the bickerstaff-partridge papers-第4部分

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Weep　all　you　Customers　that　use

His　Pills；　his　Almanacks；　or　Shoes；

And　you　that　did　your　Fortunes　seek；

Step　to　his　Grave　but　once　a　Week：

This　Earth　which　bears　his　Body's　Print；

You'll　find　has　so　much　Vertue　in't；

That　I　durst　pawn　my　Ears　'twill　tell

Whate'er　concerns　you　full　as　well；

In　Physick；　Stolen　Goods；　or　Love；

As　he　himself　could；　when　above。

____________________________________



＇Partridge's　reply＇



'Squire　Bickerstaff　detected；　or；　the　astrological　impostor

convicted；

by　John　Partridge；　student　in　physick　and　astrology。



It　is　hard；　my　dear　countrymen　of　these　united　nations；　it　is

very　hard　that　a　Briton　born；　a　Protestant　astrologer；　a　man　of

revolution　principles；　an　assertor　of　the　liberty　and　property　of

the　people；　should　cry　out；　in　vain；　for　justice　against　a

Frenchman；　a　Papist；　an　illiterate　pretender　to　science；　that

would　blast　my　reputation；　most　inhumanly　bury　me　alive；　and

defraud　my　native　country　of　those　services；　that；　in　my　double

capacity；　I　daily　offer　to　the　publick。



What　great　provocations　I　have　receiv'd；　let　the　impartial　reader

judge；　and　how　unwillingly；　even　in　my　own　defence；　I　now　enter

the　lists　against　falsehood；　ignorance　and　envy：　But　I　am

exasperated；　at　length；　to　drag　out　this　cacus　from　the　den　of

obscurity　where　he　lurks；　detect　him　by　the　light　of　those　stars

he　has　so　impudently　traduced；　and　shew　there's　not　a　monster　in

the　skies　so　pernicious　and　malevolent　to　mankind；　as　an　ignorant

pretender　to　physick　and　astrology。　I　shall　not　directly　fall　on

the　many　gross　errors；　nor　expose　the　notorious　absurdities　of

this　prostituted　libeller；　till　I　have　let　the　learned　world

fairly　into　the　controversy　depending；　and　then　leave　the

unprejudiced　to　judge　of　the　merits　and　justice　of　the　cause。



It　was　towards　the　conclusion　of　the　year　1707；　when　an　impudent

pamphlet　crept　into　the　world；　intituled；　'Predictions；　etc。'　by

Isaac　Bickerstaff；　Esq；　　Amongst　the　many　arrogant　assertions

laid　down　by　that　lying　spirit　of　divination；　he　was　pleas'd　to

pitch　on　the　Cardinal　de　Noailles　and　myself；　among　many　other

eminent　and　illustrious　persons；　that　were　to　die　within　the

compass　of　the　ensuing　year；　and　peremptorily　fixes　the　month；

day；　and　hour　of　our　deaths：　This；　I　think；　is　sporting　with

great　men；　and　publick　spirits；　to　the　scandal　of　religion；　and

reproach　of　power；　and　if　sovereign　princes　and　astrologers　must

make　diversion　for　the　vulgar　　why　then　farewel；　say　I；　to

all　governments；　ecclesiastical　and　civil。　But；　I　thank　my　better

stars；　I　am　alive　to　confront　this　false　and　audacious　predictor；

and　to　make　him　rue　the　hour　he　ever　affronted　a　man　of　science

and　resentment。　The　Cardinal　may　take　what　measures　he　pleases

with　him；　as　his　excellency　is　a　foreigner；　and　a　papist；　he　has

no　reason　to　rely　on　me　for　his　justification；　I　shall　only

assure　the　world　he　is　alive　　but　as　he　was　bred　to　letters；

and　is　master　of　a　pen；　let　him　use　it　in　his　own　defence。　In　the

mean　time　I　shall　present　the　publick　with　a　faithful　narrative

of　the　ungenerous　treatment　and　hard　usage　I　have　received　from

the　virulent　papers　and　malicious　practices　of　this　pretended

astrologer。



A　true　and　impartial　account　of　the　proceedings　of　Isaac

Bickerstaff；　Esq；　against　me　



The　28th　of　March；　Anno　Dom。　1708；　being　the　night　this

sham…prophet　had　so　impudently　fix'd　for　my　last；　which　made

little　impression　on　myself；　but　I　cannot　answer　for　my　whole

family；　for　my　wife；　with　a　concern　more　than　usual；　prevailed　on

me　to　take　somewhat　to　sweat　for　a　cold；　and；　between　the　hours

of　eight　and　nine；　to　go　to　bed：　The　maid；　as　she　was　warming　my

bed；　with　a　curiosity　natural　to　young　wenches；　runs　to　the

window；　and　asks　of　one　passing　the　street；　who　the　bell　toll'd

for？　Dr。　Partridge；　says　he；　that　famous　almanack…maker；　who　died

suddenly　this　evening：　The　poor　girl　provoked；　told　him　he　ly'd

like　a　rascal；　the　other　very　sedately　reply'd；　the　sexton　had　so

informed　him；　and　if　false；　he　was　to　blame　for　imposing　upon　a

stranger。　She　asked　a　second；　and　a　third；　as　they　passed；　and

every　one　was　in　the　same　tone。　Now　I　don't　say　these　are

accomplices　to　a　certain　astrological　'squire；　and　that　one

Bickerstaff　might　be　sauntring　thereabouts；　because　I　will　assert

nothing　here　but　what　I　dare　attest；　and　plain　matter　of　fact。　My

wife　at　this　fell　into　a　violent　disorder；　and　I　must　own　I　was　a

little　discomposed　at　the　oddness　of　the　accident。　In　the　mean

time　one　knocks　at　my　door；　Betty　runs　down；　and　opening；　finds　a

sober　grave　person；　who　modestly　enquires　if　this　was　Dr。

Partridge's？　She　taking　him　for　some　cautious　city…patient；　that

came　at　that　time　for　privacy；　shews　him　into　the　dining　room。　As

soon　as　I　could　compose　myself；　I　went　to　him；　and　was　surprized

to　find　my　gentleman　mounted　on　a　table　with　a　two…foot　rule　in

his　hand；　measuring　my　walls；　and　taking　the　dimensions　of　the

room。　Pray　sir；　says　I；　not　to　interrupt　you；　have　you　any

business　with　me？　Only；　sir；　replies　he；　order　the　girl　to　bring

me　a　better　light；　for　this　is　but　a　very　dim　one。　Sir；　says　I；

my　name　is　Partridge：　Oh！　the　Doctor's　brother；　belike；　cries　he；

the　stair…case；　I　believe；　and　these　two　apartments　hung　in　close

mourning；　will　be　sufficient；　and　only　a　strip　of　bays　round　the

other　rooms。　The　Doctor　must　needs　die　rich；　he　had　great

dealings　in　his　way　for　many　years；　if　he　had　no　family　coat；　you

had　as　good　use　the　escutcheons　of　the　company；　they　are　as

showish；　and　will　look　as　magnificent　as　if　he　was　descended　from

the　blood　royal。　With　that　I　assumed　a　great　air　of　authority；

and　demanded　who　employ'd　him；　or　how　he　came　there？　Why；　I　was

sent；　sir；　by　the　Company　of　Undertakers；　says　he；　and　they　were

employed　by　the　honest　gentleman；　who　is　executor　to　the　good

Doctor　departed；　and　our　rascally　porter；　I　believe；　is　fallen

fast　asleep　with　the　black　cloth　and　sconces；　or　he　had　been

here；　and　we　might　have　been　tacking　up　by　this　time。　Sir；　says

I；　pray　be　advis'd　by　a　friend；　and　make　the　best　of　your　speed

out　of　my　doors；　for　I　hear　my　wife's　voice；　（which　by　the　by；　is

pretty　distinguishable）　and　in　that　corner　of　the　room　stands　a

good　cudgel；　which　somebody　has　felt　e're　now；　if　that　light　in

her　hands；　and　she　know　the　business　you　come　about；　without

consulting　the　stars；　I　can　assure　you　it　will　be　employed　very

much　to　the　detriment　of　your　person。　Sir；　cries　he；　bowing　with

great　civility；　I　perceive　extreme　grief　for　the　loss　of　the

Doctor　disorders　you　a　little　at　present；　but　early　in　the

morning　I'll　wait　on　you　with　all　necessary　materials。　Now　I

mention　no　Mr。　Bickerstaff；　nor　do　I　say；　that　a　certain

star…gazing　'squire　has　been　playing　my　executor　before　his　time；

but　I　leave　the　world　to　judge；　and　if　he　puts　things　and　things

fairly　together；　it　won't　be　much　wide　of　the　mark。



Well；　once　more　I　got　my　doors　clos'd；　and　prepar'd　for　bed；　in

hopes　of　a　little　repose　after　so　many　ruffling　adventures；　just

as　I　was　putting　out　my　light　in　order　to　it；　another　bounces　as

hard　as　he　can　knock；　I　open　the　window；　and　ask　who's　there；　and

what　he　wants？　I　am　Ned　the　sexton；　replies　he；　and　come　to　know

whether　the　Doctor　left　any　orders　for　a　funeral　sermon；　and

where　he　is　to　be　laid；　and　whether　his　grave　is　to　be　plain　or

bricked？　Why；　sirrah；　says　I；　you　know　me　well　enough；　you　know　I

am　not　dead；　and　how　dare　you　affront　me　in　this　manner？

Alack…a…day；　replies　the　fellow；　why　'tis　in　print；　and　the　whole

town　knows　you　are　dead；　why；　there's　Mr。　White　the　joiner　is　but

fitting　screws　to　your　coffin；　he'll　be　here　with　it　in　an

instant：　he　was　afraid　you　would　have　wanted　it　before　this　time。

Sirrah；　Sirrah；　says　I；　you　shall　know　tomorrow　to　your　cost；

that　I　am　alive；　and　alive　like　to　be。　Why；　'tis　strange；　sir；

says　he；　you　should　make　such　a　secret　of　your　death　to　us　that

are　your　neighbours；　it　looks　as　if　you　had　a　design　to　defraud

the　church　of　its　dues；　and　let　me　tell　you；　for　one　that　has

lived　so　long　by　the　heavens；　that's　unhandsomely　done。　Hist；

Hist；　says　another　rogue　that　stood　by　him；　away　Doctor；　in　your

flannel　gear　as　fast　as　you　can；　for　here's　a　whole　pack　of

dismals　coming　to　you　with　their　black　equipage；　and　how　indecent

will　it　look　for　you　to　stand　fright'ning　folks　at　your　window；

when　you　should　have　been　in　your　coffin　this　three　hours？　In

short；　what　with　undertakers；　imbalmers；　joiners；　sextons；　and

your　damn'd　elegy　hawkers；　upon　a　late　practitioner　in　physick

and　astrology；　I　got　not　one　wink　of　sleep　that　night；　nor　scarce

a　moment's　rest　ever　since。　Now　I　doubt　not　but　this　villainous

'squire　has　the　impudence　to　assert；　that　these　are　entirely

strangers　to　him；　he；　good　man；　knows　nothing　of　the　matter；　and

honest　Isaac　Bickerstaff；　I　warrant　you；　is　more　a　man　of　honour；

than　to　be　an　accomplice　with　a　pack　of　rascals；　that　walk　the

streets　on　nights；　and　disturb　good　people　in　their　beds；　but　he

is　out；　if　he　thinks　the　whole　world　is　blind；　for　there　is　one

John　Partridge　can　smell　a　knave　as　far　as　Grubstreet；　　tho'　he

lies　in　the　most　exalted　garret；　and　writes　himself　'Squire：　

But　I'll　keep　my　temper；　and　proceed　in　the　narration。



I　could　not　stir　out　of　doors　for　the　space　of　three　months　after

this；　but　presently　one　comes　up　to　me　in　the　street；　Mr

Partridge；　that　coffin　you　was　last　buried　in　I　have　not　been　yet

paid　for：　Doctor；　cries　another　dog；　How　d'ye　think　people　can

live　by　making　of　graves　for　nothing？　Next　time　you　die；　you　may

e'en　toll　out　the　bell　yourself　for　Ned。　A　third　rogue　tips　me　by

the　elbow；　and　wonders　how　I　have　the　conscience　to　sneak　abroad

without　paying　my　funeral　expences。　Lord；　says　one；　I　durst　have

swore　that　was　honest　Dr。　Partridge；　my　old　friend；　but　poor　man；

he　is　gone。　I　beg　your　pardon