half a life-time ago-第5部分

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had　long　anticipated。　　She　felt　the　awakening　rude　when　it　did　come。

It　was　in　this　wise：…



One　Jane　evening；　she　sat　out　of　doors　under　the　yew…tree；　knitting。

She　was　pale　still　from　her　recent　illness；　and　her　languor；　joined

to　the　fact　of　her　black　dress；　made　her　look　more　than　usually

interesting。　　She　was　no　longer　the　buoyant　self…sufficient　Susan；

equal　to　every　occasion。　　The　men　were　bringing　in　the　cows　to　be

milked；　and　Michael　was　about　in　the　yard　giving　orders　and

directions　with　somewhat　the　air　of　a　master；　for　the　farm　belonged

of　right　to　Willie；　and　Susan　had　succeeded　to　the　guardianship　of

her　brother。　　Michael　and　she　were　to　be　married　as　soon　as　she　was

strong　enoughso；　perhaps；　his　authoritative　manner　was　justified；

but　the　labourers　did　not　like　it；　although　they　said　little。　　They

remembered　a　stripling　on　the　farm；　knowing　far　less　than　they　did；

and　often　glad　to　shelter　his　ignorance　of　all　agricultural　matters

behind　their　superior　knowledge。　　They　would　have　taken　orders　from

Susan　with　far　more　willingness；　nay；　Willie　himself　might　have

commanded　them；　and　from　the　old　hereditary　feeling　toward　the　owners

of　land；　they　would　have　obeyed　him　with　far　greater　cordiality　than

they　now　showed　to　Michael。　　But　Susan　was　tired　with　even　three

rounds　of　knitting；　and　seemed　not　to　notice；　or　to　care；　how　things

went　on　around　her；　and　Williepoor　Willie！there　he　stood　lounging

against　the　door…sill；　enormously　grown　and　developed；　to　be　sure；

but　with　restless　eyes　and　ever…open　mouth；　and　every　now　and　then

setting　up　a　strange　kind　of　howling　cry；　and　then　smiling　vacantly

to　himself　at　the　sound　he　had　made。　　As　the　two　old　labourers　passed

him；　they　looked　at　each　other　ominously；　and　shook　their　heads。



〃Willie；　darling；〃　said　Susan；　〃don't　make　that　noiseit　makes　my

head　ache。〃



She　spoke　feebly；　and　Willie　did　not　seem　to　hear；　at　any　rate；　he

continued　his　howl　from　time　to　time。



〃Hold　thy　noise；　wilt'a？〃　said　Michael；　roughly；　as　he　passed　near

him；　and　threatening　him　with　his　fist。　　Susan's　back　was　turned　to

the　pair。　　The　expression　of　Willie's　face　changed　from　vacancy　to

fear；　and　he　came　shambling　up　to　Susan；　who　put　her　arm　round　him；

and；　as　if　protected　by　that　shelter；　he　began　making　faces　at

Michael。　　Susan　saw　what　was　going　on；　and；　as　if　now　first　struck　by

the　strangeness　of　her　brother's　manner；　she　looked　anxiously　at

Michael　for　an　explanation。　　Michael　was　irritated　at　Willie's

defiance　of　him；　and　did　not　mince　the　matter。



〃It's　just　that　the　fever　has　left　him　sillyhe　never　was　as　wise　as

other　folk；　and　now　I　doubt　if　he　will　ever　get　right。〃



Susan　did　not　speak；　but　she　went　very　pale；　and　her　lip　quivered。

She　looked　long　and　wistfully　at　Willie's　face；　as　he　watched　the

motion　of　the　ducks　in　the　great　stable…pool。　　He　laughed　softly　to

himself　every　now　and　then。



〃Willie　likes　to　see　the　ducks　go　overhead；〃　said　Susan；

instinctively　adopting　the　form　of　speech　she　would　have　used　to　a

young　child。



〃Willie；　boo！　　Willie；　boo！〃　he　replied；　clapping　his　hands；　and

avoiding　her　eye。



〃Speak　properly；　Willie；〃　said　Susan；　making　a　strong　effort　at　self…

control；　and　trying　to　arrest　his　attention。



〃You　know　who　I　amtell　me　my　name！〃　　She　grasped　his　arm　almost

painfully　tight　to　make　him　attend。　　Now　he　looked　at　her；　and；　for

an　instant；　a　gleam　of　recognition　quivered　over　his　face；　but　the

exertion　was　evidently　painful；　and　he　began　to　cry　at　the　vainness

of　the　effort　to　recall　her　name。　　He　hid　his　face　upon　her　shoulder

with　the　old　affectionate　trick　of　manner。　　She　put　him　gently　away；

and　went　into　the　house　into　her　own　little　bedroom。　　She　locked　the

door；　and　did　not　reply　at　all　to　Michael's　calls　for　her；　hardly

spoke　to　old　Peggy；　who　tried　to　tempt　her　out　to　receive　some　homely

sympathy；　and　through　the　open　easement　there　still　came　the　idiotic

sound　of　〃Willie；　boo！　　Willie；　boo！〃







CHAPTER　III。







After　the　stun　of　the　blow　came　the　realization　of　the　consequences。


Susan　would　sit　for　hours　trying　patiently　to　recall　and　piece

together　fragments　of　recollection　and　consciousness　in　her　brother's

mind。　　She　would　let　him　go　and　pursue　some　senseless　bit　of　play；

and　wait　until　she　could　catch　his　eye　or　his　attention　again；　when

she　would　resume　her　self…imposed　task。　　Michael　complained　that　she

never　had　a　word　for　him；　or　a　minute　of　time　to　spend　with　him　now；

but　she　only　said　she　must　try；　while　there　was　yet　a　chance；　to

bring　back　her　brother's　lost　wits。　　As　for　marriage　in　this　state　of

uncertainty；　she　had　no　heart　to　think　of　it。　　Then　Michael　stormed；

and　absented　himself　for　two　or　three　days；　but　it　was　of　no　use。

When　he　came　back；　he　saw　that　she　had　been　crying　till　her　eyes　were

all　swollen　up；　and　he　gathered　from　Peggy's　scoldings　（which　she　did

not　spare　him）　that　Susan　had　eaten　nothing　since　he　went　away。　　But

she　was　as　inflexible　as　ever。



〃Not　just　yet。　　Only　not　just　yet。　　And　don't　say　again　that　I　do　not

love　you；〃　said　she；　suddenly　hiding　herself　in　his　arms。



And　so　matters　went　on　through　August。　　The　crop　of　oats　was　gathered

in；　the　wheat…field　was　not　ready　as　yet；　when　one　fine　day　Michael

drove　up　in　a　borrowed　shandry；　and　offered　to　take　Willie　a　ride。

His　manner；　when　Susan　asked　him　where　he　was　going　to；　was　rather

confused；　but　the　answer　was　straight　and　clear　enough。



He　had　business　in　Ambleside。　　He　would　never　lose　sight　of　the　lad；

and　have　him　back　safe　and　sound　before　dark。　　So　Susan　let　him　go。



Before　night　they　were　at　home　again：　　Willie　in　high　delight　at　a

little　rattling　paper　windmill　that　Michael　had　bought　for　him　in　the

street；　and　striving　to　imitate　this　new　sound　with　perpetual

buzzings。　　Michael；　too；　looked　pleased。　　Susan　knew　the　look；

although　afterwards　she　remembered　that　he　had　tried　to　veil　it　from

her；　and　had　assumed　a　grave　appearance　of　sorrow　whenever　he　caught

her　eye。　　He　put　up　his　horse；　for；　although　he　had　three　miles

further　to　go；　the　moon　was　upthe　bonny　harvest…moonand　he　did

not　care　how　late　he　had　to　drive　on　such　a　road　by　such　a　light。

After　the　supper　which　Susan　had　prepared　for　the　travellers　was

over；　Peggy　went　up…stairs　to　see　Willie　safe　in　bed；　for　he　had　to

have　the　same　care　taken　of　him　that　a　little　child　of　four　years　old

requires。



Michael　drew　near　to　Susan。



〃Susan；〃　said　he；　〃I　took　Will　to　see　Dr。　Preston；　at　Kendal。　　He's

the　first　doctor　in　the　county。　　I　thought　it　were　better　for　usfor

youto　know　at　once　what　chance　there　were　for　him。〃



〃Well！〃　said　Susan；　looking　eagerly　up。　　She　saw　the　same　strange

glance　of　satisfaction；　the　same　instant　change　to　apparent　regret

and　pain。　　〃What　did　he　say？〃　said　she。　　〃Speak！　can't　you？〃



〃He　said　he　would　never　get　better　of　his　weakness。〃



〃Never！〃



〃No；　never。　　It's　a　long　word；　and　hard　to　bear。　　And　there's　worse

to　come；　dearest。　　The　doctor　thinks　he　will　get　badder　from　year　to

year。　　And　he　said；　if　he　was　usyouhe　would　send　him　off　in　time

to　Lancaster　Asylum。　　They've　ways　there　both　of　keeping　such　people

in　order　and　making　them　happy。　　I　only　tell　you　what　he　said；〃

continued　he；　seeing　the　gathering　storm　in　her　face。



〃There　was　no　harm　in　his　saying　it；〃　she　replied；　with　great　self…

constraint；　forcing　herself　to　speak　coldly　instead　of　angrily。

〃Folk　is　welcome　to　their　opinions。〃



They　sat　silent　for　a　minute　or　two；　her　breast　heaving　with

suppressed　feeling。



〃He's　counted　a　very　clever　man；〃　said　Michael　at　length。



〃He　may　be。　　He's　none　of　my　clever　men；　nor　am　I　going　to　be　guided

by　him；　whatever　he　may　think。　　And　I　don't　thank　them　that　went　and

took　my　poor　lad　to　have　such　harsh　notions　formed　about　him。　　If　I'd

been　there；　I　could　have　called　out　the　sense　that　is　in　him。〃



〃Well！　　I'll　not　say　more　to…night；　Susan。　　You're　not　taking　it

rightly；　and　I'd　best　be　gone；　and　leave　you　to　think　it　over。　　I'll

not　deny　they　are　hard　words　to　hear；　but　there's　sense　in　them；　as　I

take　it；　and　I　reckon　you'll　have　to　come　to　'em。　　Anyhow；　it's　a　bad

way　of　thanking　me　for　my　pains；　and　I　don't　take　it　well　in　you；

Susan；〃　said　he；　getting　up；　as　if　offended。



〃Michael；　I'm　beside　myself　with　sorrow。　　Don't　blame　me　if　I　speak

sharp。　　He　and　me　is　the　only　ones；　you　see。　　And　mother　did　so

charge　me　to　have　a　care　of　him！　　And　this　is　what　he's　come　to；　poor

lile　chap！〃　　She　began　to　cry；　and　Michael　to　comfort　her　with

caresses。



〃Don't；〃　said　she。　　〃It's　no　use　trying　to　make　me　forget　poor　Willie

is　a　natural。　　I　could　hate　myself　for　being　happy　with　you；　even　for

just　a　little　minute。　　Go　away；　and　leave　me　to　face　it　out。〃



〃And　you'll　think　it　over；　Susan；　and　remember　what　the　doctor　says？〃



〃I　can't　forget；〃　said　she。　　She　meant　she　could　not　forget　what　the

doctor　had　said　about　the　hopelessness　of　her　brother's　case；　Michael

had　referred　to　the　plan　of　sending　Willie　to　an　asylum；　or　madhouse；

as　they　were　called　in　that　day　and　place。　　The　idea　had　been

gathering　force　in　Michael's　mind　for　some　time；　he　had　talked　it

over　with　his　father；　and　secretly　rejoiced　over　the　possession　of

the　farm　and　land　which　would　then　be　his　in　fact；　if　not　in　law；　by

right　of　his　wife。　　He　had　always　considered　the　good　penny　her

father　could　give　her　in　his　catalogue　of　Susan's　charms　and

attractions。　　But　of　late　he　had　grown　to　esteem　her　as　the　heiress

of　Yew　Nook。　　He；　too；　should　have　land　like　his　brotherland　to

possess；　to　cultivate；　to　make　profit　from；　to　bequeath。　　For　some

time　he　had　wondered　that　Susan　had　been　so　much　absorbed　in　Willie's

present；　that　she　had　never　seemed　to　look　forward　to　his　future；

state。　　Michael　had　long　felt　the　boy　to　be　a　trouble；　but　of　late　he

had　absolutely　loathed