liber amoris-第4部分

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H。　　What；　do　you　mean　to　Buonaparte？

S。　　Yes；　all　but　the　nose　was　just　like。

H。　　And　was　his　figure　the　same？

S。　　He　was　taller！

＇I　got　up　and　gave　her　the　image；　and　told　her　it　was　hers　by　every　right　that　was　sacred。　　She　refused　at　first　to　take　so　valuable　a　curiosity；　and　said　she　would　keep　it　for　me。　　But　I　pressed　it　eagerly；　and　she　look　it。　　She　immediately　came　and　sat　down；　and　put　her　arm　round　my　neck；　and　kissed　me；　and　I　said；　〃Is　it　not　plain　we　are　the　best　friends　in　the　world；　since　we　are　always　so　glad　to　make　it　up？〃　　And　then　I　added　〃How　odd　it　was　that　the　God　of　my　idolatry　should　turn　out　to　be　like　her　Idol；　and　said　it　was　no　wonder　that　the　same　face　which　awed　the　world　should　conquer　the　sweetest　creature　in　it！〃　　How　I　loved　her　at　that　moment！　　Is　it　possible　that　the　wretch　who　writes　this　could　ever　have　been　so　blest！　　Heavenly　delicious　creature！　　Can　I　live　without　her？　　Oh！　nonevernever。

〃What　is　this　world？　　What　asken　men　to　have；　Now　with　his　love；　now　in　the　cold　grave；　Alone；　withouten　any　compagnie！〃

Let　me　but　see　her　again！　　She　cannot　hate　the　man　who　loves　her　as　I　do。＇



LETTERS　TO　THE　SAME





Feb。；　I822。


You　will　scold　me　for　this；　and　ask　me　if　this　is　keeping　my　promise　to　mind　my　work。　　One　half　of　it　was　to　think　of　Sarah：　and　besides；　I　do　not　neglect　my　work　either；　I　assure　you。　　I　regularly　do　ten　pages　a　day；　which　mounts　up　to　thirty　guineas'　worth　a　week；　so　that　you　see　I　should　grow　rich　at　this　rate；　if　I　could　keep　on　so；　AND　I　COULD　KEEP　ON　SO；　if　I　had　you　with　me　to　encourage　me　with　your　sweet　smiles；　and　share　my　lot。　　The　Berwick　smacks　sail　twice　a　week；　and　the　wind　sits　fair。　　When　I　think　of　the　thousand　endearing　caresses　that　have　passed　between　us；　I　do　not　wonder　at　the　strong　attachment　that　draws　me　to　you；　but　I　am　sorry　for　my　own　want　of　power　to　please。　　I　hear　the　wind　sigh　through　the　lattice；　and　keep　repeating　over　and　over　to　myself　two　lines　of　Lord　Byron's　Tragedy

〃So　shalt　thou　find　me　ever　at　thy　side　Here　and　hereafter；　if　the　last　may　be。〃

applying　them　to　thee；　my　love；　and　thinking　whether　I　shall　ever　see　thee　again。　　Perhaps　notfor　some　years　at　leasttill　both　thou　and　I　are　oldand　then；　when　all　else　have　forsaken　thee；　I　will　creep　to　thee；　and　die　in　thine　arms。　　You　once　made　me　believe　I　was　not　hated　by　her　I　loved；　and　for　that　sensation；　so　delicious　was　it；　though　but　a　mockery　and　a　dream；　I　owe　you　more　than　I　can　ever　pay。　　I　thought　to　have　dried　up　my　tears　for　ever；　the　day　I　left　you；　but　as　I　write　this；　they　stream　again。　　If　they　did　not；　I　think　my　heart　would　burst。　　I　walk　out　here　of　an　afternoon；　and　hear　the　notes　of　the　thrush；　that　come　up　from　a　sheltered　valley　below；　welcome　in　the　spring；　but　they　do　not　melt　my　heart　as　they　used：　it　is　grown　cold　and　dead。　　As　you　say；　it　will　one　day　be　colder。Forgive　what　I　have　written　above；　I　did　not　intend　it：　but　you　were　once　my　little　all；　and　I　cannot　bear　the　thought　of　having　lost　you　for　ever；　I　fear　through　my　own　fault。　　Has　any　one　called？　　Do　not　send　any　letters　that　come。　　I　should　like　you　and　your　mother　（if　agreeable）　to　go　and　see　Mr。　Kean　in　Othello；　and　Miss　Stephens　in　Love　in　a　Village。　　If　you　will；　I　will　write　to　Mr。　T；　to　send　you　tickets。　　Has　Mr。　P　called？　　I　think　I　must　send　to　him　for　the　picture　to　kiss　and　talk　to。　　Kiss　me；　my　best　beloved。　　Ah！　if　you　can　never　be　mine；　still　let　me　be　your　proud　and　happy　slave。


H。



TO　THE　SAME





March；　I822。


You　will　be　glad　to　learn　I　have　done　my　worka　volume　in　less　than　a　month。　　This　is　one　reason　why　I　am　better　than　when　I　came；　and　another　is；　I　have　had　two　letters　from　Sarah。　　I　am　pleased　I　have　got　through　this　job；　as　I　was　afraid　I　might　lose　reputation　by　it　（which　I　can　little　afford　to　lose）and　besides；　I　am　more　anxious　to　do　well　now；　as　I　wish　you　to　hear　me　well　spoken　of。　　I　walk　out　of　an　afternoon；　and　hear　the　birds　sing　as　I　told　you；　and　think；　if　I　had　you　hanging　on　my　arm；　and　that　for　life；　how　happy　I　should　behappier　than　I　ever　hoped　to　be；　or　had　any　conception　of　till　I　knew　you。　　〃But　that　can　never　be〃I　hear　you　answer　in　a　soft；　low　murmur。　　Well；　let　me　dream　of　it　sometimesI　am　not　happy　too　often；　except　when　that　favourite　note；　the　harbinger　of　spring；　recalling　the　hopes　of　my　youth；　whispers　thy　name　and　peace　together　in　my　ear。　　I　was　reading　something　about　Mr。　Macready　to…day；　and　this　put　me　in　mind　of　that　delicious　night；　when　I　went　with　your　mother　and　you　to　see　Romeo　and　Juliet。　　Can　I　forget　it　for　a　momentyour　sweet　modest　looks；　your　infinite　propriety　of　behaviour；　all　your　sweet　winning　waysyour　hesitating　about　taking　my　arm　as　we　came　out　till　your　mother　didyour　laughing　about　nearly　losing　your　cloakyour　stepping　into　the　coach　without　my　being　able　to　make　the　slightest　discoveryand　oh！　my　sitting　down　beside　you　there；　you　whom　I　had　loved　so　long；　so　well；　and　your　assuring　me　I　had　not　lessened　your　pleasure　at　the　play　by　being　with　you；　and　giving　me　your　dear　hand　to　press　in　mine！　　I　thought　I　was　in　heaventhat　slender　exquisitely…turned　form　contained　my　all　of　heaven　upon　earth；　and　as　I　folded　youyes；　you；　my　own　best　Sarah；　to　my　bosom；　there　was；　as　you　say；　A　TIE　BETWEEN　USyou　did　seem　to　me；　for　those　few　short　moments；　to　be　mine　in　all　truth　and　honour　and　sacrednessOh！　that　we　could　be　always　soDo　not　mock　me；　for　I　am　a　very　child　in　love。　　I　ought　to　beg　pardon　for　behaving　so　ill　afterwards；　but　I　hope　THE　LITTLE　IMAGE　made　it　up　between　us；　&c。


＇To　this　letter　I　have　received　no　answer；　not　a　line。　　The　rolling　years　of　eternity　will　never　fill　up　that　blank。　　Where　shall　I　be？　　What　am　I？　　Or　where　have　I　been？＇



WRITTEN　IN　A　BLANK　LEAF　OF　ENDYMION





I　want　a　hand　to　guide　me；　an　eye　to　cheer　me；　a　bosom　to　repose　on；　all　which　I　shall　never　have；　but　shall　stagger　into　my　grave；　old　before　my　time；　unloved　and　unlovely；　unless　S。　L。　keeps　her　faith　with　me。


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But　by　her　dove's　eyes　and　serpent…shape；　I　think　she　does　not　hate　me；　by　her　smooth　forehead　and　her　crested　hair；　I　own　I　love　her；　by　her　soft　looks　and　queen…like　grace　（which　men　might　fall　down　and　worship）　I　swear　to　live　and　die　for　her！



A　PROPOSAL　OF　LOVE





（Given　to　her　in　our　early　acquaintance）

〃Oh！　if　I　thought　it　could　be　in　a　woman　（As；　if　it　can；　I　will　presume　in　you）　To　feed　for　aye　her　lamp　and　flames　of　love；　To　keep　her　constancy　in　plight　and　youth；　Outliving　beauties　outward　with　a　mind　That　doth　renew　swifter　than　blood　decays：　Or　that　persuasion　could　but　thus　convince　me；　That　my　integrity　and　truth　to　you　Might　be　confronted　with　the　match　and　weight　Of　such　a　winnowed　purity　in　love　How　were　I　then　uplifted！　　But；　alas；　I　am　as　true　as　truth's　simplicity；　And　simpler　than　the　infancy　of　truth。〃


TROILUS　AND　CRESSIDA。



PART　II




LETTERS　TO　C。　P；　ESQ。





Bees…Inn。


My　good　friend；　Here　I　am　in　Scotland　（and　shall　have　been　here　three　weeks；　next　Monday）　as　I　may　say；　ON　MY　PROBATION。　　This　is　a　lone　inn；　but　on　a　great　scale；　thirty　miles　from　Edinburgh。　　It　is　situated　on　a　rising　ground　（a　mark　for　all　the　winds；　which　blow　here　incessantly）there　is　a　woody　hill　opposite；　with　a　winding　valley　below；　and　the　London　road　stretches　out　on　either　side。　　You　may　guess　which　way　I　oftenest　walk。　　I　have　written　two　letters　to　S。　L。　and　got　one　cold；　prudish　answer；　beginning　SIR；　and　ending　FROM　YOURS　TRULY；　with　BEST　RESPECTS　FROM　HERSELF　AND　RELATIONS。　　I　was　going　to　give　in；　but　have　returned　an　answer；　which　I　think　is　a　touch…stone。　　I　send　it　you　on　the　other　side　to　keep　as　a　curiosity；　in　case　she　kills　me　by　her　exquisite　rejoinder。　　I　am　convinced　from　the　profound　contemplations　I　have　had　on　the　subject　here　and　coming　along；　that　I　am　on　a　wrong　scent。　　We　had　a　famous　parting…scene；　a　complete　quarrel　and　then　a　reconciliation；　in　which　she　did　beguile　me　of　my　tears；　but　the　deuce　a　one　did　she　shed。　　What　do　you　think？　　She　cajoled　me　out　of　my　little　Buonaparte　as　cleverly　as　possible；　in　manner　and　form　following。　　She　was　shy　the　Saturday　and　Sunday　（the　day　of　my　departure）　so　I　got　in　dudgeon；　and　began　to　rip　up　grievances。　　I　asked　her　how　she　came　to　admit　me　to　such　extreme　familiarities；　the　first　week　I　entered　the　house。　　〃If　she　had　no　particular　regard　for　me；　she　must　do　so　（or　more）　with　everyone：　if　she　had　a　liking　to　me　from　the　first；　why　refuse　me　with　scorn　and　wilfulness？〃　　If　you　had　seen　how　she　flounced；　and　looked；　and　went　to　the　door；　saying　〃She　was　obliged　to　me　for　letting　her　know　the　opinion　I　had　always　entertained　of　her〃then　I　said；　〃Sarah！〃　and　she　came　back　and　took　my　hand；　and　fixed　her　eyes　on　the　mantelpiece（she　must　have　been　invoking　her　idol　thenif　I　thought　so；　I　could　devour　her；　the　darlingbut　I　doubt　her）So　I　said　〃There　is　one　thing　that　has　occurred　to　me　sometimes　as　possible；　to　account　for　your　conduct　to　me　at　firstthere　wasn't　a　likeness；　was　there；　to　your　old　friend？〃　She　answered　〃No；　nonebut　there　was　a　likeness！〃　　I　asked；　to　what？　　She　said　〃to　that　little　image！〃　　I　said；　〃Do　you　mean　Buonaparte？〃She　said　〃Yes；　all　but　the　nose。〃〃And　the　figure？〃〃He　was　taller。〃I　could　not　stand　this。　　So　I　got　up　and　took　it；　and　gave　it　her；　and　after　some　reluctance；　she　consented　to　〃keep　it　for　me。〃　　What　will　you　bet　me　that　it　wasn't　all　a　trick？　　I'll　tell　you　why　I　suspect　it；　besides　being　fairly　out　of　my　wits　about　her。　　I　had　told　her　mother　half　an　hour　before；　that　I　should　take　this　image　and　leave　it　at　Mrs。　B。's；　for　that　I　didn't　wish　to　leave　anything　behind　me　that　must　bring　me　back　again。　　Then　up　she　comes　and　starts　a　likeness　to　her　lover：　she　knew　I　should　give　it　her　on　the　spot〃No；　she　would　keep　it　for　me！〃　　So　I　must　come　back　for　it。　　Whether　art　or　nature；　it　is　sublime。　　I　told　her　I　should　write　and　tell　you　so；　and　that　I　parted　from　her；　confiding；　adoring！She　is　beyond　me；　that's　certain。　　Do　go　and　see　her；　and　desire　her　not　to　give　my　present　address　to　a　single　soul；　and　learn　if　the　lodging　is　let；　and　to　whom。　　My　letter　to　her　is　as