confessions of an english opium-eater-第5部分

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once　learnedly　and　facetiously　observed　to　himthe　several　members　of　it　must　have　STOOD　in　the　relation　to　each　other　（not　SATE　in　any　relation　whatever）　of　succession；　as　the　metaphysicians　have　it；　and　not　of　a　coexistence；　in　the　relation　of　the　parts　of　time；　and　not　of　the　parts　of　space。　　During　his　breakfast　I　generally　contrived　a　reason　for　lounging　in；　and；　with　an　air　of　as　much　indifference　as　I　could　assume；　took　up　such　fragments　as　he　had　left；　sometimes；　indeed；　there　were　none　at　all。　　In　doing　this　I　committed　no　robbery　except　upon　the　man　himself；　who　was　thus　obliged　（I　believe）　now　and　then　to　send　out　at　noon　for　an　extra　biscuit；　for　as　to　the　poor　child；　SHE　was　never　admitted　into　his　study　（if　I　may　give　that　name　to　his　chief　depository　of　parchments；　law　writings；　&c。）；　that　room　was　to　her　the　Bluebeard　room　of　the　house；　being　regularly　locked　on　his　departure　to　dinner；　about　six　o'clock；　which　usually　was　his　final　departure　for　the　night。　　Whether　this　child　were　an　illegitimate　daughter　of　Mr。　…；　or　only　a　servant；　I　could　not　ascertain；　she　did　not　herself　know；　but　certainly　she　was　treated　altogether　as　a　menial　servant。　　No　sooner　did　Mr。make　his　appearance　than　she　went　below　stairs；　brushed　his　shoes；　coat；　&c。；　and；　except　when　she　was　summoned　to　run　an　errand；　she　never　emerged　from　the　dismal　Tartarus　of　the　kitchen；　&c。；　to　the　upper　air　until　my　welcome　knock　at　night　called　up　her　little　trembling　footsteps　to　the　front　door。　　Of　her　life　during　the　daytime；　however；　I　knew　little　but　what　I　gathered　from　her　own　account　at　night；　for　as　soon　as　the　hours　of　business　commenced　I　saw　that　my　absence　would　be　acceptable；　and　in　general；　therefore；　I　went　off　and　sate　in　the　parks　or　elsewhere　until　nightfall。

But　who　and　what；　meantime；　was　the　master　of　the　house　himself？　Reader；　he　was　one　of　those　anomalous　practitioners　in　lower　departments　of　the　law　whowhat　shall　I　say？who　on　prudential　reasons；　or　from　necessity；　deny　themselves　all　indulgence　in　the　luxury　of　too　delicate　a　conscience；　（a　periphrasis　which　might　be　abridged　considerably；　but　THAT　I　leave　to　the　reader's　taste）：　　in　many　walks　of　life　a　conscience　is　a　more　expensive　encumbrance　than　a　wife　or　a　carriage；　and　just　as　people　talk　of　〃laying　down〃　their　carriages；　so　I　suppose　my　friend　Mr。had　〃laid　down〃　his　conscience　for　a　time；　meaning；　doubtless；　to　resume　it　as　soon　as　he　could　afford　it。　　The　inner　economy　of　such　a　man's　daily　life　would　present　a　most　strange　picture；　if　I　could　allow　myself　to　amuse　the　reader　at　his　expense。　　Even　with　my　limited　opportunities　for　observing　what　went　on；　I　saw　many　scenes　of　London　intrigues　and　complex　chicanery；　〃cycle　and　epicycle；　orb　in　orb；〃　at　which　I　sometimes　smile　to　this　day；　and　at　which　I　smiled　then；　in　spite　of　my　misery。　　My　situation；　however；　at　that　time　gave　me　little　experience　in　my　own　person　of　any　qualities　in　Mr。　…'s　character　but　such　as　did　him　honour；　and　of　his　whole　strange　composition　I　must　forget　everything　but　that　towards　me　he　was　obliging；　and　to　the　extent　of　his　power；　generous。

That　power　was　not；　indeed；　very　extensive；　however；　in　common　with　the　rats；　I　sate　rent　free；　and　as　Dr。　Johnson　has　recorded　that　he　never　but　once　in　his　life　had　as　much　wall…fruit　as　he　could　eat；　so　let　me　be　grateful　that　on　that　single　occasion　I　had　as　large　a　choice　of　apartments　in　a　London　mansion　as　I　could　possibly　desire。　Except　the　Bluebeard　room；　which　the　poor　child　believed　to　be　haunted；　all　others；　from　the　attics　to　the　cellars；　were　at　our　service；　〃the　world　was　all　before　us；〃　and　we　pitched　our　tent　for　the　night　in　any　spot　we　chose。　　This　house　I　have　already　described　as　a　large　one；　it　stands　in　a　conspicuous　situation　and　in　a　well…　known　part　of　London。　　Many　of　my　readers　will　have　passed　it；　I　doubt　not；　within　a　few　hours　of　reading　this。　　For　myself；　I　never　fail　to　visit　it　when　business　draws　me　to　London；　about　ten　o'clock　this　very　night；　August　15；　1821being　my　birthdayI　turned　aside　from　my　evening　walk　down　Oxford　Street；　purposely　to　take　a　glance　at　it；　it　is　now　occupied　by　a　respectable　family；　and　by　the　lights　in　the　front　drawing…room　I　observed　a　domestic　party　assembled；　perhaps　at　tea；　and　apparently　cheerful　and　gay。　　Marvellous　contrast；　in　my　eyes；　to　the　darkness；　cold；　silence；　and　desolation　of　that　same　house　eighteen　years　ago；　when　its　nightly　occupants　were　one　famishing　scholar　and　a　neglected　child。　　Her；　by…the…bye；　in　after…years　I　vainly　endeavoured　to　trace。　　Apart　from　her　situation；　she　was　not　what　would　be　called　an　interesting　child；　she　was　neither　pretty；　nor　quick　in　understanding；　nor　remarkably　pleasing　in　manners。　　But；　thank　God！　even　in　those　years　I　needed　not　the　embellishments　of　novel　accessories　to　conciliate　my　affections：　　plain　human　nature；　in　its　humblest　and　most　homely　apparel；　was　enough　for　me；　and　I　loved　the　child　because　she　was　my　partner　in　wretchedness。　　If　she　is　now　living　she　is　probably　a　mother；　with　children　of　her　own；　but；　as　I　have　said；　I　could　never　trace　her。

This　I　regret；　but　another　person　there　was　at　that　time　whom　I　have　since　sought　to　trace　with　far　deeper　earnestness；　and　with　far　deeper　sorrow　at　my　failure。　　This　person　was　a　young　woman；　and　one　of　that　unhappy　class　who　subsist　upon　the　wages　of　prostitution。　　I　feel　no　shame；　nor　have　any　reason　to　feel　it；　in　avowing　that　I　was　then　on　familiar　and　friendly　terms　with　many　women　in　that　unfortunate　condition。　　The　reader　needs　neither　smile　at　this　avowal　nor　frown；　for；　not　to　remind　my　classical　readers　of　the　old　Latin　proverb；　〃Sine　cerere；〃　&c。；　it　may　well　be　supposed　that　in　the　existing　state　of　my　purse　my　connection　with　such　women　could　not　have　been　an　impure　one。　　But　the　truth　is；　that　at　no　time　of　my　life　have　I　been　a　person　to　hold　myself　polluted　by　the　touch　or　approach　of　any　creature　that　wore　a　human　shape；　on　the　contrary；　from　my　very　earliest　youth　it　has　been　my　pride　to　converse　familiarly；　MORE　SOCRATIO；　with　all　human　beings；　man；　woman；　and　child；　that　chance　might　fling　in　my　way；　a　practice　which　is　friendly　to　the　knowledge　of　human　nature；　to　good　feelings；　and　to　that　frankness　of　address　which　becomes　a　man　who　would　be　thought　a　philosopher。　　For　a　philosopher　should　not　see　with　the　eyes　of　the　poor　limitary　creature　calling　himself　a　man　of　the　world；　and　filled　with　narrow　and　self…regarding　prejudices　of　birth　and　education；　but　should　look　upon　himself　as　a　catholic　creature；　and　as　standing　in　equal　relation　to　high　and　low；　to　educated　and　uneducated；　to　the　guilty　and　the　innocent。　　Being　myself　at　that　time　of　necessity　a　peripatetic；　or　a　walker　of　the　streets；　I　naturally　fell　in　more　frequently　with　those　female　peripatetics　who　are　technically　called　street…walkers。　　Many　of　these　women　had　occasionally　taken　my　part　against　watchmen　who　wished　to　drive　me　off　the　steps　of　houses　where　I　was　sitting。　　But　one　amongst　them；　the　one　on　whose　account　I　have　at　all　introduced　this　subjectyet　no！　let　me　not　class　the；　oh！　noble…minded　Annwith　that　order　of　women。　　Let　me　find；　if　it　be　possible；　some　gentler　name　to　designate　the　condition　of　her　to　whose　bounty　and　compassion；　ministering　to　my　necessities　when　all　the　world　had　forsaken　me；　I　owe　it　that　I　am　at　this　time　alive。　　For　many　weeks　I　had　walked　at　nights　with　this　poor　friendless　girl　up　and　down　Oxford　Street；　or　had　rested　with　her　on　steps　and　under　the　shelter　of　porticoes。　She　could　not　be　so　old　as　myself；　she　told　me；　indeed；　that　she　had　not　completed　her　sixteenth　year。　　By　such　questions　as　my　interest　about　her　prompted　I　had　gradually　drawn　forth　her　simple　history。　Hers　was　a　case　of　ordinary　occurrence　（as　I　have　since　had　reason　to　think）；　and　one　in　which；　if　London　beneficence　had　better　adapted　its　arrangements　to　meet　it；　the　power　of　the　law　might　oftener　be　interposed　to　protect　and　to　avenge。　　But　the　stream　of　London　charity　flows　in　a　channel　which；　though　deep　and　mighty；　is　yet　noiseless　and　underground；　not　obvious　or　readily　accessible　to　poor　houseless　wanderers；　and　it　cannot　be　denied　that　the　outside　air　and　framework　of　London　society　is　harsh；　cruel；　and　repulsive。　In　any　case；　however；　I　saw　that　part　of　her　injuries　might　easily　have　been　redressed；　and　I　urged　her　often　and　earnestly　to　lay　her　complaint　before　a　magistrate。　　Friendless　as　she　was；　I　assured　her　that　she　would　meet　with　immediate　attention；　and　that　English　justice；　which　was　no　respecter　of　persons；　would　speedily　and　amply　avenge　her　on　the　brutal　ruffian　who　had　plundered　her　little　property。　　She　promised　me　often　that　she　would；　but　she　delayed　taking　the　steps　I　pointed　out　from　time　to　time；　for　she　was　timid　and　dejected　to　a　degree　which　showed　how　deeply　sorrow　had　taken　hold　of　her　young　heart；　and　perhaps　she　thought　justly　that　the　most　upright　judge　and　the　most　righteous　tribunals　could　do　nothing　to　repair　her　heaviest　wrongs。　　Something；　however；　would　perhaps　have　been　done；　for　it　had　been　settled　between　us　at　length；　but　unhappily　on　the　very　last　time　but　one　that　I　was　ever　to　see　her；　that　in　a　day　or　two　we　should　go　together　before　a　magistrate；　and　that　I　should　speak　on　her　behalf。　　This　little　service　it　was　destined；　however；　that　I　should　never　realise。　　Meantime；　that　which　she　rendered　to　me；　and　which　was　greater　than　I　could　ever　have　repaid　her；　was　this：…　One　night；　when　we　were　pacing　slowly　along　Oxford　Street；　and　after　a　day　when　I　had　felt　more　than　usually　ill　and　faint；　I　requested　her　to　turn　off　with　me　into　Soho　Square。　　Thither　we　went；　and　we　sat　down　on　the　steps　of　a　house；　which　to　this　hour　I　never　pass　without　a　pang　of　grief　and　an　inner　act　of　homage　to　the　spirit　of　that　unhappy　girl；　in　memory　of　the　noble　action　which　she　there　performed。　　Suddenly；　as　we　sate；　I　grew　much　worse。　　I　had　been　leaning　my　head　against　her　bosom；　and　all　at　once　I　sank　from　her　arms　and　fell　backwards　on　the　steps。　From　the　sensations　I　then　had；　I　felt　an　inner　conviction　of　the　liveliest　kind；　that　without　some　powerful　and　reviving　stimulus　I　should　either　have　died　on　the　spot；　or　should　at　least　have　sunk　to　a　point　of　exhaust