confessions of an english opium-eater-第15部分

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en　categories　of　my　condition　as　it　stood　about　1816…17；　up　to　the　middle　of　which　latter　year　I　judge　myself　to　have　been　a　happy　man；　and　the　elements　of　that　happiness　I　have　endeavoured　to　place　before　you　in　the　above　sketch　of　the　interior　of　a　scholar's　library；　in　a　cottage　among　the　mountains；　on　a　stormy　winter　evening。

But　now；　farewella　long　farewellto　happiness；　winter　or　summer！　Farewell　to　smiles　and　laughter！　　Farewell　to　peace　of　mind！　Farewell　to　hope　and　to　tranquil　dreams；　and　to　the　blessed　consolations　of　sleep。　　For　more　than　three　years　and　a　half　I　am　summoned　away　from　these。　　I　am　now　arrived　at　an　Iliad　of　woes；　for　I　have　now　to　record


THE　PAINS　OF　OPIUM


As　when　some　great　painter　dips　His　pencil　in　the　gloom　of　earthquake　and　eclipse。　SHELLEY'S　Revolt　of　Islam。

Reader；　who　have　thus　far　accompanied　me；　I　must　request　your　attention　to　a　brief　explanatory　note　on　three　points：

1。　　For　several　reasons　I　have　not　been　able　to　compose　the　notes　for　this　part　of　my　narrative　into　any　regular　and　connected　shape。　I　give　the　notes　disjointed　as　I　find　them；　or　have　now　drawn　them　up　from　memory。　　Some　of　them　point　to　their　own　date；　some　I　have　dated；　and　some　are　undated。　　Whenever　it　could　answer　my　purpose　to　transplant　them　from　the　natural　or　chronological　order；　I　have　not　scrupled　to　do　so。　　Sometimes　I　speak　in　the　present；　sometimes　in　the　past　tense。　　Few　of　the　notes；　perhaps；　were　written　exactly　at　the　period　of　time　to　which　they　relate；　but　this　can　little　affect　their　accuracy；　as　the　impressions　were　such　that　they　can　never　fade　from　my　mind。　　Much　has　been　omitted。　　I　could　not；　without　effort；　constrain　myself　to　the　task　of　either　recalling；　or　constructing　into　a　regular　narrative；　the　whole　burthen　of　horrors　which　lies　upon　my　brain。　　This　feeling　partly　I　plead　in　excuse；　and　partly　that　I　am　now　in　London；　and　am　a　helpless　sort　of　person；　who　cannot　even　arrange　his　own　papers　without　assistance；　and　I　am　separated　from　the　hands　which　are　wont　to　perform　for　me　the　offices　of　an　amanuensis。

2。　　You　will　think　perhaps　that　I　am　too　confidential　and　communicative　of　my　own　private　history。　　It　may　be　so。　　But　my　way　of　writing　is　rather　to　think　aloud；　and　follow　my　own　humours；　than　much　to　consider　who　is　listening　to　me；　and　if　I　stop　to　consider　what　is　proper　to　be　said　to　this　or　that　person；　I　shall　soon　come　to　doubt　whether　any　part　at　all　is　proper。　　The　fact　is；　I　place　myself　at　a　distance　of　fifteen　or　twenty　years　ahead　of　this　time；　and　suppose　myself　writing　to　those　who　will　be　interested　about　me　hereafter；　and　wishing　to　have　some　record　of　time；　the　entire　history　of　which　no　one　can　know　but　myself；　I　do　it　as　fully　as　I　am　able　with　the　efforts　I　am　now　capable　of　making；　because　I　know　not　whether　I　can　ever　find　time　to　do　it　again。

3。　　It　will　occur　to　you　often　to　ask；　why　did　I　not　release　myself　from　the　horrors　of　opium　by　leaving　it　off　or　diminishing　it？　　To　this　I　must　answer　briefly：　　it　might　be　supposed　that　I　yielded　to　the　fascinations　of　opium　too　easily；　it　cannot　be　supposed　that　any　man　can　be　charmed　by　its　terrors。　　The　reader　may　be　sure；　therefore；　that　I　made　attempts　innumerable　to　reduce　the　quantity。　I　add；　that　those　who　witnessed　the　agonies　of　those　attempts；　and　not　myself；　were　the　first　to　beg　me　to　desist。　　But　could　not　have　I　reduced　it　a　drop　a　day；　or；　by　adding　water；　have　bisected　or　trisected　a　drop？　　A　thousand　drops　bisected　would　thus　have　taken　nearly　six　years　to　reduce；　and　that　way　would　certainly　not　have　answered。　　But　this　is　a　common　mistake　of　those　who　know　nothing　of　opium　experimentally；　I　appeal　to　those　who　do；　whether　it　is　not　always　found　that　down　to　a　certain　point　it　can　be　reduced　with　ease　and　even　pleasure；　but　that　after　that　point　further　reduction　causes　intense　suffering。　　Yes；　say　many　thoughtless　persons；　who　know　not　what　they　are　talking　of；　you　will　suffer　a　little　low　spirits　and　dejection　for　a　few　days。　　I　answer；　no；　there　is　nothing　like　low　spirits；　on　the　contrary；　the　mere　animal　spirits　are　uncommonly　raised：　　the　pulse　is　improved：　　the　health　is　better。　　It　is　not　there　that　the　suffering　lies。　　It　has　no　resemblance　to　the　sufferings　caused　by　renouncing　wine。　　It　is　a　state　of　unutterable　irritation　of　stomach　（which　surely　is　not　much　like　dejection）；　accompanied　by　intense　perspirations；　and　feelings　such　as　I　shall　not　attempt　to　describe　without　more　space　at　my　command。

I　shall　now　enter　in　medias　res；　and　shall　anticipate；　from　a　time　when　my　opium　pains　might　be　said　to　be　at　their　acme；　an　account　of　their　palsying　effects　on　the　intellectual　faculties。


My　studies　have　now　been　long　interrupted。　　I　cannot　read　to　myself　with　any　pleasure；　hardly　with　a　moment's　endurance。　　Yet　I　read　aloud　sometimes　for　the　pleasure　of　others；　because　reading　is　an　accomplishment　of　mine；　and；　in　the　slang　use　of　the　word　〃accomplishment〃　as　a　superficial　and　ornamental　attainment；　almost　the　only　one　I　possess；　and　formerly；　if　I　had　any　vanity　at　all　connected　with　any　endowment　or　attainment　of　mine；　it　was　with　this；　for　I　had　observed　that　no　accomplishment　was　so　rare。　Players　are　the　worst　readers　of　all：　reads　vilely；　and　Mrs。　…；　who　is　so　celebrated；　can　read　nothing　well　but　dramatic　compositions：　　Milton　she　cannot　read　sufferably。　　People　in　general　either　read　poetry　without　any　passion　at　all；　or　else　overstep　the　modesty　of　nature；　and　read　not　like　scholars。　　Of　late；　if　I　have　felt　moved　by　anything　it　has　been　by　the　grand　lamentations　of　Samson　Agonistes；　or　the　great　harmonies　of　the　Satanic　speeches　in　Paradise　Regained；　when　read　aloud　by　myself。　　A　young　lady　sometimes　comes　and　drinks　tea　with　us：　　at　her　request　and　M。's；　I　now　and　then　read　W…'s　poems　to　them。　　（W。；　by…the…bye　is　the　only　poet　I　ever　met　who　could　read　his　own　verses：　　often　indeed　he　reads　admirably。）

For　nearly　two　years　I　believe　that　I　read　no　book；　but　one；　and　I　owe　it　to　the　author；　in　discharge　of　a　great　debt　of　gratitude；　to　mention　what　that　was。　　The　sublimer　and　more　passionate　poets　I　still　read；　as　I　have　said；　by　snatches；　and　occasionally。　　But　my　proper　vocation；　as　I　well　know；　was　the　exercise　of　the　analytic　understanding。　　Now；　for　the　most　part　analytic　studies　are　continuous；　and　not　to　be　pursued　by　fits　and　starts；　or　fragmentary　efforts。　　Mathematics；　for　instance；　intellectual　philosophy；　&c；；　were　all　become　insupportable　to　me；　I　shrunk　from　them　with　a　sense　of　powerless　and　infantine　feebleness　that　gave　me　an　anguish　the　greater　from　remembering　the　time　when　I　grappled　with　them　to　my　own　hourly　delight；　and　for　this　further　reason；　because　I　had　devoted　the　labour　of　my　whole　life；　and　had　dedicated　my　intellect；　blossoms　and　fruits；　to　the　slow　and　elaborate　toil　of　constructing　one　single　work；　to　which　I　had　presumed　to　give　the　title　of　an　unfinished　work　of　Spinosa'sviz。；　De　Emendatione　Humani　Intellectus。　　This　was　now　lying　locked　up；　as　by　frost；　like　any　Spanish　bridge　or　aqueduct；　begun　upon　too　great　a　scale　for　the　resources　of　the　architect；　and　instead　of　reviving　me　as　a　monument　of　wishes　at　least；　and　aspirations；　and　a　life　of　labour　dedicated　to　the　exaltation　of　human　nature　in　that　way　in　which　God　had　best　fitted　me　to　promote　so　great　an　object；　it　was　likely　to　stand　a　memorial　to　my　children　of　hopes　defeated；　of　baffled　efforts；　of　materials　uselessly　accumulated；　of　foundations　laid　that　were　never　to　support　a　super…structureof　the　grief　and　the　ruin　of　the　architect。　　In　this　state　of　imbecility　I　had；　for　amusement；　turned　my　attention　to　political　economy；　my　understanding；　which　formerly　had　been　as　active　and　restless　as　a　hyaena；　could　not；　I　suppose　（so　long　as　I　lived　at　all）　sink　into　utter　lethargy；　and　political　economy　offers　this　advantage　to　a　person　in　my　state；　that　though　it　is　eminently　an　organic　science　（no　part；　that　is　to　say；　but　what　acts　on　the　whole　as　the　whole　again　reacts　on　each　part）；　yet　the　several　parts　may　be　detached　and　contemplated　singly。　　Great　as　was　the　prostration　of　my　powers　at　this　time；　yet　I　could　not　forget　my　knowledge；　and　my　understanding　had　been　for　too　many　years　intimate　with　severe　thinkers；　with　logic；　and　the　great　masters　of　knowledge；　not　to　be　aware　of　the　utter　feebleness　of　the　main　herd　of　modern　economists。　　I　had　been　led　in　1811　to　look　into　loads　of　books　and　pamphlets　on　many　branches　of　economy；　and；　at　my　desire；　M。　sometimes　read　to　me　chapters　from　more　recent　works；　or　parts　of　parliamentary　debates。　　I　saw　that　these　were　generally　the　very　dregs　and　rinsings　of　the　human　intellect；　and　that　any　man　of　sound　head；　and　practised　in　wielding　logic　with　a　scholastic　adroitness；　might　take　up　the　whole　academy　of　modern　economists；　and　throttle　them　between　heaven　and　earth　with　his　finger　and　thumb；　or　bray　their　fungus…heads　to　powder　with　a　lady's　fan。　　At　length；　in　1819；　a　friend　in　Edinburgh　sent　me　down　Mr。　Ricardo's　book；　and　recurring　to　my　own　prophetic　anticipation　of　the　advent　of　some　legislator　for　this　science；　I　said；　before　I　had　finished　the　first　chapter；　〃Thou　art　the　man！〃　　Wonder　and　curiosity　were　emotions　that　had　long　been　dead　in　me。　　Yet　I　wondered　once　more：　I　wondered　at　myself　that　I　could　once　again　be　stimulated　to　the　effort　of　reading；　and　much　more　I　wondered　at　the　book。　　Had　this　profound　work　been　really　written　in　England　during　the　nineteenth　century？　　Was　it　possible？　　I　supposed　thinking　｛19｝　had　been　extinct　in　England。　　Could　it　be　that　an　Englishman；　and　he　not　in　academic　bowers；　but　oppressed　by　mercantile　and　senatorial　cares；　had　accomplished　what　all　the　universities　of　Europe　and　a　century　of　thought　had　failed　even　to　advance　by　one　hair's　breadth？　　All　other　writers　had　been　crushed　and　overlaid　by　the　enormous　weight　of　facts　and　documents。　　Mr。　Ricardo　had　deduced　a　priori　from　the　understanding　itself　laws　which　first　gave　a　ray　of　light　into　the　unwieldy　chaos　of　materials；　and　had　constructed　what　had　been　but　a　collection　of　tentative　discussions　into　a　science　of　regular　proportions；　now　first　standing　on　an　eternal　basis。

Thus　did　one　single　work　of　a　profound　understand