ivanoff-第5部分

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SASHA。　Why　do　you　all　talk　like　this？　This　eternal　subject　of
Ivanoff；　Ivanoff；　and　always　Ivanoff　has　grown　insufferable；　and
yet　you　never　speak　of　anything　else。　＇She　goes　toward　the　door；
then　stops　and　comes　back＇　I　am　surprised；　＇To　the　young　men＇　and
utterly　astonished　at　your　patience；　young　men！　How　can　you　sit
there　like　that？　Aren't　you　bored？　Why；　the　very　air　is　as　dull
as　ditchwater！　Do；　for　heaven's　sake　say　something；　try　to　amuse
the　girls　a　little；　move　about！　Or　if　you　can't　talk　of　anything
except　Ivanoff；　you　might　laugh　or　sing　or　dance…

LEBEDIEFF。　＇Laughing＇　That's　right；　Sasha！　Give　them　a　good
scolding。

SASHA。　Look　here；　will　you　do　me　a　favour？　If　you　refuse　to　dance
or　sing　or　laugh；　if　all　that　is　tedious；　then　let　me　beg　you；
implore　you；　to　summon　all　your　powers；　if　only　for　this　once；
and　make　one　witty　or　clever　remark。　Let　it　be　as　impertinent　and
malicious　as　you　like；　so　long　as　it　is　funny　and　original。　Won't
you　perform　this　miracle；　just　once；　to　surprise　us　and　make　us
laugh？　Or　else　you　might　think　of　some　little　thing　which　you
could　all　do　together；　something　to　make　you　stir　about。　Let　the
girls　admire　you　for　once　in　their　lives！　Listen　to　me！　I　suppose
you　want　them　to　like　you？　Then　why　don't　try　to　make　them　do　it？
Oh；　dear！　There　is　something　wrong　with　you　all！　You　are　a　lot　of
sleepy　stick…in…the…muds！　I　have　told　you　so　a　thousand　times　and
shall　always　go　on　repeating　it；　there　is　something　wrong　with
every　one　of　you；　something　wrong；　wrong；　wrong！

Enter　IVANOFF　and　SHABELSKI　through　the　door　on　the　right。

SHABELSKI。　Who　is　making　a　speech　here？　Is　it　you；　Sasha？　＇He
laughs　and　shakes　hands　with　her＇　Many　happy　returns　of　the　day；
my　dear　child。　May　you　live　as　long　as　possible　in　this　life；　but
never　be　born　again！

ZINAIDA。　＇Joyfully＇　My　dear　Count！

LEBEDIEFF。　Who　can　this　be？　Not　you；　Count？

SHABELSKI。　＇Sees　ZINAIDA　and　MARTHA　sitting　side　by　side＇　Two
gold　mines　side　by　side！　What　a　pleasant　picture　it　makes！　＇He
shakes　hands　with　ZINAIDA＇　Good　evening；　Zuzu！　＇Shakes　hands　with
MARTHA＇　Good　evening；　Birdie！

ZINAIDA。　I　am　charmed　to　see　you；　Count。　You　are　a　rare　visitor
here　now。　＇Calls＇　Gabriel；　bring　some　tea！　Please　sit　down。

She　gets　up　and　goes　to　the　door　and　back；　evidently　much
preoccupied。　SASHA　sits　down　in　her　former　place。　IVANOFF
silently　shakes　hands　with　every　one。

LEBEDIEFF。　＇To　SHABELSKI＇　What　miracle　has　brought　you　here？　You
have　given　us　a　great　surprise。　Why；　Count；　you're　a　rascal；　you
haven't　been　treating　us　right　at　all。　＇Leads　him　forward　by　the
hand＇　Tell　me；　why　don't　you　ever　come　to　see　us　now？　Are　you
offended？

SHABELSKI。　How　can　I　get　here　to　see　you？　Astride　a　broomstick？　I
have　no　horses　of　my　own；　and　Nicholas　won't　take　me　with　him
when　he　goes　out。　He　says　I　must　stay　at　home　to　amuse　Sarah。
Send　your　horses　for　me　and　I　shall　come　with　pleasure。

LEBE　DIEFF。　＇With　a　wave　of　the　hand＇　Oh；　that　is　easy　to　say！
But　Zuzu　would　rather　have　a　fit　than　lend　the　horses　to　any　one。
My　dear；　dear　old　friend；　you　are　more　to　me　than　any　one　I　know！
You　and　I　are　survivors　of　those　good　old　days　that　are　gone
forever；　and　you　alone　bring　back　to　my　mind　the　love　and
longings　of　my　lost　youth。　Of　course　I　am　only　joking；　and　yet；
do　you　know；　I　am　almost　in　tears？

SHABELSKI。　Stop；　stop！　You　smell　like　the　air　of　a　wine　cellar。

LEBEDIEFF。　Dear　friend；　you　cannot　imagine　how　lonely　I　am
without　my　old　companions！　I　could　hang　myself！　＇Whispers＇　Zuzu
has　frightened　all　the　decent　men　away　with　her　stingy　ways；　and
now　we　have　only　this　riff…raff；　as　you　see：　Tom；　Dick；　and
Harry。　However；　drink　your　tea。

ZINAIDA。　＇Anxiously；　to　GABRIEL＇　Don't　bring　it　in　like　that！　Go
fetch　some　jam　to　eat　with　it！

SHABELSKI。　＇Laughing　loudly；　to　IVANOFF＇　Didn't　I　tell　you　so　？
＇To　LEBEDIEFF＇　I　bet　him　driving　over；　that　as　soon　as　we　arrived
Zuzu　would　want　to　feed　us　with　jam！

ZINAIDA。　Still　joking；　Count！　＇She　sits　down。＇

LEBEDIEFF。　She　made　twenty　jars　of　it　this　year；　and　how　else　do
you　expect　her　to　get　rid　of　it？

SHABELSKI。　＇Sits　down　near　the　table＇　Are　you　still　adding　to　the
hoard；　Zuzu？　You　will　soon　have　a　million；　eh？

ZINAIDA。　＇Sighing＇　I　know　it　seems　as　if　no　one　could　be　richer
than　we；　but　where　do　they　think　the　money　comes　from？　It　is　all
gossip。

SHABELSKI。　Oh；　yes；　we　all　know　that！　We　know　how　badly　you　play
your　cards！　Tell　me；　Paul；　honestly；　have　you　saved　up　a　million
yet？

LEBEDIEFF。　I　don't　know。　Ask　Zuzu。

SHABELSKI。　＇To　MARTHA＇　And　my　plump　little　Birdie　here　will　soon
have　a　million　too！　She　is　getting　prettier　and　plumper　not　only
every　day；　but　every　hour。　That　means　she　has　a　nice　little
fortune。

MARTHA。　Thank　you　very　much；　your　highness；　but　I　don't　like　such
jokes。

SHABELSKI。　My　dear　little　gold　mine；　do　you　call　that　a　joke？　It
was　a　wail　of　the　soul；　a　cry　from　the　heart；　that　burst　through
my　lips。　My　love　for　you　and　Zuzu　is　immense。　＇Gaily＇　Oh；
rapture！　Oh；　bliss！　I　cannot　look　at　you　two　without　a　madly
beating　heart！

ZINAIDA。　You　are　still　the　same；　Count。　＇To　GEORGE＇　Put　out　the
candles　please；　George。　＇GEORGE　gives　a　start。　He　puts　out　the
candles　and　sits　down　again＇　How　is　your　wife；　Nicholas？

IVANOFF。　She　is　very　ill。　The　doctor　said　to…day　that　she
certainly　had　consumption。

ZINAIDA。　Really？　Oh；　how　sad！　＇She　sighs＇　And　we　are　all　so　fond
of　her！

SHABELSKI。　What　trash　you　all　talk！　That　story　was　invented　by
that　sham　doctor；　and　is　nothing　but　a　trick　of　his。　He　wants　to
masquerade　as　an　Aesculapius；　and　so　has　started　this　consumption
theory。　Fortunately　her　husband　isn't　jealous。　＇IVANOFF　makes　an
inpatient　gesture＇　As　for　Sarah；　I　wouldn't　trust　a　word　or　an
action　of　hers。　I　have　made　a　point　all　my　life　of　mistrusting
all　doctors；　lawyers；　and　women。　They　are　shammers　and　deceivers。

LEBEDIEFF。　＇To　SHABELSKI＇　You　are　an　extraordinary　person；
Matthew！　You　have　mounted　this　misanthropic　hobby　of　yours；　and
you　ride　it　through　thick　and　thin　like　a　lunatic　You　are　a　man
like　any　other；　and　yet；　from　the　way　you　talk　one　would　imagine
that　you　had　the　pip；　or　a　cold　in　the　head。

SHABELSKI。　Would　you　have　me　go　about　kissing　every　rascal　and
scoundrel　I　meet？

LEBEDIEFF。　Where　do　you　find　all　these　rascals　and　scoundrels？

SHABELSKI。　Of　course　I　am　not　talking　of　any　one　here　present；
nevertheless

LEBEDIEFF。　There　you　are　again　with　your　〃nevertheless。〃　All　this
is　simply　a　fancy　of　yours。

SHABELSKI。　A　fancy？　It　is　lucky　for　you　that　you　have　no
knowledge　of　the　world！

LEBEDIEFF。　My　knowledge　of　the　world　is　this：　I　must　sit　here
prepared　at　any　moment　to　have　death　come　knocking　at　the　door。
That　is　my　knowledge　of　the　world。　At　our　age；　brother；　you　and　I
can't　afford　to　worry　about　knowledge　of　the　world。　So　then　＇He
calls＇　Oh；　Gabriel！

SHABELSKI。　You　have　had　quite　enough　already。　Look　at　your　nose。

LEBEDIEFF。　No　matter；　old　boy。　I　am　not　going　to　be　married
to…day。

ZINAIDA。　Doctor　Lvoff　has　not　been　here　for　a　long　time。　He　seems
to　have　forgotten　us。

SASHA。　That　man　is　one　of　my　aversions。　I　can't　stand　his　icy
sense　of　honour。　He　can't　ask　for　a　glass　of　water　or　smoke　a
cigarette　without　making　a　display　of　his　remarkable　honesty。
Walking　and　talking；　it　is　written　on　his　brow：　〃I　am　an　honest
man。〃　He　is　a　great　bore。

SHABELSKI。　He　is　a　narrow…minded；　conceited　medico。　＇Angrily＇　He
shrieks　like　a　parrot　at　every　step：　〃Make　way　for　honest
endeavour！〃　and　thinks　himself　another　St。　Francis。　Everybody　is
a　rascal　who　doesn't　make　as　much　noise　as　he　does。　As　for　his
penetration；　it　is　simply　remarkable！　If　a　peasant　is　well　off
and　lives　decently；　he　sees　at　once　that　he　must　be　a　thief　and　a
scoundrel。　If　I　wear　a　velvet　coat　and　am　dressed　by　my　valet；　I
am　a　rascal　and　the　valet　is　my　slave。　There　is　no　place　in　this
world　for　a　man　like　him。　I　am　actually　afraid　of　him。　Yes；
indeed；　he　is　likely；　out　of　a　sense　of　duty；　to　insult　a　man　at
any　moment　and　to　call　him　a　knave。

IVANOFF。　I　am　dreadfully　tired　of　him；　but　I　can't　help　liking
him；　too；　he　is　so　sincere。

SHABELSKI。　Oh；　yes；　his　sincerity　is　beautiful！　He　came　up　to　me
yesterday　evening　and　remarked　absolutely　apropos　of　nothing：
〃Count；　I　have　a　deep　aversion　to　you！〃　It　isn't　as　if　he　said
such　things　simply；　but　they　are　extremely　pointed。　His　voice
trembles；　his　eyes　flash；　his　veins　swell。　Confound　his　infernal
honesty！　Supposing　I　am　disgusting　and　odious　to　him？　What　is
more　natural？　I　know　that　I　am；　but　I　don't　like　to　be　told　so　to
my　face。　I　am　a　worthless　old　man；　but　he　might　have　the　decency
to　respect　my　grey　hairs。　Oh；　what　stupid；　heartless　honesty！

LEBEDIEFF。　Come；　come；　you　have　been　young　yourself；　and　should
make　allowances　for　him。

SHABELSKI。　Yes；　I　have　been　young　and　reckless；　I　have　played　the
fool　in　my　day　and　have　seen　plenty　of　knaves　and　scamps；　but　I
have　never　called　a　thief　a　thief　to　his　face；　or　talked　of　ropes
in　the　house　of　a　man　who　had　been　hung。　I　knew　how　to　behave；
but　this　idiotic　doctor　of　yours　would　think　himself　in　the
seventh　heaven　of　happiness　if　fate　would　allow　him　to　pull　my
nose　in　public　in　the　name　of　morality　and　human　ideals。

LEBEDIEFF。　Young　men　are　all　stubborn　and　restive。　I　had　an　uncle
once　who　thought　himself　a　philosopher。　He　would　fill　his　house
with　guests；　and　after　he　had　had　a　drink　he　would　get　up　on　a
chair；　like　this；　and　begin：　〃You　ignoramuses！　You　powers　of
darkness！　This　is　the　dawn　of　a　new　life！〃　And　so　on　and　so　on；
he　would　preach　and　preach…

SASHA。　And　the　guests？

LEBEDIEFF。　They　would　just　sit　and　listen　and　go　on　drinking。
Once；　though；　I　challenged　him　to　a　duel；　challenged　my　own
uncle！　It　came　out　of　a　discussion　about　Sir　Francis　Bacon。　I　was
sitting；　I　remember；　where　Matthew　is；　and　my　uncle　and　the　late
Gerasim　Nilitch　were　standing　over　there；　about　where　Nicholas　is
now。　Well；　Gerasim　Nilitch　propounded　this　question…

Enter　BORKIN。　He　is　dressed　like　a　dandy　and　carries　a　parcel
under　his　arm。　He　comes　in　singing　and　skipping　through　the　door
on　the　right。　A　murmur　of　approval　is　heard。

THE　GIRLS。　O