half a life-time ago-第4部分

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body　feeble　and　weak。　　He　kept　out　of　the　way；　and　was　apparently

occupied　in　whittling　and　carving　uncouth　heads　on　hazel…sticks　in　an

out…house。　　But　he　positively　avoided　Michael；　and　shrunk　away　even

from　Susan。　　She　was　too　much　occupied　to　notice　this　at　first。

Michael　pointed　it　out　to　her；　saying；　with　a　laugh；　…



〃Look　at　Willie！　he　might　be　a　cast…off　lover　and　jealous　of　me；　he

looks　so　dark　and　downcast　at　me。〃　　Michael　spoke　this　jest　out　loud；

and　Willie　burst　into　tears；　and　ran　out　of　the　house。



〃Let　me　go。　　Let　me　go！〃　said　Susan　（for　her　lover's　arm　was　round

her　waist）。　　〃I　must　go　to　him　if　he's　fretting。　　I　promised　mother　I

would！〃　　She　pulled　herself　away；　and　went　in　search　of　the　boy。　　She

sought　in　byre　and　barn；　through　the　orchard；　where　indeed　in　this

leafless　winter…time　there　was　no　great　concealment；　up　into　the　room

where　the　wool　was　usually　stored　in　the　later　summer；　and　at　last

she　found　him；　sitting　at　bay；　like　some　hunted　creature；　up　behind

the　wood…stack。



〃What　are　ye　gone　for；　lad；　and　me　seeking　you　everywhere？〃　asked

she；　breathless。



〃I　did　not　know　you　would　seek　me。　　I've　been　away　many　a　time；　and

no　one　has　cared　to　seek　me；〃　said　he；　crying　afresh。



〃Nonsense；〃　replied　Susan；　〃don't　be　so　foolish；　ye　little　good…for…

nought。〃　　But　she　crept　up　to　him　in　the　hole　he　had　made　underneath

the　great；　brown　sheafs　of　wood；　and　squeezed　herself　down　by　him。

〃What　for　should　folk　seek　after　you；　when　you　get　away　from　them

whenever　you　can？〃　asked　she。



〃They　don't　want　me　to　stay。　　Nobody　wants　me。　　If　I　go　with　father；

he　says　I　hinder　more　than　I　help。　　You　used　to　like　to　have　me　with

you。　　But　now；　you've　taken　up　with　Michael；　and　you'd　rather　I　was

away；　and　I　can　just　bide　away；　but　I　cannot　stand　Michael　jeering　at

me。　　He's　got　you　to　love　him　and　that　might　serve　him。〃




〃But　I　love　you；　too；　dearly；　lad！〃　said　she；　putting　her　arm　round

his　neck。



〃Which　on　us　do　you　like　best？〃　said　he；　wistfully；　after　a　little

pause；　putting　her　arm　away；　so　that　he　might　look　in　her　face；　and

see　if　she　spoke　truth。



She　went　very　red。



〃You　should　not　ask　such　questions。　　They　are　not　fit　for　you　to　ask；

nor　for　me　to　answer。〃



〃But　mother　bade　you　love　me！〃　said　he；　plaintively。



〃And　so　I　do。　　And　so　I　ever　will　do。　　Lover　nor　husband　shall　come

betwixt　thee　and　me；　ladne'er　a　one　of　them。　　That　I　promise　thee

（as　I　promised　mother　before）；　in　the　sight　of　God　and　with　her

hearkening　now；　if　ever　she　can　hearken　to　earthly　word　again。　　Only

I　cannot　abide　to　have　thee　fretting；　just　because　my　heart　is　large

enough　for　two。〃



〃And　thou'lt　love　me　always？〃



〃Always；　and　ever。　　And　the　morethe　more　thou'lt　love　Michael；〃

said　she；　dropping　her　voice。



〃I'll　try；〃　said　the　boy；　sighing；　for　he　remembered　many　a　harsh

word　and　blow　of　which　his　sister　knew　nothing。　　She　would　have　risen

up　to　go　away；　but　he　held　her　tight；　for　here　and　now　she　was　all

his　own；　and　he　did　not　know　when　such　a　time　might　come　again。　　So

the　two　sat　crouched　up　and　silent；　till　they　heard　the　horn　blowing

at　the　field…gate；　which　was　the　summons　home　to　any　wanderers

belonging　to　the　farm；　and　at　this　hour　of　the　evening；　signified

that　supper　was　ready。　　Then　the　two　went　in。







CHAPTER　II。







Susan　and　Michael　were　to　be　married　in　April。　　He　had　already　gone

to　take　possession　of　his　new　farm；　three　or　four　miles　away　from　Yew

Nookbut　that　is　neighbouring；　according　to　the　acceptation　of　the

word　in　that　thinly…populated　district；when　William　Dixon　fell　ill。

He　came　home　one　evening；　complaining　of　head…ache　and　pains　in　his

limbs；　but　seemed　to　loathe　the　posset　which　Susan　prepared　for　him；

the　treacle…posset　which　was　the　homely　country　remedy　against　an

incipient　cold。　　He　took　to　his　bed　with　a　sensation　of　exceeding

weariness；　and　an　odd；　unusual　looking…back　to　the　days　of　his　youth；

when　he　was　a　lad　living　with　his　parents；　in　this　very　house。



The　next　morning　he　had　forgotten　all　his　life　since　then；　and　did

not　know　his　own　children；　crying；　like　a　newly…weaned　baby；　for　his

mother　to　come　and　soothe　away　his　terrible　pain。　　The　doctor　from

Coniston　said　it　was　the　typhus…fever；　and　warned　Susan　of　its

infectious　character；　and　shook　his　head　over　his　patient。　　There

were　no　near　friends　to　come　and　share　her　anxiety；　only　good；　kind

old　Peggy；　who　was　faithfulness　itself；　and　one　or　two　labourers'

wives；　who　would　fain　have　helped　her；　had　not　their　hands　been　tied

by　their　responsibility　to　their　own　families。　　But；　somehow；　Susan

neither　feared　nor　flagged。　　As　for　fear；　indeed；　she　had　no　time　to

give　way　to　it；　for　every　energy　of　both　body　and　mind　was　required。

Besides；　the　young　have　had　too　little　experience　of　the　danger　of

infection　to　dread　it　much。　　She　did　indeed　wish；　from　time　to　time；

that　Michael　had　been　at　home　to　have　taken　Willie　over　to　his

father's　at　High　Beck；　but　then；　again；　the　lad　was　docile　and　useful

to　her；　and　his　fecklessness　in　many　things　might　make　him　harshly

treated　by　strangers；　so；　perhaps；　it　was　as　well　that　Michael　was

away　at　Appleby　fair；　or　even　beyond　thatgone　into　Yorkshire　after

horses。



Her　father　grew　worse；　and　the　doctor　insisted　on　sending　over　a

nurse　from　Coniston。　　Not　a　professed　nurseConiston　could　not　have

supported　such　a　one；　but　a　widow　who　was　ready　to　go　where　the

doctor　sent　her　for　the　sake　of　the　payment。　　When　she　came；　Susan

suddenly　gave　way；　she　was　felled　by　the　fever　herself；　and　lay

unconscious　for　long　weeks。　　Her　consciousness　returned　to　her　one

spring　afternoon；　early　spring：　　April；her　wedding…month。　　There

was　a　little　fire　burning　in　the　small　corner…grate；　and　the

flickering　of　the　blaze　was　enough　for　her　to　notice　in　her　weak

state。　　She　felt　that　there　was　some　one　sitting　on　the　window…side

of　her　bed；　behind　the　curtain；　but　she　did　not　care　to　know　who　it

was；　it　was　even　too　great　a　trouble　for　her　languid　mind　to　consider

who　it　was　likely　to　be。　　She　would　rather　shut　her　eyes；　and　melt

off　again　into　the　gentle　luxury　of　sleep。　　The　next　time　she

wakened；　the　Coniston　nurse　perceived　her　movement；　and　made　her　a

cup　of　tea；　which　she　drank　with　eager　relish；　but　still　they　did　not

speak；　and　once　more　Susan　lay　motionlessnot　asleep；　but　strangely；

pleasantly　conscious　of　all　the　small　chamber　and　household　sounds；

the　fall　of　a　cinder　on　the　hearth；　the　fitful　singing　of　the　half…

empty　kettle；　the　cattle　tramping　out　to　field　again　after　they　had

been　milked；　the　aged　step　on　the　creaking　stairold　Peggy's；　as　she

knew。　　It　came　to　her　door；　it　stopped；　the　person　outside　listened

for　a　moment；　and　then　lifted　the　wooden　latch；　and　looked　in。　　The

watcher　by　the　bedside　arose；　and　went　to　her。　　Susan　would　have　been

glad　to　see　Peggy's　face　once　more；　but　was　far　too　weak　to　turn；　so

she　lay　and　listened。



〃How　is　she？〃　whispered　one　trembling；　aged　voice。



〃Better；〃　replied　the　other。　　〃She's　been　awake；　and　had　a　cup　of

tea。　　She'll　do　now。〃



〃Has　she　asked　after　him？〃



〃Hush！　　No；　she　has　not　spoken　a　word。〃



〃Poor　lass！　poor　lass！〃



The　door　was　shut。　　A　weak　feeling　of　sorrow　and　self…pity　came　over

Susan。　　What　was　wrong？　　Whom　had　she　loved？　　And　dawning；　dawning；

slowly　rose　the　sun　of　her　former　life；　and　all　particulars　were　made

distinct　to　her。　　She　felt　that　some　sorrow　was　coming　to　her；　and

cried　over　it　before　she　knew　what　it　was；　or　had　strength　enough　to

ask。　　In　the　dead　of　night；and　she　had　never　slept　again；she

softly　called　to　the　watcher；　and　asked　…



〃Who？〃



〃Who　what？〃　replied　the　woman；　with　a　conscious　affright；　ill…veiled

by　a　poor　assumption　of　ease。　　〃Lie　still；　there's　a　darling；　and　go

to　sleep。　　Sleep's　better　for　you　than　all　the　doctor's　stuff。〃



〃Who？〃　repeated　Susan。　　〃Something　is　wrong。　　Who？〃



〃Oh；　dear！〃　said　the　woman。　　〃There's　nothing　wrong。　　Willie　has

taken　the　turn；　and　is　doing　nicely。〃



〃Father？〃



〃Well！　he's　all　right　now；〃　she　answered；　looking　another　way；　as　if

seeking　for　something。



〃Then　it's　Michael！　　Oh；　me！　oh；　me！〃　　She　set　up　a　succession　of

weak；　plaintive；　hysterical　cries　before　the　nurse　could　pacify　her；

by　declaring　that　Michael　had　been　at　the　house　not　three　hours

before　to　ask　after　her；　and　looked　as　well　and　as　hearty　as　ever　man

did。



〃And　you　heard　of　no　harm　to　him　since？〃　inquired　Susan。



〃Bless　the　lass；　no；　for　sure！　　I've　ne'er　heard　his　name　named　since

I　saw　him　go　out　of　the　yard　as　stout　a　man　as　ever　trod　shoe…

leather。〃



It　was　well；　as　the　nurse　said　afterwards　to　Peggy；　that　Susan　had

been　so　easily　pacified　by　the　equivocating　answer　in　respect　to　her

father。　　If　she　had　pressed　the　questions　home　in　his　case　as　she　did

in　Michael's；　she　would　have　learnt　that　he　was　dead　and　buried　more

than　a　month　before。　　It　was　well；　too；　that　in　her　weak　state　of

convalescence　（which　lasted　long　after　this　first　day　of

consciousness）　her　perceptions　were　not　sharp　enough　to　observe　the

sad　change　that　had　taken　place　in　Willie。　　His　bodily　strength

returned；　his　appetite　was　something　enormous；　but　his　eyes　wandered

continually；　his　regard　could　not　be　arrested；　his　speech　became

slow；　impeded；　and　incoherent。　　People　began　to　say　that　the　fever

had　taken　away　the　little　wit　Willie　Dixon　had　ever　possessed　and

that　they　feared　that　he　would　end　in　being　a　〃natural；〃　as　they　call

an　idiot　in　the　Dales。



The　habitual　affection　and　obedience　to　Susan　lasted　longer　than　any

other　feeling　that　the　boy　had　had　previous　to　his　illness；　and；

perhaps；　this　made　her　be　the　last　to　perceive　what　every　one　else

had　long　anticipated。　　She　felt　the　awakening　rude　when　it　did　come。

It　was　in　this　wise：…



One　Jane　evening；　she　sat　out　of　doors　und