painted windows-第8部分

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And　now　my　tears　began　to　flow。
They　came　in　a　storm　　a　storm　I　could
not　control；　and　I　fled　back　to　mother's
room；　and　stood　there　before　the　west
window　weeping　as　I　never　had　wept
before。

The　quiet　loveliness　of　the　closing
day　had　passed　into　the　splendour　of
the　afterglow。　Mighty　wings　as　of
bright　angels；　pink　and　shining　white；
reached　up　over　the　sky。　The　vault　was
purple　above　me；　and　paled　to　lilac；　then
to　green　of　unimaginable　tenderness。
Now　I　quenched　my　tears　to　look；　and
then　I　wept　again；　weeping　no　more　for
sorrow　and　loneliness　and　shame　than
for　gratitude　and　delight　in　beauty。　So
fair　a　world！　What　had　sin　to　do　with
it？　I　could　not　make　it　out。

The　shining　wings　grew　paler；　faded；
then　darkened；　the　melancholy　sound
of　cow…bells　stole　up　from　the　common。
The　birds　were　still；　a　low　wind　rustled
the　trees。　I　sat　thinking　my　young
〃night　thoughts〃　of　how　marvellous　it
was　for　the　sun　to　set；　to　rise；　to　keep
its　place　in　heaven　　of　how　wrapped
about　with　mysteries　we　were。　What
if　the　world　should　start　to　falling
through　space？　Where　would　it　land？
Was　there　even　a　bottom　to　the　uni…
verse？　〃World　without　end〃　might
mean　that　there　was　neither　an　end　to
space　nor　yet　to　time。　I　shivered　at
thought　of　such　vastness。

Suddenly　light　streamed　about　me；
warm　arms　enfolded　me。

〃Mother！〃　I　murmured；　and　slipped
from　the　unknown　to　the　dear　familiar…
ity　of　her　shoulder。

It　was；　I　soon　perceived；　a　silk…clad
shoulder。　Mother　had　on　her　best
dress；　nay；　she　wore　her　coral　pin　and
ear…rings。　Her　lace　collar　was　scented
with　Jockey　Club；　and　her　neck；　into
which　I　was　burrowing；　had　the　inde…
scribable　something　that　was　not　quite
odour；　not　all　softness；　but　was　com…
pounded　of　these　and　meant　mother。
She　said　little　to　me　as　she　drew　me
away　and　bathed　my　face；　brushed　and
plaited　my　hair；　and　put　on　my　clean
frock。　But　we　felt　happy　together。　I
knew　she　was　as　glad　to　forgive　as　I
was　to　be　forgiven。

In　a　little　while　she　led　me；　blinking；
into　the　light。　A　tall　stranger；　a　lady
in　prune…coloured　silk；　sat　in　the　high…
backed　chair。

〃This　is　my　eldest　girl；　Aunt　Cor…
delia；〃　said　my　mother。　I　went　for…
ward　timidly；　wondering　if　I　were
really　going　to　be　greeted　by　this　per…
son　who　must　have　heard　such　terrible
reports　of　me。　I　found　myself　caught
by　the　hands　and　drawn　into　the　em…
brace　of　this　new；　grand　acquaintance。

〃Well；　I've　been　wanting　to　see
you；〃　said　the　rich；　kind　voice。　〃They
say　you　look　as　I　did　at　your　age。　They
say　you　are　like　me！〃

Like　her　　who　was　good！　But　no
one　referred　to　this　difference　or　said
anything　about　my　sins。　When　we　were
sorry；　was　evil；　then；　forgotten　and　sin
forgiven？　A　weight　as　of　iron　dropped
from　my　spirit。　I　sank　with　a　sigh　on
the　hassock　at　my　aunt's　feet。　I　was
once　more　a　member　of　society。



VI

TRAVEL

IT　was　time　to　say　good…bye。

I　had　been　down　to　my　little
brother's　grave　and　watered　the　sorrel
that　grew　on　it　　I　thought　it　was　sor…
row；　and　so　tended　it；　and　I　had　walked
around　the　house　and　said　good…bye　to
every　window；　and　to　the　robin's　nest；
and　to　my　playhouse　in　the　shed。　I
had　put　a　clean　ribbon　on　the　cat's　neck；
and　kissed　my　doll；　and　given　presents
to　my　little　sisters。　Now；　shivering　be…
neath　my　new　grey　jacket　in　the　chill
of　the　May　morning　air；　I　stood　ready
to　part　with　my　mother。　She　was　a
little　flurried　with　having　just　ironed
my　pinafores　and　collars；　and　with　hav…
ing　put　the　last　hook　on　my　new　Stuart
plaid　frock；　and　she　looked　me　over
with　rather　an　anxious　eye。　As　for　me；
I　thought　my　clothes　charming；　and　I
loved　the　scarlet　quill　in　my　grey　hat；
and　the　set　of　my　new　shoes。　I　hoped；
above　all；　that　no　one　would　notice　that
I　was　trembling　and　lay　it　down　to　fear。

Of　course；　I　had　been　away　before。
It　was　not　the　first　time　I　had　left
everything　to　take　care　of　itself。　But
this　time　I　was　going　alone；　and　that
gave　rather　a　different　aspect　to　things。
To　go　into　the　country　for　a　few　days；
or　even　to　Detroit；　in　the　company　of
a　watchful　parent；　might　be　called　a
〃visit〃；　but　to　go　alone；　partly　by
train　and　partly　by　stage；　and　to　arrive
by　one's　self；　amounted　to　〃travel。〃　I
had　an　aunt　who　had　travelled；　and　I
felt　this　morning　that　love　of　travel
ran　in　the　family。　Probably　even
Aunt　Cordelia　had　been　a　trifle　nervous；
at　first；　when　she　started　out　for　Ha…
waii；　say；　or　for　Egypt。

Mother　and　I　were　both　fearful　that
the　driver　of　the　station　'bus　hadn't
really　understood　that　he　was　to　call。
First　she　would　ask　father；　and　then　I
would　ask　him；　if　he　was　quite　sure　the
man　understood；　and　father　said　that
if　the　man　could　understand　English
at　all　　and　he　supposed　he　could　　he
had　understood　that。　Father　was　right
about　it；　too；　for　just　when　we　　that　is；
mother　and　I　　were　almost　giving　up；
the　'bus　horses　swung　in　the　big　gate
and　came　pounding　up　the　drive　be…
tween　the　Lombardy　poplars；　which
were　out　in　their　yellow…green　spring
dress。　They　were　a　bay　team　with　a
yellow　harness　which　clinked　splendidly
with　bone　rings；　and　the　'bus　was　as
yellow　as　a　pumpkin；　and　shaped　not
unlike　one；　so　that　I　gave　it　my　instant
approval。　It　was　precisely　the　sort　of
vehicle　in　which　I　would　have　chosen
to　go　away。　So　absorbed　was　I　in　it
that；　though　I　must　have　kissed　mother；
I　have　really　no　recollection　of　it；　and
it　was　only　when　we　were　swinging　out
of　the　gate；　and　I　looked　back　and　saw
her　standing　in　the　door　watching　us；
that　a　terrible　pang　came　over　me；　so
that　for　one　crazy　moment　I　thought
I　was　going　to　jump　out　and　run　back
to　her。

But　I　held　on　to　father's　hand　and
turned　my　face　away　from　home　with
all　the　courage　I　could　summon；　and　we
went　on　through　the　town　and　out
across　a　lonely　stretch　of　country　to　the
railroad。　For　we　were　an　obstinate　lit…
tle　town；　and　would　not　build　up　to　the
railroad　because　the　railroad　had　re…
fused　to　run　up　to　us。　It　was　a　new
station　with　a　fine　echo　in　it；　and　the
man　who　called　out　the　trains　had　a
beautiful　voice　for　echoes。　It　was　cre…
ated　to　inspire　them　and　to　encourage
them；　and　I　stood　fascinated　by　the
thunderous　noises　he　was　making　till
father　seized　me　by　the　hand　and　thrust
me　into　the　care　of　the　train　conductor。
They　said　something　to　each　other　in
the　sharp；　explosive　way　men　have；　and
the　conductor　took　me　to　a　seat　and
told　me　I　was　his　girl　for　the　time　be…
ing；　and　to　stay　right　there　till　he　came
for　me　at　my　station。

What　amazed　me　was　that　the　car
should　be　full　of　people。　I　could　not
imagine　where　they　all　could　be　going。
It　was　all　very　well　for　me；　who　be…
longed　to　a　family　of　travellers　　as　wit…
ness　Aunt　Cordelia　　to　be　going　on　a
journey；　but　for　these　others；　these
many；　many　others；　to　be　wandering
around；　heaven　knows　where；　struck　me
as　being　not　right。　It　seemed　to　take
somewhat　from　the　glory　of　my　adven…
ture。

However；　I　noticed　that　most　of　them
looked　poor。　Their　clothes　were　old
and　ugly；　their　faces　not　those　of　pleas…
ure…seekers。　It　was　very　difficult　to
imagine　that　they　could　afford　a　jour…
ney；　which　was；　as　I　believed；　a　great
luxury。　At　first；　the　people　looked　to
be　all　of　a　sort；　but　after　a　little　I　be…
gan　to　see　the　differences；　and　to　no…
tice　that　this　one　looked　happy；　and
that　one　sad；　and　another　as　if　he　had
much　to　do　and　liked　it；　and　several
others　as　if　they　had　very　little　idea
where　they　were　going　or　why。

But　I　liked　better　to　look　from　the
windows　and　to　see　the　world。　The
houses　seemed　quite　familiar　and　as　if
I　had　seen　them　often　before。　I　hardly
could　believe　that　I　hadn't　walked　up
those　paths；　opened　those　doors　and
seated　myself　at　the　tables。　I　felt　that
if　I　went　in　those　houses　I　would　know
where　everything　was　　just　where　the
dishes　were　kept；　and　the　Bible；　and　the
jam。　It　struck　me　that　houses　were
very　much　alike　in　the　world；　and　that
led　to　the　thought　that　people；　too；　were
probably　alike。　So　I　forgot　what　the
conductor　had　said　to　me　about　keeping
still；　and　I　crossed　over　the　aisle　and
sat　down　beside　a　little　girl　who　was
regrettably　young；　but　who　looked
pleasant。　Her　mother　and　grand…
mother　were　sitting　opposite；　and　they
smiled　at　me　in　a　watery　sort　of　way
as　if　they　thought　a　smile　was　expected
of　them。　I　meant　to　talk　to　the　little
girl；　but　I　saw　she　was　almost　on　the
verge　of　tears；　and　it　didn't　take　me
long　to　discover　what　was　the　matter。
Her　little　pink　hat　was　held　on　by　an
elastic　band；　which；　being　put　behind
her　ears　and　under　her　chin；　was　cut…
ting　her　cruelly。　I　knew　by　experience
that　if　the　band　were　placed　in　front　of
her　ears　the　tension　would　be　lessened；
so；　with　the　most　benevolent　intentions
in　the　world；　I　inserted　my　fingers　be…
tween　the　rubber　and　her　chubby
cheeks；　drew　it　out　with　nervous　but
friendly　fingers；　somehow　let　go　of　it；
and　snap　across　her　two　red　cheeks　and
her　pretty　pug　nose　went　the　lacerat…
ing　elastic；　leaving　a　welt　behind　it！

〃What　do　you　mean；　you　bad　girl？〃
cried　the　mother；　taking　me　by　the
shoulders　with　a　sort　of　grip　I　had
never　felt　before。　〃I　never　saw　such　a
child　　never！〃

An　old　woman　with　a　face　like　a　hen
leaned　over　the　back　of　the　seat。

〃What's　she　done？　　What's　she
done？〃　she　demanded。　The　mother
told　her；　as　the　grandmother　comforted
the　hurt　baby。

〃Go　back　to　your　seat　and　stay
there！〃　commanded　the　mother。　〃See
you　don't　come　near　here　again！〃

My　lips　trembled　with　the　anguish　I
could　hardly　restrain。　Never　had　a
noble　soul　been　more　misunderstood。
Stupid　beings！　How　dare　they！　Yet；
not　to　be　liked　by　them　　not　to　be　un…
derstood！　　　That　was　unendurable。
Would　they　listen　to　the　gentle　word
that　turneth　away　wrath？　I　was　in…
clined　to　think　not。　I　was　fairly　pant…
ing　under　my　load　of　dismay　and　de…
spondency；　when　a　large　man　with　an
extraordinarily　clean　appearance　sat
down　opposite　me。　He　was　a　study　in
grey　　grey　suit；　tie；　socks；　gloves；　hat；
top…coat　　yes；　and　eyes！　He　leaned
forward　ingratiatingly。

〃What　do　you　think　Aunt　Ellen　sent
me　last　week？〃　he　inquired。

We　seemed　to　be　old　acquaintances；
and　in　my　second