fantastic fables-第7部分

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editorial。　　It　turned　out　to　be　an　appeal　to　the　people　of　the　



Province　of　Pang　Ki　to　drive　the　foreign　devils　out　of　the　country　



and　burn　their　dwellings　and　churches。　　At　this　evidence　of　



Mongolian　barbarity　the　White　Christians　were　so　greatly　incensed　



that　they　carried　out　their　original　design。















The　Honest　Cadi















A　ROBBER　who　had　plundered　a　Merchant　of　one　thousand　pieces　of　



gold　was　taken　before　the　Cadi；　who　asked　him　if　he　had　anything　to　



say　why　he　should　not　be　decapitated。







〃Your　Honour；〃　said　the　Robber；　〃I　could　do　no　otherwise　than　take　



the　money；　for　Allah　made　me　that　way。〃







〃Your　defence　is　ingenious　and　sound；〃　said　the　Cadi；　〃and　I　must　



acquit　you　of　criminality。　　Unfortunately；　Allah　has　made　me　so　



that　I　must　also　take　off　your　head　…　unless；〃　he　added；　



thoughtfully；　〃you　offer　me　half　of　the　gold；　for　He　made　me　weak　



under　temptation。〃







Thereupon　the　Robber　put　five　hundred　pieces　of　gold　into　the　



Cadi's　hand。







〃Good；〃　said　the　Cadi。　　〃I　shall　now　remove　but　one　half　your　head。　　



To　show　my　trust　in　your　discretion　I　shall　leave　intact　the　half　



you　talk　with。〃















The　Kangaroo　and　the　Zebra















A　KANGAROO　hopping　awkwardly　along　with　some　bulky　object　concealed　



in　her　pouch　met　a　Zebra；　and　desirous　of　keeping　his　attention　



upon　himself；　said：







〃Your　costume　looks　as　if　you　might　have　come　out　of　the　



penitentiary。〃







〃Appearances　are　deceitful；〃　replied　the　Zebra；　smiling　in　the　



consciousness　of　a　more　insupportable　wit；　〃or　I　should　have　to　



think　that　you　had　come　out　of　the　Legislature。〃















A　Matter　of　Method















A　PHILOSOPHER　seeing　a　Fool　beating　his　Donkey；　said：







〃Abstain；　my　son；　abstain；　I　implore。　　Those　who　resort　to　violence　



shall　suffer　from　violence。〃







〃That；〃　said　the　Fool；　diligently　belabouring　the　animal；　〃is　what　



I'm　trying　to　teach　this　beast　…　which　has　kicked　me。〃







〃Doubtless；〃　said　the　Philosopher　to　himself；　as　he　walked　away；　



〃the　wisdom　of　fools　is　no　deeper　nor　truer　than　ours；　but　they　



really　do　seem　to　have　a　more　impressive　way　of　imparting　it。〃















The　Man　of　Principle















DURING　a　shower　of　rain　the　Keeper　of　a　Zoological　garden　observed　



a　Man　of　Principle　crouching　beneath　the　belly　of　the　ostrich；　



which　had　drawn　itself　up　to　its　full　height　to　sleep。







〃Why；　my　dear　sir；〃　said　the　Keeper；　〃if　you　fear　to　get　wet；　you'd　



better　creep　into　the　pouch　of　yonder　female　kangaroo　…　the　



SALTARIX　MACKINTOSHA　…　for　if　that　ostrich　wakes　he　will　kick　you　



to　death　in　a　minute。〃







〃I　can't　help　that；〃　the　Man　of　Principle　replied；　with　that　lofty　



scorn　of　practical　considerations　distinguishing　his　species。　　〃He　



may　kick　me　to　death　if　he　wish；　but　until　he　does　he　shall　give　me　



shelter　from　the　storm。　　He　has　swallowed　my　umbrella。〃















The　Returned　Californian















A　MAN　was　hanged　by　the　neck　until　he　was　dead。







〃Whence　do　you　come？〃　Saint　Peter　asked　when　the　Man　presented　



himself　at　the　gate　of　Heaven。







〃From　California；〃　replied　the　applicant。







〃Enter；　my　son；　enter；　you　bring　joyous　tidings。〃







When　the　Man　had　vanished　inside；　Saint　Peter　took　his　memorandum…



tablet　and　made　the　following　entry：







〃February　16；　1893。　　California　occupied　by　the　Christians。〃















The　Compassionate　Physician















A　KIND…HEARTED　Physician　sitting　at　the　bedside　of　a　patient　



afflicted　with　an　incurable　and　painful　disease；　heard　a　noise　



behind　him；　and　turning　saw　a　cat　laughing　at　the　feeble　efforts　of　



a　wounded　mouse　to　drag　itself　out　of　the　room。







〃You　cruel　beast！〃　cried　he。　　〃Why　don't　you　kill　it　at　once；　like　



a　lady？〃







Rising；　he　kicked　the　cat　out　of　the　door；　and　picking　up　the　mouse　



compassionately　put　it　out　of　its　misery　by　pulling　off　its　head。　　



Recalled　to　the　bedside　by　the　moans　of　his　patient；　the　Kind…



hearted　Physician　administered　a　stimulant；　a　tonic；　and　a　



nutrient；　and　went　away。















Two　of　the　Damned















TWO　Blighted　Beings；　haggard；　lachrymose；　and　detested；　met　on　a　



blasted　heath　in　the　light　of　a　struggling　moon。







〃I　wish　you　a　merry　Christmas；〃　said　the　First　Blighted　Being；　in　a　



voice　like　that　of　a　singing　tomb。







〃And　I　you　a　happy　New　Year；〃　responded　the　Second　Blighted　Being；　



with　the　accent　of　a　penitent　accordeon。







They　then　fell　upon　each　other's　neck　and　wept　scalding　rills　down　



each　other's　spine　in　token　of　their　banishment　to　the　Realm　of　



Ineffable　Bosh。　　For　one　of　these　accursed　creatures　was　the　First　



of　January；　and　the　other　the　Twenty…fifth　of　December。















The　Austere　Governor















A　GOVERNOR　visiting　a　State　prison　was　implored　by　a　Convict　to　



pardon　him。







〃What　are　you　in　for？〃　asked　the　Governor。







〃I　held　a　high　office；〃　the　Convict　humbly　replied；　〃and　sold　



subordinate　appointments。〃







〃Then　I　decline　to　interfere；〃　said　the　Governor；　with　asperity；　〃a　



man　who　abuses　his　office　by　making　it　serve　a　private　end　and　



purvey　a　personal　advantage　is　unfit　to　be　free。　　By　the　way；　Mr。　



Warden；〃　he　added　to　that　official；　as　the　Convict　slunk　away；　〃in　



appointing　you　to　this　position；　I　was　given　to　understand　that　



your　friends　could　make　the　Shikane　county　delegation　to　the　next　



State　convention　solid　for　…　for　the　present　Administration。　　Was　I　



rightly　informed？〃







〃You　were；　sir。〃







〃Very　well；　then；　I　will　bid　you　good…day。　　Please　be　so　good　as　to　



appoint　my　nephew　Night　Chaplain　and　Reminder　of　Mothers　and　



Sisters。〃















Religions　of　Error















HEARING　a　sound　of　strife；　a　Christian　in　the　Orient　asked　his　



Dragoman　the　cause　of　it。







〃The　Buddhists　are　cutting　Mohammedan　throats；〃　the　Dragoman　



replied；　with　oriental　composure。







〃I　did　not　know；〃　remarked　the　Christian；　with　scientific　interest；　



〃that　that　would　make　so　much　noise。〃







〃The　Mohammedans　are　cutting　Buddhist　throats；　too；〃　added　the　



Dragoman。







〃It　is　astonishing；〃　mused　the　Christian；　〃how　violent　and　how　



general　are　religious　animosities。　　Everywhere　in　the　world　the　



devotees　of　each　local　faith　abhor　the　devotees　of　every　other；　and　



abstain　from　murder　only　so　long　as　they　dare　not　commit　it。　　And　



the　strangest　thing　about　it　is　that　all　religions　are　erroneous　



and　mischievous　excepting　mine。　　Mine；　thank　God；　is　true　and　



benign。〃







So　saying　he　visibly　smugged　and　went　off　to　telegraph　for　a　



brigade　of　cutthroats　to　protect　Christian　interests。















The　Penitent　Elector















A　PERSON　belonging　to　the　Society　for　Passing　Resolutions　of　



Respect　for　the　Memory　of　Deceased　Members　having　died　received　the　



customary　attention。







〃Good　Heavens！〃　exclaimed　a　Sovereign　Elector；　on　hearing　the　



resolutions　read；　〃what　a　loss　to　the　nation！　　And　to　think　that　I　



once　voted　against　that　angel　for　Inspector　of　Gate…latches　in　



Public　Squares！〃







In　remorse　the　Sovereign　Elector　deprived　himself　of　political　



influence　by　learning　to　read。















The　Tail　of　the　Sphinx















A　DOG　of　a　taciturn　disposition　said　to　his　Tail：







〃Whenever　I　am　angry；　you　rise　and　bristle；　when　I　am　pleased；　you　



wag；　when　I　am　alarmed；　you　tuck　yourself　in　out　of　danger。　　You　



are　too　mercurial　…　you　disclose　all　my　emotions。　　My　notion　is　



that　tails　are　given　to　conceal　thought。　　It　is　my　dearest　ambition　



to　be　as　impassive　as　the　Sphinx。〃







〃My　friend；　you　must　recognise　the　laws　and　limitations　of　your　



being；〃　replied　the　Tail；　with　flexions　appropriate　to　the　



sentiments　uttered；　〃and　try　to　be　great　some　other　way。　　The　



Sphinx　has　one　hundred　and　fifty　qualifications　for　impassiveness　



which　you　lack。〃







〃What　are　they？〃　the　Dog　asked。







〃One　hundred　and　forty…nine　tons　of　sand　on　her　tail。〃







〃And　…　？〃







〃A　stone　tail。〃















A　Prophet　of　Evil















AN　Undertaker　Who　Was　a　Member　of　a　Trust　saw　a　Man　Leaning　on　a　



Spade；　and　asked　him　why　he　was　not　at　work。







〃Because；〃　said　the　Man　Leaning　on　a　Spade；　〃I　belong　to　the　



Gravediggers'　National　Extortion　Society；　and　we　have　decided　to　



limit　the　production　of　graves　and　get　more　money　for　the　reduced　



output。　　We　have　a　corner　in　graves　and　propose　to　work　it　to　the　



best　advantage。〃







〃My　friend；〃　said　the　Undertaker　Who　Was　a　Member　of　a　Trust；　〃this　



is　a　most　hateful　and　injurious　scheme。　　If　people　cannot　be　



assured　of　graves；　I　fear　they　will　no　longer　die；　and　the　best　



interests　of　civilisation　will　wither　like　a　frosted　leaf。〃







And　blowing　his　eyes　upon　his　handkerchief；　he　walked　away　



lamenting。















The　Crew　of　the　Life…boat















THE　Gallant　Crew　at　a　life…saving　station　were　about　to　launch　



their　life…boat　for　a　spin　along　the　coast　when　they　discovered；　



but　a　little　distance　away；　a　capsized　vessel　with　a　dozen　men　



clinging　to　her　keel。







〃We　are　fortunate；〃　said　the　Gallant　Crew；　〃to　have　seen　that　in　



time。　　Our　fate　might　have　been　the　same　as　theirs。〃







So　they　hauled　the　life…boat　back　into　its　house；　and　were　spared　



to　the　service　of　their　country。















A　Treaty　of　Peace















THROUGH　massacres　of　each　other's　citizens　China　and　the　United　



States　had　been　four　times　plunged　into　d