sketches of young couples-第10部分

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of　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Chopper。　　Her　father　died　when　she　was；　as　the

play…books　express　it；　'yet　an　infant；'　and　so　old　Mrs。　Chopper；

when　her　daughter　married；　made　the　house　of　her　son…in…law　her

home　from　that　time　henceforth；　and　set　up　her　staff　of　rest　with

Mr。　and　Mrs。　Merrywinkle。



Mr。　and　Mrs。　Merrywinkle　are　a　couple　who　coddle　themselves；　and

the　venerable　Mrs。　Chopper　is　an　aider　and　abettor　in　the　same。



Mr。　Merrywinkle　is　a　rather　lean　and　long…necked　gentleman；　middle…

aged　and　middle…sized；　and　usually　troubled　with　a　cold　in　the

head。　　Mrs。　Merrywinkle　is　a　delicate…looking　lady；　with　very　light

hair；　and　is　exceedingly　subject　to　the　same　unpleasant　disorder。

The　venerable　Mrs。　Chopper　…　who　is　strictly　entitled　to　the

appellation；　her　daughter　not　being　very　young；　otherwise　than　by

courtesy；　at　the　time　of　her　marriage；　which　was　some　years　ago　…

is　a　mysterious　old　lady　who　lurks　behind　a　pair　of　spectacles；　and

is　afflicted　with　a　chronic　disease；　respecting　which　she　has　taken

a　vast　deal　of　medical　advice；　and　referred　to　a　vast　number　of

medical　books；　without　meeting　any　definition　of　symptoms　that　at

all　suits　her；　or　enables　her　to　say；　'That's　my　complaint。'

Indeed；　the　absence　of　authentic　information　upon　the　subject　of

this　complaint　would　seem　to　be　Mrs。　Chopper's　greatest　ill；　as　in

all　other　respects　she　is　an　uncommonly　hale　and　hearty

gentlewoman。



Both　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Chopper　wear　an　extraordinary　quantity　of

flannel；　and　have　a　habit　of　putting　their　feet　in　hot　water　to　an

unnatural　extent。　　They　likewise　indulge　in　chamomile　tea　and　such…

like　compounds；　and　rub　themselves　on　the　slightest　provocation

with　camphorated　spirits　and　other　lotions　applicable　to　mumps；

sore…throat；　rheumatism；　or　lumbago。



Mr。　Merrywinkle's　leaving　home　to　go　to　business　on　a　damp　or　wet

morning　is　a　very　elaborate　affair。　　He　puts　on　wash…leather　socks

over　his　stockings；　and　India…rubber　shoes　above　his　boots；　and

wears　under　his　waistcoat　a　cuirass　of　hare…skin。　　Besides　these

precautions；　he　winds　a　thick　shawl　round　his　throat；　and　blocks　up

his　mouth　with　a　large　silk　handkerchief。　　Thus　accoutred；　and

furnished　besides　with　a　great…coat　and　umbrella；　he　braves　the

dangers　of　the　streets；　travelling　in　severe　weather　at　a　gentle

trot；　the　better　to　preserve　the　circulation；　and　bringing　his

mouth　to　the　surface　to　take　breath；　but　very　seldom；　and　with　the

utmost　caution。　　His　office…door　opened；　he　shoots　past　his　clerk

at　the　same　pace；　and　diving　into　his　own　private　room；　closes　the

door；　examines　the　window…fastenings；　and　gradually　unrobes

himself：　　hanging　his　pocket…handkerchief　on　the　fender　to　air；　and

determining　to　write　to　the　newspapers　about　the　fog；　which；　he

says；　'has　really　got　to　that　pitch　that　it　is　quite　unbearable。'



In　this　last　opinion　Mrs。　Merrywinkle　and　her　respected　mother

fully　concur；　for　though　not　present；　their　thoughts　and　tongues

are　occupied　with　the　same　subject；　which　is　their　constant　theme

all　day。　　If　anybody　happens　to　call；　Mrs。　Merrywinkle　opines　that

they　must　assuredly　be　mad；　and　her　first　salutation　is；　'Why；　what

in　the　name　of　goodness　can　bring　you　out　in　such　weather？　　You

know　you　MUST　catch　your　death。'　　This　assurance　is　corroborated　by

Mrs。　Chopper；　who　adds；　in　further　confirmation；　a　dismal　legend

concerning　an　individual　of　her　acquaintance　who；　making　a　call

under　precisely　parallel　circumstances；　and　being　then　in　the　best

health　and　spirits；　expired　in　forty…eight　hours　afterwards；　of　a

complication　of　inflammatory　disorders。　　The　visitor；　rendered　not

altogether　comfortable　perhaps　by　this　and　other　precedents；

inquires　very　affectionately　after　Mr。　Merrywinkle；　but　by　so　doing

brings　about　no　change　of　the　subject；　for　Mr。　Merrywinkle's　name

is　inseparably　connected　with　his　complaints；　and　his　complaints

are　inseparably　connected　with　Mrs。　Merrywinkle's；　and　when　these

are　done　with；　Mrs。　Chopper；　who　has　been　biding　her　time；　cuts　in

with　the　chronic　disorder　…　a　subject　upon　which　the　amiable　old

lady　never　leaves　off　speaking　until　she　is　left　alone；　and　very

often　not　then。



But　Mr。　Merrywinkle　comes　home　to　dinner。　　He　is　received　by　Mrs。

Merrywinkle　and　Mrs。　Chopper；　who；　on　his　remarking　that　he　thinks

his　feet　are　damp；　turn　pale　as　ashes　and　drag　him　up…stairs；

imploring　him　to　have　them　rubbed　directly　with　a　dry　coarse　towel。

Rubbed　they　are；　one　by　Mrs。　Merrywinkle　and　one　by　Mrs。　Chopper；

until　the　friction　causes　Mr。　Merrywinkle　to　make　horrible　faces；

and　look　as　if　he　had　been　smelling　very　powerful　onions；　when　they

desist；　and　the　patient；　provided　for　his　better　security　with

thick　worsted　stockings　and　list　slippers；　is　borne　down…stairs　to

dinner。　　Now；　the　dinner　is　always　a　good　one；　the　appetites　of　the

diners　being　delicate；　and　requiring　a　little　of　what　Mrs。

Merrywinkle　calls　'tittivation；'　the　secret　of　which　is　understood

to　lie　in　good　cookery　and　tasteful　spices；　and　which　process　is　so

successfully　performed　in　the　present　instance；　that　both　Mr。　and

Mrs。　Merrywinkle　eat　a　remarkably　good　dinner；　and　even　the

afflicted　Mrs。　Chopper　wields　her　knife　and　fork　with　much　of　the

spirit　and　elasticity　of　youth。　　But　Mr。　Merrywinkle；　in　his　desire

to　gratify　his　appetite；　is　not　unmindful　of　his　health；　for　he　has

a　bottle　of　carbonate　of　soda　with　which　to　qualify　his　porter；　and

a　little　pair　of　scales　in　which　to　weigh　it　out。　　Neither　in　his

anxiety　to　take　care　of　his　body　is　he　unmindful　of　the　welfare　of

his　immortal　part；　as　he　always　prays　that　for　what　he　is　going　to

receive　he　may　be　made　truly　thankful；　and　in　order　that　he　may　be

as　thankful　as　possible；　eats　and　drinks　to　the　utmost。



Either　from　eating　and　drinking　so　much；　or　from　being　the　victim

of　this　constitutional　infirmity；　among　others；　Mr。　Merrywinkle；

after　two　or　three　glasses　of　wine；　falls　fast　asleep；　and　he　has

scarcely　closed　his　eyes；　when　Mrs。　Merrywinkle　and　Mrs。　Chopper

fall　asleep　likewise。　　It　is　on　awakening　at　tea…time　that　their

most　alarming　symptoms　prevail；　for　then　Mr。　Merrywinkle　feels　as

if　his　temples　were　tightly　bound　round　with　the　chain　of　the

street…door；　and　Mrs。　Merrywinkle　as　if　she　had　made　a　hearty

dinner　of　half…hundredweights；　and　Mrs。　Chopper　as　if　cold　water

were　running　down　her　back；　and　oyster…knives　with　sharp　points

were　plunging　of　their　own　accord　into　her　ribs。　　Symptoms　like

these　are　enough　to　make　people　peevish；　and　no　wonder　that　they

remain　so　until　supper…time；　doing　little　more　than　doze　and

complain；　unless　Mr。　Merrywinkle　calls　out　very　loudly　to　a　servant

'to　keep　that　draught　out；'　or　rushes　into　the　passage　to　flourish

his　fist　in　the　countenance　of　the　twopenny…postman；　for　daring　to

give　such　a　knock　as　he　had　just　performed　at　the　door　of　a　private

gentleman　with　nerves。



Supper；　coming　after　dinner；　should　consist　of　some　gentle

provocative；　and　therefore　the　tittivating　art　is　again　in

requisition；　and　again　…　done　honour　to　by　Mr。　and　Mrs。

Merrywinkle；　still　comforted　and　abetted　by　Mrs。　Chopper。　　After

supper；　it　is　ten　to　one　but　the　last…named　old　lady　becomes　worse；

and　is　led　off　to　bed　with　the　chronic　complaint　in　full　vigour。

Mr。　and　Mrs。　Merrywinkle；　having　administered　to　her　a　warm

cordial；　which　is　something　of　the　strongest；　then　repair　to　their

own　room；　where　Mr。　Merrywinkle；　with　his　legs　and　feet　in　hot

water；　superintends　the　mulling　of　some　wine　which　he　is　to　drink

at　the　very　moment　he　plunges　into　bed；　while　Mrs。　Merrywinkle；　in

garments　whose　nature　is　unknown　to　and　unimagined　by　all　but

married　men；　takes　four　small　pills　with　a　spasmodic　look　between

each；　and　finally　comes　to　something　hot　and　fragrant　out　of

another　little　saucepan；　which　serves　as　her　composing…draught　for

the　night。



There　is　another　kind　of　couple　who　coddle　themselves；　and　who　do

so　at　a　cheaper　rate　and　on　more　spare　diet；　because　they　are

niggardly　and　parsimonious；　for　which　reason　they　are　kind　enough

to　coddle　their　visitors　too。　　It　is　unnecessary　to　describe　them；

for　our　readers　may　rest　assured　of　the　accuracy　of　these　general

principles：…　that　all　couples　who　coddle　themselves　are　selfish　and

slothful；　…　that　they　charge　upon　every　wind　that　blows；　every　rain

that　falls；　and　every　vapour　that　hangs　in　the　air；　the　evils　which

arise　from　their　own　imprudence　or　the　gloom　which　is　engendered　in

their　own　tempers；　…　and　that　all　men　and　women；　in　couples　or

otherwise；　who　fall　into　exclusive　habits　of　self…indulgence；　and

forget　their　natural　sympathy　and　close　connexion　with　everybody

and　everything　in　the　world　around　them；　not　only　neglect　the　first

duty　of　life；　but；　by　a　happy　retributive　justice；　deprive

themselves　of　its　truest　and　best　enjoyment。







THE　OLD　COUPLE







They　are　grandfather　and　grandmother　to　a　dozen　grown　people　and

have　great…grandchildren　besides；　their　bodies　are　bent；　their　hair

is　grey；　their　step　tottering　and　infirm。　　Is　this　the　lightsome

pair　whose　wedding　was　so　merry；　and　have　the　young　couple　indeed

grown　old　so　soon！



It　seems　but　yesterday　…　and　yet　what　a　host　of　cares　and　griefs

are　crowded　into　the　intervening　time　which；　reckoned　by　them；

lengthens　out　into　a　century！　　How　many　new　associations　have

wreathed　themselves　about　their　hearts　since　then！　　The　old　time　is

gone；　and　a　new　time　has　come　for　others　…　not　for　them。　　They　are

but　the　rusting　link　that　feebly　joins　the　two；　and　is　silently

loosening　its　hold　and　dropping　asunder。



It　seems　but　yesterday　…　and　yet　three　of　their　children　have　sunk

into　the　grave；　and　the　tree　that　shades　it　has　grown　quite　old。

One　was　an　infant　…　they　wept　for　him；　the　next　a　girl；　a　slight

young　thing　too　delicate　for　earth　…　her　loss　was　hard　indeed　to

bear。　　The　third；　a　man。　　That　was　the　worst　of　all