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the way of the world-第13部分
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not so impudent a thing in nature as the saucy look of an assured
man confident of success: the pedantic arrogance of a very husband
has not so pragmatical an air。 Ah; I'll never marry; unless I am
first made sure of my will and pleasure。
MIRA。 Would you have 'em both before marriage? Or will you be
contented with the first now; and stay for the other till after
grace?
MILLA。 Ah; don't be impertinent。 My dear liberty; shall I leave
thee? My faithful solitude; my darling contemplation; must I bid
you then adieu? Ay…h; adieu。 My morning thoughts; agreeable
wakings; indolent slumbers; all ye DOUCEURS; ye SOMMEILS DU MATIN;
adieu。 I can't do't; 'tis more than impossiblepositively;
Mirabell; I'll lie a…bed in a morning as long as I please。
MI RA。 Then I'll get up in a morning as early as I please。
MILLA。 Ah! Idle creature; get up when you will。 And d'ye hear; I
won't be called names after I'm married; positively I won't be
called names。
MIRA。 Names?
MILLA。 Ay; as wife; spouse; my dear; joy; jewel; love; sweet…heart;
and the rest of that nauseous cant; in which men and their wives are
so fulsomely familiarI shall never bear that。 Good Mirabell;
don't let us be familiar or fond; nor kiss before folks; like my
Lady Fadler and Sir Francis; nor go to Hyde Park together the first
Sunday in a new chariot; to provoke eyes and whispers; and then
never be seen there together again; as if we were proud of one
another the first week; and ashamed of one another ever after。 Let
us never visit together; nor go to a play together; but let us be
very strange and well…bred。 Let us be as strange as if we had been
married a great while; and as well…bred as if we were not married at
all。
MIRA。 Have you any more conditions to offer? Hitherto your demands
are pretty reasonable。
MILLA。 Trifles; as liberty to pay and receive visits to and from
whom I please; to write and receive letters; without interrogatories
or wry faces on your part; to wear what I please; and choose
conversation with regard only to my own taste; to have no obligation
upon me to converse with wits that I don't like; because they are
your acquaintance; or to be intimate with fools; because they may be
your relations。 Come to dinner when I please; dine in my dressing…
room when I'm out of humour; without giving a reason。 To have my
closet inviolate; to be sole empress of my tea…table; which you must
never presume to approach without first asking leave。 And lastly;
wherever I am; you shall always knock at the door before you come
in。 These articles subscribed; if I continue to endure you a little
longer; I may by degrees dwindle into a wife。
MIRA。 Your bill of fare is something advanced in this latter
account。 Well; have I liberty to offer conditions:… that when you
are dwindled into a wife; I may not be beyond measure enlarged into
a husband?
MILLA。 You have free leave: propose your utmost; speak and spare
not。
MIRA。 I thank you。 IMPRIMIS; then; I covenant that your
acquaintance be general; that you admit no sworn confidant or
intimate of your own sex; no she friend to screen her affairs under
your countenance; and tempt you to make trial of a mutual secrecy。
No decoy…duck to wheedle you a FOP…SCRAMBLING to the play in a mask;
then bring you home in a pretended fright; when you think you shall
be found out; and rail at me for missing the play; and disappointing
the frolic which you had to pick me up and prove my constancy。
MILLA。 Detestable IMPRIMIS! I go to the play in a mask!
MIRA。 ITEM; I article; that you continue to like your own face as
long as I shall; and while it passes current with me; that you
endeavour not to new coin it。 To which end; together with all
vizards for the day; I prohibit all masks for the night; made of
oiled skins and I know not whathog's bones; hare's gall; pig
water; and the marrow of a roasted cat。 In short; I forbid all
commerce with the gentlewomen in what…d'ye…call…it court。 ITEM; I
shut my doors against all bawds with baskets; and pennyworths of
muslin; china; fans; atlases; etc。 ITEM; when you shall be breeding
…
MILLA。 Ah; name it not!
MIRA。 Which may be presumed; with a blessing on our endeavours …
MILLA。 Odious endeavours!
MIRA。 I denounce against all strait lacing; squeezing for a shape;
till you mould my boy's head like a sugar…loaf; and instead of a
man…child; make me father to a crooked billet。 Lastly; to the
dominion of the tea…table I submit; but with proviso; that you
exceed not in your province; but restrain yourself to native and
simple tea…table drinks; as tea; chocolate; and coffee。 As likewise
to genuine and authorised tea…table talk; such as mending of
fashions; spoiling reputations; railing at absent friends; and so
forth。 But that on no account you encroach upon the men's
prerogative; and presume to drink healths; or toast fellows; for
prevention of which; I banish all foreign forces; all auxiliaries to
the tea…table; as orange…brandy; all aniseed; cinnamon; citron; and
Barbadoes waters; together with ratafia and the most noble spirit of
clary。 But for cowslip…wine; poppy…water; and all dormitives; those
I allow。 These provisos admitted; in other things I may prove a
tractable and complying husband。
MILLA。 Oh; horrid provisos! Filthy strong waters! I toast
fellows; odious men! I hate your odious provisos。
MIRA。 Then we're agreed。 Shall I kiss your hand upon the contract?
And here comes one to be a witness to the sealing of the deed。
SCENE VI。
'To them' MRS。 FAINALL。
MILLA。 Fainall; what shall I do? Shall I have him? I think I must
have him。
MRS。 FAIN。 Ay; ay; take him; take him; what should you do?
MILLA。 Well thenI'll take my death I'm in a horrid fright
Fainall; I shall never say it。 WellI thinkI'll endure you。
MRS。 FAIN。 Fie; fie; have him; and tell him so in plain terms: for
I am sure you have a mind to him。
MILLA。 Are you? I think I have; and the horrid man looks as if he
thought so too。 Well; you ridiculous thing you; I'll have you。 I
won't be kissed; nor I won't be thanked。Here; kiss my hand though;
so hold your tongue now; don't say a word。
MRS。 FAIN。 Mirabell; there's a necessity for your obedience: you
have neither time to talk nor stay。 My mother is coming; and in my
conscience if she should see you; would fall into fits; and maybe
not recover time enough to return to Sir Rowland; who; as Foible
tells me; is in a fair way to succeed。 Therefore spare your
ecstasies for another occasion; and slip down the back stairs; where
Foible waits to consult you。
MILLA。 Ay; go; go。 In the meantime I suppose you have said
something to please me。
MIRA。 I am all obedience。
SCENE VII。
MRS。 MILLAMANT; MRS。 FAINALL。
MRS。 FAIN。 Yonder Sir Wilfull's drunk; and so noisy that my mother
has been forced to leave Sir Rowland to appease him; but he answers
her only with singing and drinking。 What they may have done by this
time I know not; but Petulant and he were upon quarrelling as I came
by。
MILLA。 Well; if Mirabell should not make a good husband; I am a
lost thing: for I find I love him violently。
MRS。 FAIN。 So it seems; for you mind not what's said to you。 If
you doubt him; you had best take up with Sir Wilfull。
MILLA。 How can you name that superannuated lubber? foh!
SCENE VIII。
'To them' WITWOUD from drinking。
MRS。 FAIN。 So; is the fray made up that you have left 'em?
WIT。 Left 'em? I could stay no longer。 I have laughed like ten
Christ'nings。 I am tipsy with laughingif I had stayed any longer
I should have burst;I must have been let out and pieced in the
sides like an unsized camlet。 Yes; yes; the fray is composed; my
lady came in like a NOLI PROSEQUI; and stopt the proceedings。
MILLA。 What was the dispute?
WIT。 That's the jest: there was no dispute。 They could neither of
'em speak for rage; and so fell a sputt'ring at one another like two
roasting apples。
SCENE IX。
'To them' PETULANT drunk。
WIT。 Now; Petulant? All's over; all's well? Gad; my head begins
to whim it about。 Why dost thou not speak? Thou art both as drunk
and as mute as a fish。
PET。 Look you; Mrs。 Millamant; if you can love me; dear Nymph; say
it; and that's the conclusionpass on; or pass offthat's all。
WIT。 Thou hast uttered volumes; folios; in less than decimo sexto;
my dear Lacedemonian。 Sirrah; Petulant; thou art an epitomiser of
words。
PET。 Witwoud;you are an annihilator of sense。
WIT。 Thou art a retailer of phrases; and dost deal in remnants of
remnants; like a maker of pincushions; thou art in truth
(metaphorically speaking) a speaker of shorthand。
PET。 Thou art (without a figure) just one half of an ass; and
Baldwin yonder; thy half…brother; is the rest。 A Gemini of asses
split would make just four of you。
WIT。 Thou dost bite; my dear mustard…seed;
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