and　checked　his　cloak。



〃Indeed？〃　said　Confucius。　　〃What　if　you　did？　　Other　people　have　met

Queen　Elizabeth。　　There's　nothing　original　about　that。〃



〃True；　but　she　made　a　suggestion　to　me　about　this　house…boat　which　I

think　is　a　good　one。　　She　says　the　women　are　all　crazy　to　see　the

inside　of　it；〃　said　Raleigh。



〃Thus　proving　that　immortal　woman　is　no　different　from　mortal　woman；〃

retorted　Confucius。　　〃They　want　to　see　the　inside　of　everything。

Curiosity；　thy　name　is　woman。〃



〃Well；　I　am　sure　I　don't　see　why　men　should　arrogate　to　themselves

the　sole　right　to　an　investigating　turn　of　mind；〃　said　Raleigh；

impatiently。　　〃Why　shouldn't　the　ladies　want　to　see　the　inside　of

this　club…house？　　It　is　a　compliment　to　us　that　they　should；　and　I

for　one　am　in　favor　of　letting　them；　and　I　am　going　to　propose　that

in　the　Ides　of　March　we　give　a　ladies'　day　here。〃



〃Then　I　shall　go　South　for　my　health　in　the　Ides　of　March；〃　said

Confucius；　angrily。　　〃What　on　earth　is　a　club　for　if　it　isn't　to

enable　men　to　get　away　from　their　wives　once　in　a　while？　　When　do

people　go　to　clubs？　　When　they　are　on　their　way　homethat's　when；

and　the　more　a　man's　at　home　in　his　club；　the　less　he's　at　home　when

he's　at　home。　　I　suppose　you'll　be　suggesting　a　children's　day　next；

and　after　that　a　parrot's　or　a　canary…bird's　day。〃



〃I　had　no　idea　you　were　such　a　woman…hater；〃　said　Raleigh；　in

astonishment。　　〃What's　the　matter？　　Were　you　ever　disappointed　in

love？〃



〃I？　　How　absurd！〃　retorted　Confucius；　reddening。　　〃The　idea　of　MY

ever　being　disappointed　in　love！　　I　never　met　the　woman　who　could

bring　me　to　my　knees；　although　I　was　married　in　the　other　world。

What　became　of　Mrs。　C。　I　never　inquired。　　She　may　be　in　China　yet；

for　aught　I　know。　　I　regard　death　as　a　divorce。〃



〃Your　wife　must　be　glad　of　it；〃　said　Raleigh；　somewhat　ungallantly；

for；　to　tell　the　truth；　he　was　nettled　by　Confucius's　demeanor。　　〃I

didn't　know；　however；　but　that　since　you　escaped　from　China　and　came

here　to　Hades　you　might　have　fallen　in　love　with　some　spirit　of　an

age　subsequent　to　your　ownMary　Queen　of　Scots；　or　Joan　of　Arc；　or

some　other　spookwho　rejected　you。　　I　can't　account　for　your　dislike

of　women　otherwise。〃