sketches of young couples-第8部分

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than　that？　　If　poor　Mrs。　Finching　could　only　hope　…　but　that's

impossible　…　and　the　gifts　of　Providence；　you　know　…　What　DID　I　do

with　my　pocket…handkerchief！'



What　prompts　the　mother；　who　dotes　upon　her　children；　to　comment　to

her　lord　that　evening　on　the　plausible　lady's　engaging　qualities

and　feeling　heart；　and　what　is　it　that　procures　Mr。　and　Mrs。

Bobtail　Widger　an　immediate　invitation　to　dinner？







THE　NICE　LITTLE　COUPLE







A　custom　once　prevailed　in　old…fashioned　circles；　that　when　a　lady

or　gentleman　was　unable　to　sing　a　song；　he　or　she　should　enliven

the　company　with　a　story。　　As　we　find　ourself　in　the　predicament　of

not　being　able　to　describe　（to　our　own　satisfaction）　nice　little

couples　in　the　abstract；　we　purpose　telling　in　this　place　a　little

story　about　a　nice　little　couple　of　our　acquaintance。



Mr。　and　Mrs。　Chirrup　are　the　nice　little　couple　in　question。　　Mr。

Chirrup　has　the　smartness；　and　something　of　the　brisk；　quick　manner

of　a　small　bird。　　Mrs。　Chirrup　is　the　prettiest　of　all　little

women；　and　has　the　prettiest　little　figure　conceivable。　　She　has

the　neatest　little　foot；　and　the　softest　little　voice；　and　the

pleasantest　little　smile；　and　the　tidiest　little　curls；　and　the

brightest　little　eyes；　and　the　quietest　little　manner；　and　is；　in

short；　altogether　one　of　the　most　engaging　of　all　little　women；

dead　or　alive。　　She　is　a　condensation　of　all　the　domestic　virtues；

…　a　pocket　edition　of　the　young　man's　best　companion；　…　a　little

woman　at　a　very　high　pressure；　with　an　amazing　quantity　of　goodness

and　usefulness　in　an　exceedingly　small　space。　　Little　as　she　is；

Mrs。　Chirrup　might　furnish　forth　matter　for　the　moral　equipment　of

a　score　of　housewives；　six　feet　high　in　their　stockings　…　if；　in

the　presence　of　ladies；　we　may　be　allowed　the　expression　…　and　of

corresponding　robustness。



Nobody　knows　all　this　better　than　Mr。　Chirrup；　though　he　rather

takes　on　that　he　don't。　　Accordingly　he　is　very　proud　of　his

better…half；　and　evidently　considers　himself；　as　all　other　people

consider　him；　rather　fortunate　in　having　her　to　wife。　　We　say

evidently；　because　Mr。　Chirrup　is　a　warm…hearted　little　fellow；　and

if　you　catch　his　eye　when　he　has　been　slyly　glancing　at　Mrs。

Chirrup　in　company；　there　is　a　certain　complacent　twinkle　in　it；

accompanied；　perhaps；　by　a　half…expressed　toss　of　the　head；　which

as　clearly　indicates　what　has　been　passing　in　his　mind　as　if　he　had

put　it　into　words；　and　shouted　it　out　through　a　speaking…trumpet。

Moreover；　Mr。　Chirrup　has　a　particularly　mild　and　bird…like　manner

of　calling　Mrs。　Chirrup　'my　dear；'　and　…　for　he　is　of　a　jocose　turn

…　of　cutting　little　witticisms　upon　her；　and　making　her　the　subject

of　various　harmless　pleasantries；　which　nobody　enjoys　more

thoroughly　than　Mrs。　Chirrup　herself。　　Mr。　Chirrup；　too；　now　and

then　affects　to　deplore　his　bachelor…days；　and　to　bemoan　（with　a

marvellously　contented　and　smirking　face）　the　loss　of　his　freedom；

and　the　sorrow　of　his　heart　at　having　been　taken　captive　by　Mrs。

Chirrup　…　all　of　which　circumstances　combine　to　show　the　secret

triumph　and　satisfaction　of　Mr。　Chirrup's　soul。



We　have　already　had　occasion　to　observe　that　Mrs。　Chirrup　is　an

incomparable　housewife。　　In　all　the　arts　of　domestic　arrangement

and　management；　in　all　the　mysteries　of　confectionery…making；

pickling；　and　preserving；　never　was　such　a　thorough　adept　as　that

nice　little　body。　　She　is；　besides；　a　cunning　worker　in　muslin　and

fine　linen；　and　a　special　hand　at　marketing　to　the　very　best

advantage。　　But　if　there　be　one　branch　of　housekeeping　in　which　she

excels　to　an　utterly　unparalleled　and　unprecedented　extent；　it　is

in　the　important　one　of　carving。　　A　roast　goose　is　universally

allowed　to　be　the　great　stumbling…block　in　the　way　of　young

aspirants　to　perfection　in　this　department　of　science；　many

promising　carvers；　beginning　with　legs　of　mutton；　and　preserving　a

good　reputation　through　fillets　of　veal；　sirloins　of　beef；　quarters

of　lamb；　fowls；　and　even　ducks；　have　sunk　before　a　roast　goose；　and

lost　caste　and　character　for　ever。　　To　Mrs。　Chirrup　the　resolving　a

goose　into　its　smallest　component　parts　is　a　pleasant　pastime　…　a

practical　joke　…　a　thing　to　be　done　in　a　minute　or　so；　without　the

smallest　interruption　to　the　conversation　of　the　time。　　No　handing

the　dish　over　to　an　unfortunate　man　upon　her　right　or　left；　no　wild

sharpening　of　the　knife；　no　hacking　and　sawing　at　an　unruly　joint；

no　noise；　no　splash；　no　heat；　no　leaving　off　in　despair；　all　is

confidence　and　cheerfulness。　　The　dish　is　set　upon　the　table；　the

cover　is　removed；　for　an　instant；　and　only　an　instant；　you　observe

that　Mrs。　Chirrup's　attention　is　distracted；　she　smiles；　but

heareth　not。　　You　proceed　with　your　story；　meanwhile　the　glittering

knife　is　slowly　upraised；　both　Mrs。　Chirrup's　wrists　are　slightly

but　not　ungracefully　agitated；　she　compresses　her　lips　for　an

instant；　then　breaks　into　a　smile；　and　all　is　over。　　The　legs　of

the　bird　slide　gently　down　into　a　pool　of　gravy；　the　wings　seem　to

melt　from　the　body；　the　breast　separates　into　a　row　of　juicy

slices；　the　smaller　and　more　complicated　parts　of　his　anatomy　are

perfectly　developed；　a　cavern　of　stuffing　is　revealed；　and　the

goose　is　gone！



To　dine　with　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Chirrup　is　one　of　the　pleasantest　things

in　the　world。　　Mr。　Chirrup　has　a　bachelor　friend；　who　lived　with

him　in　his　own　days　of　single　blessedness；　and　to　whom　he　is

mightily　attached。　　Contrary　to　the　usual　custom；　this　bachelor

friend　is　no　less　a　friend　of　Mrs。　Chirrup's；　and；　consequently；

whenever　you　dine　with　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Chirrup；　you　meet　the　bachelor

friend。　　It　would　put　any　reasonably…conditioned　mortal　into　good…

humour　to　observe　the　entire　unanimity　which　subsists　between　these

three；　but　there　is　a　quiet　welcome　dimpling　in　Mrs。　Chirrup's

face；　a　bustling　hospitality　oozing　as　it　were　out　of　the

waistcoat…pockets　of　Mr。　Chirrup；　and　a　patronising　enjoyment　of

their　cordiality　and　satisfaction　on　the　part　of　the　bachelor

friend；　which　is　quite　delightful。　　On　these　occasions　Mr。　Chirrup

usually　takes　an　opportunity　of　rallying　the　friend　on　being

single；　and　the　friend　retorts　on　Mr。　Chirrup　for　being　married；　at

which　moments　some　single　young　ladies　present　are　like　to　die　of

laughter；　and　we　have　more　than　once　observed　them　bestow　looks

upon　the　friend；　which　convinces　us　that　his　position　is　by　no

means　a　safe　one；　as；　indeed；　we　hold　no　bachelor's　to　be　who

visits　married　friends　and　cracks　jokes　on　wedlock；　for　certain　it

is　that　such　men　walk　among　traps　and　nets　and　pitfalls

innumerable；　and　often　find　themselves　down　upon　their　knees　at　the

altar　rails；　taking　M。　or　N。　for　their　wedded　wives；　before　they

know　anything　about　the　matter。



However；　this　is　no　business　of　Mr。　Chirrup's；　who　talks；　and

laughs；　and　drinks　his　wine；　and　laughs　again；　and　talks　more；

until　it　is　time　to　repair　to　the　drawing…room；　where；　coffee

served　and　over；　Mrs。　Chirrup　prepares　for　a　round　game；　by　sorting

the　nicest　possible　little　fish　into　the　nicest　possible　little

pools；　and　calling　Mr。　Chirrup　to　assist　her；　which　Mr。　Chirrup

does。　　As　they　stand　side　by　side；　you　find　that　Mr。　Chirrup　is　the

least　possible　shadow　of　a　shade　taller　than　Mrs。　Chirrup；　and　that

they　are　the　neatest　and　best…matched　little　couple　that　can　be；

which　the　chances　are　ten　to　one　against　your　observing　with　such

effect　at　any　other　time；　unless　you　see　them　in　the　street　arm…in…

arm；　or　meet　them　some　rainy　day　trotting　along　under　a　very　small

umbrella。　　The　round　game　（at　which　Mr。　Chirrup　is　the　merriest　of

the　party）　being　done　and　over；　in　course　of　time　a　nice　little

tray　appears；　on　which　is　a　nice　little　supper；　and　when　that　is

finished　likewise；　and　you　have　said　'Good　night；'　you　find

yourself　repeating　a　dozen　times；　as　you　ride　home；　that　there

never　was　such　a　nice　little　couple　as　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Chirrup。



Whether　it　is　that　pleasant　qualities；　being　packed　more　closely　in

small　bodies　than　in　large；　come　more　readily　to　hand　than　when

they　are　diffused　over　a　wider　space；　and　have　to　be　gathered

together　for　use；　we　don't　know；　but　as　a　general　rule；　…

strengthened　like　all　other　rules　by　its　exceptions；　…　we　hold　that

little　people　are　sprightly　and　good…natured。　　The　more　sprightly

and　good…natured　people　we　have；　the　better；　therefore；　let　us　wish

well　to　all　nice　little　couples；　and　hope　that　they　may　increase

and　multiply。







THE　EGOTISTICAL　COUPLE







Egotism　in　couples　is　of　two　kinds。　…　It　is　our　purpose　to　show

this　by　two　examples。



The　egotistical　couple　may　be　young；　old；　middle…aged；　well　to　do；

or　ill　to　do；　they　may　have　a　small　family；　a　large　family；　or　no

family　at　all。　　There　is　no　outward　sign　by　which　an　egotistical

couple　may　be　known　and　avoided。　　They　come　upon　you　unawares；

there　is　no　guarding　against　them。　　No　man　can　of　himself　be

forewarned　or　forearmed　against　an　egotistical　couple。



The　egotistical　couple　have　undergone　every　calamity；　and

experienced　every　pleasurable　and　painful　sensation　of　which　our

nature　is　susceptible。　　You　cannot　by　possibility　tell　the

egotistical　couple　anything　they　don't　know；　or　describe　to　them

anything　they　have　not　felt。　　They　have　been　everything　but　dead。

Sometimes　we　are　tempted　to　wish　they　had　been　even　that；　but　only

in　our　uncharitable　moments；　which　are　few　and　far　between。



We　happened　the　other　day；　in　the　course　of　a　morning　call；　to

encounter　an　egotistical　couple；　nor　were　we　suffered　to　remain

long　in　ignorance　of　the　fact；　for　our　very　first　inquiry　of　the

lady　of　the　house　brought　them　into　active　and　vigorous　operation。

The　inquiry　was　of　course　touching　the　lady's　health；　and　the

answer　happened　to　be；　that　she　had　not　been　very　well。　　'Oh；　my

dear！'　said　the　egotistical　lady；　'don't　talk　of　not　being