sketches of young couples-第7部分

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two　particular　friends　to　tea　and　scandal；　and　he　happens　to　come

home　in　the　very　midst　of　their　diversion。　　It　is　a　hundred　chances

to　one　that　he　remains　in　the　house　half　an　hour；　but　the　lady　is

rather　disturbed　by　the　intrusion；　notwithstanding；　and　reasons

within　herself；　…　'I　am　sure　I　never　interfere　with　him；　and　why

should　he　interfere　with　me？　　It　can　scarcely　be　accidental；　it

never　happens　that　I　have　a　particular　reason　for　not　wishing　him

to　come　home；　but　he　always　comes。　　It's　very　provoking　and

tiresome；　and　I　am　sure　when　he　leaves　me　so　much　alone　for　his　own

pleasure；　the　least　he　could　do　would　be　to　do　as　much　for　mine。'

Observing　what　passes　in　her　mind；　the　gentleman；　who　has　come　home

for　his　own　accommodation；　makes　a　merit　of　it　with　himself；

arrives　at　the　conclusion　that　it　is　the　very　last　place　in　which

he　can　hope　to　be　comfortable；　and　determines；　as　he　takes　up　his

hat　and　cane；　never　to　be　so　virtuous　again。



Thus　a　great　many　cool　couples　go　on　until　they　are　cold　couples；

and　the　grave　has　closed　over　their　folly　and　indifference。　　Loss

of　name；　station；　character；　life　itself；　has　ensued　from　causes　as

slight　as　these；　before　now；　and　when　gossips　tell　such　tales；　and

aggravate　their　deformities；　they　elevate　their　hands　and　eyebrows；

and　call　each　other　to　witness　what　a　cool　couple　Mr。　and　Mrs。　So…

and…so　always　were；　even　in　the　best　of　times。







THE　PLAUSIBLE　COUPLE







The　plausible　couple　have　many　titles。　　They　are　'a　delightful

couple；'　an　'affectionate　couple；'　'a　most　agreeable　couple；　'a

good…hearted　couple；'　and　'the　best…natured　couple　in　existence。'

The　truth　is；　that　the　plausible　couple　are　people　of　the　world；

and　either　the　way　of　pleasing　the　world　has　grown　much　easier　than

it　was　in　the　days　of　the　old　man　and　his　ass；　or　the　old　man　was

but　a　bad　hand　at　it；　and　knew　very　little　of　the　trade。



'But　is　it　really　possible　to　please　the　world！'　says　some　doubting

reader。　　It　is　indeed。　　Nay；　it　is　not　only　very　possible；　but　very

easy。　　The　ways　are　crooked；　and　sometimes　foul　and　low。　　What

then？　　A　man　need　but　crawl　upon　his　hands　and　knees；　know　when　to

close　his　eyes　and　when　his　ears；　when　to　stoop　and　when　to　stand

upright；　and　if　by　the　world　is　meant　that　atom　of　it　in　which　he

moves　himself；　he　shall　please　it；　never　fear。



Now；　it　will　be　readily　seen；　that　if　a　plausible　man　or　woman　have

an　easy　means　of　pleasing　the　world　by　an　adaptation　of　self　to　all

its　twistings　and　twinings；　a　plausible　man　AND　woman；　or；　in　other

words；　a　plausible　couple；　playing　into　each　other's　hands；　and

acting　in　concert；　have　a　manifest　advantage。　　Hence　it　is　that

plausible　couples　scarcely　ever　fail　of　success　on　a　pretty　large

scale；　and　hence　it　is　that　if　the　reader；　laying　down　this

unwieldy　volume　at　the　next　full　stop；　will　have　the　goodness　to

review　his　or　her　circle　of　acquaintance；　and　to　search

particularly　for　some　man　and　wife　with　a　large　connexion　and　a

good　name；　not　easily　referable　to　their　abilities　or　their　wealth；

he　or　she　（that　is；　the　male　or　female　reader）　will　certainly　find

that　gentleman　or　lady；　on　a　very　short　reflection；　to　be　a

plausible　couple。



The　plausible　couple　are　the　most　ecstatic　people　living：　　the　most

sensitive　people　…　to　merit　…　on　the　face　of　the　earth。　　Nothing

clever　or　virtuous　escapes　them。　　They　have　microscopic　eyes　for

such　endowments；　and　can　find　them　anywhere。　　The　plausible　couple

never　fawn　…　oh　no！　　They　don't　even　scruple　to　tell　their　friends

of　their　faults。　　One　is　too　generous；　another　too　candid；　a　third

has　a　tendency　to　think　all　people　like　himself；　and　to　regard

mankind　as　a　company　of　angels；　a　fourth　is　kind…hearted　to　a

fault。　　'We　never　flatter；　my　dear　Mrs。　Jackson；'　say　the　plausible

couple；　'we　speak　our　minds。　　Neither　you　nor　Mr。　Jackson　have

faults　enough。　　It　may　sound　strangely；　but　it　is　true。　　You　have

not　faults　enough。　　You　know　our　way；　…　we　must　speak　out；　and

always　do。　　Quarrel　with　us　for　saying　so；　if　you　will；　but　we

repeat　it；　…　you　have　not　faults　enough！'



The　plausible　couple　are　no　less　plausible　to　each　other　than　to

third　parties。　　They　are　always　loving　and　harmonious。　　The

plausible　gentleman　calls　his　wife　'darling；'　and　the　plausible

lady　addresses　him　as　'dearest。'　　If　it　be　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Bobtail

Widger；　Mrs。　Widger　is　'Lavinia；　darling；'　and　Mr。　Widger　is

'Bobtail；　dearest。'　　Speaking　of　each　other；　they　observe　the　same

tender　form。　　Mrs。　Widger　relates　what　'Bobtail'　said；　and　Mr。

Widger　recounts　what　'darling'　thought　and　did。



If　you　sit　next　to　the　plausible　lady　at　a　dinner…table；　she　takes

the　earliest　opportunity　of　expressing　her　belief　that　you　are

acquainted　with　the　Clickits；　she　is　sure　she　has　heard　the

Clickits　speak　of　you　…　she　must　not　tell　you　in　what　terms；　or　you

will　take　her　for　a　flatterer。　　You　admit　a　knowledge　of　the

Clickits；　the　plausible　lady　immediately　launches　out　in　their

praise。　　She　quite　loves　the　Clickits。　　Were　there　ever　such　true…

hearted；　hospitable；　excellent　people　…　such　a　gentle；　interesting

little　woman　as　Mrs。　Clickit；　or　such　a　frank；　unaffected　creature

as　Mr。　Clickit？　were　there　ever　two　people；　in　short；　so　little

spoiled　by　the　world　as　they　are？　　'As　who；　darling？'　cries　Mr。

Widger；　from　the　opposite　side　of　the　table。　　'The　Clickits；

dearest；'　replies　Mrs。　Widger。　　'Indeed　you　are　right；　darling；'

Mr。　Widger　rejoins；　'the　Clickits　are　a　very　high…minded；　worthy；

estimable　couple。'　　Mrs。　Widger　remarking　that　Bobtail　always　grows

quite　eloquent　upon　this　subject；　Mr。　Widger　admits　that　he　feels

very　strongly　whenever　such　people　as　the　Clickits　and　some　other

friends　of　his　（here　he　glances　at　the　host　and　hostess）　are

mentioned；　for　they　are　an　honour　to　human　nature；　and　do　one　good

to　think　of。　　'YOU　know　the　Clickits；　Mrs。　Jackson？'　he　says；

addressing　the　lady　of　the　house。　　'No；　indeed；　we　have　not　that

pleasure；'　she　replies。　　'You　astonish　me！'　exclaims　Mr。　Widger：

'not　know　the　Clickits！　why；　you　are　the　very　people　of　all　others

who　ought　to　be　their　bosom　friends。　　You　are　kindred　beings；　you

are　one　and　the　same　thing：…　not　know　the　Clickits！　　Now　WILL　you

know　the　Clickits？　　Will　you　make　a　point　of　knowing　them？　　Will

you　meet　them　in　a　friendly　way　at　our　house　one　evening；　and　be

acquainted　with　them？'　　Mrs。　Jackson　will　be　quite　delighted；

nothing　would　give　her　more　pleasure。　　'Then；　Lavinia；　my　darling；'

says　Mr。　Widger；　'mind　you　don't　lose　sight　of　that；　now；　pray　take

care　that　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Jackson　know　the　Clickits　without　loss　of

time。　　Such　people　ought　not　to　be　strangers　to　each　other。'　　Mrs。

Widger　books　both　families　as　the　centre　of　attraction　for　her　next

party；　and　Mr。　Widger；　going　on　to　expatiate　upon　the　virtues　of

the　Clickits；　adds　to　their　other　moral　qualities；　that　they　keep

one　of　the　neatest　phaetons　in　town；　and　have　two　thousand　a　year。



As　the　plausible　couple　never　laud　the　merits　of　any　absent　person；

without　dexterously　contriving　that　their　praises　shall　reflect

upon　somebody　who　is　present；　so　they　never　depreciate　anything　or

anybody；　without　turning　their　depreciation　to　the　same　account。

Their　friend；　Mr。　Slummery；　say　they；　is　unquestionably　a　clever

painter；　and　would　no　doubt　be　very　popular；　and　sell　his　pictures

at　a　very　high　price；　if　that　cruel　Mr。　Fithers　had　not　forestalled

him　in　his　department　of　art；　and　made　it　thoroughly　and　completely

his　own；　…　Fithers；　it　is　to　be　observed；　being　present　and　within

hearing；　and　Slummery　elsewhere。　　Is　Mrs。　Tabblewick　really　as

beautiful　as　people　say？　　Why；　there　indeed　you　ask　them　a　very

puzzling　question；　because　there　is　no　doubt　that　she　is　a　very

charming　woman；　and　they　have　long　known　her　intimately。　　She　is　no

doubt　beautiful；　very　beautiful；　they　once　thought　her　the　most

beautiful　woman　ever　seen；　still　if　you　press　them　for　an　honest

answer；　they　are　bound　to　say　that　this　was　before　they　had　ever

seen　our　lovely　friend　on　the　sofa；　（the　sofa　is　hard　by；　and　our

lovely　friend　can't　help　hearing　the　whispers　in　which　this　is

said；）　since　that　time；　perhaps；　they　have　been　hardly　fair　judges；

Mrs。　Tabblewick　is　no　doubt　extremely　handsome；　…　very　like　our

friend；　in　fact；　in　the　form　of　the　features；　…　but　in　point　of

expression；　and　soul；　and　figure；　and　air　altogether　…　oh　dear！



But　while　the　plausible　couple　depreciate；　they　are　still　careful

to　preserve　their　character　for　amiability　and　kind　feeling；　indeed

the　depreciation　itself　is　often　made　to　grow　out　of　their

excessive　sympathy　and　good　will。　　The　plausible　lady　calls　on　a

lady　who　dotes　upon　her　children；　and　is　sitting　with　a　little　girl

upon　her　knee；　enraptured　by　her　artless　replies；　and　protesting

that　there　is　nothing　she　delights　in　so　much　as　conversing　with

these　fairies；　when　the　other　lady　inquires　if　she　has　seen　young

Mrs。　Finching　lately；　and　whether　the　baby　has　turned　out　a　finer

one　than　it　promised　to　be。　　'Oh　dear！'　cries　the　plausible　lady；

'you　cannot　think　how　often　Bobtail　and　I　have　talked　about　poor

Mrs。　Finching　…　she　is　such　a　dear　soul；　and　was　so　anxious　that

the　baby　should　be　a　fine　child　…　and　very　naturally；　because　she

was　very　much　here　at　one　time；　and　there　is；　you　know；　a　natural

emulation　among　mothers　…　that　it　is　impossible　to　tell　you　how

much　we　have　felt　for　her。'　　'Is　it　weak　or　plain；　or　what？'

inquires　the　other。　　'Weak　or　plain；　my　love；'　returns　the

plausible　lady；　'it's　a　fright　…　a　perfect　little　fright；　you　never

saw　such　a　miserable　creature　in　all　your　days。　　Positively　you

must　not　let　her　see　one　of　these　beautiful　dears　again；　or　you'll

break　her　heart；　you　will　indeed。　…　Heaven　bless　this　child；　see

how　she　is　looking　in　my　face！　can　you　conceive　anything　prettier

than　that？　　If　poor　Mrs。　Finching　could　only