fantastic fables-第14部分

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INVENTOR。　…　〃One　million　dollars。〃







KING。　…　〃And　how　much　will　it　cost　to　make　the　change　of　arms？〃







INVENTOR。　…　〃Fifty　millions。〃







KING。　…　〃And　the　war　will　Cost　…　？〃







INVENTOR。　…　〃But　consider　the　glory　and　the　spoils！〃







KING。　…　〃Exactly。　　But　if　I　am　not　seeking　these　advantages？　　What　



if　I　decline　to　purchase？〃







INVENTOR。　…　〃There　is　no　economy　in　that。　　Though　a　patriot；　I　am　



poor；　if　my　own　country　will　not　patronise　me；　I　must　seek　a　market　



elsewhere。〃







KING　（to　Prime　Minister）。　…　〃Take　this　blackmailer　and　cut　off　his　



head。〃















A　Talisman















HAVING　been　summoned　to　serve　as　a　juror；　a　Prominent　Citizen　sent　



a　physician's　certificate　stating　that　he　was　afflicted　with　



softening　of　the　brain。







〃The　gentleman　is　excused；〃　said　the　Judge；　handing　back　the　



certificate　to　the　person　who　had　brought　it；　〃he　has　a　brain。〃















The　Ancient　Order















HARDLY　had　that　ancient　order；　the　Sultans　of　Exceeding　Splendour；　



been　completely　founded　by　the　Grand　Flashing　Inaccessible；　when　a　



question　arose　as　to　what　should　be　the　title　of　address　among　the　



members。　　Some　wanted　it　to　be　simply　〃my　Lord；〃　others　held　out　



for　〃your　Dukeness；〃　and　still　others　preferred　〃my　Sovereign　



Liege。〃　　Finally　the　gorgeous　jewel　of　the　order；　gleaming　upon　the　



breast　of　every　member；　suggested　〃your　Badgesty；〃　which　was　



adopted；　and　the　order　became　popularly　known　as　the　Kings　of　



Catarrh。















A　Fatal　Disorder















A　DYING　Man　who　had　been　shot　was　requested　by　officers　of　the　law　



to　make　a　statement；　and　be　quick　about　it。







〃You　were　assaulted　without　provocation；　of　course；〃　said　the　



District　Attorney；　preparing　to　set　down　the　answer。







〃No；〃　replied　the　Dying　Man；　〃I　was　the　aggressor。〃







〃Yes；　I　understand；〃　said　the　District　Attorney；　〃you　committed　the　



aggression　…　you　were　compelled　to；　as　it　were。　　You　did　it　in　



self…defence。〃







〃I　don't　think　he　would　have　hurt　me　if　I　had　let　him　alone；〃　said　



the　other。　　〃No；　I　fancy　he　was　a　man　of　peace；　and　would　not　have　



hurt　a　fly。　　I　brought　such　a　pressure　to　bear　on　him　that　he　



naturally　had　to　yield　…　he　couldn't　hold　out。　　If　he　had　refused　



to　shoot　me　I　don't　see　how　I　could　decently　have　continued　his　



acquaintance。〃







〃Good　Heavens！〃　exclaimed　the　District　Attorney；　throwing　down　his　



note…book　and　pencil；　〃this　is　all　quite　irregular。　　I　can't　make　



use　of　such　an　ante…mortem　statement　as　that。〃







〃I　never　before　knew　a　man　to　tell　the　truth；〃　said　the　Chief　of　



Police；　〃when　dying　of　violence。〃







〃Violence　nothing！〃　the　Police　Surgeon　said；　pulling　out　and　



inspecting　the　man's　tongue　…　〃it　is　the　truth　that　is　killing　



him。〃















The　Massacre















SOME　Holy　Missionaries　in　China　having　been　deprived　of　life　by　the　



Bigoted　Heathens；　the　Christian　Press　made　a　note　of　it；　and　was　



greatly　pained　to　point　out　the　contrast　between　the　Bigoted　



Heathens　and　the　law…abiding　countrymen　of　the　Holy　Missionaries　



who　had　wickedly　been　sent　to　eternal　bliss。







〃Yes；〃　assented　a　Miserable　Sinner；　as　he　finished　reading　the　



articles；　〃the　Heathens　of　Ying　Shing　are　deceitful　above　all　



things　and　desperately　wicked。　　By　the　way；〃　he　added；　turning　over　



the　paper　to　read　the　entertaining　and　instructive　Fables；　〃I　know　



the　Heathenese　lingo。　　Ying　Shing　means　Rock　Creek；　it　is　in　the　



Province　of　Wyo　Ming。〃















A　Ship　and　a　Man















SEEING　a　ship　sailing　by　upon　the　sea　of　politics；　an　Ambitious　



Person　started　in　hot　pursuit　along　the　strand；　but　the　people's　



eyes　being　fixed　upon　the　Presidency　no　one　observed　the　pursuer。　　



This　greatly　annoyed　him；　and　recollecting　that　he　was　not　aquatic；　



he　stopped　and　shouted　across　the　waves'　tumultous　roar：







〃Take　my　name　off　the　passenger　list。〃







Back　to　him　over　the　waters；　hollow　and　heartless；　like　laughter　in　



a　tomb；　rang　the　voice　of　the　Skipper：







〃'T　ain't　on！〃







And　there；　in　the　focus　of　a　million　pairs　of　convergent　eyes；　the　



Ambitious　Person　sat　him　down　between　the　sun　and　moon　and　murmured　



sadly　to　his　own　soul：







〃Marooned；　by　thunder！〃















Congress　and　the　People















SUCCESSIVE　Congresses　having　greatly　impoverished　the　People；　they　



were　discouraged　and　wept　copiously。







〃Why　do　you　weep？〃　inquired　an　Angel　who　had　perched　upon　a　fence　



near　by。







〃They　have　taken　all　we　have；〃　replied　the　People　…　〃excepting；〃　



they　added；　noting　the　suggestive　visitant　…　〃excepting　our　hope　in　



heaven。　　Thank　God；　they　cannot　deprive　us　of　that！〃







But　at　last　came　the　Congress　of　1889。















The　Justice　and　His　Accuser















AN　eminent　Justice　of　the　Supreme　Court　of　Patagascar　was　accused　



of　having　obtained　his　appointment　by　fraud。







〃You　wander；〃　he　said　to　the　Accuser；　〃it　is　of　little　importance　



how　I　obtained　my　power；　it　is　only　important　how　I　have　used　it。〃







〃I　confess；〃　said　the　Accuser；　〃that　in　comparison　with　the　



rascally　way　in　which　you　have　conducted　yourself　on　the　Bench；　the　



rascally　way　in　which　you　got　there　does　seem　rather　a　trifle。〃















The　Highwayman　and　the　Traveller















A　HIGHWAYMAN　confronted　a　Traveller；　and　covering　him　with　a　



firearm；　shouted：　〃Your　money　or　your　life！〃







〃My　good　friend；〃　said　the　Traveller；　〃according　to　the　terms　of　



your　demand　my　money　will　save　my　life；　my　life　my　money；　you　imply　



you　will　take　one　or　the　other；　but　not　both。　　If　that　is　what　you　



mean；　please　be　good　enough　to　take　my　life。〃







〃That　is　not　what　I　mean；〃　said　the　Highwayman；　〃you　cannot　save　



your　money　by　giving　up　your　life。〃







〃Then　take　it；　anyhow；〃　the　Traveller　said。　　〃If　it　will　not　save　



my　money；　it　is　good　for　nothing。〃







The　Highwayman　was　so　pleased　with　the　Traveller's　philosophy　and　



wit　that　he　took　him　into　partnership；　and　this　splendid　



combination　of　talent　started　a　newspaper。















The　Policeman　and　the　Citizen















A　POLICEMAN；　finding　a　man　that　had　fallen　in　a　fit；　said；　〃This　



man　is　drunk；〃　and　began　beating　him　on　the　head　with　his　club。　　A　



passing　Citizen　said：







〃Why　do　you　murder　a　man　that　is　already　harmless？〃







Thereupon　the　Policeman　left　the　man　in　a　fit　and　attacked　the　



Citizen；　who；　after　receiving　several　severe　contusions；　ran　away。







〃Alas；〃　said　the　Policeman；　〃why　did　I　not　attack　the　sober　one　



before　exhausting　myself　upon　the　other？〃







Thenceforward　he　pursued　that　plan；　and　by　zeal　and　diligence　rose　



to　be　Chief；　and　sobriety　is　unknown　in　the　region　subject　to　his　



sway。















The　Writer　and　the　Tramps















AN　Ambitious　Writer；　distinguished　for　the　condition　of　his　linen；　



was　travelling　the　high　road　to　fame；　when　he　met　a　Tramp。







〃What　is　the　matter　with　your　shirt？〃　inquired　the　Tramp。







〃It　bears　the　marks　of　that　superb　unconcern　which　is　the　



characteristic　of　genius；〃　replied　the　Ambitious　Writer；　



contemptuously　passing　him　by。







Resting　by　the　wayside　a　little　later；　the　Tramp　carved　upon　the　



smooth　bark　of　a　birch…tree　the　words；　〃John　Gump；　Champion　



Genius。〃















Two　Politicians















Two　Politicians　were　exchanging　ideas　regarding　the　rewards　for　



public　service。







〃The　reward　which　I　most　desire；〃　said　the　First　Politician；　〃is　



the　gratitude　of　my　fellow…citizens。〃







〃That　would　be　very　gratifying；　no　doubt；〃　said　the　Second　



Politician；　〃but；　alas！　in　order　to　obtain　it　one　has　to　retire　



from　politics。〃







For　an　instant　they　gazed　upon　each　other　with　inexpressible　



tenderness；　then　the　First　Politician　murmured；　〃God's　will　be　



done！　　Since　we　cannot　hope　for　reward；　let　us　be　content　with　what　



we　have。〃







And　lifting　their　right　hands　from　the　public　treasury　they　swore　



to　be　content。















The　Fugitive　Office















A　TRAVELLER　arriving　at　the　capitol　of　the　nation　saw　a　vast　plain　



outside　the　wall；　filled　with　struggling　and　shouting　men。　　While　



he　looked　upon　the　alarming　spectacle　an　Office　broke　away　from　the　



Throng　and　took　shelter　in　a　tomb　close　to　where　he　stood；　the　



crowd　being　too　intent　upon　hammering　one　another　to　observe　that　



the　cause　of　their　contention　had　departed。







〃Poor　bruised　and　bleeding　creature；〃　said　the　compassionate　



Traveller；　〃what　misfortune　caused　you　to　be　so　far　away　from　the　



source　of　power？〃







〃I　'sought　the　man；'〃　said　the　Office。















The　Tyrant　Frog















A　SNAKE　swallowing　a　frog　head…first　was　approached　by　a　Naturalist　



with　a　stick。







〃Ah；　my　deliverer；〃　said　the　Snake　as　well　as　he　could；　〃you　have　



arrived　just　in　time；　this　reptile；　you　see；　is　pitching　into　me　



without　provocation。〃







〃Sir；〃　replied　the　Naturalist；　〃I　need　a　snakeskin　for　my　



collection；　but　if　you　had　not　explained　I　should　not　have　



interrupted　you；　for　I　thought　you　were　at　dinner。〃















The　Eligible　Son…in…Law















A　TRULY　Pious　Person　who　conducted　a　savings　bank　and　lent　money　to　



his　sisters　and　his　cousins　and　his　aunts　of　both　sexes；　was　



approached　by　a　Tatterdemalion；　who　applied　for　a　loan　of　one　



hundred　thousand　dollars。







〃What　security　have　you　to　offer？〃　asked　the　Truly　Pious　Person。







〃The　best　in　the　world；〃　the