the white people-第3部分

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She　came　many　times。　　Through　all　my　childish　years　I　knew　that　she　would　come　and　play　with　me　every　few　daysthough　I　never　saw　the　wild　troopers　again　or　the　big；　lean　man　with　the　scar。　　Children　who　play　together　are　not　very　curious　about　one　another；　and　I　simply　accepted　her　with　delight。　　Somehow　I　knew　that　she　lived　happily　in　a　place　not　far　away。　　She　could　come　and　go；　it　seemed；　without　trouble。　　Sometimes　I　found　heror　she　found　me　upon　the　moor；　and　often　she　appeared　in　my　nursery　in　the　castle。　　When　we　were　together　Jean　Braidfute　seemed　to　prefer　that　we　should　be　alone；　and　was　inclined　to　keep　the　under…nurse　occupied　in　other　parts　of　the　wing　I　lived　in。　　I　never　asked　her　to　do　this；　but　I　was　glad　that　it　was　done。　　Wee　Elspeth　was　glad；　too。　　After　our　first　meeting　she　was　dressed　in　soft　blue　or　white；　and　the　red　stain　was　gone；　but　she　was　always　Wee　Brown　Elspeth　with　the　doelike　eyes　and　the　fair；　transparent　face；　the　very　fair　little　face。　　As　I　had　noticed　the　strange；　clear　pallor　of　the　rough　troopers；　so　I　noticed　that　she　was　curiously　fair。　　And　as　I　occasionally　saw　other　persons　with　the　same　sort　of　fairness；　I　thought　it　was　a　purity　of　complexion　special　to　some；　but　not　to　all。　　I　was　not　fair　like　that；　and　neither　was　any　one　else　I　knew。



CHAPTER　III

It　was　when　I　was　ten　years　old　that　Wee　Elspeth　ceased　coming　to　me；　and　though　I　missed　her　at　first；　it　was　not　with　a　sense　of　grief　or　final　loss。　　She　had　only　gone　somewhere。

It　was　then　that　Angus　Macayre　began　to　be　my　tutor。　　He　had　been　a　profound　student　and　had　lived　among　books　all　his　life。　　He　had　helped　Jean　in　her　training　of　me；　and　I　had　learned　more　than　is　usually　taught　to　children　in　their　early　years。　　When　a　grand　governess　was　sent　to　Muircarrie　by　my　guardian；　she　was　amazed　at　the　things　I　was　familiar　with；　but　she　abhorred　the　dark；　frowning　castle　and　the　loneliness　of　the　place　and　would　not　stay。　　In　fact；　no　governess　would　stay；　and　so　Angus　became　my　tutor　and　taught　me　old　Gaelic　and　Latin　and　Greek；　and　we　read　together　and　studied　the　ancient　books　in　the　library。　　It　was　a　strange　education　for　a　girl；　and　no　doubt　made　me　more　than　ever　unlike　others。　　But　my　life　was　the　life　I　loved。

When　my　guardian　decided　that　I　must　live　with　him　in　London　and　be　educated　as　modern　girls　were；　I　tried　to　be　obedient　and　went　to　him；　but　before　two　months　had　passed　my　wretchedness　had　made　me　so　ill　that　the　doctor　said　I　should　go　into　a　decline　and　die　if　I　were　not　sent　back　to　Muircarrie。

〃It's　not　only　the　London　air　that　seems　to　poison　her；〃　he　said　when　Jean　talked　to　him　about　me；　〃it　is　something　else。　　She　will　not　live；　that's　all。　　Sir　Ian　must　send　her　home。〃

As　I　have　said　before；　I　had　been　an　unattractive　child　and　I　was　a　plain；　uninteresting　sort　of　girl。　　I　was　shy　and　could　not　talk　to　people；　so　of　course　I　bored　them。　　I　knew　I　did　not　look　well　when　I　wore　beautiful　clothes。　　I　was　little　and　unimportant　and　like　a　reed　for　thinness。　　Because　I　was　rich　and　a　sort　of　chieftainess　I　ought　to　have　been　tall　and　rather　stately；　or　at　least　I　ought　to　have　had　a　bearing　which　would　have　made　it　impossible　for　people　to　quite　overlook　me。　　But；　any　one　could　overlook　mean　insignificant；　thin　girl　who　slipped　in　and　out　of　places　and　sat　and　stared　and　listened　to　other　people　instead　of　saying　things　herself；　I　liked　to　look　on　and　be　forgotten。　　It　interested　me　to　watch　people　if　they　did　not　notice　me。

Of　course；　my　relatives　did　not　really　like　me。　　How　could　they？　　They　were　busy　in　their　big　world　and　did　not　know　what　to　do　with　a　girl　who　ought　to　have　been　important　and　was　not。　　I　am　sure　that　in　secret　they　were　relieved　when　I　was　sent　back　to　Muircarrie。

After　that　the　life　I　loved　went　on　quietly。　　I　studied　with　Angus；　and　made　the　book…　walled　library　my　own　room。　　I　walked　and　rode　on　the　moor；　and　I　knew　the　people　who　lived　in　the　cottages　and　farms　on　the　estate。　　I　think　they　liked　me；　but　I　am　not　sure；　because　I　was　too　shy　to　seem　very　friendly。　　I　was　more　at　home　with　Feargus；　the　piper；　and　with　some　of　the　gardeners　than　I　was　with　any　one　else。　　I　think　I　was　lonely　without　knowing；　but　I　was　never　unhappy。　　Jean　and　Angus　were　my　nearest　and　dearest。　　Jean　was　of　good　blood　and　a　stanch　gentlewoman；　quite　sufficiently　educated　to　be　my　companion　as　she　had　been　my　early　governess。

It　was　Jean　who　told　Angus　that　I　was　giving　myself　too　entirely　to　the　study　of　ancient　books　and　the　history　of　centuries　gone　by。

〃She　is　living　to…day；　and　she　must　not　pass　through　this　life　without　gathering　anything　from　it。〃

〃This　life；〃　she　put　it；　as　if　I　had　passed　through　others　before；　and　might　pass　through　others　again。　　That　was　always　her　way　of　speaking；　and　she　seemed　quite　unconscious　of　any　unusualness　in　it。

〃You　are　a　wise　woman；　Jean；〃　Angus　said；　looking　long　at　her　grave　face。　　〃A　wise　woman。〃

He　wrote　to　the　London　book…shops　for　the　best　modern　books；　and　I　began　to　read　them。　　I　felt　at　first　as　if　they　plunged　me　into　a　world　I　did　not　understand；　and　many　of　them　I　could　not　endure。　　But　I　persevered；　and　studied　them　as　I　had　studied　the　old　ones；　and　in　time　I　began　to　feel　as　if　perhaps　they　were　true。　　My　chief　weariness　with　them　came　from　the　way　they　had　of　referring　to　the　things　I　was　so　intimate　with　as　though　they　were　only　the　unauthenticated　history　of　a　life　so　long　passed　by　that　it　could　no　longer　matter　to　any　one。　　So　often　the　greatest　hours　of　great　lives　were　treated　as　possible　legends。　　I　knew　why　men　had　died　or　were　killed　or　had　borne　black　horror。　　I　knew　because　I　had　read　old　books　and　manuscripts　and　had　heard　the　stories　which　had　come　down　through　centuries　by　word　of　mouth；　passed　from　father　to　son。

But　there　was　one　man　who　did　not　write　as　if　he　believed　the　world　had　begun　and　would　end　with　him。　　He　knew　he　was　only　one；　and　part　of　all　the　rest。　　The　name　I　shall　give　him　is　Hector　MacNairn。　　He　was　a　Scotchman；　but　he　had　lived　in　many　a　land。　　The　first　time　I　read　a　book　he　had　written　I　caught　my　breath　with　joy；　again　and　again。　　I　knew　I　had　found　a　friend；　even　though　there　was　no　likelihood　that　I　should　ever　see　his　face。　　He　was　a　great　and　famous　writer；　and　all　the　world　honored　him；　while　I；　hidden　away　in　my　castle　on　a　rock　on　the　edge　of　Muircarrie；　was　so　far　from　being　interesting　or　clever　that　even　in　my　grandest　evening　dress　and　tiara　of　jewels　I　was　as　insignificant　as　a　mouse。　　In　fact；　I　always　felt　rather　silly　when　I　was　obliged　to　wear　my　diamonds　on　state　occasions　as　custom　sometimes　demanded。

Mr。　MacNairn　wrote　essays　and　poems；　and　marvelous　stories　which　were　always　real　though　they　were　called　fiction。　　Wheresoever　his　story　was　placedhowsoever　remote　and　unknown　the　sceneit　was　a　real　place；　and　the　people　who　lived　in　it　were　real；　as　if　he　had　some　magic　power　to　call　up　human　things　to　breathe　and　live　and　set　one's　heart　beating。　　I　read　everything　he　wrote。　　I　read　every　word　of　his　again　and　again。　　I　always　kept　some　book　of　his　near　enough　to　be　able　to　touch　it　with　my　hand；　and　often　I　sat　by　the　fire　in　the　library　holding　one　open　on　my　lap　for　an　hour　or　more；　only　because　it　meant　a　warm；　close　companionship。　　It　seemed　at　those　times　as　if　he　sat　near　me　in　the　dim　glow　and　we　understood　each　other's　thoughts　without　using　words；　as　Wee　Brown　Elspeth　and　I　had　understood　only　this　was　a　deeper　thing。

I　had　felt　near　him　in　this　way　for　several　years；　and　every　year　he　had　grown　more　famous；　when　it　happened　that　one　June　my　guardian；　Sir　Ian；　required　me　to　go　to　London　to　see　my　lawyers　and　sign　some　important　documents　connected　with　the　management　of　the　estate。　　I　was　to　go　to　his　house　to　spend　a　week　or　more；　attend　a　Drawing…Room；　and　show　myself　at　a　few　great　parties　in　a　proper　manner；　this　being　considered　my　duty　toward　my　relatives。　　These；　I　believe；　were　secretly　afraid　that　if　I　were　never　seen　their　world　would　condemn　my　guardian　for　neglect　of　his　charge；　or　would　decide　that　I　was　of　unsound　mind　and　intentionally　kept　hidden　away　at　Muircarrie。　　He　was　an　honorable　man；　and　his　wife　was　a　well…meaning　woman。　　I　did　not　wish　to　do　them　an　injustice；　so　I　paid　them　yearly　visits　and　tried　to　behave　as　they　wished；　much　as　I　disliked　to　be　dressed　in　fine　frocks　and　to　wear　diamonds　on　my　little　head　and　round　my　thin　neck。

It　was　an　odd　thing　that　this　time　I　found　I　did　not　dread　the　visit　to　London　as　much　as　I　usually　did。　　For　some　unknown　reason　I　became　conscious　that　I　was　not　really　reluctant　to　go。　　Usually　the　thought　of　the　days　before　me　made　me　restless　and　low…spirited。　　London　always　seemed　so　confused　and　crowded；　and　made　me　feel　as　if　I　were　being　pushed　and　jostled　by　a　mob　always　making　a　tiresome　noise。　　But　this　time　I　felt　as　if　I　should　somehow　find　a　clear　place　to　stand　in；　where　I　could　look　on　and　listen　without　being　bewildered。　　It　was　a　curious　feeling；　I　could　not　help　noticing　and　wondering　about　it。

I　knew　afterward　that　it　came　to　me　because　a　change　was　drawing　near。　　I　wish　so　much　that　I　could　tell　about　it　in　a　better　way。　　But　I　have　only　my　own　way；　which　I　am　afraid　seems　very　like　a　school…girl's。

Jean　Braidfute　made　the　journey　with　me；　as　she　always　did；　and　it　was　like　every　other　journey。　　Only　one　incident　made　it　different；　and　when　it　occurred　there　seemed　nothing　unusual　in　it。　　It　was　only　a　bit　of　sad；　everyday　life　which　touched　me。　　There　is　nothing　new　in　seeing　a　poor　woman　in　deep　mourning。

Jean　and　I　had　been　alone　in　our　railway　carriage　for　a　great　part　of　the　journey；　but　an　hour　or　two　before　we　reached　London　a　man　got　in　and　took　a　seat　in　a　corner。　　The　train　had　stopped　at　a　place　where　there　is　a　beautiful　and　well…known　cemetery。　　People　bring　their　friends　from　long　distances　to　lay　them　there。　　When　one　passes　the　station；　one　nearly　always　sees　sad　faces　and　people　in　mourning　on　the　platform。

There　was　more　than　one　group　there　that　day；　and　the　man　who　sat　in　the　corner　looked　out　at　them　with　gentle　eyes。　　He　had　fine；　deep　eyes　and　a　handsome　mouth。　　When　the　poor　woman　in　mourning　almost　stumbled　into　the　carriage