the wandering jew, volume 5-第13部分

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of　a　watch。〃

〃But　order；　submission　and　regularity　are　the　first　foundations　of　our
Company；　my　dear　son。〃

〃Alas；　father！　it　was　death；　not　life；　that　I　found　thus　organized。　　In
the　midst　of　this　destruction　of　every　generous　principle；　I　devoted
myself　to　scholastic　and　theological　studiesgloomy　studiesa　wily；
menacing；　and　hostile　science　which；　always　awake　to　ideas　of　peril；
contest；　and　war；　is　opposed　to　all　those　of　peace；　progress；　and
liberty。〃

〃Theology；　my　dear　son；〃　said　Father　d'Aigrigny；　sternly；　〃is　at　once　a
buckler　and　a　sword；　a　buckler；　to　protect　and　cover　the　Catholic　faith
a　sword；　to　attack　and　combat　heresy。〃

〃And　yet；　father；　Christ　and　His　apostles　knew　not　this　subtle　science：
their　simple　and　touching　words　regenerated　mankind；　and　set　freedom　over
slavery。　　Does　not　the　divine　code　of　the　Gospel　suffice　to　teach　men　to
love　one　another？　　But；　alas！　far　from　speaking　to　us　this　language；　our
attention　was　too　often　occupied　with　wars　of　religion；　and　the　rivers　of
blood　that　had　flowed　in　honor　of　the　Lord；　and　for　the　destruction　of
heresy。　　These　terrible　lessons　made　our　life　still　more　melancholy。　　As
we　grew　near　to　manhood；　our　relations　at　the　seminary　assumed　a　growing
character　of　bitterness；　jealousy　and　suspicion。　　The　habit　of　tale…
bearing　against　each　other；　applied　to　more　serious　subjects；　engendered
silent　hate　and　profound　resentments。　　I　was　neither　better　nor　worse
than　the　others。　　All　of　us；　bowed　down　for　years　beneath　the　iron　yoke
of　passive　obedience；　unaccustomed　to　reflection　or　free…will；　humble　and
trembling　before　our　superiors；　had　the　same　pale；　dull；　colorless
disposition。　　At　last　I　took　orders；　once　a　priest；　you　invited　me；
father；　to　enter　the　Company　of　Jesus；　or　rather　I　found　myself
insensibly　brought　to　this　determination。　　How；　I　do　not　know。　　For　a
long　time　before；　my　will　was　not　my　own。　　I　went　through　all　my　proofs；
the　most　terrible　was　decisive；　for　some　months；　I　lived　in　the　silence
of　my　cell；　practicing　with　resignation　the　strange　and　mechanical
exercises　that　you　ordered　me。　　With　the　exception　of　your　reverence；
nobody　approached　me　during　that　long　space　of　time；　no　human　voice　but
yours　sounded　in　my　ear。　　Sometimes；　in　the　night；　I　felt　vague　terrors；
my　mind；　weakened　by　fasting；　austerity；　and　solitude；　was　impressed　with
frightful　visions。　　At　other　times；　on　the　contrary；　I　felt　a　sort　of
quiescence；　in　the　idea　that；　having　once　pronounced　my　vows；　I　should　be
delivered　for　ever　from　the　burden　of　thought　and　will。　　Then　I　abandoned
myself　to　an　insurmountable　torpor；　like　those　unfortunate　wretches；　who；
surprised　by　a　snow…storm；　yield　to　a　suicidal　repose。　　Thus　I　awaited
the　fatal　moment。　　At　last；　according　to　the　rule　of　discipline；　choking
with　the　death　rattle；＇17＇　I　hastened　the　moment　of　accomplishing　the
final　act　of　my　expiring　willthe　vow　to　renounce　it　for　ever。〃

〃Remember；　my　dear　son；〃　replied　Father　d'Aigrigny；　pale　and　tortured　by
increasing　anguish；　〃remember；　that；　on　the　eve　of　the　day　fixed　for　the
completion　of　your　vows；　I　offered；　according　to　the　rule　of　our　Company；
to　absolve　you　from　joining　usleaving　you　completely　free；　for　we
accept　none　but　voluntary　vocations。〃

〃It　is　true；　father；〃　answered　Gabriel；　with　sorrowful　bitterness；　〃when；
worn　out　and　broken　by　three　months　of　solitude　and　trial；　I　was
completely　exhausted；　and　unable　to　move　a　step；　you　opened　the　door　of
my　cell；　and　said　to　me：　'If　you　like；　rise　and　walk；　you　are　free；　Alas！
I　had　no　more　strength。　　The　only　desire　of　my　soul；　inert　and　paralyzed
for　so　long　a　period；　was　the　repose　of　the　grave；　and　pronouncing　those
irrevocable　vows；　I　fell；　like　a　corpse；　into　your　hands。〃

〃And；　till　now；　my　dear　son；　you　have　never　failed　in　this　corpselike
obedience；to　use　the　expression　of　our　glorious　founderbecause；　the
more　absolute　this　obedience；　the　more　meritorious　it　must　be。〃

After　a　moment's　silence；　Gabriel　resumed：　〃You　had　always　concealed　from
me；　father；　the　true　ends　of　the　Society　into　which　I　entered。　　I　was
asked　to　abandon　my　free…will　to　my　superiors；　in　the　name　of　the　Greater
Glory　of　God。　　My　vows　once　pronounced；　I　was　to　be　in　your　hands　a
docile　and　obedient　instrument；　but　I　was　to　be　employed；　you　told　me；　in
a　holy；　great　and　beauteous　work。　　I　believed　you；　fatherhow　should　I
not　have　believed　you？　but　a　fatal　event　changed　my　destinya　painful
malady　caused　by〃

〃My　son；〃　cried　Father　d'Aigrigny；　interrupting　Gabriel；　〃it　is　useless
to　recall　these　circumstances。〃

〃Pardon　me；　father；　I　must　recall　them。　　I　have　the　right　to　be　heard。　　I
cannot　pass　over　in　silence　any　of　the　facts；　which　have　led　me　to　take
the　immutable　resolution　that　I　am　about　to　announce　to　you。〃

〃Speak　on；　my　son；〃　said　Father　d'Aigrigny；　frowning；　for　he　was　much
alarmed　at　the　words　of　the　young　priest；　whose　cheeks；　until　now　pale；
were　covered　with　a　deep　blush。

〃Six　months　before　my　departure　for　America；〃　resumed　Gabriel；　casting
down　his　eyes；　〃you　informed　me；　that　I　was　destined　to　confess
penitents；　and　to　prepare　then　for　that　sacred　ministry；　you　gave　me　a
book。〃

Gabriel　again　hesitated。　　His　blushes　increased。　　Father　d'Aigrigny　could
scarcely　restrain　a　start　of　impatience　and　anger。

〃You　gave　me　a　book；〃　resumed　the　young　priest；　with　a　great　effort　to
control　himself；　〃a　book　containing　questions　to　be　addressed　by　a
confessor　to　youths；　and　young　girls；　and　married　women；　when　they
present　themselves　at　the　tribunal　of　penance。　　My　God！〃　added　Gabriel；
shuddering　at　the　remembrance。　　〃I　shall　never　forget　that　awful　moment。
It　was　night。　　I　had　retired　to　my　chamber；　taking　with　me　this　book；
composed；　you　told　me；　by　one　of　our　fathers；　and　completed　by　a　holy
bishop。＇18＇　Full　of　respect；　faith；　and　confidence；　I　opened　those　pages。
At　first；　I　did　not　understand　themafterwards　I　understoodand　then　I
was　seized　with　shame　and　horrorstruck　with　stuporand　had　hardly
strength　to　close；　with　trembling　hand；　this　abominable　volume。　　I　ran　to
you；　father；　to　accuse　myself　of　having　involuntarily　cast　my　eyes　on
those　nameless　pages；　which；　by　mistake；　you　had　placed　in　my　hands。〃

〃Remember；　also；　my　dear　son；〃　said　Father　d'Aigrigny；　gravely；　〃that　I
calmed　your　scruples；　and　told　you　that　a　priest；　who　is　bound　to　hear
everything　under　the　seal　of　confession；　must　be　able　to　know　and
appreciate　everything；　and　that　our　Company　imposes　the　task　of　reading
this　Compendium；　as　a　classical　work；　upon　young　deacons　seminarists；　and
priests；　who　are　destined　to　be　confessors。〃

〃I　believed　you；　father。　　In　me　the　habit　of　inert　obedience　was　so
powerful；　and　I　was　so　unaccustomed　to　independent　reflection；　that；
notwithstanding　my　horror　（with　which　I　now　reproached　myself　as　with　a
crime）；　I　took　the　volume　back　into　my　chamber；　and　read。　　Oh；　father！
what　a　dreadful　revelation　of　criminal　fancies；　guilty　of　guiltiest　in
their　refinement！〃

〃You　speak　of　this　book　in　blamable　terms；〃　skid　Father　d'Aigrigny；
severely；　〃you　were　the　victim　of　a　too　lively　imagination。　　It　is　to　it
that　you　must　attribute　this　fatal　impression；　and　not　to　an　excellent
work；　irreproachable　for　its　special　purpose；　and　duly　authorized　by　the
Church。　　You　are　not　able　to　judge　of　such　a　production。〃

〃I　will　speak　of　it　no　more；　father；〃　said　Gabriel：　and　he　thus　resumed：
〃A　long　illness　followed　that　terrible　night。　　Many　times；　they　feared
for　my　reason。　　When　I　recovered；　the　past　appeared　to　me　like　a　painful
dream。　　You　told　me；　then；　father；　that　I　was　not　yet　ripe　for　certain
functions；　and　it　was　then　that　I　earnestly　entreated　you　to　be　allowed
to　go　on　the　American　missions。　　After　having　long　refused　my　prayer；　you
at　length　consented。　　From　my　childhood；　I　had　always　lived　in　the
college　or　seminary；　to　a　state　of　continual　restraint　and　subjection。
By　constantly　holding　down　my　head　and　eyes；　I　had　lost　the　habit　of
contemplating　the　heavens　and　the　splendors　of　nature。　　But；　oh！　what
deep；　religious　happiness　I　felt；　when　I　found　myself　suddenly
transported　to　the　centre　of　the　imposing　grandeur　of　the　seas…half…way
between　the　ocean　and　the　sky！I　seemed　to　come　forth　from　a　place　of
thick　darkness；　for　the　first　time；　for　many　years；　I　felt　my　heart　beat
freely　in　my　bosom；　for　the　first　time；　I　felt　myself　master　of　my　own
thoughts；　and　ventured　to　examine　my　past　life；　as　from　the　summit　of　a
mountain；　one　looks　down　into　a　gloomy　vale。　　Then　strange　doubts　rose
within　me。　　I　asked　myself　by　what　right；　and　for　what　end；　any　beings
had　so　long　repressed；　almost　annihilated；　the　exercise　of　my　will；　of　my
liberty；　of　my　reason；　since　God　had　endowed　me　with　these　gifts。　　But　I
said　to　myself；　that　perhaps；　one　day；　the　great；　beauteous；　and　holy
work；　in　which　I　was　to　have　my　share；　would　be　revealed　to　me；　and　would
recompense　my　obedience　and　resignation。〃

At　this　moment；　Rodin　re…entered　the　room。　　Father　d'Aigrigny　questioned
him　with　a　significant　look。　　The　socius　approached；　and　said　to　him　in　a
low　voice；　so；　that　Gabriel　could　not　hear：　〃Nothing　serious。　　It　was
only　to　inform　me；　that　Marshal　Simon's　father　is　arrived　at　M。　Hardy's
factory。〃

Then；　glancing　at　Gabriel；　Rodin　appeared　to　interrogate　Father
d'Aigrigny；　who　hung　his　head　with　a　desponding　air。　　Yet　he　resumed；
again　addressing　Gabriel；　whilst　Rodin　took　his　old　place；　with　his　elbow
on　the　chimney…piece：　〃Go　on；　my　dear　son。　　I　am　anxious　to　learn　what
resolution　you　have　adopted。〃

〃I　will　tell　you　in　a　moment；　father。　　I　arrived　at　Charleston。　　The
superior　of　our　establishment　in　that　place；　to　whom　I　imparted　my　doubts
as　to　the　object　of　our　Society；　took　upon　himself　to　clear　them　up；　and
unveiled　it　all　to　me　with　alarming　frankness。　　He　told　me　the　tendency…
not　perhaps　of　all　the　members　of　the　Company；　for　a　great　number　must
have　shared　my　ignorancebut　the　objects　which　our　leaders　have
pertinaciously　kept　in　view；　ever　since　the　foundation　of　the　Order。　　I
was　terrified。　　I　read　the　casuists。　　Oh；　father！　that　was　a　new　and
dreadful　revelation；　when；　at　every　page；　I　read　the　excuse　and