i and my chimney-第2部分

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become　very　leaky；　a　temporary　proprietor　hired　a　band　of

woodmen；　with　their　huge；　cross…cut　saws；　and　went　to　sawing　the

old　gable　roof　clean　off。　Off　it　went；　with　all　its　birds'　nests；

and　dormer　windows。　It　was　replaced　with　a　modern　roof；　more　fit

for　a　railway　wood…house　than　an　old　country　gentleman's　abode。

This　operationrazeeing　the　structure　some　fifteen　feetwas；　in

effect　upon　the　chimney；　something　like　the　falling　of　the　great

spring　tides。　It　left　uncommon　low　water　all　about　the

chimneyto　abate　which　appearance；　the　same　person　now　proceeds

to　slice　fifteen　feet　off　the　chimney　itself；　actually　beheading

my　royal　old　chinmeya　regicidal　act；　which；　were　it　not　for　the

palliating　fact　that　he　was　a　poulterer　by　trade；　and；　therefore；

hardened　to　such　neck…wringings；　should　send　that　former

proprietor　down　to　posterity　in　the　same　cart　with　Cromwell。　



Owing　to　its　pyramidal　shape；　the　reduction　of　the　chimney

inordinately　widened　its　razeed　summit。　Inordinately；　I　say；　but

only　in　the　estimation　of　such　as　have　no　eye　to　the　picturesque。

What　care　I；　if；　unaware　that　my　chimney；　as　a　free　citizen　of

this　free　land；　stands　upon　an　independent　basis　of　its　own；

people　passing　it；　wonder　how　such　a　brick…kiln；　as　they　call　it；

is　supported　upon　mere　joists　and　rafters？　What　care　I？　I　will

give　a　traveler　a　cup　of　switchel；　if　he　want　it；　but　am　I　bound

to　supply　him　with　a　sweet　taste？　Men　of　cultivated　minds　see；　in

my　old　house　and　chimney；　a　goodly　old　elephant…and…castle。　



All　feeling　hearts　will　sympathize　with　me　in　what　I　am　now　about

to　add。　The　surgical　operation；　above　referred　to；　necessarily

brought　into　the　open　air　a　part　of　the　chimney　previously　under

cover；　and　intended　to　remain　so；　and；　therefore；　not　built　of

what　are　called　weather…bricks。　In　consequence；　the　chimney；

though　of　a　vigorous　constitution；　suffered　not　a　little；　from　so

naked　an　exposure；　and；　unable　to　acclimate　itself；　ere　long

began　to　failshowing　blotchy　symptoms　akin　to　those　in　measles。

Whereupon　travelers；　passing　my　way；　would　wag　their　heads；

laughing；　〃See　that　wax　nosehow　it　melts　off！〃　But　what　cared

I？　The　same　travelers　would　travel　across　the　sea　to　view

Kenilworth　peeling　away；　and　for　a　very　good　reason：　that　of　all

artists　of　the　picturesque；　decay　wears　the　palmI　would　say；

the　ivy。　In　fact；　I've　often　thought　that　the　proper　place　for　my

old　chimney　is　ivied　old　England。　



In　vain　my　wifewith　what　probable　ulterior　intent　will；　ere

long；　appearsolemnly　warned　me；　that　unless　something　were

done；　and　speedily；　we　should　be　burnt　to　the　ground；　owing　to

the　holes　crumbling　through　the　aforesaid　blotchy　parts；　where

the　chimney　joined　the　roof。　〃Wife；〃　said　I；　〃far　better　that　my

house　should　bum　down；　than　that　my　chimney　should　be　pulled

down；　though　but　a　few　feet。　They　call　it　a　wax　nose；　very　good；

not　for　me　to　tweak　the　nose　of　my　superior。〃　But　at　last　the　man

who　has　a　mortgage　on　the　house　dropped　me　a　note；　reminding　me

that；　if　my　chimney　was　allowed　to　stand　in　that　invalid

condition；　my　policy　of　insurance　would　be　void。　This　was　a　sort

of　hint　not　to　be　neglected。　All　the　world　over；　the　picturesque

yields　to　the　pocketesque。　The　mortgagor　cared　not；　but　the

mortgagee　did。　



So　another　operation　was　performed。　The　wax　nose　was　taken　off；

and　a　new　one　fitted　on。　Unfortunately　for　the　expressionbeing

put　up　by　a　squint…eyed　mason；　who；　at　the　time；　had　a　bad　stitch

in　the　same　sidethe　new　nose　stands　a　little　awry；　in　the　same

direction。　



Of　one　thing；　however；　I　am　proud。　The　horizontal　dimensions　of

the　new　part　are　unreduced。　



Large　as　the　chimney　appears　upon　the　roof；　that　is　nothing　to

its　spaciousness　below。　At　its　base　in　the　cellar；　it　is

precisely　twelve　feet　square；　and　hence　covers　precisely　one

hundred　and　forty…four　superficial　feet。　What　an　　　　　　　

appropriation　of　terra　firma　for　a　chimney；　and　what　a　huge　load

for　this　earth！　　In　fact；　it　was　only　because　I　and　my　chimney

formed　no　part　of　his　ancient　burden；　that　that　stout　peddler；

Atlas　of　old；　was　enabled　to　stand　up　so　bravely　under　his　pack。

The　dimensions　given　may；　perhaps；　seem　fabulous。　But；　like　those

stones　at　Gilgal；　which　Joshua　set　up　for　a　memorial　of　having

passed　over　Jordan；　does　not　my　chimney　remain；　even　unto　this

day？　



Very　often　I　go　down　into　my　cellar；　and　attentively　survey　that

vast　square　of　masonry。　　I　stand　long；　and　ponder　over；　and

wonder　at　it。　It　has　a　druidical　look；　away　down　in　the

umbrageous　cellar　there　whose　numerous　vaulted　passages；　and　far

glens　of　gloom；　resemble　the　dark；　damp　depths　of　primeval　woods。

So　strongly　did　this　conceit　steal　over　me；　so　deeply　was　I

penetrated　with　wonder　at　the　chimney；　that　one　daywhen　I　was　a

little　out　of　my　mind；　I　now　thinkgetting　a　spade　from　the

garden；　I　set　to　work；　digging　round　the　foundation；　especially

at　the　corners　thereof；　obscurely　prompted　by　dreams　of　striking

upon　some　old；　earthen…worn　memorial　of　that　by…gone　day；　when；

into　all　this　gloom；　the　light　of　heaven　entered；　as　the　masons

laid　the　foundation…stones；　peradventure　sweltering　under　an

August　sun；　or　pelted　by　a　March　storm。　　Plying　my　blunted　spade；

how　vexed　was　I　by　that　ungracious　interruption　of　a　neighbor

who；　calling　to　see　me　upon　some　business；　and　being　informed

that　I　was　below　said　I　need　not　be　troubled　to　come　up；　but　he

would　go　down　to　me；　and　so；　without　ceremony；　and　without　my

having　been　forewarned；　suddenly　discovered　me；　digging　in　my

cellar。　



〃Gold　digging；　sir？〃



〃Nay；　sir；〃　answered　I；　starting；　〃I　was　merelyahem！merelyI

say　I　was　merely　digging…round　my　chimney。〃　



〃Ah；　loosening　the　soil；　to　make　it　grow。　Your　chimney；　sir；　you

regard　as　too　small；　I　suppose；　needing　further　development；

especially　at　the　top？〃　



〃Sir！〃　said　I；　throwing　down　the　spade；　〃do　not　be　personal。　I

and　my　chimney〃



〃Personal？〃　



〃Sir；　I　look　upon　this　chimney　less　as　a　pile　of　masonry　than　as

a　personage。　It　is　the　king　of　the　house。　I　am　but　a　suffered　and

inferior　subject。〃　



In　fact；　I　would　permit　no　gibes　to　be　cast　at　either　myself　or

my　chimney；　and　never　again　did　my　visitor　refer　to　it　in　my

hearing；　without　coupling　some　compliment　with　the　mention。　　It

well　deserves　a　respectful　consideration。　There　it　stands；

solitary　and　alonenot　a　councilof　ten　flues；　but；　like　his

sacred　majesty　of　Russia；　a　unit　of　an　autocrat。　



Even　to　me；　its　dimensions；　at　times；　seem　incredible。　　It　does

not　look　so　bigno；　not　even　in　the　cellar。　By　the　mere　eye；　its

magnitude　can　be　but　imperfectly　comprehended；　because　only　one

side　can　be　received　at　one　time；　and　said　side　can　only　present

twelve　feet；　linear　measure。　　But　then；　each　other　side　also　is

twelve　feet　long；　and　the　whole　obviously　forms　a　square　and

twelve　times　twelve　is　one　hundred　and　forty…four。　And　so；　an

adequate　conception　of　the　magnitude　of　this　chimney　is　only　to

be　got　at　by　a　sort　of　process　in　the　higher　mathematics　by　a

method　somewhat　akin　to　those　whereby　the　surprising　distances　of

fixed　stars　are　computed。　



It　need　hardly　be　said；　that　the　walls　of　my　house　are　entirely

free　from　fireplaces。　These　all　congregate　in　the　middlein　the

one　grand　central　chimney；　upon　all　four　sides　of　which　are

hearthstwo　tiers　of　hearthsso　that　when；　in　the　various

chambers；　my　family　and　guests　are　warming　themselves　of　a　cold

winter's　night；　just　before　retiring；　then；　though　at　the　time

they　may　not　be　thinking　so；　all　their　faces　mutually　look

towards　each　other；　yea；　all　their　feet　point　to　one　centre；　and；

when　they　go　to　sleep　in　their　beds；　they　all　sleep　round　one

warm　chimney；　like　so　many　Iroquois　Indians；　in　the　woods；　round

their　one　heap　of　embers。　　And　just　as　the　Indians'　fire　serves；

not　only　to　keep　them　comfortable；　but　also　to　keep　off　wolves；

and　other　savage　monsters；　so　my　chimney；　by　its　obvious　smoke　at

top；　keeps　off　prowling　burglars　from　the　townsfor　what　burglar

or　murderer　would　dare　break　into　an　abode　from　whose　chimney

issues　such　a　continual　smokebetokening　that　if　the　inmates　are

not　stirring；　at　least　fires　are；　and　in　case　of　an　alarm；

candles　may　readily　be　lighted；　to　say　nothing　of　muskets。　



But　stately　as　is　the　chimneyyea；　grand　high　altar　as　it　is；

right　worthy　for　the　celebration　of　high　mass　before　the　Pope　of

Rome；　and　all　his　cardinalsyet　what　is　there　perfect　in　this

world？　Caius　Julius　Caesar；　had　he　not　been　so　inordinately

great；　they　say　that　Brutus；　Cassius；　Antony；　and　the　rest；　had

been　greater。　My　chimney；　were　it　not　so　mighty　in　its　magnitude；

my　chambers　had　been　larger。　How　often　has　my　wife　ruefully　told

me；　that　my　chimney；　like　the　English　aristocracy；　casts　a

contracting　shade　all　round　it。　She　avers　that　endless　domestic

inconveniences　arisemore　particularly　from　the　chimney's

stubborn　central　locality。　The　grand　objection　with　her　is；　that

it　stands　midway　in　the　place　where　a　fine　entrance…hall　ought　to

be。　In　truth；　there　is　no　hall　whatever　to　the　housenothing　but

a　sort　of　square　landing…place；　as　you　enter　from　the　wide　front

door。　A　roomy　enough　landing…place；　I　admit；　but　not　attaining　to

the　dignity　of　a　hall。　Now；　as　the　front　door　is　precisely　in　the

middle　of　the　front　of　the　house；　inwards　it　faces　the　chimney。

In　fact；　the　opposite　wall　of　the　landing…place　is　formed　solely

by　the　chimney；　and　hence…owing　to　the　gradual　tapering　of　the

chimneyis　a　little　less　than　twelve　feet　in　width。　Climbing　the

chimney　in　this　part；　is　the　principal　staircasewhich；　by　three

abrupt　turns；　and　three　minor　landing…places；　mounts　to　the

second　floor；　where；　over　the　front　door；　runs　a　sort　of　narrow

gallery；　something　less　than　twelve　feet　long；　leading　to

chambers　on　either　hand。　This　gallery；　of　course；　is　railed；　and

so；　looking　down　upon