the gentle grafter-第23部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！


see　if　I　could　get　a　line　on　the　kind　of　man　I　wanted。

〃'Gentlemen；'　says　I；　after　we　had　rubbed　noses　and　gathered　'round
the　dried…apple　barrel。　'I　don't　suppose　there's　another　community　in
the　whole　world　into　which　sin　and　chicanery　has　less　extensively
permeated　than　this。　Life　here；　where　all　the　women　are　brave　and
propitious　and　all　the　men　honest　and　expedient；　must；　indeed；　be　an
idol。　It　reminds　me；'　says　I；　'of　Goldstein's　beautiful　ballad
entitled　〃The　Deserted　Village；〃　which　says：

　　'Ill　fares　the　land；　to　hastening　ills　a　prey；
　　　　What　art　can　drive　its　charms　away？
　　The　judge　rode　slowly　down　the　lane；　mother。
　　　　For　I'm　to　be　Queen　of　the　May。'

〃'Why；　yes；　Mr。　Peters；'　says　the　storekeeper。　'I　reckon　we　air　about
as　moral　and　torpid　a　community　as　there　be　on　the　mounting；　according
to　censuses　of　opinion；　but　I　reckon　you　ain't　ever　met　Rufe　Tatum。'

〃'Why；　no；'　says　the　town　constable；　'he　can't　hardly　have　ever。　That
air　Rufe　is　shore　the　monstrousest　scalawag　that　has　escaped　hangin'
on　the　galluses。　And　that　puts　me　in　mind　that　I　ought　to　have　turned
Rufe　out　of　the　lockup　before　yesterday。　The　thirty　days　he　got　for
killin'　Yance　Goodloe　was　up　then。　A　day　or　two　more　won't　hurt　Rufe
any；　though。'

〃'Shucks；　now；'　says　I；　in　the　mountain　idiom；　'don't　tell　me　there's
a　man　in　Mount　Nebo　as　bad　as　that。'

〃'Worse；'　says　the　storekeeper。　'He　steals　hogs。'

〃I　think　I　will　look　up　this　Mr。　Tatum；　so　a　day　or　two　after　the
constable　turned　him　out　I　got　acquainted　with　him　and　invited　him　out
on　the　edge　of　town　to　sit　on　a　log　and　talk　business。

〃What　I　wanted　was　a　partner　with　a　natural　rural　make…up　to　play　a
part　in　some　little　one…act　outrages　that　I　was　going　to　book　with　the
Pitfall　&　Gin　circuit　in　some　of　the　Western　towns；　and　this　R。　Tatum
was　born　for　the　role　as　sure　as　nature　cast　Fairbanks　for　the　stuff
that　kept　/Eliza/　from　sinking　into　the　river。

〃He　was　about　the　size　of　a　first　baseman；　and　he　had　ambiguous　blue
eyes　like　the　china　dog　on　the　mantelpiece　that　Aunt　Harriet　used　to
play　with　when　she　was　a　child。　His　hair　waved　a　little　bit　like　the
statue　of　the　dinkus…thrower　at　the　Vacation　in　Rome；　but　the　color　of
it　reminded　you　of　the　'Sunset　in　the　Grand　Canon；　by　an　American
Artist；'　that　they　hang　over　the　stove…pipe　holes　in　the　salongs。　He
was　the　Reub；　without　needing　a　touch。　You'd　have　known　him　for　one；
even　if　you'd　seen　him　on　the　vaudeville　stage　with　one　cotton
suspender　and　a　straw　over　his　ear。

〃I　told　him　what　I　wanted；　and　found　him　ready　to　jump　at　the　job。

〃'Overlooking　such　a　trivial　little　peccadillo　as　the　habit　of
manslaughter；'　says　I；　'what　have　you　accomplished　in　the　way　of
indirect　brigandage　or　nonactionable　thriftiness　that　you　could　point
to；　with　or　without　pride；　as　an　evidence　of　your　qualifications　for
the　position？'

〃'Why；'　says　he；　in　his　kind　of　Southern　system　of　procrastinated
accents；　'hain't　you　heard　tell？　There　ain't　any　man；　black　or　white；
in　the　Blue　Ridge　that　can　tote　off　a　shoat　as　easy　as　I　can　without
bein'　heard；　seen；　or　cotched。　I　can　lift　a　shoat；'　he　goes　on；　'out
of　a　pen；　from　under　a　porch；　at　the　trough；　in　the　woods；　day　or
night；　anywhere　or　anyhow；　and　I　guarantee　nobody　won't　hear　a　squeal。
It's　all　in　the　way　you　grab　hold　of　'em　and　carry　'em　atterwards。
Some　day；'　goes　on　this　gentle　despoiler　of　pig…pens；　'I　hope　to
become　reckernized　as　the　champion　shoat…stealer　of　the　world。'

〃'It's　proper　to　be　ambitious；'　says　I；　'and　hog…stealing　will　do　very
well　for　Mount　Nebo；　but　in　the　outside　world；　Mr。　Tatum；　it　would　be
considered　as　crude　a　piece　of　business　as　a　bear　raid　on　Bay　State
Gas。　However；　it　will　do　as　a　guarantee　of　good　faith。　We'll　go　into
partnership。　I've　got　a　thousand　dollars　cash　capital；　and　with　that
homeward…plods　atmosphere　of　yours　we　ought　to　be　able　to　win　out　a
few　shares　of　Soon　Parted；　preferred；　in　the　money　market。'

〃So　I　attaches　Rufe；　and　we　go　away　from　Mount　Nebo　down　into　the
lowlands。　And　all　the　way　I　coach　him　for　his　part　in　the　grafts　I　had
in　mind。　I　had　idled　away　two　months　on　the　Florida　coast；　and　was
feeling　all　to　the　Ponce　de　Leon；　besides　having　so　many　new　schemes
up　my　sleeve　that　I　had　to　wear　kimonos　to　hold　'em。

〃I　intended　to　assume　a　funnel　shape　and　mow　a　path　nine　miles　wide
though　the　farming　belt　of　the　Middle　West；　so　we　headed　in　that
direction。　But　when　we　got　as　far　as　Lexington　we　found　Binkley
Brothers'　circus　there；　and　the　blue…grass　peasantry　romping　into　town
and　pounding　the　Belgian　blocks　with　their　hand…pegged　sabots　as
artless　and　arbitrary　as　an　extra　session　of　a　Datto　Bryan　drama。　I
never　pass　a　circus　without　pulling　the　valve…cord　and　coming　down　for
a　little　Key　West　money；　so　I　engaged　a　couple　of　rooms　and　board　for
Rufe　and　me　at　a　house　near　the　circus　grounds　run　by　a　widow　lady
named　Peevy。　Then　I　took　Rufe　to　a　clothing　store　and　gent's…outfitted
him。　He　showed　up　strong；　as　I　knew　he　would；　after　he　was　rigged　up
in　the　ready…made　rutabaga　regalia。　Me　and　old　Misfitzky　stuffed　him
into　a　bright　blue　suit　with　a　Nile　green　visible　plaid　effect；　and
riveted　on　a　fancy　vest　of　a　light　Tuskegee　Normal　tan　color；　a　red
necktie；　and　the　yellowest　pair　of　shoes　in　town。

〃They　were　the　first　clothes　Rufe　had　ever　worn　except　the　gingham
layette　and　the　butternut　top…dressing　of　his　native　kraal；　and　he
looked　as　self…conscious　as　an　Igorrote　with　a　new　nose…ring。

〃That　night　I　went　down　to　the　circus　tents　and　opened　a　small　shell
game。　Rufe　was　to　be　the　capper。　I　gave　him　a　roll　of　phony　currency
to　bet　with　and　kept　a　bunch　of　it　in　a　special　pocket　to　pay　his
winnings　out　of。　No；　I　didn't　mistrust　him；　but　I　simply　can't
manipulate　the　ball　to　lose　when　I　see　real　money　bet。　My　fingers　go
on　a　strike　every　time　I　try　it。

〃I　set　up　my　little　table　and　began　to　show　them　how　easy　it　was　to
guess　which　shell　the　little　pea　was　under。　The　unlettered　hinds
gathered　in　a　thick　semicircle　and　began　to　nudge　elbows　and　banter
one　another　to　bed。　Then　was　when　Rufe　ought　to　have　single…footed　up
and　called　the　turn　on　the　little　joker　for　a　few　tens　and　fives　to
get　them　started。　But；　no　Rufe。　I'd　seen　him　two　or　three　times
walking　about　and　looking　at　the　side…show　pictures　with　his　mouth
full　of　peanut　candy；　but　he　never　came　nigh。

〃The　crowd　piked　a　little；　but　trying　to　work　the　shells　without　a
capper　is　like　fishing　without　a　bait。　I　closed　the　game　with　only
forty…two　dollars　of　the　unearned　increment；　while　I　had　been　counting
on　yanking　the　yeomen　for　two　hundred　at　least。　I　went　home　at　eleven
and　went　to　bed。　I　supposed　that　the　circus　had　proved　too　alluring
for　Rufe；　and　that　he　had　succumbed　to　it；　concert　and　all；　but　I
meant　to　give　him　a　lecture　on　general　business　principles　in　the
morning。

〃Just　after　Morpheus　had　got　both　my　shoulders　to　the　shuck　mattress　I
hears　a　houseful　of　unbecoming　and　ribald　noises　like　a　youngster
screeching　with　green…apple　colic。　I　opens　my　door　and　calls　out　in
the　hall　for　the　widow　lady；　and　when　she　sticks　her　head　out；　I　says：
'Mrs。　Peevy；　ma'am；　would　you　mind　choking　off　that　kid　of　yours　so
that　honest　people　can　get　their　rest？'

〃'Sir；'　says　she；　'it's　no　child　of　mine。　It's　the　pig　squealing　that
your　friend　Mr。　Tatum　brought　home　to　his　room　a　couple　of　hours　ago。
And　if　you　are　uncle　or　second　cousin　or　brother　to　it；　I'd　appreciate
your　stopping　its　mouth；　sir；　yourself；　if　you　please。'

〃I　put　on　some　of　the　polite　outside　habiliments　of　external　society
and　went　into　Rufe's　room。　He　had　gotten　up　and　lit　his　lamp；　and　was
pouring　some　milk　into　a　tin　pan　on　the　floor　for　a　dingy…white；　half…
grown；　squealing　pig。

〃'How　is　this；　Rufe？'　says　I。　'You　flimflammed　in　your　part　of　the
work　to…night　and　put　the　game　on　crutches。　And　how　do　you　explain　the
pig？　It　looks　like　back…sliding　to　me。'

〃'Now；　don't　be　too　hard　on　me；　Jeff；'　says　he。　'You　know　how　long
I've　been　used　to　stealing　shoats。　It's　got　to　be　a　habit　with　me。　And
to…night；　when　I　see　such　a　fine　chance；　I　couldn't　help　takin'　it。'

〃'Well；'　says　I；　'maybe　you've　really　got　kleptopigia。　And　maybe　when
we　get　out　of　the　pig　belt　you'll　turn　your　mind　to　higher　and　more
remunerative　misconduct。　Why　you　should　want　to　stain　your　soul　with
such　a　distasteful；　feeble…minded；　perverted；　roaring　beast　as　that　I
can't　understand。'

〃'Why；　Jeff；'　says　he；　'you　ain't　in　sympathy　with　shoats。　You　don't
understand　'em　like　I　do。　This　here　seems　to　me　to　be　an　animal　of
more　than　common　powers　of　ration　and　intelligence。　He　walked　half
across　the　room　on　his　hind　legs　a　while　ago。'

〃'Well；　I'm　going　back　to　bed；'　says　I。　'See　if　you　can　impress　it
upon　your　friend's　ideas　of　intelligence　that　he's　not　to　make　so　much
noise。'

〃'He　was　hungry；'　says　Rufe。　'He'll　go　to　sleep　and　keep　quiet　now。'

〃I　always　get　up　before　breakfast　and　read　the　morning　paper　whenever
I　happen　to　be　within　the　radius　of　a　Hoe　cylinder　or　a　Washington
hand…press。　The　next　morning　I　got　up　early；　and　found　a　Lexington
daily　on　the　front　porch　where　the　carrier　had　thrown　it。　The　first
thing　I　saw　in　it　was　a　double…column　ad。　on　the　front　page　that　read
like　this：

FIVE　THOUSAND　DOLLARS　REWARD

　　The　above　amount　will　be　paid；　and　no　questions　asked；　for　the
　　return；　alive　and　uninjured；　of　Beppo；　the　famous　European
　　educated　pig；　that　strayed　or　was　stolen　from　the　side…show　tents
　　of　Binkley　Bros。'　circus　last　night。

Geo。　B。　Tapley；　Business　Manager。
At　the　circus　grounds。


〃I　folded　up　the　paper　flat；　put　it　into　my　inside　pocket；　and　went　to
Rufe's　room。　He　was　nearly　dressed；　and　was　feeding　the　pig　the　rest
of　the　milk　and　some　apple…peelings。

〃'Well；　well；　well；　good　morning　all；'　I　says；　hearty　and　amiable。　'So
we　are　up？　And　piggy　is　having　his　breakfast。　What　had　you　intended
doing　with　that　pig；　Rufe？'

〃'I'm　going　to　crate　him　up；'　says　Rufe；　'and　express　him　to　ma　in
Mount　Nebo。　He'll　be　company　for　her　while　I　am　away。'

〃'He's　a　mighty　fine　pig；'　says　I；　scratching　him　on　the　back。

〃'You　called　him　a　lot　of　names　last　night；'