the white people-第7部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！


rn　joined　in　the　talk；　their　meaning　became　a　clear　thing　to　me；　and　I　knew　that　they　were　only　talking　quite　simply　of　something　they　had　often　talked　of　before。　　They　were　not　as　afraid　of　The　Fear　as　most　people　are；　because　they　had　thought　of　and　reasoned　about　it　so　much；　and　always　calmly　and　with　clear　and　open　minds。

By　The　Fear　they　meant　that　mysterious　horror　most　people　feel　at　the　thought　of　passing　out　of　the　world　they　know　into　the　one　they　don't　know　at　all。

How　quiet；　how　still　it　was　inside　the　walls　of　the　old　garden；　as　we　three　sat　under　the　boughs　and　talked　about　it！　　And　what　sweet　night　scents　of　leaves　and　sleeping　flowers　were　in　every　breath　we　drew！　　And　how　one's　heart　moved　and　lifted　when　the　nightingale　broke　out　again！

〃If　one　had　seen　or　heard　one　little　thing；　if　one's　mortal　being　could　catch　one　glimpse　of　light　in　the　dark；〃　Mrs。　MacNairn's　low　voice　said　out　of　the　shadow　near　me；　〃The　Fear　would　be　gone　forever。〃

〃Perhaps　the　whole　mystery　is　as　simple　as　this；〃　said　her　son's　voice　〃as　simple　as　this：　that　as　there　are　tones　of　music　too　fine　to　be　registered　by　the　human　ear；　so　there　may　be　vibrations　of　light　not　to　be　seen　by　the　human　eye；　form　and　color　as　well　as　sounds；　just　beyond　earthly　perception；　and　yet　as　real　as　ourselves；　as　formed　as　ourselves；　only　existing　in　that　other　dimension。〃

There　was　an　intenseness　which　was　almost　a　note　of　anguish　in　Mrs。　MacNairn's　answer；　even　though　her　voice　was　very　low。　　I　involuntarily　turned　my　head　to　look　at　her；　though　of　course　it　was　too　dark　to　see　her　face。　　I　felt　somehow　as　if　her　hands　were　wrung　together　in　her　lap。

〃Oh！〃　she　said；　〃if　one　only　had　some　shadow　of　a　proof　that　the　mystery　is　only　that　WE　cannot　see；　that　WE　cannot　hear；　though　they　are　really　quite　near　us；　with　usthe　ones　who　seem　to　have　gone　away　and　whom　we　feel　we　cannot　live　without。　　If　once　we　could　be　sure！　　There　would　be　no　Fearthere　would　be　none！〃

〃Dearest〃he　often　called　her　〃Dearest；〃　and　his　voice　had　a　wonderful　sound　in　the　darkness；　it　was　caress　and　strength；　and　it　seemed　to　speak　to　her　of　things　they　knew　which　I　did　not〃we　have　vowed　to　each　other　that　we　WILL　believe　there　is　no　reason　for　The　Fear。　　It　was　a　vow　between　us。〃

〃Yes！　　Yes！〃　she　cried；　breathlessly；　〃but　sometimes；　Hectorsometimes〃

〃Miss　Muircarrie　does　not　feel　it〃

〃Please　say　‘Ysobel'！〃　I　broke　in。　　〃Please　do。〃

He　went　on　as　quietly　as　if　he　had　not　even　paused：

〃Ysobel　told　me　the　first　night　we　met　that　it　seemed　as　if　she　could　not　believe　in　it。〃

〃It　never　seems　real　to　me　at　all；〃　I　said。　　〃Perhaps　that　is　because　I　can　never　forget　what　Jean　told　me　about　my　mother　lying　still　upon　her　bed；　and　listening　to　some　one　calling　her。〃　　（I　had　told　them　Jean's　story　a　few　days　before。）　　〃I　knew　it　was　my　father；　Jean　knew；　too。〃

〃How　did　you　know？〃　Mrs。　MacNairn's　voice　was　almost　a　whisper。

〃I　could　not　tell　you　that。　　I　never　asked　myself　HOW　it　was。　　But　I　KNEW。　　We　both　KNEW。　　Perhaps〃I　hesitated〃it　was　because　in　the　Highlands　people　often　believe　things　like　that。　　One　hears　so　many　stories　all　one's　life　that　in　the　end　they　don't　seem　strange。　　I　have　always　heard　them。　　Those　things　you　know　about　people　who　have　the　second　sight。　　And　about　the　seals　who　change　themselves　into　men　and　come　on　shore　and　fall　in　love　with　girls　and　marry　them。　　They　say　they　go　away　now　and　then；　and　no　one　really　knows　where　but　it　is　believed　that　they　go　back　to　their　own　people　and　change　into　seals　again；　because　they　must　plunge　and　riot　about　in　the　sea。　　Sometimes　they　come　home；　but　sometimes　they　do　not。

〃A　beautiful　young　stranger；　with　soft；　dark　eyes；　appeared　once　not　far　from　Muircarrie；　and　he　married　a　boatman's　daughter。　　He　was　very　restless　one　night；　and　got　up　and　left　her；　and　she　never　saw　him　again；　but　a　few　days　later　a　splendid　dead　seal　covered　with　wounds　was　washed　up　near　his　cottage。　　The　fishers　say　that　his　people　had　wanted　to　keep　him　from　his　land　wife；　and　they　had　fought　with　him　and　killed　him。　　His　wife　had　a　son　with　strange；　velvet　eyes　like　his　father's；　and　she　couldn't　keep　him　away　from　the　water。　　When　he　was　old　enough　to　swim　he　swam　out　one　day；　because　he　thought　he　saw　some　seals　and　wanted　to　get　near　them。　　He　swam　out　too　far；　perhaps。　　He　never　came　back；　and　the　fishermen　said　his　father's　people　had　taken　him。　　When　one　has　heard　stories　like　that　all　one's　life　nothing　seems　very　strange。〃

〃Nothing　really　IS　strange；〃　said　Hector　MacNairn。　　〃Again　and　again　through　all　the　ages　we　have　been　told　the　secrets　of　the　gods　and　the　wonders　of　the　Law；　and　we　have　revered　and　echoed　but　never　believed。　　When　we　believe　and　know　all　is　simple　we　shall　not　be　afraid。　　You　are　not　afraid；　Ysobel。　　Tell　my　mother　you　are　not。〃

I　turned　my　face　toward　her　again　in　the　darkness。　　I　felt　as　if　something　was　going　on　between　them　which　he　somehow　knew　I　could　help　them　in。　　It　was　as　though　he　were　calling　on　something　in　my　nature　which　I　did　not　myself　comprehend；　but　which　his　profound　mind　saw　and　knew　was　stronger　than　I　was。

Suddenly　I　felt　as　if　I　might　trust　to　him　and　to　It；　and　that；　without　being　troubled　or　anxious；　I　would　just　say　the　first　thing　which　came　into　my　mind；　because　it　would　be　put　there　for　me　by　some　power　which　could　dictate　to　me。　　I　never　felt　younger　or　less　clever　than　I　did　at　that　moment；　I　was　only　Ysobel　Muircarrie；　who　knew　almost　nothing。　　But　that　did　not　seem　to　matter。　　It　was　such　a　simple；　almost　childish　thing　I　told　her。　　It　was　only　about　The　Dream。



CHAPTER　VII

〃The　feeling　you　call　The　Fear　has　never　come　to　me；〃　I　said　to　her。　　〃And　if　it　had　I　think　it　would　have　melted　away　because　of　a　dream　I　once　had。　　I　don't　really　believe　it　was　a　dream；　but　I　call　it　one。　　I　think　I　really　went　somewhere　and　came　back。　　I　often　wonder　why　I　came　back。　　It　was　only　a　short　dream；　so　simple　that　there　is　scarcely　anything　to　tell；　and　perhaps　it　will　not　convey　anything　to　you。　　But　it　has　been　part　of　my　lifethat　time　when　I　was　Out　on　the　Hillside。　　That　is　what　I　call　The　Dream　to　myself；　‘Out　on　the　Hillside；'　as　if　it　were　a　kind　of　unearthly　poem。　　But　it　wasn't。　　It　was　more　real　than　anything　I　have　ever　felt。　　It　was　realreal！　　I　wish　that　I　could　tell　it　so　that　you　would　know　how　real　it　was。〃

I　felt　almost　piteous　in　my　longing　to　make　her　know。　　I　knew　she　was　afraid　of　something；　and　if　I　could　make　her　know　how　REAL　that　one　brief　dream　had　been　she　would　not　be　afraid　any　more。　　And　I　loved　her；　I　loved　her　so　much！

〃I　was　asleep　one　night　at　Muircarrie；〃　I　went　on；　〃and　suddenly；　without　any　preparatory　dreaming；　I　was　standing　out　on　a　hillside　in　moonlight　softer　and　more　exquisite　than　I　had　ever　seen　or　known　before。　　Perhaps　I　was　still　in　my　nightgownI　don't　know。　　My　feet　were　bare　on　the　grass；　and　I　wore　something　light　and　white　which　did　not　seem　to　touch　me。　　If　it　touched　me　I　did　not　feel　it。　　My　bare　feet　did　not　feel　the　grass；　they　only　knew　it　was　beneath　them。

〃It　was　a　low　hill　I　stood　on；　and　I　was　only　on　the　side　of　it。　　And　in　spite　of　the　thrilling　beauty　of　the　moon；　all　but　the　part　I　stood　on　melted　into　soft；　beautiful　shadow；　all　below　me　and　above　me。　　But　I　did　not　turn　to　look　at　or　ask　myself　about　anything。　　You　see　the　difficulty　is　that　there　are　no　earthly　words　to　tell　it！　　All　my　being　was　ecstasypure；　light　ecstasy！　　Oh；　what　poor　words　　But　I　know　no　others。　　If　I　said　that　I　was　happyHAPPY！　it　would　be　nothing。　　I　WAS　happiness　itself；　I　WAS　pure　rapture！　　I　did　not　look　at　the　beauty　of　the　night；　the　sky；　the　marvelous　melting　shadow。　　I　was　PART　of　it　all；　one　with　it。　　Nothing　held　me　nothing！　　The　beauty　of　the　night；　the　light；　the　air　WERE　what　I　was；　and　I　was　only　thrilling　ecstasy　and　wonder　at　the　rapture　of　it。〃

I　stopped　and　covered　my　face　with　my　hands；　and　tears　wet　my　fingers。

〃Oh；　I　cannot　make　it　real！　　I　was　only　there　such　a　short；　short　time。　　Even　if　you　had　been　with　me　I　could　not　have　found　words　for　it；　even　then。　　It　was　such　a　short　time。　　I　only　stood　and　lifted　my　face　and　felt　the　joy　of　it；　the　pure　marvel　of　joy。　　I　only　heard　myself　murmuring　over　and　over　again：　　‘Oh；　how　beautiful！　how　beautiful！　　Oh；　how　BEAUTIFUL！'

〃And　then　a　marvel　of　new　joy　swept　through　me。　　I　said；　very　softly　and　very　slowly；　as　if　my　voice　were　trailing　away　into　silence：　　‘Ohh！　　Icanliedownhereonthe　grassandsleep　。　。　。　allthroughthe　nightunderthismoonlight。　。　。　。　　I　can　sleep　sleep'

〃I　began　to　sink　softly　down；　with　the　heavenliest　feeling　of　relaxation　and　repose；　as　if　there　existed　only　the　soul　of　beautiful　rest。　　I　sank　so　softlyand　just　as　my　cheek　almost　touched　the　grass　the　dream　was　over！〃

〃Oh！〃　cried　Mrs。　MacNairn。　　〃Did　you　awaken？〃

〃No。　　I　came　back。　　In　my　sleep　I　suddenly　found　myself　creeping　into　my　bed　again　as　if　I　had　been　away　somewhere。　　I　was　wondering　why　I　was　there；　how　I　had　left　the　hillside；　when　I　had　left　it。　　That　part　WAS　a　dreambut　the　other　was　not。　　I　was　allowed　to　go　somewhereoutsideand　come　back。〃

I　caught　at　her　hand　in　the　dark。

〃The　words　are　all　wrong；〃　I　said。　　〃It　is　because　we　have　no　words　to　describe　that。　　But　have　I　made　you　feel　it　at　all？　　Oh！　　Mrs。　MacNairn；　have　I　been　able　to　make　you　know　that　it　was　not　a　dream？〃

She　lifted　my　hand　and　pressed　it　passionately　against　her　cheek；　and　her　cheek；　too；　was　wetwet。

〃No；　it　was　not　a　dream；〃　she　said。　　〃You　came　back。　　Thank　God　you　came　back；　just　to　tell　us　that　those　who　do　not　come　back　stand　awakened　in　that　ecstasyin　that　ecstasy。　　And　The　Fear　is　nothing。　　It　is　only　The　Dream。　　The　awakening　is　out　on　the　hillside；　out　on　the　hillside！　　Listen！〃　　She　started　as　she　said　it。　　〃Listen！　　The　nightingale　is　beginning　again。〃

He　sent　forth　in　the　dark　a　fountaina　rising；　aspiring　fountainof　golden　notes　which　seemed　to　reach　heaven　itself。　　The　night　was　made　radiant　by　them。　　He　flung　them　upward　like　a　shower　of　stars　into　the　sky。　　We　sat　and　listened；　almost　holding　our　breath。　　Oh！　the　nightingale！　the　nightingale！

〃He　knows；〃　Hector　MacNairn's　low　voice　said；　〃that　it　was　not　a　dream。〃

When　there　was　silenc