the aspern papers-第17部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！



It　all　comes　back　to　you；　if　you　are　frightened。〃



〃Well；　I　am　not　frightened　now；〃　said　Miss　Tita　cheerfully。

〃She　is　very　quiet。〃



〃Is　she　conscious　againdoes　she　speak？〃



〃No；　she　doesn't　speak；　but　she　takes　my　hand。　　She　holds　it　fast。〃



'Yes；〃　I　rejoined；　〃I　can　see　what　force　she　still　has

by　the　way　she　grabbed　that　picture　this　afternoon。

But　if　she　holds　you　fast　how　comes　it　that　you　are　here？〃



Miss　Tita　hesitated　a　moment；　though　her　face　was　in　deep　shadow　（she　had　her

back　to　the　light　in　the　parlor　and　I　had　put　down　my　own　candle　far　off；

near　the　door　of　the　sala）；　I　thought　I　saw　her　smile　ingenuously。

〃I　came　on　purposeI　heard　your　step。〃



〃Why；　I　came　on　tiptoe；　as　inaudibly　as　possible。〃



〃Well；　I　heard　you；〃　said　Miss　Tita。



〃And　is　your　aunt　alone　now？〃



〃Oh；　no；　Olimpia　is　sitting　there。〃



On　my　side　I　hesitated。　　〃Shall　we　then　step　in　there？〃

And　I　nodded　at　the　parlor；　I　wanted　more　and　more　to　be

on　the　spot。



〃We　can't　talk　thereshe　will　hear　us。〃



I　was　on　the　point　of　replying　that　in　that　case　we　would

sit　silent；　but　I　was　too　conscious　that　this　would　not　do；

as　there　was　something　I　desired　immensely　to　ask　her。

So　I　proposed　that　we　should　walk　a　little　in　the　sala；　keeping

more　at　the　other　end；　where　we　should　not　disturb　the　old　lady。

Miss　Tita　assented　unconditionally；　the　doctor　was　coming　again；

she　said；　and　she　would　be　there　to　meet　him　at　the　door。

We　strolled　through　the　fine　superfluous　hall；　where　on

the　marble　floorparticularly　as　at　first　we　said　nothing

our　footsteps　were　more　audible　than　I　had　expected。

When　we　reached　the　other　endthe　wide　window；　inveterately　closed；

connecting　with　the　balcony　that　overhung　the　canal

I　suggested　that　we　should　remain　there；　as　she　would　see

the　doctor　arrive　still　better。　　I　opened　the　window　and　we　passed

out　on　the　balcony。　　The　air　of　the　canal　seemed　even　heavier；

hotter　than　that　of　the　sala。　　The　place　was　hushed　and　void；

the　quiet　neighborhood　had　gone　to　sleep。　　A　lamp；　here　and　there；

over　the　narrow　black　water；　glimmered　in　double；　the　voice

of　a　man　going　homeward　singing；　with　his　jacket　on　his

shoulder　and　his　hat　on　his　ear；　came　to　us　from　a　distance。

This　did　not　prevent　the　scene　from　being　very　comme　il　faut；

as　Miss　Bordereau　had　called　it　the　first　time　I　saw　her。

Presently　a　gondola　passed　along　the　canal　with　its　slow

rhythmical　plash；　and　as　we　listened　we　watched　it　in　silence。

It　did　not　stop；　it　did　not　carry　the　doctor；　and　after　it

had　gone　on　I　said　to　Miss　Tita：



〃And　where　are　they　nowthe　things　that　were　in　the　trunk？〃



〃In　the　trunk？〃



〃That　green　box　you　pointed　out　to　me　in　her　room。

You　said　her　papers　had　been　there；　you　seemed　to　imply　that　she

had　transferred　them。〃



〃Oh；　yes；　they　are　not　in　the　trunk；〃　said　Miss　Tita。



〃May　I　ask　if　you　have　looked？〃



〃Yes；　I　have　lookedfor　you。〃



〃How　for　me；　dear　Miss　Tita？　　Do　you　mean　you　would　have　given　them

to　me　if　you　had　found　them？〃　　I　asked；　almost　trembling。



She　delayed　to　reply　and　I　waited。　　Suddenly　she　broke　out；

〃I　don't　know　what　I　would　dowhat　I　wouldn't！〃



〃Would　you　look　againsomewhere　else？〃



She　had　spoken　with　a　strange　unexpected　emotion；　and　she　went

on　in　the　same　tone：　　〃I　can'tI　can'twhile　she　lies　there。

It　isn't　decent。〃



〃No；　it　isn't　decent；〃　I　replied　gravely。　　〃Let　the　poor　lady　rest

in　peace。〃　　And　the　words；　on　my　lips；　were　not　hypocritical；

for　I　felt　reprimanded　and　shamed。



Miss　Tita　added　in　a　moment；　as　if　she　had　guessed　this

and　were　sorry　for　me；　but　at　the　same　time　wished　to　explain

that　I　did　drive　her　on　or　at　least　did　insist　too　much：

〃I　can't　deceive　her　that　way。　　I　can't　deceive　her

perhaps　on　her　deathbed。〃



〃Heaven　forbid　I　should　ask　you；　though　I　have　been　guilty　myself！〃



〃You　have　been　guilty？〃



〃I　have　sailed　under　false　colors。〃　　I　felt　now　as　if　I　must　tell

her　that　I　had　given　her　an　invented　name；　on　account　of　my　fear

that　her　aunt　would　have　heard　of　me　and　would　refuse　to　take　me　in。

I　explained　this　and　also　that　I　had　really　been　a　party　to　the　letter

written　to　them　by　John　Cumnor　months　before。



She　listened　with　great　attention；　looking　at　me　with　parted　lips；

and　when　I　had　made　my　confession　she　said；　〃Then　your　real　name

what　is　it？〃　　She　repeated　it　over　twice　when　I　had　told　her；

accompanying　it　with　the　exclamation　〃Gracious；　gracious！〃

Then　she　added；　〃I　like　your　own　best。〃



〃So　do　I；〃　I　said；　laughing。　　〃Ouf！　it's　a　relief　to　get　rid

of　the　other。〃



〃So　it　was　a　regular　plota　kind　of　conspiracy？〃



〃Oh；　a　conspiracywe　were　only　two；〃　I　replied；　leaving　out

Mrs。　Prest　of　course。



She　hesitated；　I　thought　she　was　perhaps　going　to　say　that　we　had　been

very　base。　　But　she　remarked　after　a　moment；　in　a　candid；　wondering　way；

〃How　much　you　must　want　them！〃



〃Oh；　I　do；　passionately！〃　　I　conceded；　smiling。　　And　this　chance

made　me　go　on；　forgetting　my　compunction　of　a　moment　before。

〃How　can　she　possibly　have　changed　their　place　herself？

How　can　she　walk？　　How　can　she　arrive　at　that　sort　of　muscular　exertion？

How　can　she　lift　and　carry　things？〃



〃Oh；　when　one　wants　and　when　one　has　so　much　will！〃　said　Miss　Tita；

as　if　she　had　thought　over　my　question　already　herself　and　had　simply

had　no　choice　but　that　answerthe　idea　that　in　the　dead　of　night；

or　at　some　moment　when　the　coast　was　clear；　the　old　woman　had　been

capable　of　a　miraculous　effort。



〃Have　you　questioned　Olimpia？　　Hasn't　she　helped　herhasn't　she

done　it　for　her？〃　　I　asked；　to　which　Miss　Tita　replied　promptly　and

positively　that　their　servant　had　had　nothing　to　do　with　the　matter；

though　without　admitting　definitely　that　she　had　spoken　to　her。

It　was　as　if　she　were　a　little　shy；　a　little　ashamed　now　of　letting　me

see　how　much　she　had　entered　into　my　uneasiness　and　had　me　on　her　mind。

Suddenly　she　said　to　me；　without　any　immediate　relevance：



〃I　feel　as　if　you　were　a　new　person；　now　that　you　have　got　a　new　name。〃



〃It　isn't　a　new　one；　it　is　a　very　good　old　one；　thank　heaven！〃



She　looked　at　me　a　moment。　　〃I　do　like　it　better。〃



〃Oh；　if　you　didn't　I　would　almost　go　on　with　the　other！〃



〃Would　you　really？〃



I　laughed　again；　but　for　all　answer　to　this　inquiry　I　said；

〃Of　course　if　she　can　rummage　about　that　way　she　can　perfectly

have　burnt　them。〃



〃You　must　waityou　must　wait；〃　Miss　Tita　moralized　mournfully；

and　her　tone　ministered　little　to　my　patience；　for　it

seemed　after　all　to　accept　that　wretched　possibility。

I　would　teach　myself　to　wait；　I　declared　nevertheless；

because　in　the　first　place　I　could　not　do　otherwise　and　in

the　second　I　had　her　promise；　given　me　the　other　night；

that　she　would　help　me。



〃Of　course　if　the　papers　are　gone　that's　no　use；〃　she　said；

not　as　if　she　wished　to　recede；　but　only　to　be　conscientious。



〃Naturally。　　But　if　you　could　only　find　out！〃　　I　groaned；　quivering　again。



〃I　thought　you　said　you　would　wait。〃



〃Oh；　you　mean　wait　even　for　that？〃



〃For　what　then？〃



〃Oh；　nothing；〃　I　replied；　rather　foolishly；　being　ashamed

to　tell　her　what　had　been　implied　in　my　submission　to　delay

the　idea　that　she　would　do　more　than　merely　find　out。

I　know　not　whether　she　guessed　this；　at　all　events　she　appeared

to　become　aware　of　the　necessity　for　being　a　little　more　rigid。



〃I　didn't　promise　to　deceive；　did　I？　　I　don't　think　I　did。〃



〃It　doesn't　much　matter　whether　you　did　or　not；　for　you　couldn't！〃



I　don't　think　Miss　Tita　would　have　contested　this　event　had　she　not　been

diverted　by　our　seeing　the　doctor's　gondola　shoot　into　the　little　canal

and　approach　the　house。　　I　noted　that　he　came　as　fast　as　if　he　believed

that　Miss　Bordereau　was　still　in　danger。　　We　looked　down　at　him

while　he　disembarked　and　then　went　back　into　the　sala　to　meet　him。

When　he　came　up　however　I　naturally　left　Miss　Tita　to　go　off　with　him　alone；

only　asking　her　leave　to　come　back　later　for　news。



I　went　out　of　the　house　and　took　a　long　walk；　as　far　as　the　Piazza；

where　my　restlessness　declined　to　quit　me。　　I　was　unable　to　sit　down

（it　was　very　late　now　but　there　were　people　still　at　the　little

tables　in　front　of　the　cafes）；　I　could　only　walk　round　and　round；

and　I　did　so　half　a　dozen　times。　　I　was　uncomfortable；　but　it　gave

me　a　certain　pleasure　to　have　told　Miss　Tita　who　I　really　was。

At　last　I　took　my　way　home　again；　slowly　getting　all　but

inextricably　lost；　as　I　did　whenever　I　went　out　in　Venice：

so　that　it　was　considerably　past　midnight　when　I　reached　my　door。

The　sala；　upstairs；　was　as　dark　as　usual　and　my　lamp　as　I　crossed

it　found　nothing　satisfactory　to　show　me。　　I　was　disappointed；

for　I　had　notified　Miss　Tita　that　I　would　come　back　for　a　report；

and　I　thought　she　might　have　left　a　light　there　as　a　sign。

The　door　of　the　ladies'　apartment　was　closed；　which　seemed　an　intimation

that　my　faltering　friend　had　gone　to　bed；　tired　of　waiting　for　me。

I　stood　in　the　middle　of　the　place；　considering；　hoping　she　would

hear　me　and　perhaps　peep　out；　saying　to　myself　too　that　she　would

never　go　to　bed　with　her　aunt　in　a　state　so　critical；　she　would

sit　up　and　watchshe　would　be　in　a　chair；　in　her　dressing　gown。

I　went　nearer　the　door；　I　stopped　there　and　listened。

I　heard　nothing　at　all　and　at　last　I　tapped　gently。

No　answer　came　and　after　another　minute　I　turned　the　handle。

There　was　no　light　in　the　room；　this　ought　to　have　prevented　me　from

going　in；　but　it　had　no　such　effect。　　If　I　have　candidly　narrated

the　importunities；　the　indelicacies；　of　which　my　desire　to　possess

myself　of　Jeffrey　Aspern's　papers　had　rendered　me　capable　I　need

not　shrink　from　confessing　this　last　indiscretion。　　I　think　it　was

the　worst　thing　I　did；　yet　there　were　extenuating　circumstances。

I　was　deeply　though　doubtless　not　disinterestedly　a