my discovery of england-第23部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！


nd　as　an　attempt　to　reproduce　phonetically　a　dialect；　it　is　not　intended　that　the　spelling　itself　should　be　thought　funny；　but　the　dialect　that　it　represents。　But　the　effect；　on　the　whole；　is　tiresome。　A　little　dose　of　the　humour　of　Lancashire　or　Somerset　or　Yorkshire　pronunciation　may　be　all　right；　but　a　whole　page　of　it　looks　like　the　gibbering　of　chimpanzees　set　down　on　paper。

In　America　also　we　run　perpetually　to　the　（supposed）　humour　of　slang；　a　form　not　used　in　England。　If　we　were　to　analyse　what　we　mean　by　slang　I　think　it　would　be　found　to　consist　of　the　introduction　of　new　metaphors　or　new　forms　of　language　of　a　metaphorical　character；　strained　almost　to　the　breaking　point。　Sometimes　we　do　it　with　a　single　word。　When　some　genius　discovers　that　a　〃hat〃　is　really　only　〃a　lid〃　placed　on　top　of　a　human　being；　straightway　the　word　〃lid〃　goes　rippling　over　the　continent。　Similarly　a　woman　becomes　a　〃skirt；〃　and　so　on　ad　infinitum。

These　words　presently　either　disappear　or　else　retain　a　permanent　place；　being　slang　no　longer。　No　doubt　half　our　words；　if　not　all　of　them；　were　once　slang。　Even　within　our　own　memory　we　can　see　the　whole　process　carried　through；　〃cinch〃　once　sounded　funny；　it　is　now　standard　American…English。　But　other　slang　is　made　up　of　descriptive　phrases。　At　the　best；　these　slang　phrases　areat　least　we　think　they　areextremely　funny。　But　they　are　funniest　when　newly　coined；　and　it　takes　a　master　hand　to　coin　them　well。　For　a　supreme　example　of　wild　vagaries　of　language　used　for　humour；　one　might　take　O。　Henry's　〃Gentle　Grafter。〃　But　here　the　imitation　is　as　easy　as　it　is　tiresome。　The　invention　of　pointless　slang　phrases　without　real　suggestion　or　merit　is　one　of　our　most　familiar　forms　of　factory…made　humour。　Now　the　English　people　are　apt　to　turn　away　from　the　whole　field　of　slang。　In　the　first　place　it　puzzles　themthey　don't　know　whether　each　particular　word　or　phrase　is　a　sort　of　idiom　already　known　to　Americans；　or　something　（as　with　O。　　Henry）　never　said　before　and　to　be　analysed　for　its　own　sake。　The　result　is　that　with　the　English　public　the　great　mass　of　American　slang　writing　（genius　apart）　doesn't　go。　I　have　even　found　English　people　of　undoubted　literary　taste　repelled　from　such　a　master　as　O。　Henry　（now　read　by　millions　in　England）　because　at　first　sight　they　get　the　impression　that　it　is　〃all　American　slang。〃

Another　point　in　which　American　humour；　or　at　least　the　form　which　it　takes；　differs　notably　from　British；　is　in　the　matter　of　story　telling。　It　was　a　great　surprise　to　me　the　first　time　I　went　out　to　a　dinner　party　in　London　to　find　that　my　host　did　not　open　the　dinner　by　telling　a　funny　story；　that　the　guests　did　not　then　sit　silent　trying　to　〃think　of　another〃；　that　some　one　did　not　presently　break　silence　by　saying；　〃I　heard　a　good　one　the　other　day；〃and　so　forth。　And　I　realised　that　in　this　respect　English　society　is　luckier　than　ours。

It　is　my　candid　opinion　that　no　man　ought　to　be　allowed　to　tell　a　funny　story　or　anecdote　without　a　license。　We　insist　rightly　enough　that　every　taxi…driver　must　have　a　license；　and　the　same　principle　should　apply　to　anybody　who　proposes　to　act　as　a　raconteur。　Telling　a　story　is　a　difficult　thingquite　as　difficult　as　driving　a　taxi。　And　the　risks　of　failure　and　accident　and　the　unfortunate　consequences　of　such　to　the　public；　if　not　exactly　identical；　are；　at　any　rate；　analogous。

This　is　a　point　of　view　not　generally　appreciated。　A　man　is　apt　to　think　that　just　because　he　has　heard　a　good　story　he　is　able　and　entitled　to　repeat　it。　He　might　as　well　undertake　to　do　a　snake　dance　merely　because　he　has　seen　Madame　Pavlowa　do　one。　The　point　of　a　story　is　apt　to　lie　in　the　telling；　or　at　least　to　depend　upon　it　in　a；　high　degree。　Certain　stories；　it　is　true；　depend　so　much　on　the　final　point；　or　〃nub；〃　as　we　Americans　call　it；　that　they　are　almost　fool…proof。　But　even　these　can　be　made　so　prolix　and　tiresome；　can　be　so　messed　up　with　irrelevant　detail；　that　the　general　effect　is　utter　weariness　relieved　by　a　kind　of　shock　at　the　end。　Let　me　illustrate　what　I　mean　by　a　story　with　a　〃nub〃　or　point。　I　will　take　one　of　the　best　known；　so　as　to　make　no　claim　to　originalityfor　example；　the　famous　anecdote　of　the　man　who　wanted　to　be　〃put　off　at　Buffalo。〃　Here　it　is：

A　man　entered　a　sleeping…car　and　said　to　the　porter；　〃At　what　time　do　we　get　to　Buffalo？〃　The　porter　answered；　〃At　half…past　three　in　the　morning；　sir。〃　〃All　right；〃　the　man　said；　〃now　I　want　to　get　off　at　Buffalo；　and　I　want　you　to　see　that　I　get　off。　I　sleep　heavily　and　I'm　hard　to　rouse。　But　you　just　make　me　wake　up；　don't　mind　what　I　say；　don't　pay　attention　if　I　kick　about　it；　just　put　me　off；　do　you　see？〃　〃All　right；　sir；〃　said　the　porter。　The　man　got　into　his　berth　and　fell　fast　asleep。　He　never　woke　or　moved　till　it　was　broad　daylight　and　the　train　was　a　hundred　miles　beyond　Buffalo。　He　called　angrily　to　the　porter；　〃See　here；　you；　didn't　I　tell　you　to　put　me　off　at　Buffalo？〃　The　porter　looked　at　him；　aghast。　〃Well；　I　declare　to　goodness；　boss！〃　he　exclaimed；　〃if　it　wasn't　you；　who　was　that　man　that　I　threw　off　this　train　at　half…past　three　at　Buffalo？〃

Now　this　story　is　as　nearly　fool…proof　as　can　be。　And　yet　it　is　amazing　how　badly　it　can　be　messed　up　by　a　person　with　a　special　gift　for　mangling　a　story。　He　does　it　something　after　this　fashion：

〃There　was　a　fellow　got　on　the　train　one　night　and　he　had　a　berth　reserved　for　Buffalo；　at　least　the　way　I　heard　it；　it　was　Buffalo；　though　I　guess；　as　a　matter　of　fact；　you　might　tell　it　on　any　other　town　just　as　wellor　no；　I　guess　he　didn't　have　his　berth　reserved；　he　got　on　the　train　and　asked　the　porter　for　a　reservation　for　Buffaloor；　anyway；　that　part　doesn't　mattersay　that　he　had　a　berth　for　Buffalo　or　any　other　place；　and　the　porter　came　through　and　said；　'Do　you　want　an　early　call？'or　no；　he　went　to　the　porterthat　was　itand　said〃

But　stop。　The　rest　of　the　story　becomes　a　mere　painful　waiting　for　the　end。

Of　course　the　higher　type　of　funny　story　is　the　one　that　depends　for　its　amusing　quality　not　on　the　final　point；　or　not　solely　on　it；　but　on　the　wording　and　the　narration　all　through。　This　is　the　way　in　which　a　story　is　told　by　a　comedian　or　a　person　who　is　a　raconteur　in　the　real　sense。　When　Sir　Harry　Lauder　narrates　an　incident；　the　telling　of　it　is　funny　from　beginning　to　end。　When　some　lesser　person　tries　to　repeat　it　afterwards；　there　is　nothing　left　but　the　final　point。　The　rest　is　weariness。

As　a　consequence　most　story…tellers　are　driven　to　telling　stories　that　depend　on　the　point　or　〃nub〃　and　not　on　the　narration。　The　storyteller　gathers　these　up　till　he　is　equipped　with　a　sort　of　little　repertory　of　fun　by　which　he　hopes　to　surround　himself　with　social　charm。　In　America　especially　（by　which　I　mean　here　the　United　States　and　Canada；　but　not　Mexico）　we　suffer　from　the　story…telling　habit。　As　far　as　I　am　able　to　judge；　English　society　is　not　pervaded　and　damaged　by　the　story…telling　habit　as　much　as　is　society　in　the　United　States　and　Canada。　On　our　side　of　the　Atlantic　story…telling　at　dinners　and　on　every　other　social　occasion　has　become　a　curse。　In　every　phase　of　social　and　intellectual　life　one　is　haunted　by　the　funny　anecdote。　　Any　one　who　has　ever　attended　a　Canadian　or　American　banquet　will　recall　the　solemn　way　in　which　the　chairman　rises　and　says：　　〃Gentlemen；　it　is　to　me　a　very　great　pleasure　and　a　very　great　honour　to　preside　at　this　annual　dinner。　There　was　an　old　darky　once〃　and　so　forth。　When　he　concludes　he　says；　〃I　will　now　call　upon　the　Rev。　Dr。　Stooge；　Head　of　the　Provincial　University；　Haroe　English　Any　Sense　of　Humour？　to　propose　the　toast　'Our　Dominion。'〃　Dr。　Stooge　rises　amid　great　applause　and　with　great　solemnity　begins；　〃There　were　once　two　Irishmen〃　and　so　on　to　the　end。　But　in　London；　England；　it　is　apparently　not　so。　Not　long　ago　I　had　the　pleasure　of　meeting　at　dinner　a　member　of　the　Government。　I　fully　anticipated　that　as　a　member　of　the　Government　he　would　be　expected　to　tell　a　funny　story　about　an　old　darky；　just　as　he　would　on　our　side　of　the　water。　In　fact；　I　should　have　supposed　that　he　could　hardly　get　into　the　Government　unless　he　did　tell　a　funny　story　of　some　sort。　But　all　through　dinner　the　Cabinet　Minister　never　said　a　word　about　either　a　Methodist　minister；　or　a　commercial　traveller；　or　an　old　darky；　or　two　Irishmen；　or　any　of　the　stock　characters　of　the　American　repertory。　On　another　occasion　I　dined　with　a　bishop　of　the　Church。　I　expected　that　when　the　soup　came　he　would　say；　〃There　was　an　old　darky〃　After　which　I　should　have　had　to　listen　with　rapt　attention；　and；　when　he　had　finished；　without　any　pause；　rejoin；　〃There　were　a　couple　of　Irishmen　once〃　and　so　on。　But　the　bishop　never　said　a　word　of　the　sort。

I　can　further；　for　the　sake　of　my　fellow…men　in　Canada　and　the　United　States　who　may　think　of　going　to　England；　vouchsafe　the　following　facts：　If　you　meet　a　director　of　the　Bank　of　England；　he　does　not　say：　〃I　am　very　glad　to　meet　you。　Sit　down。　There　was　a　mule　in　Arkansas　once；〃　etc。　How　they　do　their　banking　without　that　mule　I　don't　know。　But　they　manage　it。　I　can　certify　also　that　if　you　meet　the　proprietor　of　a　great　newspaper　he　will　not　begin　by　saying；　〃There　was　a　Scotchman　once。〃　In　fact；　in　England；　you　can　mingle　freely　in　general　society　without　being　called　upon　either　to　produce　a　funny　story　or　to　suffer　from　one。

I　don't　mean　to　deny　that　the　American　funny　story；　in　capable　hands；　is　amazingly　funny　and　that　it　does　brighten　up　human　intercourse。　But　the　real　trouble　lies；　not　in　the　fun　of　the　story；　but　in　the　painful　waiting　for　the　point　to　come　and　in　the　strained　and　anxious　silence　that　succeeds　it。　Each　person　around　the　dinner　table　is　trying　to　〃think　of　another。〃　There　is　a　dreadful　pause。　The　hostess　puts　up　a　prayer　that　some　one　may　〃think　of　another。〃　Then　at　last；　to　the　relief　of　everybody；　some　one　says：　〃I　heard　a　story　the　other　dayI　don't　know　whether　you've　heard　it〃　And　the　grateful　cries　of　〃No！　no！　go　ahead〃　show　how　great　the　tension　has　been。

Nine　times　out　of　ten　the　people　have　heard　the　story　before；　and　ten　times　out　of　nine　the　teller　damages　it　in　the　telling。　But　his　hearers　are　grateful　to　him　for　having　saved　them