part 2-第4部分

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that　winter　was　almost　beyond　enduring。　　She　always　re…



membered　it　as　the　happiest　and　wildest　and　saddest　of　her



life。　　Things　came　too　fast　for　her；　she　had　not　had　enough



preparation。　　There　were　times　when　she　came　home　from



her　lesson　and　lay　upon　her　bed　hating　Wunsch　and　her



family；　hating　a　world　that　had　let　her　grow　up　so　ignorant；



when　she　wished　that　she　could　die　then　and　there；　and　be



born　over　again　to　begin　anew。　　She　said　something　of　this



kind　once　to　her　teacher；　in　the　midst　of　a　bitter　struggle。



Harsanyi　turned　the　light　of　his　wonderful　eye　upon　her



poor　fellow；　he　had　but　one；　though　that　was　set　in　such　a



handsome　headand　said　slowly：　〃Every　artist　makes



himself　born。　　It　is　very　much　harder　than　the　other　time；



and　longer。　　Your　mother　did　not　bring　anything　into　the















world　to　play　piano。　　That　you　must　bring　into　the　world



yourself。〃







　　　　　This　comforted　Thea　temporarily；　for　it　seemed　to　give



her　a　chance。　　But　a　great　deal　of　the　time　she　was　com…



fortless。　　Her　letters　to　Dr。　Archie　were　brief　and　business…



like。　　She　was　not　apt　to　chatter　much；　even　in　the　stim…



ulating　company　of　people　she　liked；　and　to　chatter　on



paper　was　simply　impossible　for　her。　　If　she　tried　to　write



him　anything　definite　about　her　work；　she　immediately



scratched　it　out　as　being　only　partially　true；　or　not　true　at



all。　　Nothing　that　she　could　say　about　her　studies　seemed



unqualifiedly　true；　once　she　put　it　down　on　paper。







　　　　　Late　one　afternoon；　when　she　was　thoroughly　tired　and



wanted　to　struggle　on　into　the　dusk；　Harsanyi；　tired　too；



threw　up　his　hands　and　laughed　at　her。　　〃Not　to…day；　Miss



Kronborg。　　That　sonata　will　keep；　it　won't　run　away。



Even　if　you　and　I　should　not　waken　up　to…morrow；　it　will



be　there。〃







　　　　　Thea　turned　to　him　fiercely。　　〃No；　it　isn't　here　unless



I　have　itnot　for　me；〃　she　cried　passionately。　　〃Only



what　I　hold　in　my　two　hands　is　there　for　me！〃







　　　　　Harsanyi　made　no　reply。　　He　took　a　deep　breath　and



sat　down　again。　　〃The　second　movement　now；　quietly；



with　the　shoulders　relaxed。〃







　　　　　There　were　hours；　too；　of　great　exaltation；　when　she　was



at　her　best　and　became　a　part　of　what　she　was　doing　and



ceased　to　exist　in　any　other　sense。　　There　were　other　times



when　she　was　so　shattered　by　ideas　that　she　could　do　noth…



ing　worth　while；　when　they　trampled　over　her　like　an　army



and　she　felt　as　if　she　were　bleeding　to　death　under　them。



She　sometimes　came　home　from　a　late　lesson　so　exhausted



that　she　could　eat　no　supper。　　If　she　tried　to　eat；　she　was



ill　afterward。　　She　used　to　throw　herself　upon　the　bed　and



lie　there　in　the　dark；　not　thinking；　not　feeling；　but　evapo…



rating。　　That　same　night；　perhaps；　she　would　waken　up



rested　and　calm；　and　as　she　went　over　her　work　in　her　mind；















the　passages　seemed　to　become　something　of　themselves；



to　take　a　sort　of　pattern　in　the　darkness。　　She　had　never



learned　to　work　away　from　the　piano　until　she　came　to



Harsanyi；　and　it　helped　her　more　than　anything　had　ever



helped　her　before。







　　　　　She　almost　never　worked　now　with　the　sunny；　happy



contentment　that　had　filled　the　hours　when　she　worked



with　Wunsch〃like　a　fat　horse　turning　a　sorgum　mill；〃



she　said　bitterly　to　herself。　　Then；　by　sticking　to　it；　she



could　always　do　what　she　set　out　to　do。　　Now；　every…



thing　that　she　really　wanted　was　impossible；　a　CANTABILE



like　Harsanyi's；　for　instance；　instead　of　her　own　cloudy



tone。　　No　use　telling　her　she　might　have　it　in　ten　years。



She　wanted　it　now。　　She　wondered　how　she　had　ever　found



other　things　interesting：　books；　〃Anna　Karenina〃all



that　seemed　so　unreal　and　on　the　outside　of　things。　　She



was　not　born　a　musician；　she　decided；　there　was　no　other



way　of　explaining　it。







　　　　　Sometimes　she　got　so　nervous　at　the　piano　that　she　left



it；　and　snatching　up　her　hat　and　cape　went　out　and　walked；



hurrying　through　the　streets　like　Christian　fleeing　from



the　City　of　Destruction。　　And　while　she　walked　she　cried。



There　was　scarcely　a　street　in　the　neighborhood　that　she



had　not　cried　up　and　down　before　that　winter　was　over。



The　thing　that　used　to　lie　under　her　cheek；　that　sat　so



warmly　over　her　heart　when　she　glided　away　from　the　sand



hills　that　autumn　morning；　was　far　from　her。　　She　had　come



to　Chicago　to　be　with　it；　and　it　had　deserted　her；　leaving



in　its　place　a　painful　longing；　an　unresigned　despair。











　　　　　Harsanyi　knew　that　his　interesting　pupil〃the　sav…



age　blonde；〃　one　of　his　male　students　called　herwas



sometimes　very　unhappy。　　He　saw　in　her　discontent　a



curious　definition　of　character。　　He　would　have　said　that



a　girl　with　so　much　musical　feeling；　so　intelligent；　with　good



training　of　eye　and　hand；　would；　when　thus　suddenly　in…















troduced　to　the　great　literature　of　the　piano；　have　found



boundless　happiness。　　But　he　soon　learned　that　she　was



not　able　to　forget　her　own　poverty　in　the　richness　of　the



world　he　opened　to　her。　　Often　when　he　played　to　her；



her　face　was　the　picture　of　restless　misery。　　She　would　sit



crouching　forward；　her　elbows　on　her　knees；　her　brows



drawn　together　and　her　gray…green　eyes　smaller　than　ever；



reduced　to　mere　pin…points　of　cold；　piercing　light。　　Some…



times；　while　she　listened；　she　would　swallow　hard；　two　or



three　times；　and　look　nervously　from　left　to　right；　drawing



her　shoulders　together。　　〃Exactly；〃　he　thought；　〃as　if　she



were　being　watched；　or　as　if　she　were　naked　and　heard



some　one　coming。〃







　　　　　On　the　other　hand；　when　she　came　several　times　to　see



Mrs。　Harsanyi　and　the　two　babies；　she　was　like　a　little



girl；　jolly　and　gay　and　eager　to　play　with　the　children；　who



loved　her。　　The　little　daughter；　Tanya；　liked　to　touch　Miss



Kronborg's　yellow　hair　and　pat　it；　saying；　〃Dolly；　dolly；〃



because　it　was　of　a　color　much　oftener　seen　on　dolls　than　on



people。　　But　if　Harsanyi　opened　the　piano　and　sat　down　to



play；　Miss　Kronborg　gradually　drew　away　from　the　chil…



dren；　retreated　to　a　corner　and　became　sullen　or　troubled。



Mrs。　Harsanyi　noticed　this；　also；　and　thought　it　very



strange　behavior。







　　　　　Another　thing　that　puzzled　Harsanyi　was　Thea's　ap…



parent　lack　of　curiosity。　　Several　times　he　offered　to　give



her　tickets　to　concerts；　but　she　said　she　was　too　tired　or



that　it　〃knocked　her　out　to　be　up　late。〃　　Harsanyi　did　not



know　that　she　was　singing　in　a　choir；　and　had　often　to　sing



at　funerals；　neither　did　he　realize　how　much　her　work　with



him　stirred　her　and　exhausted　her。　　Once；　just　as　she　was



leaving　his　studio；　he　called　her　back　and　told　her　he　could



give　her　some　tickets　that　had　been　sent　him　for　Emma



Juch　that　evening。　　Thea　fingered　the　black　wool　on　the



edge　of　her　plush　cape　and　replied；　〃Oh；　thank　you；　Mr。



Harsanyi；　but　I　have　to　wash　my　hair　to…night。〃



















　　　　　Mrs。　Harsanyi　liked　Miss　Kronborg　thoroughly。　　She



saw　in　her　the　making　of　a　pupil　who　would　reflect　credit



upon　Harsanyi。　　She　felt　that　the　girl　could　be　made　to　look



strikingly　handsome；　and　that　she　had　the　kind　of　per…



sonality　which　takes　hold　of　audiences。　　Moreover；　Miss



Kronborg　was　not　in　the　least　sentimental　about　her　hus…



band。　　Sometimes　from　the　show　pupils　one　had　to　endure



a　good　deal。　　〃I　like　that　girl；〃　she　used　to　say；　when



Harsanyi　told　her　of　one　of　Thea's　GAUCHERIES。　　〃She　doesn't



sigh　every　time　the　wind　blows。　　With　her　one　swallow



doesn't　make　a　summer。〃







　　　　　Thea　told　them　very　little　about　herself。　　She　was　not



naturally　communicative；　and　she　found　it　hard　to　feel



confidence　in　new　people。　　She　did　not　know　why；　but　she



could　not　talk　to　Harsanyi　as　she　could　to　Dr。　Archie；　or　to



Johnny　and　Mrs。　Tellamantez。　　With　Mr。　Larsen　she　felt



more　at　home；　and　when　she　was　walking　she　sometimes



stopped　at　his　study　to　eat　candy　with　him　or　to　hear　the



plot　of　the　novel　he　happened　to　be　reading。







　　　　　One　evening　toward　the　middle　of　December　Thea　was



to　dine　with　the　Harsanyis。　　She　arrived　early；　to　have



time　to　play　with　the　children　before　they　went　to　bed。



Mrs。　Harsanyi　took　her　into　her　own　room　and　helped　her



take　off　her　country　〃fascinator〃　and　her　clumsy　plush



cape。　　Thea　had　bought　this　cape　at　a　big　department　store



and　had　paid　16。50　for　it。　　As　she　had　never　paid　more



than　ten　dollars　for　a　coat　before；　that　seemed　to　her　a



large　price。　　It　was　very　heavy　and　not　very　warm；　orna…



mented　with　a　showy　pattern　in　black　disks；　and　trimmed



around　the　collar　and　the　edges　with　some　kind　of　black



wool　that　〃crocked〃　badly　in　snow　or　rain。　　It　was　lined



with　a　cotton　stuff　called　〃farmer's　satin。〃　　Mrs。　Harsanyi



was　one　woman　in　a　thousand。　　As　she　lifted　this　cape　from



Thea's　shoulders　and　laid　it　on　her　white　bed；　she　wished



that　her　husband　did　not　have　to　charge　pupils　like　this



one　for　their　lessons。　　Thea　wore　her　Moonstone　party















dress；　white　organdie；　made　with　a　〃V〃　neck　and　elbow



sleeves；　and　a　blue　sash。　　She　looked　very　pretty　in　it；　and



around　her　throat　she　had　a　string　of　pink　coral　and　tiny



white　shells　that　Ray　once　brought　her　from　Los　Angeles。



Mrs。　Harsanyi　noticed　that　she　wore　high　heavy　shoes



which　nee