sketches of young couples-第2部分

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it　that　she　must　drink　a　glass　of　wine；　and　he　says　never　mind　it's

being　early　in　the　morning；　it　won't　hurt　her：　　so　they　shut　the

door　and　pour　out　the　wine；　and　Anne　drinking　lane's　health；　and

adding；　'and　here's　wishing　you　yours；　Mr。　John；'　drinks　it　in　a

great　many　sips；　…　Mr。　John　all　the　time　making　jokes　appropriate

to　the　occasion。　　At　last　Mr。　John；　who　has　waxed　bolder　by

degrees；　pleads　the　usage　at　weddings；　and　claims　the　privilege　of

a　kiss；　which　he　obtains　after　a　great　scuffle；　and　footsteps　being

now　heard　on　the　stairs；　they　disperse　suddenly。



By　this　time　a　carriage　has　driven　up　to　convey　the　bride　to

church；　and　Anne　of　number　six　prolonging　the　process　of　'cleaning

her　door；'　has　the　satisfaction　of　beholding　the　bride　and

bridesmaids；　and　the　papa　and　mamma；　hurry　into　the　same　and　drive

rapidly　off。　　Nor　is　this　all；　for　soon　other　carriages　begin　to

arrive　with　a　posse　of　company　all　beautifully　dressed；　at　whom　she

could　stand　and　gaze　for　ever；　but　having　something　else　to　do；　is

compelled　to　take　one　last　long　look　and　shut　the　street…door。



And　now　the　company　have　gone　down　to　breakfast；　and　tears　have

given　place　to　smiles；　for　all　the　corks　are　out　of　the　long…necked

bottles；　and　their　contents　are　disappearing　rapidly。　　Miss　Emma's

papa　is　at　the　top　of　the　table；　Miss　Emma's　mamma　at　the　bottom；

and　beside　the　latter　are　Miss　Emma　herself　and　her　husband；　…

admitted　on　all　hands　to　be　the　handsomest　and　most　interesting

young　couple　ever　known。　　All　down　both　sides　of　the　table；　too；

are　various　young　ladies；　beautiful　to　see；　and　various　young

gentlemen　who　seem　to　think　so；　and　there；　in　a　post　of　honour；　is

an　unmarried　aunt　of　Miss　Emma's；　reported　to　possess　unheard…of

riches；　and　to　have　expressed　vast　testamentary　intentions

respecting　her　favourite　niece　and　new　nephew。　　This　lady　has　been

very　liberal　and　generous　already；　as　the　jewels　worn　by　the　bride

abundantly　testify；　but　that　is　nothing　to　what　she　means　to　do；　or

even　to　what　she　has　done；　for　she　put　herself　in　close

communication　with　the　dressmaker　three　months　ago；　and　prepared　a

wardrobe　（with　some　articles　worked　by　her　own　hands）　fit　for　a

Princess。　　People　may　call　her　an　old　maid；　and　so　she　may　be；　but

she　is　neither　cross　nor　ugly　for　all　that；　on　the　contrary；　she　is

very　cheerful　and　pleasant…looking；　and　very　kind　and　tender…

hearted：　　which　is　no　matter　of　surprise　except　to　those　who　yield

to　popular　prejudices　without　thinking　why；　and　will　never　grow

wiser　and　never　know　better。



Of　all　the　company　though；　none　are　more　pleasant　to　behold　or

better　pleased　with　themselves　than　two　young　children；　who；　in

honour　of　the　day；　have　seats　among　the　guests。　　Of　these；　one　is　a

little　fellow　of　six　or　eight　years　old；　brother　to　the　bride；　…

and　the　other　a　girl　of　the　same　age；　or　something　younger；　whom　he

calls　'his　wife。'　　The　real　bride　and　bridegroom　are　not　more

devoted　than　they：　　he　all　love　and　attention；　and　she　all　blushes

and　fondness；　toying　with　a　little　bouquet　which　he　gave　her　this

morning；　and　placing　the　scattered　rose…leaves　in　her　bosom　with

nature's　own　coquettishness。　　They　have　dreamt　of　each　other　in

their　quiet　dreams；　these　children；　and　their　little　hearts　have

been　nearly　broken　when　the　absent　one　has　been　dispraised　in　jest。

When　will　there　come　in　after…life　a　passion　so　earnest；　generous；

and　true　as　theirs；　what；　even　in　its　gentlest　realities；　can　have

the　grace　and　charm　that　hover　round　such　fairy　lovers！



By　this　time　the　merriment　and　happiness　of　the　feast　have　gained

their　height；　certain　ominous　looks　begin　to　be　exchanged　between

the　bridesmaids；　and　somehow　it　gets　whispered　about　that　the

carriage　which　is　to　take　the　young　couple　into　the　country　has

arrived。　　Such　members　of　the　party　as　are　most　disposed　to　prolong

its　enjoyments；　affect　to　consider　this　a　false　alarm；　but　it　turns

out　too　true；　being　speedily　confirmed；　first　by　the　retirement　of

the　bride　and　a　select　file　of　intimates　who　are　to　prepare　her　for

the　journey；　and　secondly　by　the　withdrawal　of　the　ladies

generally。　　To　this　there　ensues　a　particularly　awkward　pause；　in

which　everybody　essays　to　be　facetious；　and　nobody　succeeds；　at

length　the　bridegroom　makes　a　mysterious　disappearance　in　obedience

to　some　equally　mysterious　signal；　and　the　table　is　deserted。



Now；　for　at　least　six　weeks　last　past　it　has　been　solemnly　devised

and　settled　that　the　young　couple　should　go　away　in　secret；　but

they　no　sooner　appear　without　the　door　than　the　drawing…room

windows　are　blocked　up　with　ladies　waving　their　handkerchiefs　and

kissing　their　hands；　and　the　dining…room　panes　with　gentlemen's

faces　beaming　farewell　in　every　queer　variety　of　its　expression。

The　hall　and　steps　are　crowded　with　servants　in　white　favours；

mixed　up　with　particular　friends　and　relations　who　have　darted　out

to　say　good…bye；　and　foremost　in　the　group　are　the　tiny　lovers　arm

in　arm；　thinking；　with　fluttering　hearts；　what　happiness　it　would

be　to　dash　away　together　in　that　gallant　coach；　and　never　part

again。



The　bride　has　barely　time　for　one　hurried　glance　at　her　old　home；

when　the　steps　rattle；　the　door　slams；　the　horses　clatter　on　the

pavement；　and　they　have　left　it　far　away。



A　knot　of　women　servants　still　remain　clustered　in　the　hall；

whispering　among　themselves；　and　there　of　course　is　Anne　from

number　six；　who　has　made　another　escape　on　some　plea　or　other；　and

been　an　admiring　witness　of　the　departure。　　There　are　two　points　on

which　Anne　expatiates　over　and　over　again；　without　the　smallest

appearance　of　fatigue　or　intending　to　leave　off；　one　is；　that　she

'never　see　in　all　her　life　such　a　…　oh　such　a　angel　of　a　gentleman

as　Mr。　Harvey'　…　and　the　other；　that　she　'can't　tell　how　it　is；　but

it　don't　seem　a　bit　like　a　work…a…day；　or　a　Sunday　neither　…　it's

all　so　unsettled　and　unregular。'







THE　FORMAL　COUPLE







The　formal　couple　are　the　most　prim；　cold；　immovable；　and

unsatisfactory　people　on　the　face　of　the　earth。　　Their　faces；

voices；　dress；　house；　furniture；　walk；　and　manner；　are　all　the

essence　of　formality；　unrelieved　by　one　redeeming　touch　of

frankness；　heartiness；　or　nature。



Everything　with　the　formal　couple　resolves　itself　into　a　matter　of

form。　　They　don't　call　upon　you　on　your　account；　but　their　own；　not

to　see　how　you　are；　but　to　show　how　they　are：　　it　is　not　a　ceremony

to　do　honour　to　you；　but　to　themselves；　…　not　due　to　your　position；

but　to　theirs。　　If　one　of　a　friend's　children　die；　the　formal

couple　are　as　sure　and　punctual　in　sending　to　the　house　as　the

undertaker；　if　a　friend's　family　be　increased；　the　monthly　nurse　is

not　more　attentive　than　they。　　The　formal　couple；　in　fact；　joyfully

seize　all　occasions　of　testifying　their　good…breeding　and　precise

observance　of　the　little　usages　of　society；　and　for　you；　who　are

the　means　to　this　end；　they　care　as　much　as　a　man　does　for　the

tailor　who　has　enabled　him　to　cut　a　figure；　or　a　woman　for　the

milliner　who　has　assisted　her　to　a　conquest。



Having　an　extensive　connexion　among　that　kind　of　people　who　make

acquaintances　and　eschew　friends；　the　formal　gentleman　attends　from

time　to　time　a　great　many　funerals；　to　which　he　is　formally

invited；　and　to　which　he　formally　goes；　as　returning　a　call　for　the

last　time。　　Here　his　deportment　is　of　the　most　faultless

description；　he　knows　the　exact　pitch　of　voice　it　is　proper　to

assume；　the　sombre　look　he　ought　to　wear；　the　melancholy　tread

which　should　be　his　gait　for　the　day。　　He　is　perfectly　acquainted

with　all　the　dreary　courtesies　to　be　observed　in　a　mourning…coach；

knows　when　to　sigh；　and　when　to　hide　his　nose　in　the　white

handkerchief；　and　looks　into　the　grave　and　shakes　his　head　when　the

ceremony　is　concluded；　with　the　sad　formality　of　a　mute。



'What　kind　of　funeral　was　it？'　says　the　formal　lady；　when　he

returns　home。　　'Oh！'　replies　the　formal　gentleman；　'there　never　was

such　a　gross　and　disgusting　impropriety；　there　were　no　feathers。'

'No　feathers！'　cries　the　lady；　as　if　on　wings　of　black　feathers

dead　people　fly　to　Heaven；　and；　lacking　them；　they　must　of

necessity　go　elsewhere。　　Her　husband　shakes　his　head；　and　further

adds；　that　they　had　seed…cake　instead　of　plum…cake；　and　that　it　was

all　white　wine。　　'All　white　wine！'　exclaims　his　wife。　　'Nothing　but

sherry　and　madeira；'　says　the　husband。　　'What！　no　port？'　　'Not　a

drop。'　　No　port；　no　plums；　and　no　feathers！　　'You　will　recollect；

my　dear；'　says　the　formal　lady；　in　a　voice　of　stately　reproof；

'that　when　we　first　met　this　poor　man　who　is　now　dead　and　gone；　and

he　took　that　very　strange　course　of　addressing　me　at　dinner　without

being　previously　introduced；　I　ventured　to　express　my　opinion　that

the　family　were　quite　ignorant　of　etiquette；　and　very　imperfectly

acquainted　with　the　decencies　of　life。　　You　have　now　had　a　good

opportunity　of　judging　for　yourself；　and　all　I　have　to　say　is；　that

I　trust　you　will　never　go　to　a　funeral　THERE　again。'　　'My　dear；'

replies　the　formal　gentleman；　'I　never　will。'　　So　the　informal

deceased　is　cut　in　his　grave；　and　the　formal　couple；　when　they　tell

the　story　of　the　funeral；　shake　their　heads；　and　wonder　what　some

people's　feelings　ARE　made　of；　and　what　their　notions　of　propriety

CAN　be！



If　the　formal　couple　have　a　family　（which　they　sometimes　have）；

they　are　not　children；　but　little；　pale；　sour；　sharp…nosed　men　and

women；　and　so　exquisitely　brought　up；　that　they　might　be　very　old

dwarfs　for　anything　that　appeareth　to　the　contrary。　　Indeed；　they

are　so　acquainted　with　forms　and　conventionalities；　and　conduct

themselves　with　such　strict　decorum；　that　to　see　the　little　girl

break　a　looking…glass　in　some　wild　outbreak；　or　the　little　boy　kick

his　parents；　would　be　to　any　visitor　an　unspeakable　relief　and

consolation。



The　formal　couple　are　always　sticklers