the wandering jew, volume 5-第12部分

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more　and　more　pale　and　agitated。　　It　required　no　small　courage　in　him；　to
speak　as　he　was　speaking；　for；　since　his　journey　to　America；　he　had
learned　to　estimate　the　formidable　power　of　the　Company。　　But　this
revelation　of　the　past；　looked　at　from　the　vantage…ground　of　a　more
enlightened　present；　was　for　the　young　priest　the　excuse；　or　rather　the
cause　of　the　determination　he　had　just　signified　to　his　superior；　and　he
wished　to　explain　all　faithfully；　notwithstanding　the　danger　he　knowingly
encountered。　　He　continued　therefore；　in　an　agitated　voice：

〃You　know；　father；　that　the　last　days　of　my　childhood；　that　happy　age　of
frankness　and　innocent　joy；　were　spent　in　an　atmosphere　of　terror；
suspicion；　and　restraint。　　Alas！　how　could　I　resign　myself　to　the　least
impulse　of　confiding　trust；　when　I　was　recommended　to　shun　the　looks　of
him　who　spoke　with　me；　in　order　to　hide　the　impression　that　his　words
might　causeto　conceal　whatever　I　felt；　and　to　observe　and　listen　to
everything？　　Thus　I　reached　the　age　of　fifteen；　by　degrees；　the　rare
visits　that　I　was　allowed　to　pay；　but　always　in　presence　of　one　of　our
fathers；　to　my　adopted　mother　and　brother；　were　quite　suppressed；　so　as
to　shut　my　heart　against　all　soft　and　tender　emotions。　　Sad　and　fearful
in　that　large；　old　noiseless；　gloomy　house；　I　felt　that　I　became　more　and
more　isolated　from　the　affections　and　the　freedom　of　the　world。　　My　time
was　divided　between　mutilated　studies；　without　connection　and　without
object；　and　long　hours　of　minute　devotional　exercises。　　I　ask　you；
father；　did　they　ever　seek　to　warm　our　young　souls　by　words　of　tenderness
or　evangelic　love？　　Alas；　no！　　For　the　words　of　the　divine　SaviourLove
ye　one　another；　they　had　substituted　the　command：　Suspect　ye　one　another。
Did　they　ever；　father；　speak　to　us　of　our　country　or　of　liberty？No！　ah；
no！　for　those　words　make　the　heart　beat　high；　and　with　them；　the　heart
must　not　beat　at　all。　　To　our　long　hours　of　study　and　devotion；　there
only　succeeded　a　few　walks；　three　by　threenever　two　and　twobecause　by
threes；　the　spy…system　is　more　practicable；　and　because　intimacies　are
more　easily　formed　by　two　alone；　and　thus　might　have　arisen　some　of　those
generous　friendships；　which　also　make　the　heart　beat　more　than　it
should。＇15＇　And　so；　by　the　habitual　repression　of　every　feeling；　there
came　a　time　when　I　could　not　feel　at　all。　　For　six　months；　I　had　not　seen
my　adopted　mother　and　brother；　they　came　to　visit　me　at　the　college；　a
few　years　before；　I　should　have　received　them　with　transports　and　tears；
this　time　my　eyes　were　dry；　my　heart　was　cold。　　My　mother　and　brother
quitted　me　weeping。　　The　sight　of　this　grief　struck　me　and　I　became
conscious　of　the　icy　insensibility　which　had　been　creeping　upon　me　since
I　inhabited　this　tomb。　　Frightened　at　myself；　I　wished　to　leave　it；　while
I　had　still　strength　to　do　so。　　Then；　father；　I　spoke　to　you　of　the
choice　of　a　profession；　for　sometimes；　in　waking　moments；　I　seemed　to
catch　from　afar　the　sound　of　an　active　and　useful　life；　laborious　and
free；　surrounded　by　family　affections。　　Oh！　then　I　felt　the　want　of
movement　and　liberty；　of　noble　and　warm　emotionsof　that　life　of　the
soul；　which　fled　before　me。　　I　told　it　you；　father　on　my　knees；　bathing
your　hands　with　my　tears。　　The　life　of　a　workman　or　a　soldieranything
would　have　suited　me。　　It　was　then　you　informed　me；　that　my　adopted
mother；　to　whom　I　owed　my　lifefor　she　had　taken　me　in；　dying　of　want；
and；　poor　herself；　had　shared　with　me　the　scanty　bread　of　her　child
admirable　sacrifice　for　a　mother！that　she；〃　continued　Gabriel；
hesitating　and　casting　down　his　eyes；　for　noble　natures　blush　for　the
guilt　of　others；　and　are　ashamed　of　the　infamies　of　which　they　are
themselves　victims；　〃that　she；　that　my　adopted　mother；　had　but　one　wish；
one　desire〃

〃That　of　seeing　you　takes　orders；　my　dear　son；〃　replied　Father
d'Aigrigny；　〃for　this　pious　and　perfect　creature　hoped；　that；　in　securing
your　salvation；　she　would　provide　for　her　own：　but　she　did　not　venture　to
inform　you　of　this　thought；　for　fear　you　might　ascribe　it　to　an
interested　motive。〃

〃Enough；　father！〃　said　Gabriel；　interrupting　the　Abbe　d'Aigrigny；　with　a
movement　of　involuntary　indignation；　〃it　is　painful　for　me　to　hear　you
assert　an　error。　　Frances　Baudoin　never　had　such　a　thought。〃

〃My　dear　son；　you　are　too　hasty　in　your　judgments；〃　replied　Father
d'Aigrigny；　mildly。　　〃I　tell　you；　that　such　was　the　one；　sole　thought　of
your　adopted　mother。〃

〃Yesterday；　father；　she　told　me　all。　　She　and　I　were　equally　deceived。〃

〃Then；　my　dear　son；〃　said　Father　d'Aigrigny；　sternly；　〃you　take　the　word
of　your　adopted　mother　before　mine？〃

〃Spare　me　an　answer　painful　for　both　of　us；　father；〃　said　Gabriel；
casting　down　his　eyes。

〃Will　you　now　tell　me；〃　resumed　Father　d'Aigrigny；　with　anxiety；　〃what
you　mean　to〃

The　reverend　father　was　unable　to　finish。　　Samuel　entered　the　room；　and
said：　〃A　rather　old　man　wishes　to　speak　to　M。　Rodin。〃

〃That　is　my　name；　sir；〃　answered　the　socius；　in　surprise；　〃I　am　much
obliged　to　you。〃　　But；　before　following　the　Jew；　he　gave　to　Father
d'Aigrigny　a　few　words　written　with　a　pencil　upon　one　of　the　leaves　of
his　packet…book。

Rodin　went　out　in　very　uneasy　mood；　to　learn　who　could　have　come　to　seek
him　in　the　Rue　Saint…Francois。　　Father　d'Aigrigny　and　Gabriel　were　left
alone　together。

＇14＇　It　is　only　in　respect　to　Missions　that　the　Jesuits　acknowledge　the
papal　supremacy。

＇15＇　This　rule　is　so　strict　in　Jesuit　Colleges；　that　if　one　of　three
pupils　leaves　the　other　two；　they　separate　out　of　earshot　till　the　first
comes　back。




CHAPTER　XX。

THE　RUPTURE。

Plunged　into　a　state　of　mortal　anxiety；　Father　d'Aigrigny　had　taken
mechanically　the　note　written　by　Rodin；　and　held　it　in　his　hand　without
thinking　of　opening　it。　　The　reverend　father　asked　himself　in　alarm；　what
conclusion　Gabriel　would　draw　from　these　recriminations　upon　the　past；
and　he　durst　not　make　any　answer　to　his　reproaches；　for　fear　of
irritating　the　young　priest；　upon　whose　head　such　immense　interests　now
reposed。　　Gabriel　could　possess　nothing　for　himself；　according　to　the
constitutions　of　the　Society　of　Jesus。　　Moreover；　the　reverend　father　had
obtained　from　him；　in　favor　of　the　Order；　an　express　renunciation　of　all
property　that　might　ever　come　to　him。　　But　the　commencement　of　his
conversation　seemed　to　announce　so　serious　a　change　in　Gabriel's　views
with　regard　to　the　Company；　that　he　might　choose　to　break　through　the
ties　which　attached　him　to　it；　and　in　that　case；　he　would　not　be　legally
bound　to　fulfil　any　of　his　engagements。＇16＇　The　donation　would　thus　be
cancelled　de　facto；　just　at　the　moment　of　being　so　marvellously　realized
by　the　possession　of　the　immense　fortune　of　the　Rennepont　family；　and
d'Aigrigny's　hopes　would　thus　be　completely　and　for　ever　frustrated。　　Of
all　these　perplexities　which　the　reverend　father　had　experienced　for　some
time　past；　with　regard　to　this　inheritance；　none　had　been　more　unexpected
and　terrible　than　this。　　Fearing　to　interrupt　or　question　Gabriel；　Father
d'Aigrigny　waited；　in　mute　terror；　the　end　of　this　interview；　which
already　bore　so　threatening　an　aspect。

The　missionary　resumed：　〃It　is　my　duty；　father；　to　continue　this　sketch
of　my　past　life；　until　the　moment　of　my　departure　for　America。　　You　will
understand；　presently；　why　I　have　imposed　on　myself　this　obligation。〃

Father　d'Aigrigny　nodded　for　him　to　proceed。

〃Once　informed　of　the　pretended　wishes　of　my　adopted　mother；　I　resigned
myself　to　them；　though　at　some　cost　of　feeling。　　I　left　the　gloomy　abode；
in　which　I　had　passed　my　childhood　and　part　of　my　youth；　to　enter　one　of
the　seminaries　of　the　Company。　　My　resolution　was　not　caused　by　an
irresistible　religious　vocation；　but　by　a　wish　to　discharge　the　sacred
debt　I　owed　my　adopted　mother。　　Yet　the　true　spirit　of　the　religion　of
Christ　is　so　vivifying；　that　I　felt　myself　animated　and　warmed　by　the
idea　of　carrying　out　the　adorable　precepts　of　our　Blessed　Saviour。　　To　my
imagination；　a　seminary；　instead　of　resembling　the　college　where　I　had
lived　in　painful　restraint；　appeared　like　a　holy　place；　where　all　that
was　pure　and　warm　in　the　fraternity　of　the　Gospel　would　be　applied　to
common　lifewhere；　for　example；　the　lessons　most　frequently　taught　would
be　the　ardent　love　of　humanity；　and　the　ineffable　sweets　of　commiseration
and　tolerancewhere　the　everlasting　words　of　Christ　would　be　interpreted
in　their　broadest　senseand　where；　in　fine；　by　the　habitual　exercise　and
expansion　of　the　most　generous　sentiments；　men　were　prepared　for　the
magnificent　apostolic　mission　of　making　the　rich　and　happy　sympathize
with　the　sufferings　of　their　brethren；　by　unveiling　the　frightful
miseries　of　humanitya　sublime　and　sacred　morality；　which　none　are　able
to　withstand；　when　it　is　preached　with　eyes　full　of　tears；　and　hearts
overflowing　with　tenderness　and　charity！〃

As　he　delivered　these　last　words　with　profound　emotion；　Gabriel's　eyes
became　moist；　and　his　countenance　shone　with　angelic　beauty。

〃Such　is；　indeed；　my　dear　son；　the　spirit　of　Christianity；　but　one　must
also　study　and　explain　the　letter；〃　answered　Father　d'Aigrigny；　coldly。
〃It　is　to　this　study　that　the　seminaries　of　our　Company　are　specially
destined。　　Now　the　interpretation　of　the　letter　is　a　work　of　analysis；
discipline；　and　submissionand　not　one　of　heart　and　sentiment。〃

〃I　perceive　that　only　too　well；　father。　　On　entering　this　new　house；　I
found；　alas！　all　my　hopes　defeated。　　Dilating　for　a　moment；　my　heart　soon
sunk　within　me。　　Instead　of　this　centre　of　life；　affection；　youth；　of
which　I　had　dreamed。　　I　found；　in　the　silent　and　ice…cold　seminary；　the
same　suppression　of　every　generous　emotion；　the　same　inexorable
discipline；　the　same　system　of　mutual　prying；　the　same　suspicion；　the
same　invincible　obstacles　to　all　ties　of　friendship。　　The　ardor　which　had
warmed　my　soul　for　an　instant　soon　died　out；　little　by　little；　I　fell
back　into　the　habits　of　a　stagnant；　passive；　mechanical　life；　governed　by
a　pitiless　power　with　mechanical　precision；　just　like　the　inanimate　works
of　a　watch。〃

〃But　order；　submission　and　regularity　are　the　first　foundations