fantastic fables-第11部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！




sentence　should　not　be　passed　upon　you？〃







〃Will　what　I　say　make　any　difference？〃　asked　the　Convicted　



Assassin。







〃I　do　not　see　how　it　can；〃　the　Judge　answered；　reflectively。　　〃No；　



it　will　not。〃







〃Then；〃　said　the　doomed　one；　〃I　should　just　like　to　remark　that　you　



are　the　most　unspeakable　old　imbecile　in　seven　States　and　the　



District　of　Columbia。〃















A　Needful　War















THE　people　of　Madagonia　had　an　antipathy　to　the　people　of　Novakatka　



and　set　upon　some　sailors　of　a　Novakatkan　vessel；　killing　two　and　



wounding　twelve。　　The　King　of　Madagonia　having　refused　either　to　



apologise　or　pay；　the　King　of　Novakatka　made　war　upon　him；　saying　



that　it　was　necessary　to　show　that　Novakatkans　must　not　be　



slaughtered。　　In　the　battles　which　ensued　the　people　of　Madagonia　



slaughtered　two　thousand　Novakatkans　and　wounded　twelve　thousand。　　



But　the　Madagonians　were　unsuccessful；　which　so　chagrined　them　that　



never　thereafter　in　all　their　land　was　a　Novakatkan　secure　in　



property　or　life。















The　Mine　Owner　and　the　Jackass















WHILE　the　Owner　of　a　Silver　Mine　was　on　his　way　to　attend　a　



convention　of　his　species　he　was　accosted　by　a　Jackass；　who　said：







〃By　an　unjust　discrimination　against　quadrupeds　I　am　made　



ineligible　to　a　seat　in　your　convention；　so　I　am　compelled　to　seek　



representation　through　you。〃







〃It　will　give　me　great　pleasure；　sir；〃　said　the　Owner　of　a　Silver　



Mine；　〃to　serve　one　so　closely　allied　to　me　in　…　in　…　well；　you　



know；〃　he　added；　with　a　significant　gesture　of　his　two　hands　upward　



from　the　sides　of　his　head。　　〃What　do　you　want？〃







〃Oh；　nothing　…　nothing　at　all　for　myself　individually；〃　replied　the　



Donkey；　〃but　his　country's　welfare　should　be　a　patriot's　supreme　



care。　　If　Americans　are　to　retain　the　sacred　liberties　for　which　



their　fathers　strove；　Congress　must　declare　our　independence　of　



European　dictation　by　maintaining　the　price　of　mules。〃















The　Dog　and　the　Physician















A　DOG　that　had　seen　a　Physician　attending　the　burial　of　a　wealthy　



patient；　said：　〃When　do　you　expect　to　dig　it　up？〃







〃Why　should　I　dig　it　up？〃　the　Physician　asked。







〃When　I　bury　a　bone；〃　said　the　Dog；　〃it　is　with　an　intention　to　



uncover　it　later　and　pick　it。〃







〃The　bones　that　I　bury；〃　said　the　Physician；　〃are　those　that　I　can　



no　longer　pick。〃















The　Party　Manager　and　the　Gentleman















A　PARTY　Manager　said　to　a　Gentleman　whom　he　saw　minding　his　own　



business：







〃How　much　will　you　pay　for　a　nomination　to　office？〃







〃Nothing；〃　the　Gentleman　replied。







〃But　you　will　contribute　something　to　the　campaign　fund　to　assist　



in　your　election；　will　you　not？〃　asked　the　Party　Manager；　winking。







〃Oh；　no；〃　said　the　Gentleman；　gravely。　　〃If　the　people　wish　me　to　



work　for　them；　they　must　hire　me　without　solicitation。　　I　am　very　



comfortable　without　office。〃







〃But；〃　urged　the　Party　Manager；　〃an　election　is　a　thing　to　be　



desired。　　It　is　a　high　honour　to　be　a　servant　of　the　people。〃







〃If　servitude　is　a　high　honour；〃　the　Gentleman　said；　〃it　would　be　



indecent　for　me　to　seek　it；　and　if　obtained　by　my　own　exertion　it　



would　be　no　honour。〃







〃Well；〃　persisted　the　Party　Manager；　〃you　will　at　least；　I　hope；　



indorse　the　party　platform。〃







The　Gentleman　replied：　〃It　is　improbable　that　its　authors　have　



accurately　expressed　my　views　without　consulting　me；　and　if　I　



indorsed　their　work　without　approving　it　I　should　be　a　liar。〃







〃You　are　a　detestable　hypocrite　and　an　idiot！〃　shouted　the　Party　



Manager。







〃Even　your　good　opinion　of　my　fitness；〃　replied　the　Gentleman；　



〃shall　not　persuade　me。〃















The　Legislator　and　the　Citizen















AN　ex…Legislator　asked　a　Most　Respectable　Citizen　for　a　letter　to　



the　Governor　recommending　him　for　appointment　as　Commissioner　of　



Shrimps　and　Crabs。







〃Sir；〃　said　the　Most　Respectable　Citizen；　austerely；　〃were　you　not　



once　in　the　State　Senate？〃







〃Not　so　bad　as　that；　sir；　I　assure　you；〃　was　the　reply。　　〃I　was　a　



member　of　the　Slower　House。　　I　was　expelled　for　selling　my　



influence　for　money。〃







〃And　you　dare　to　ask　for　mine！〃　shouted　the　Most　Respectable　



Citizen。　　〃You　have　the　impudence？　　A　man　who　will　accept　bribes　



will　probably　offer　them。　　　Do　you　mean　to　…　〃







〃I　should　not　think　of　making　a　corrupt　proposal　to　you；　sir；　but　



if　I　were　Commissioner　of　Shrimps　and　Crabs；　I　might　have　some　



influence　with　the　water…front　population；　and　be　able　to　help　you　



make　your　fight　for　Coroner。〃







〃In　that　case　I　do　not　feel　justified　in　denying　you　the　letter。〃







So　he　took　his　pen；　and；　some　demon　guiding　his　hand；　he　wrote；　



greatly　to　his　astonishment：







〃Who　sells　his　influence　should　stop　it；



An　honest　man　will　only　swap　it。〃















The　Rainmaker















AN　Officer　of　the　Government；　with　a　great　outfit　of　mule…waggons　



loaded　with　balloons；　kites；　dynamite　bombs；　and　electrical　



apparatus；　halted　in　the　midst　of　a　desert；　where　there　had　been　no　



rain　for　ten　years；　and　set　up　a　camp。　　After　several　months　of　



preparation　and　an　expenditure　of　a　million　dollars　all　was　in　



readiness；　and　a　series　of　tremendous　explosions　occurred　on　the　



earth　and　in　the　sky。　　This　was　followed　by　a　great　down…pour　of　



rain；　which　washed　the　unfortunate　Officer　of　the　Government　and　



the　outfit　off　the　face　of　creation　and　affected　the　agricultural　



heart　with　joy　too　deep　for　utterance。　　A　Newspaper　Reporter　who　



had　just　arrived　escaped　by　climbing　a　hill　near　by；　and　there　he　



found　the　Sole　Survivor　of　the　expedition　…　a　mule…driver　…　down　on　



his　knees　behind　a　mesquite　bush；　praying　with　extreme　fervour。







〃Oh；　you　can't　stop　it　that　way；〃　said　the　Reporter。







〃My　fellow…traveller　to　the　bar　of　God；〃　replied　the　Sole　Survivor；　



looking　up　over　his　shoulder；　〃your　understanding　is　in　darkness。　　



I　am　not　stopping　this　great　blessing；　under　Providence；　I　am　



bringing　it。〃







〃That　is　a　pretty　good　joke；〃　said　the　Reporter；　laughing　as　well　



as　he　could　in　the　strangling　rain　…　〃a　mule　driver's　prayer　



answered！〃







〃Child　of　levity　and　scoffing；〃　replied　the　other；　〃you　err　again；　



misled　by　these　humble　habiliments。　　I　am　the　Rev。　Ezekiel　Thrifft；　



a　minister　of　the　gospel；　now　in　the　service　of　the　great　



manufacturing　firm　of　Skinn　&　Sheer。　　They　make　balloons；　kites；　



dynamite　bombs；　and　electrical　apparatus。〃















The　Citizen　and　the　Snakes















A　PUBLIC…SPIRITED　Citizen　who　had　failed　miserably　in　trying　to　



secure　a　National　political　convention　for　his　city　suffered　



acutely　from　dejection。　　While　in　that　frame　of　mind　he　leaned　



thoughtlessly　against　a　druggist's　show…window；　wherein　were　one　



hundred　and　fifty　kinds　of　assorted　snakes。　　The　glass　breaking；　



the　reptiles　all　escaped　into　the　street。







〃When　you　can't　do　what　you　wish；〃　said　the　Public…spirited　



Citizen；　〃it　is　worth　while　to　do　what　you　can。〃















Fortune　and　the　Fabulist















A　WRITER　of　Fables　was　passing　through　a　lonely　forest　when　he　met　



a　Fortune。　　Greatly　alarmed；　he　tried　to　climb　a　tree；　but　the　



Fortune　pulled　him　down　and　bestowed　itself　upon　him　with　cruel　



persistence。







〃Why　did　you　try　to　run　away？〃　said　the　Fortune；　when　his　struggles　



had　ceased　and　his　screams　were　stilled。　　〃Why　do　you　glare　at　me　



so　inhospitably？〃







〃I　don't　know　what　you　are；〃　replied　the　Writer　of　Fables；　deeply　



disturbed。







〃I　am　wealth；　I　am　respectability；〃　the　Fortune　explained；　〃I　am　



elegant　houses；　a　yacht；　and　a　clean　shirt　every　day。　　I　am　



leisure；　I　am　travel；　wine；　a　shiny　hat；　and　an　unshiny　coat。　　I　am　



enough　to　eat。〃







〃All　right；〃　said　the　Writer　of　Fables；　in　a　whisper；　〃but　for　



goodness'　sake　speak　lower。〃







〃Why　so？〃　the　Fortune　asked；　in　surprise。







〃So　as　not　to　wake　me；〃　replied　the　Writer　of　Fables；　a　holy　calm　



brooding　upon　his　beautiful　face。















A　Smiling　Idol















AN　Idol　said　to　a　Missionary；　〃My　friend；　why　do　you　seek　to　bring　



me　into　contempt？　　If　it　had　not　been　for　me；　what　would　you　have　



been？　　Remember　thy　creator　that　thy　days　be　long　in　the　land。〃







〃I　confess；〃　replied　the　Missionary；　fingering　a　number　of　ten…cent　



pieces　which　a　Sunday…school　in　his　own　country　had　forwarded　to　



him；　〃that　I　am　a　product　of　you；　but　I　protest　that　you　cannot　



quote　Scripture　with　accuracy　and　point。　　Therefore　will　I　continue　



to　go　up　against　you　with　the　Sword　of　the　Spirit。〃







Shortly　afterwards　the　Idol's　worshippers　held　a　great　religious　



ceremony　at　the　base　of　his　pedestal；　and　as　a　part　of　the　rites　



the　Missionary　was　roasted　whole。　　As　the　tongue　was　removed　for　



the　high　priest's　table；　〃Ah；〃　said　the　Idol　to　himself；　〃that　is　



the　Sword　of　the　Spirit　…　the　only　Sword　that　is　less　dangerous　



when　unsheathed。〃







And　he　smiled　so　pleasantly　at　his　own　wit　that　the　provinces　of　



Ghargaroo；　M'gwana；　and　Scowow　were　affected　with　a　blight。















Philosophers　Three















A　BEAR；　a　Fox；　and　an　Opossum　were　attacked　by　an　inundation。







〃Death　loves　a　coward；〃　said　the　Bear；　and　went　forward　to　fight　



the　flood。







〃What　a　fool！〃　said　the　Fox。　　〃I　know　a　trick　worth　two　of　that。〃　　



And　he　slipped　into　a　hollow　stump。







〃There　are　malevolent　forces；〃　said　the　Opossum；　〃which　the　wise　



will　neither　confront　nor　avoid。