falk-第15部分

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〃Was　it　right　then　for　me　to　die　myself？〃　he

asked　thoughtfully。　　I　laid　my　hand　on　his　shoul…

der。



〃Go　away；〃　I　whispered　imperiously；　without

any　clear　reason　for　this　advice；　except　that　I

wished　to　put　an　end　to　Hermann's　odious　noise。

〃Go　away。〃



He　looked　searchingly　for　a　moment　at　Hermann

before　he　made　a　move。　　I　left　the　cabin　too　to　see

him　out　of　the　ship。　　But　he　hung　about　the　quar…

ter…deck。



〃It　is　my　misfortune；〃　he　said　in　a　steady

voice。



〃You　were　stupid　to　blurt　it　out　in　such　a　man…

ner。　　After　all；　we　don't　hear　such　confidences

every　day。〃



〃What　does　the　man　mean？〃　he　mused　in　deep

undertones。　　〃Somebody　had　to　diebut　why

me？〃



He　remained　still　for　a　time　in　the　darksilent；

almost　invisible。　　All　at　once　he　pinned　my　elbows

to　my　sides。　　I　felt　utterly　powerless　in　his　grip；

and　his　voice；　whispering　in　my　ear；　vibrated。



〃It's　worse　than　hunger。　　Captain；　do　you　know

what　that　means？　　And　I　could　kill　thenor　be

killed。　　I　wish　the　crowbar　had　smashed　my　skull

ten　years　ago。　　And　I've　got　to　live　now。　　Without

her。　　Do　you　understand？　　Perhaps　many　years。

But　how？　　What　can　be　done？　　If　I　had　allowed

myself　to　look　at　her　once　I　would　have　carried　her

off　before　that　man　in　my　handslike　this。〃



I　felt　myself　snatched　off　the　deck；　then　suddenly

droppedand　I　staggered　backwards；　feeling

bewildered　and　bruised。　　What　a　man！　　All　was

still；　he　was　gone。　　I　heard　Hermann's　voice　de…

claiming　in　the　cabin；　and　I　went　in。



I　could　not　at　first　make　out　a　single　word；　but

Mrs。　Hermann；　who；　attracted　by　the　noise；　had

come　in　some　time　before；　with　an　expression　of

surprise　and　mild　disapproval；　depicted　broadly　on

her　face；　was　giving　now　all　the　signs　of　profound；

helpless　agitation。　　Her　husband　shot　a　string　of

guttural　words　at　her；　and　instantly　putting　out

one　hand　to　the　bulkhead　as　if　to　save　herself　from

falling；　she　clutched　the　loose　bosom　of　her　dress

with　the　other。　　He　harangued　the　two　women　ex…

traordinarily；　with　much　of　his　shirt　hanging　out　of

his　waistbelt；　stamping　his　foot；　turning　from　one

to　the　other；　sometimes　throwing　both　his　arms　to…

gether；　straight　up　above　his　rumpled　hair；　and

keeping　them　in　that　position　while　he　uttered　a

passage　of　loud　denunciation；　at　others　folding

them　tight　across　his　breastand　then　he　hissed

with　indignation；　elevating　his　shoulders　and　pro…

truding　his　head。　　The　girl　was　crying。



She　had　not　changed　her　attitude。　　From　her

steady　eyes　that；　following　Falk　in　his　retreat；　had

remained　fixed　wistfully　on　the　cabin　door；　the

tears　fell　rapid；　thick；　on　her　hands；　on　the　work　in

her　lap；　warm　and　gentle　like　a　shower　in　spring。

She　wept　without　grimacing；　without　noisevery

touching；　very　quiet；　with　something　more　of　pity

than　of　pain　in　her　face；　as　one　weeps　in　compassion

rather　than　in　griefand　Hermann；　before　her；

declaimed。　　I　caught　several　times　the　word

〃Mensch；〃　man；　and　also　〃Fressen；〃　which　last　I

looked　up　afterwards　in　my　dictionary。　　It　means

〃Devour。〃　　Hermann　seemed　to　be　requesting　an

answer　of　some　sort　from　her；　his　whole　body

swayed。　　She　remained　mute　and　perfectly　still；

at　last　his　agitation　gained　her；　she　put　the　palms

of　her　hands　together；　her　full　lips　parted；　no

sound　came。　　His　voice　scolded　shrilly；　his　arms

went　like　a　windmillsuddenly　he　shook　a　thick

fist　at　her。　　She　burst　out　into　loud　sobs。　　He

seemed　stupefied。



Mrs。　Hermann　rushed　forward　babbling　rap…

dly。　　The　two　women　fell　on　each　other's　necks；

and；　with　an　arm　round　her　niece's　waist；　she　led　her

away。　　Her　own　eyes　were　simply　streaming；　her

face　was　flooded。　　She　shook　her　head　back　at　me

negatively；　I　wonder　why　to　this　day。　　The　girl's

head　dropped　heavily　on　her　shoulder。　　They　dis…

appeared。



Then　Hermann　sat　down　and　stared　at　the　cabin

floor。



〃We　don't　know　all　the　circumstances；〃　I　ven…

tured　to　break　the　silence。　　He　retorted　tartly　that

he　didn't　want　to　know　of　any。　　According　to　his

ideas　no　circumstances　could　excuse　a　crimeand

certainly　not　such　a　crime。　　This　was　the　opinion

generally　received。　　The　duty　of　a　human　being

was　to　starve。　　Falk　therefore　was　a　beast；　an　ani…

mal；　base；　low；　vile；　despicable；　shameless；　and　de…

ceitful。　　He　had　been　deceiving　him　since　last　year。

He　was；　however；　inclined　to　think　that　Falk　must

have　gone　mad　quite　recently；　for　no　sane　person；

without　necessity；　uselessly；　for　no　earthly　reason；

and　regardless　of　another's　self…respect　and　peace

of　mind；　would　own　to　having　devoured　human

flesh。　　〃Why　tell？〃　he　cried。　　〃Who　was　asking

him？〃　　It　showed　Falk's　brutality　because　after

all　he　had　selfishly　caused　him　（Hermann）　much

pain。　　He　would　have　preferred　not　to　know　that

such　an　unclean　creature　had　been　in　the　habit　of

caressing　his　children。　　He　hoped　I　would　say　noth…

ing　of　all　this　ashore；　though。　　He　wouldn't　like　it

to　get　about　that　he　had　been　intimate　with　an

eater　of　mena　common　cannibal。　　As　to　the　scene

he　had　made　（which　I　judged　quite　unnecessary）

he　was　not　going　to　inconvenience　and　restrain

himself　for　a　fellow　that　went　about　courting　and

upsetting　girls'　heads；　while　he　knew　all　the　time

that　no　decent　housewifely　girl　could　think　of　mar…

rying　him。　　At　least　he　（Hermann）　could　not　con…

ceive　how　any　girl　could。　　Fancy　Lena！　。　。　。　　No；

it　was　impossible。　　The　thoughts　that　would　come

into　their　heads　every　time　they　sat　down　to　a　meal。

Horrible！　　Horrible！



〃You　are　too　squeamish；　Hermann；〃　I　said。



He　seemed　to　think　it　was　eminently　proper　to　be

squeamish　if　the　word　meant　disgust　at　Falk's　con…

duct；　and　turning　up　his　eyes　sentimentally　he

drew　my　attention　to　the　horrible　fate　of　the　victims

the　victims　of　that　Falk。　　I　said　that　I　knew

nothing　about　them。　　He　seemed　surprised。　　Could

not　anybody　imagine　without　knowing？　　Hefor

instancefelt　he　would　like　to　avenge　them。　　But

what　ifsaid　Ithere　had　not　been　any？　　They

might　have　died　as　it　were；　naturallyof　starva…

tion。　　He　shuddered。　　But　to　be　eatenafter

death！　　To　be　devoured！　　He　gave　another　deep

shudder；　and　asked　suddenly；　〃Do　you　think　it

is　true？〃



His　indignation　and　his　personality　together

would　have　been　enough　to　spoil　the　reality　of　the

most　authentic　thing。　　When　I　looked　at　him　I

doubted　the　storybut　the　remembrance　of　Falk's

words；　looks；　gestures；　invested　it　not　only　with

an　air　of　reality　but　with　the　absolute　truth　of

primitive　passion。



〃It　is　true　just　as　much　as　you　are　able　to　make

it；　and　exactly　in　the　way　you　like　to　make　it。　　For

my　part；　when　I　hear　you　clamouring　about　it；　I

don't　believe　it　is　true　at　all。〃



And　I　left　him　pondering。　　The　men　in　my　boat

lying　at　the　foot　of　Diana's　side　ladder　told　me　that

the　captain　of　the　tug　had　gone　away　in　his　gig

some　time　ago。



I　let　my　fellows　pull　an　easy　stroke；　because　of

the　heavy　dew　the　clear　sparkle　of　the　stars　seemed

to　fall　on　me　cold　and　wetting。　　There　was　a　sense

of　lurking　gruesome　horror　somewhere　in　my　mind；

and　it　was　mingled　with　clear　and　grotesque

images。　　Schomberg's　gastronomic　tittle…tattle

was　responsible　for　these；　and　I　half　hoped　I

should　never　see　Falk　again。　　But　the　first　thing

my　anchor…watchman　told　me　was　that　the　captain

of　the　tug　was　on　board。　　He　had　sent　his　boat

away　and　was　now　waiting　for　me　in　the　cuddy。



He　was　lying　full　length　on　the　stern　settee；　his

face　buried　in　the　cushions。　　I　had　expected　to　see

it　discomposed；　contorted；　despairing。　　It　was

nothing　of　the　kind；　it　was　just　as　I　had　seen　it

twenty　times；　steady　and　glaring　from　the　bridge

of　the　tug。　　It　was　immovably　set　and　hungry；

dominated　like　the　whole　man　by　the　singleness　of

one　instinct。



He　wanted　to　live。　　He　had　always　wanted　to

live。　　So　we　all　dobut　in　us　the　instinct　serves　a

complex　conception；　and　in　him　this　instinct　existed

alone。　　There　is　in　such　simple　development　a　gi…

gantic　force；　and　like　the　pathos　of　a　child's　naive

nd　uncontrolled　desire。　　He　wanted　that　girl；　and

the　utmost　that　can　be　said　for　him　was　that　he

wanted　that　particular　girl　alone。　　I　think　I　saw

then　the　obscure　beginning；　the　seed　germinating

in　the　soil　of　an　unconscious　need；　the　first　shoot

of　that　tree　bearing　now　for　a　mature　mankind　the

flower　and　the　fruit；　the　infinite　gradation　in

shades　and　in　flavour　of　our　discriminating　love。

He　was　a　child。　　He　was　as　frank　as　a　child　too。

He　was　hungry　for　the　girl；　terribly　hungry；　as

he　had　been　terribly　hungry　for　food。



Don't　be　shocked　if　I　declare　that　in　my　belief

it　was　the　same　need；　the　same　pain；　the　same　tor…

ture。　　We　are　in　his　case　allowed　to　contemplate

the　foundation　of　all　the　emotionsthat　one　joy

which　is　to　live；　and　the　one　sadness　at　the　root　of

the　innumerable　torments。　　It　was　made　plain　by

the　way　he　talked。　　He　had　never　suffered　so。　　It

was　gnawing；　it　was　fire；　it　was　there；　like　this！

And　after　pointing　below　his　breastbone；　he　made

a　hard　wringing　motion　with　his　hands。　　And　I　as…

sure　you　that；　seen　as　I　saw　it　with　my　bodily　eyes；

it　was　anything　but　laughable。　　And　again；　as　he

was　presently　to　tell　me　（alluding　to　an　early　inci…

dent　of　the　disastrous　voyage　when　some　damaged

meat　had　been　flung　overboard）；　he　said　that　a

time　soon　came　when　his　heart　ached　（that　was　the

expression　he　used）；　and　he　was　ready　to　tear　his

hair　out　at　the　thought　of　all　that　rotten　beef

thrown　away。



I　had　heard　all　this；　I　witnessed　his　physical

struggles；　seeing　the　working　of　the　rack　and　hear…

ing　the　true　voice　of　pain。　　I　witnessed　it　all　pa…

tiently；　because　the　moment　I　came　into　the　cuddy

he　had　called　upon　me　to　stand　by　himand　this；

it　seems；　I　had　diplomatically　promised。



His　agitation　was　impressive　and　alarm