the pursuit of the house-boat-第6部分

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　away；　observing　in　strictest　confidence　to　himself　that　he　had　done　well　to　prepare　that　bottle　beforehand　and　bribe　Crusoe's　man　to　find　it。

〃For　now；〃　he　said；　with　a　chuckle；　〃I　can　get　back　to　earth　again　free　of　cost　on　my　own　hook；　whether　my　eminent　inventor　wants　me　there　or　not。　　I　never　approved　of　his　killing　me　off　as　he　did　at　the　very　height　of　my　popularity。〃



CHAPTER　IV：　　ON　BOARD　THE　HOUSE…BOAT



Meanwhile　the　ladies　were　not　having　such　a　bad　time；　after　all。　Once　having　gained　possession　of　the　House…boat；　they　were　loath　to　think　of　ever　having　to　give　it　up　again；　and　it　is　an　open　question　in　my　mind　if　they　would　not　have　made　off　with　it　themselves　had　Captain　Kidd　and　his　men　not　done　it　for　them。

〃I'll　never　forgive　these　men　for　their　selfishness　in　monopolizing　all　this；〃　said　Elizabeth；　with　a　vicious　stroke　of　a　billiard…cue；　which　missed　the　cue…ball　and　tore　a　right　angle　in　the　cloth。　　〃It　is　not　right。〃

〃No；〃　said　Portia。　　〃It　is　all　wrong；　and　when　we　get　back　home　I'm　going　to　give　my　beloved　Bassanio　a　piece　of　my　mind；　and　if　he　doesn't　give　in　to　me；　I'LL　reverse　my　decision　in　the　famous　case　of　Shylock　versus　Antonio。〃

〃Then　I　sincerely　hope　he　doesn't　give　in；〃　retorted　Cleopatra；　〃for　I　swear　by　all　my　auburn　locks　that　that　was　the　very　worst　bit　of　injustice　ever　perpetrated。　　Mr。　Shakespeare　confided　to　me　one　night；　at　one　of　Mrs。　Caesar's　card…parties；　that　he　regarded　that　as　the　biggest　joke　he　ever　wrote；　and　Judge　Blackstone　observed　to　Antony　that　the　decision　wouldn't　have　held　in　any　court　of　equity　outside　of　Venice。　　If　you　owe　a　man　a　thousand　ducats；　and　it　costs　you　three　thousand　to　get　them；　that's　your　affair；　not　his。　　If　it　cost　Antonio　every　drop　of　his　bluest　blood　to　pay　the　pound　of　flesh；　it　was　Antonio's　affair；　not　Shylock's。　　However；　the　world　applauds　you　as　a　great　jurist；　when　you　have　nothing　more　than　a　woman's　keen　instinct　for　sentimental　technicalities。〃

〃It　would　have　made　a　horrid　play；　though；　if　it　had　gone　on；〃　shuddered　Elizabeth。

〃That　may　be；　but；　carried　out　realistically；　it　would　have　done　away　with　a　raft　of　bad　actors；〃　said　Cleopatra。　　〃I'm　half　sorry　it　didn't　go　on；　and　I'm　sure　it　wouldn't　have　been　any　worse　than　compelling　Brutus　to　fall　on　his　sword　until　he　resembles　a　chicken　liver　en　brochette；　as　is　done　in　that　Julius　Caesar　play。〃

〃Well；　I'm　very　glad　I　did　it；〃　snapped　Portia。

〃I　should　think　you　would　be；〃　said　Cleopatra。　　〃If　you　hadn't　done　it；　you'd　never　have　been　known。　　What　was　that？〃

The　boat　had　given　a　slight　lurch。

〃Didn't　you　hear　a　shuffling　noise　up　on　deck；　Portia？〃　asked　the　Egyptian　Queen。

〃I　thought　I　did；　and　it　seemed　as　if　the　vessel　had　moved　a　bit；〃　returned　Portia；　nervously；　for；　like　most　women　in　an　advanced　state　of　development；　she　had　become　a　martyr　to　her　nerves。

〃It　was　merely　the　wash　from　one　of　Charon's　new　ferry…boats；　I　fancy；〃　said　Elizabeth；　calmly。　　〃It's　disgusting；　the　way　that　old　fellow　allows　these　modern　innovations　to　be　brought　in　here！　　As　if　the　old　paddle…boats　he　used　to　carry　shades　in　weren't　good　enough　for　the　immigrants　of　this　age！　　Really　this　Styx　River　is　losing　a　great　deal　of　its　charm。　　Sir　Walter　and　I　were　upset；　while　out　rowing　one　day　last　summer；　by　the　waves　kicked　up　by　one　of　Charon's　excursion　steamers　going　up　the　river　with　a　party　of　picnickers　from　the　citythe　Greater　Gehenna　Chowder　Club；　I　believe　it　wason　board　of　her。　　One　might　just　as　well　live　in　the　midst　of　the　turmoil　of　a　great　city　as　try　to　get　uninterrupted　quiet　here　in　the　suburbs　in　these　days。　　Charon　isn't　content　to　get　rich　slowly；　he　must　make　money　by　the　barrelful；　if　he　has　to　sacrifice　all　the　comfort　of　everybody　living　on　this　river。　　Anybody'd　think　he　was　an　American；　the　way　he　goes　on；　and　everybody　else　here　is　the　same　way。　　The　Erebeans　are　getting　to　be　a　race　of　shopkeepers。〃

〃I　think　myself；〃　sighed　Cleopatra；　〃that　Hades　is　being　spoiled　by　the　introduction　of　American　ideasit　is　getting　by　far　too　democratic　for　my　tastes；　and　if　it　isn't　stopped；　it's　my　belief　that　the　best　people　will　stop　coming　here。　　Take　Madame　Recamier's　salon　as　it　is　now　and　compare　it　with　what　it　used　to　be！　　In　the　early　days；　after　her　arrival　here；　everybody　went　because　it　was　the　swell　thing；　and　you'd　be　sure　of　meeting　the　intellectually　elect。　On　the　one　hand　you'd　find　Sophocles；　on　the　other；　Cicero；　across　the　room　would　be　Horace　chatting　gayly　with　some　such　person　as　myself。　　Great　warriors；　from　Alexander　to　Bonaparte；　were　there；　and　glad　of　the　opportunity　to　be　there；　too；　statesmen　like　Macchiavelli；　artists　like　Cellini　or　Tintoretto。　　You　couldn't　move　without　stepping　on　the　toes　of　genius。　　But　now　all　is　different。　The　money…getting　instinct　has　been　aroused　within　them　all；　with　the　result　that　when　I　invited　Mozart　to　meet　a　few　friends　at　dinner　at　my　place　last　autumn；　he　sent　me　a　card　stating　his　terms　for　dinners。　　Let　me　see；　I　think　I　have　it　with　me；　I've　kept　it　by　me　for　fear　of　losing　it；　it　is　such　a　complete　revelation　of　the　actual　condition　of　affairs　in　this　locality。　　Ah！　this　is　it；〃　she　added；　taking　a　small　bit　of　pasteboard　from　her　card…case。　　〃Read　that。〃

The　card　was　passed　about；　and　all　the　ladies　were　much　astonished　and　naturally　so；　for　it　ran　this　wise：


NOTICE　TO　HOSTESSES。

Owing　to　the　very　great；　constantly　growing；　and　at　times　vexatious　demands　upon　his　time　socially；

HERR　WOLFGANG　AMADEUS　MOZART

takes　this　method　of　announcing　to　his　friends　that　on　and　after　January　1；　1897；　his　terms　for　functions　will　be　as　follows：

Dinners　with　conversation　on　the　　　　　　　　　Marks　　　　　Theory　of　Music　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　500　Dinners　with　conversation　on　the　　　　　Theory　of　Music；　illustrated　　　　　　　　　　750　Dinners　without　any　conversation　　　　　　　　　　300　　Receptions；　public；　with　music　　　　　　　　　　　1000　　　　〃　　　　〃　　　private；　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　750　　Encores　（single）　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　100　　Three　encores　for　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　150　　Autographs　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　10

Positively　no　Invitations　for　Five…o'Clock　Teas　or　Morning　Musicales　considered。


〃Well；　I　declare！〃　tittered　Elizabeth；　as　she　read。　　〃Isn't　that　extraordinary？　　He's　got　the　three…name　craze；　too！〃

〃It's　perfectly　ridiculous；〃　said　Cleopatra。　　〃But　it's　fairer　than　Artemus　Ward's　plan。　　Mozart　gives　notice　of　his　intentions　to　charge　you；　but　with　Ward　it's　different。　　He　comes；　and　afterwards　sends　a　bill　for　his　fun。　　Why；　only　last　week　I　got　a　'quarterly　statement'　from　him　showing　a　charge　against　me　of　thirty…eight　dollars　for　humorous　remarks　made　to　my　guests　at　a　little　chafing…dish　party　I　gave　in　honor　of　Balzac；　and；　worst　of　all；　he　had　marked　it　'Please　remit。'　　Even　Antony；　when　he　wrote　a　sonnet　to　my　eyebrow；　wouldn't　let　me　have　it　until　he　had　heard　whether　or　not　Boswell　wanted　it　for　publication　in　the　Gossip。　　With　Rubens　giving　chalk…talks　for　pay；　Phidias　doing　'Five…minute　Masterpieces　in　Putty'　for　suburban　lyceums；　and　all　the　illustrious　in　other　lines　turning　their　genius　to　account　through　the　entertainment　bureaus；　it's　impossible　to　have　a　salon　now。〃

〃You　are　indeed　right；〃　said　Madame　Recamier；　sadly。　　〃Those　were　palmy　days　when　genius　was　satisfied　with　chicken　salad　and　lemonade。　I　shall　never　forget　those　nights　when　the　wit　and　wisdom　of　all　time　wereahwere　on　tap　at　my　house；　if　I　may　so　speak；　at　a　cost　to　me　of　lights　and　supper。　　Now　the　only　people　who　will　come　for　nothing　are　those　we　used　to　think　of　paying　to　stay　away。　　Boswell　is　always　ready；　but　you　can't　run　a　salon　on　Boswell。〃

〃Well；〃　said　Portia；　〃I　sincerely　hope　that　you　won't　give　up　the　functions　altogether；　because　I　have　always　found　them　most　delightful。　　It　is　still　possible　to　have　lights　and　supper。〃

〃I　have　a　plan　for　next　winter；〃　said　Madame　Recamier；　〃but　I　suppose　I　shall　be　accused　of　going　into　the　commercial　side　of　it　if　I　adopt　it。　　The　plan　is；　briefly；　to　incorporate　my　salon。　　That's　an　idea　worthy　of　an　American；　I　admit；　but　if　I　don't　do　it　I'll　have　to　give　it　up　entirely；　which；　as　you　intimate；　would　be　too　bad。　　An　incorporated　salon；　however；　would　be　a　grand　thing；　if　only　because　it　would　perpetuate　the　salon。　　'The　Recamier　Salon　（Limited）'　would　be　a　most　excellent　title；　and；　suitably　capitalized　would　enable　us　to　pay　our　lions　sufficiently。　　Private　enterprise　is　powerless　under　modern　conditions。　　It's　as　much　as　I　can　afford　to　pay　for　a　dinner；　without　running　up　an　expensive　account　for　guests；　and　unless　we　get　up　a　salon…trust；　as　it　were；　the　whole　affair　must　go　to　the　wall。〃

〃How　would　you　make　it　pay？〃　asked　Portia。　　〃I　can't　see　where　your　dividends　would　come　from。〃

〃That　is　simple　enough；〃　said　Madame　Recamier。　　〃We　could　put　up　a　large　reception…hall　with　a　portion　of　our　capital；　and　advertise　a　series　of　nightssay　one　a　week　throughout　the　season。　　These　would　be　Warriors'　Night；　Story…tellers'　Night；　Poets'　Night；　Chafing…dish　Night　under　the　charge　of　Brillat…Savarin；　and　so　on。　　It　would　be　understood　that　on　these　particular　evenings　the　most　interesting　people　in　certain　lines　would　be　present；　and　would　mix　with　outsiders；　who　should　be　admitted　only　on　payment　of　a　certain　sum　of　money。　　The　commonplace　inhabitants　of　this　country　could　thus　meet　the　truly　great；　and　if　I　know　them　well；　as　I　think　I　do；　they'll　pay　readily　for　the　privilege。　　The　obscure　love　to　rub　up　against　the　famous　here　as　well　as　they　do　on　earth。〃

〃You'd　run　a　sort　of　Social　Zoo？〃　suggested　Elizabeth。

〃Precisely；　and　provide　entertainment　for　private　residences　too。　　An　advertisement　in　Boswell's　paper；　which　everybody　buys〃

〃And　which　nobody　reads；〃　said　Portia。

〃They　read　the　advertisements；〃　retorted　Madame　Recamier。　　〃As　I　was　saying；　an　advertisement　could　be　placed　in　Boswell's　paper　as　follows：　　'Are　you　giving　a　Function？　　Do　you　want　Talent？　　Get　your　Genius　at　the　Recamier　Salon　（Limited）。'　　It　would　be　simply　magnificent　as　a　business　enterprise。　　The　common　herd　would　be　tickled　to　death　if　they　could　get　great　people　at　their　homes；　even　if　they　had　to　pay　roundly　for　them。〃

〃It　would　look　well　in　the　societ