part 2-第18部分

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couldn't　if　I　did。〃　　She　pulled　her　dress　lower　at　the　neck　as



if　she　were　suffocating。　　〃I　only　want　impossible　things；〃



she　said　roughly。　　〃The　others　don't　interest　me。〃







　　　　　Dr。　Archie　watched　her　contemplatively；　as　if　she　were



a　beaker　full　of　chemicals　working。　　A　few　years　ago；　when



she　used　to　sit　there；　the　light　from　under　his　green　lamp…



shade　used　to　fall　full　upon　her　broad　face　and　yellow　pig…



tails。　　Now　her　face　was　in　the　shadow　and　the　line　of　light



fell　below　her　bare　throat；　directly　across　her　bosom。　　The



shrunken　white　organdie　rose　and　fell　as　if　she　were　strug…



gling　to　be　free　and　to　break　out　of　it　altogether。　　He　felt



that　her　heart　must　be　laboring　heavily　in　there；　but　he　was



afraid　to　touch　her；　he　was；　indeed。　　He　had　never　seen　her



like　this　before。　　Her　hair；　piled　high　on　her　head；　gave　her



a　commanding　look；　and　her　eyes；　that　used　to　be　so　in…



quisitive；　were　stormy。







　　　　　〃Thea；〃　he　said　slowly；　〃I　won't　say　that　you　can　have



everything　you　wantthat　means　having　nothing；　in



reality。　　But　if　you　decide　what　it　is　you　want　most；　YOU



CAN　GET　IT。〃　　His　eye　caught　hers　for　a　moment。　　〃Not　every…



body　can；　but　you　can。　　Only；　if　you　want　a　big　thing；



you've　got　to　have　nerve　enough　to　cut　out　all　that's　easy；



everything　that's　to　be　had　cheap。〃　　Dr。　Archie　paused。



He　picked　up　a　paper…cutter　and；　feeling　the　edge　of　it



softly　with　his　fingers；　he　added　slowly；　as　if　to　himself：











　　　　　　　　　　〃He　either　fears　his　fate　too　much；







　　　　　　　　　　　　　Or　his　deserts　are　small；







　　　　　　　　　　　Who　dares　not　put　it　to　the　touch







　　　　　　　　　　　　　To　win　。　。　。　or　lose　it　all。〃











　　　　　Thea's　lips　parted；　she　looked　at　him　from　under　a　frown；



searching　his　face。　　〃Do　you　mean　to　break　loose；　too；　and



do　something？〃　she　asked　in　a　low　voice。



















　　　　　〃I　mean　to　get　rich；　if　you　call　that　doing　anything。



I've　found　what　I　can　do　without。　　You　make　such　bar…



gains　in　your　mind；　first。〃







　　　　　Thea　sprang　up　and　took　the　paper…cutter　he　had　put



down；　twisting　it　in　her　hands。　　〃A　long　while　first；　some…



times；〃　she　said　with　a　short　laugh。　　〃But　suppose　one



can　never　get　out　what　they've　got　in　them？　　Suppose　they



make　a　mess　of　it　in　the　end；　then　what？〃　　She　threw　the



paper…cutter　on　the　desk　and　took　a　step　toward　the　doctor；



until　her　dress　touched　him。　　She　stood　looking　down　at



him。　　〃Oh；　it's　easy　to　fail！〃　　She　was　breathing　through



her　mouth　and　her　throat　was　throbbing　with　excitement。







　　　　　As　he　looked　up　at　her；　Dr。　Archie's　hands　tightened　on



the　arms　of　his　chair。　　He　had　thought　he　knew　Thea　Kron…



borg　pretty　well；　but　he　did　not　know　the　girl　who　was



standing　there。　　She　was　beautiful；　as　his　little　Swede　had



never　been；　but　she　frightened　him。　　Her　pale　cheeks；　her



parted　lips；　her　flashing　eyes；　seemed　suddenly　to　mean　one



thinghe　did　not　know　what。　　A　light　seemed　to　break



upon　her　from　far　awayor　perhaps　from　far　within。　　She



seemed　to　grow　taller；　like　a　scarf　drawn　out　long；　looked



as　if　she　were　pursued　and　fleeing；　andyes；　she　looked



tormented。　　〃It's　easy　to　fail；〃　he　heard　her　say　again；　〃and



if　I　fail；　you'd　better　forget　about　me；　for　I'll　be　one　of　the



worst　women　that　ever　lived。　　I'll　be　an　awful　woman！〃







　　　　　In　the　shadowy　light　above　the　lampshade　he　caught　her



glance　again　and　held　it　for　a　moment。　　Wild　as　her　eyes



were；　that　yellow　gleam　at　the　back　of　them　was　as　hard



as　a　diamond　drill…point。　　He　rose　with　a　nervous　laugh



and　dropped　his　hand　lightly　on　her　shoulder。　　〃No；　you



won't。　　You'll　be　a　splendid　one！〃







　　　　　She　shook　him　off　before　he　could　say　anything　more；



and　went　out　of　his　door　with　a　kind　of　bound。　　She　left　so



quickly　and　so　lightly　that　he　could　not　even　hear　her　foot…



step　in　the　hallway　outside。　　Archie　dropped　back　into　his



chair　and　sat　motionless　for　a　long　while。



















　　　　　So　it　went；　one　loved　a　quaint　little　girl；　cheerful；　in…



dustrious；　always　on　the　run　and　hustling　through　her



tasks；　and　suddenly　one　lost　her。　　He　had　thought　he　knew



that　child　like　the　glove　on　his　hand。　　But　about　this　tall



girl　who　threw　up　her　head　and　glittered　like　that　all　over；



he　knew　nothing。　　She　was　goaded　by　desires；　ambitions；



revulsions　that　were　dark　to　him。　　One　thing　he　knew：　the



old　highroad　of　life；　worn　safe　and　easy；　hugging　the　sunny



slopes；　would　scarcely　hold　her　again。







　　　　　After　that　night　Thea　could　have　asked　pretty　much



anything　of　him。　　He　could　have　refused　her　nothing。



Years　ago　a　crafty　little　bunch　of　hair　and　smiles　had　shown



him　what　she　wanted；　and　he　had　promptly　married　her。



To…night　a　very　different　sort　of　girldriven　wild　by



doubts　and　youth；　by　poverty　and　richeshad　let　him



see　the　fierceness　of　her　nature。　　She　went　out　still　dis…



traught；　not　knowing　or　caring　what　she　had　shown　him。



But　to　Archie　knowledge　of　that　sort　was　obligation。　　Oh；



he　was　the　same　old　Howard　Archie！











　　　　　That　Sunday　in　July　was　the　turning…point；　Thea's　peace



of　mind　did　not　come　back。　　She　found　it　hard　even　to



practice　at　home。　　There　was　something　in　the　air　there



that　froze　her　throat。　　In　the　morning；　she　walked　as　far



as　she　could　walk。　　In　the　hot　afternoons　she　lay　on　her



bed　in　her　nightgown；　planning　fiercely。　　She　haunted　the



post…office。　　She　must　have　worn　a　path　in　the　sidewalk



that　led　to　the　post…office；　that　summer。　　She　was　there



the　moment　the　mail…sacks　came　up　from　the　depot；



morning　and　evening；　and　while　the　letters　were　being



sorted　and　distributed　she　paced　up　and　down　outside；



under　the　cottonwood　trees；　listening　to　the　thump；



thump；　thump　of　Mr。　Thompson's　stamp。　　She　hung　upon



any　sort　of　word　from　Chicago；　a　card　from　Bowers；　a



letter　from　Mrs。　Harsanyi；　from　Mr。　Larsen；　from　her



landlady；anything　to　reassure　her　that　Chicago　was















still　there。　　She　began　to　feel　the　same　restlessness　that



had　tortured　her　the　last　spring　when　she　was　teaching　in



Moonstone。　　Suppose　she　never　got　away　again；　after　all？



Suppose　one　broke　a　leg　and　had　to　lie　in　bed　at　home　for



weeks；　or　had　pneumonia　and　died　there。　　The　desert　was



so　big　and　thirsty；　if　one's　foot　slipped；　it　could　drink



one　up　like　a　drop　of　water。







　　　　　This　time；　when　Thea　left　Moonstone　to　go　back　to



Chicago；　she　went　alone。　　As　the　train　pulled　out；　she



looked　back　at　her　mother　and　father　and　Thor。　　They　were



calm　and　cheerful；　they　did　not　know；　they　did　not　un…



derstand。　　Something　pulled　in　herand　broke。　　She



cried　all　the　way　to　Denver；　and　that　night；　in　her　berth；



she　kept　sobbing　and　waking　herself。　　But　when　the　sun



rose　in　the　morning；　she　was　far　away。　　It　was　all　behind



her；　and　she　knew　that　she　would　never　cry　like　that　again。



People　live　through　such　pain　only　once；　pain　comes　again；



but　it　finds　a　tougher　surface。　　Thea　remembered　how　she



had　gone　away　the　first　time；　with　what　confidence　in



everything；　and　what　pitiful　ignorance。　　Such　a　silly！　　She



felt　resentful　toward　that　stupid；　good…natured　child。　　How



much　older　she　was　now；　and　how　much　harder！　　She



was　going　away　to　fight；　and　she　was　going　away　forever。







End　of　Part　II