painted windows-第6部分

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and　the　swing　of　the　purple　lines；　that
I　could　not　bring　myself　to　modify　my
voice；　and　the　passers…by　heard　my
shrill　tones　vibrating　with：


As　for　thee；　star…eyed　Egyptian！
　　　Glorious　sorceress　of　the　Nile！
Light　the　path　to　Stygian　horrors
　　　With　the　splendour　of　thy　smile。


I　wiped　dishes　to　the　rhythm　of　such
phrases　as　〃scarred　and　veteran　le…
gions；〃　and　laced　my　shoes　to　the　music
of　〃Though　no　glittering　guards　sur…
round　me。〃

Confident　that　no　one　could　fail　to
see　the　beauty　of　these　lines；　or　the　pro…
priety　of　the　identification　of　myself
with　Antony；　I　called　upon　my　Sunday…
school　teacher；　Miss　Goss；　to　report。　I
never　had　thought　of　Miss　Goss　as　a
blithe　spirit。　She　was　associated　in　my
mind　with　numerous　solemn　occasions；
and　I　was　surprised　to　find　that　on　this
day　she　unexpectedly　developed　a　trait
of　breaking　into　nervous　laughter。　I
had　got　as　far　as　〃Should　the　base　ple…
beian　rabble　〃　when　Miss　Goss　broke
down　in　what　I　could　not　but　regard　as
a　fit　of　giggles；　and　I　ceased　abruptly。

She　pulled　herself　together　after　a
moment　or　two；　and　said　if　I　would　fol…
low　her　to　the　library　she　thought　she
could　find　something　　here　she　hesi…
tated；　to　conclude　with；　〃more　within
the　understanding　of　the　other　chil…
dren。〃　I　saw　that　she　thought　my　feel…
ings　were　hurt；　and　as　I　passed　a　mir…
ror　I　feared　she　had　some　reason　to
think　so。　My　face　was　uncommonly
flushed；　and　a　look　of　indignation　had
crept；　somehow；　even　into　my　braids；
which；　having　been　plaited　too　tightly；
stuck　out　in　crooks　and　kinks　from　the
side　of　my　head。　Incidentally；　I　was
horrified　to　notice　how　thin　I　was　
thin；　even　for　a　dying　Antony　　and　my
frock　was　so　outgrown　that　it　hardly
covered　my　knees。　〃Ridiculous！〃　I
said　under　my　breath；　as　I　confronted
this　miserable　figure　　so　shamefully　in…
significant　for　the　vicarious　emotions
which　it　had　been　housing。　〃Ridicu…
lous！〃

I　hated　Miss　Goss；　and　must　have
shown　it　in　my　stony　stare；　for　she　put
her　arm　around　me　and　said　it　was　a
pity　I　had　been　to　all　the　trouble　to
learn　a　poem　which　was　　well；　a　trifle
too　　too　old　　but　that　she　hoped　to　find
something　equally　〃pretty〃　for　me　to
speak。　At　the　use　of　that　adjective　in
connection　with　William　Lytle's　lines；　I
wrenched　away　from　her　grasp　and
stood　in　what　I　was　pleased　to　think　a
haughty　calm；　awaiting　her　directions。

She　took　from　the　shelves　a　little　vol…
ume　of　Whittier；　bound　in　calf；　hand…
ling　it　as　tenderly　as　if　it　were　a　price…
less　possession。　Some　pressed　violets
dropped　out　as　she　opened　it；　and　she
replaced　them　with　devotional　fingers。
After　some　time　she　decided　upon　a
lyric　lament　entitled　〃Eva。〃　I　was
asked　to　run　over　the　verses；　and　found
them　remarkably　easy　to　learn；　fatally
impossible　to　forget。　I　presently　arose
and　with　an　impish　betrayal　of　the　pov…
erty　of　rhyme　and　the　plethora　of　sen…
timent；　repeated　the　thing　relentlessly。


O　for　faith　like　thine；　sweet　Eva；

Lighting　all　the　solemn　reevah　＇river＇；

And　the　blessings　of　the　poor；

Wafting　to　the　heavenly　shoor　＇shore＇。


〃I　do　think；〃　said　Miss　Goss　gently；
〃that　if　you　tried；　my　child；　you　might
manage　the　rhymes　just　a　little　better。〃


〃But　if　you're　born　in　Michigan；〃　I
protested；　〃how　can　you　possibly　make
'Eva'　rhyme　with　'never'　and　'be…
liever'？〃

〃Perhaps　it　is　a　little　hard；〃　Miss
Goss　agreed；　and　still　clinging　to　her
Whittier；　she　exhumed　〃The　Pump…
kin；〃　which　she　thought　precisely　fitted
for　our　Harvest　Home　festival。　This
was　quite　another　thing　from　〃Eva；〃
and　I　saw　that　only　hours　of　study
would　fix　it　in　my　mind。　I　went　to　my
home；　therefore；　with　〃The　Pumpkin〃
delicately　transcribed　in　Miss　Goss's
running　hand；　and　I　tried　to　get　some
comfort　from　the　foreign　allusions　glit…
tering　through　Whittier's　kindly　verse。
As　the　days　went　by　I　came　to　have　a
certain　fondness　for　those　homely　lines：

O　　fruit　loved　of　boyhood！　　the　old　days　re…

calling；
When　wood　grapes　were　purpling　and　brown

nuts　were　falling！
When　wild；　ugly　faces　we　carved　in　the　skin；
Glaring　out　through　the　dark　with　a　candle

within！
When　we　laughed　round　the　corn…heap；　with

hearts　all　in　tune；
Our　chair　a　broad　pumpkin　　our　lantern　the

moon；
Telling　tales　of　the　fairy　who　travelled　like

steam
In　a　pumpkin…shell　coach；　with　two　rats　for　her

team！


On　all　sides　this　poem　was　considered
very　fitting；　and　I　went　to　the　festival
with　that　comfortable　feeling　one　has
when　one　is　moving　with　the　majority
and　is　wearing　one's　best　clothes。

I　sat　rigid　with　expectancy　while　my
schoolmates　spoke　their　〃pieces〃　and
sang　their　songs。　With　frozen　faces
they　faced　each　other　in　dialogues；　lost
their　quavering　voices；　and　stumbled
down　the　stairs　in　their　anguish　of
spirit。　I　pitied　them；　and　thought　how
lucky　it　was　that　my　memory　never
failed　me；　and　that　my　voice　carried　so
well　that　I　could　arouse　even　old　Elder
Waite　from　his　slumbers。

Then　my　turn　came。　My　crimps
were　beautiful；　the　green　harps　danced
on　my　freshly…ironed　frock；　and　I　had
on　my　new　chain　and　locket。　I　relied
upon　a　sort　of　mechanism　in　me　to　say：
O　greenly　and　fair　in　the　lands　of　the　sun；
The　vines　of　the　gourd　and　the　rich　melon　run。

In　this　seemly　manner　Whittier's　ode
to　the　pumpkin　began。　I　meant　to　go
on　to　verses　which　I　knew　would　de…
light　my　audience　　to　references　to　the
〃crook…necks〃　ripening　under　the　Sep…
tember　sun；　and　to　Thanksgiving　gath…
erings　at　which　all　smiled　at　the　reun…
ion　of　friends　and　the　bounty　of　the　board。


What　moistens　the　lip　and　brightens　the　eye！
What　calls　back　the　past　like　the　rich　pumpkin　pie！


I　was　sure　these　lines　would　meet
with　approval；　and　having　〃come　down
to　the　popular　taste；〃　I　was　prepared
to　do　my　best　to　please。

After　a　few　seconds；　when　the　golden
pumpkins　that　lined　the　stage　had
ceased　to　dance　before　my　eyes；　I
thought　I　ought　to　begin　to　〃get　hold
of　my　audience。〃　Of　course；　my　mem…
ory　would　be　giving　me　the　right　words；
and　my　facile　tongue　running　along　re…
liably；　but　I　wished　to　demonstrate　that
〃ability〃　which　was　to　bring　me　fa…
vour　and　fame。　I　listened　to　my　own
words　and　was　shivered　into　silence。　I
was　talking　about　〃dark　Plutonian
shadows〃；　I　was　begging　〃Egypt〃　to
let　her　arms　enfold　me　　I　was；　indeed；
in　the　very　thick　of　the　forbidden　poem。
I　could　hear　my　thin；　aspiring　voice
reaching　out　over　that　paralysed　audi…
ence　with：


Though　my　scarred　and　veteran　legions
　　　Bear　their　eagles　high　no　more；
And　my　wrecked　and　scattered　galleys
　　　Strew　dark　Actium's　fatal　shore。


My　tongue　seemed　frozen；　or　some
kind　of　a　ratchet　at　the　base　of　it　had
got　out　of　order。　For　a　moment　　a
moment　can　be　the　little　sister　of　eter…
nity　　I　could　say　nothing。　Then　I
found　myself　in　the　clutches　of　the　in…
stinct　for　self…preservation。　I　felt　it　in
me　to　stop　the　giggles　of　the　girls　on
the　front　seat；　to　take　the　patronising
smiles　out　of　the　tolerant　eyes　of　the
grown　people。　Maybe　my　voice　lost
something　of　its　piping　insistence　and
was　touched　with　genuine　feeling；　per…
haps　some　faint；　faint　spark　of　the　di…
vine　fire　which　I　longed　to　fan　into　a
flame　did　flicker　in　me　for　that　one　time。
I　had　the　indescribable　happiness　of
seeing　the　smiles　die　on　the　faces　of　my
elders；　and　of　hearing　the　giggles　of　my
friends　cease。

I　went　to　my　seat　amid　what　I　was
pleased　to　consider　〃thunders　of　ap…
plause；〃　and　by　way　of　acknowledg…
ment；　I　spoke；　with　chastened　propri…
ety；　Whittier's　ode　to　the　pumpkin。

I　cannot　remember　whether　or　not　I
was　scolded。　I'm　afraid；　afterward；
some　people　still　laughed。　As　for　me；
oddly　enough；　my　oratorical　aspira…
tions　died。　I　decided　there　were　other
careers　better　fitted　to　one　of　my
physique。　So　I　had　to　go　to　the　trouble
of　finding　another　career；　but　just　what
it　was　I　have　forgotten。



V

REMORSE

IT　is　extraordinary；　when　you　come
to　think　of　it；　how　very　few　days；
out　of　all　the　thousands　that　have
passed；　lift　their　heads　from　the　grey
plain　of　the　forgotten　　like　bowlders　in
a　level　stretch　of　country。　It　is　not
alone　the　unimportant　ones　that　are　for…
gotten；　but；　according　to　one's　elders；
many　important　ones　have　left　no　mark
in　the　memory。　It　seems　to　me；　as　I
think　it　over；　that　it　was　the　days　that
affected　the　emotions　that　dwell　with
me；　and　I　suppose　all　of　us　must　be　the
same　in　this　respect。

Among　those　which　I　am　never　to
forget　is　the　day　when　Aunt　Cordelia
came　to　visit　us　　my　mother's　aunt；
she　was　　and　when　I　discovered　evil；
and　tried　to　understand　what　the　use
of　it　was。

Great…aunt　Cordelia　was；　as　I　often
and　often　had　been　told；　not　only　much
travelled；　rich　and　handsome；　but　good
also。　She　was；　indeed；　an　important
personage　in　her　own　city；　and　it
seemed　to　be　regarded　as　an　evidence
of　unusual　family　fealty　that　she
should　go　about；　now　and　then；　briefly
visiting　all　of　her　kinfolk　to　see　how
they　fared　in　the　world。　I　ought　to
have　looked　forward　to　meeting　her；　but
this；　for　some　perverse　reason；　I　did
not　do。　I　wished　I　might　run　away
and　hide　somewhere　till　her　visit　was
over。　It　annoyed　me　to　have　to　clean
up　the　play…room　on　her　account；　and
to　help　polish　the　silver；　and　to　comb
out　the　fringe　of　the　tea　napkins。　I
liked　to　help　in　these　tasks　ordinarily；
but　to　do　it　for　the　purpose　of　coming
up　to　a　visiting　　and　probably；　a　con…
descending　　goddess；　somehow　made
me　cross。

Among　other　hardships；　I　had　to　take
care　of　my　little　sister　Julie　all　day。　I
loved　Julie。　　She　had　soft　golden…
brown　curls　fuzzing　around　on　her
head；　and　mischievous　brown　eyes　
warm；　extra…human　eyes。　There　was　a
place　in　the　back　of　her　neck；　just　below
the　point　of　her　curls；　which　it　was　a
privilege　to　kiss；　and　though　she　could
not　yet　talk；　she　had　a　throaty；　beauti…
ful　little　exclamation；　which　cannot　be
spelled　any　more　than　a　bird　note；　with
which　she　greeted　all　the　things　she
liked　　a　flower；　or　a　toy；　or　mother。
But　loving　Julie　as　she　sat　in　mother's
lap；　and　having　to　care　for　her　all　of
a　shining　Saturday；　were　two　quite　dif…
ferent　things。　As　the　hours　wore　along
I