the bickerstaff-partridge papers-第8部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！



made。　The　same　will　hold　good　with　marriages；　tho'　I　think　it

will　be　a　scandal　amongst　Protestants　for　husbands　and　wives　to

part；　since　there　remains　still　a　possibility　to　perform　the

debitus　conjugale；　by　the　husband　being　femme　couverte。　I　submit

it　to　the　judgment　of　the　gentlemen　of　the　long　robe；　whether

this　transformation　does　not　discharge　all　suits　of　rapes？



The　Pope　must　undergo　a　new　groping；　but　the　false　prophet

Mahomet　has　contriv'd　matters　well　for　his　successors；　for　as　the

Grand　Signior　has　now　a　great　many　fine　women；　he　will　then　have

as　many　fine　young　gentelmen；　at　his　devotion。



These　are　surprizing　scenes；　but　I　beg　leave　to　affirm；　that　the

solemn　operations　of　nature　are　subjects　of　contemplation；　not　of

ridicule。　Therefore　I　make　it　my　earnest　request　to　the　merry

fellows；　and　giggling　girls　about　town；　that　they　would　not　put

themselves　in　a　high　twitter；　when　they　go　to　visit　a　general

lying…in　of　his　first　child；　his　officers　serving　as　midwives；

nurses　and　rockers　dispensing　caudle；　or　if　they　behold　the

reverend　prelates　dressing　the　heads　and　airing　the　linnen　at

court；　I　beg　they　will　remember　that　these　offices　must　be　fill'd

with　people　of　the　greatest　regularity；　and　best　characters。　For

the　same　reason；　I　am　sorry　that　a　certain　prelate；　who

notwithstanding　his　confinement　（in　December　1723）；　still

preserves　his　healthy；　chearful　countenance；　cannot　come　in　time

to　be　a　nurse　at　court。



I　likewise　earnestly　intreat　the　maids　of　honour；　（then　ensigns

and　captains　of　the　guard）　that；　at　their　first　setting　out；　they

have　some　regard　to　their　former　station；　and　do　not　run　wild

through　all　the　infamous　houses　about　town：　That　the　present

grooms　of　the　bed…chamber　（then　maids　of　honour）　would　not　eat

chalk　and　lime　in　their　green…sickness：　And　in　general；　that　the

men　would　remember　they　are　become　retromingent；　and　not　by

inadvertency　lift　up　against　walls　and　posts。



Petticoats　will　not　be　burdensome　to　the　clergy；　but　balls　and

assemblies　will　be　indecent　for　some　time。



As　for　you；　coquettes；　bawds；　and　chamber…maids；　（the　future

ministers；　plenipotentiaries；　and　cabinet…counsellors　to　the

princes　of　the　earth；）　manage　the　great　intrigues　that　will　be

committed　to　your　charge；　with　your　usual　secrecy　and　conduct；

and　the　affairs　of　your　masters　will　go　better　than　ever。



O　ye　exchange　women！　（our　right　worshipful　representatives　that

are　to　be）　be　not　so　griping　in　the　sale　of　your　ware　as　your

predecessors；　but　consider　that　the　nation；　like　a　spend…thrift

heir；　has　run　out：　Be　likewise　a　little　more　continent　in　your

tongues　than　you　are　at　present；　else　the　length　of　debates　will

spoil　your　dinners。



You　housewifely　good　women；　who　not　preside　over　the

confectionary；　（henceforth　commissioners　of　the　Treasury）　be　so

good　as　to　dispense　the　sugar…plumbs　of　the　Government　with　a

more　impartial　and　frugal　hand。



Ye　prudes　and　censorious　old　maids；　（the　hopes　of　the　Bench）

exert　but　your　usual　talent　of　finding　faults；　and　the　laws　will

be　strictly　executed；　only　I　would　not　have　you　proceed　upon　such

slender　evidences　as　you　have　done　hitherto。



It　is　from　you；　eloquent　oyster…merchants　of　Billingsgate；　（just

ready　to　be　called　to　the　Bar；　and　quoif'd　like　your

sister…serjants；）　that　we　expect　the　shortening　the　time；　and

lessening　the　expences　of　law…suits：　For　I　think　you　are　observ'd

to　bring　your　debates　to　a　short　issue；　and　even　custom　will

restrain　you　from　taking　the　oyster；　and　leaving　only　the　shell

to　your　client。



O　ye　physicians；　（who　in　the　figure　of　old　women　are　to　clean　the

tripe　in　the　markets）　scour　it　as　effectually　as　you　have　done

that　of　your　patients；　and　the　town　will　fare　most　deliciously　on

Saturdays。



I　cannot　but　congratulate　human　nature；　upon　this　happy

transformation；　the　only　expedient　left　to　restore　the　liberties

and　tranquillity　of　mankind。　This　is　so　evident；　that　it　is

almost　an　affront　to　common　sense　to　insist　upon　the　proof：　If

there　can　be　any　such　stupid　creature　as　to　doubt　it；　I　desire　he

will　make　but　the　following　obvious　reflection。　There　are　in

Europe　alone；　at　present；　about　a　million　of　sturdy　fellows；

under　the　denomination　of　standing　forces；　with　arms　in　their

hands：　That　those　are　masters　of　the　lives；　liberties　and

fortunes　of　all　the　rest；　I　believe　no　body　will　deny。　It　is　no

less　true　in　fact；　that　reams　of　paper；　and　above　a　square　mile

of　skins　of　vellum　have　been　employ'd　to　no　purpose；　to　settle

peace　among　those　sons　of　violence。　Pray；　who　is　he　that　will　say

unto　them；　Go　and　disband　yourselves？　But　lo！　by　this

transformation　it　is　done　at　once；　and　the　halcyon　days　of

publick　tranquillity　return：　For　neither　the　military　temper　nor

discipline　can　taint　the　soft　sex　for　a　whole　age　to　come：

Bellaque　matribus　invisa；　War　odious　to　mothers；　will　not　grow

immediately　palatable　in　their　paternal　state。



Nor　will　the　influence　of　this　transformation　be　less　in　family

tranquillity；　than　it　is　in　national。　Great　faults　will　be

amended；　and　frailties　forgiven；　on　both　sides。　A　wife　who　has

been　disturb'd　with　late　hours；　and　choak'd　with　the　hautgout　of

a　sot；　will　remember　her　sufferings；　and　avoid　the　temptations；

and　will；　for　the　same　reason；　indulge　her　mate　in　his　female

capacity　in　some　passions；　which　she　is　sensible　from　experience

are　natural　to　the　sex。　Such　as　vanity　of　fine　cloaths；　being

admir'd；　etc。　And　how　tenderly　must　she　use　her　mate　under　the

breeding　qualms　and　labour…pains　which　she　hath　felt　her　self？　In

short；　all　unreasonable　demands　upon　husbands　must　cease；　because

they　are　already　satisfy'd　from　natural　experience　that　they　are

impossible。



That　the　ladies　may　govern　the　affairs　of　the　world；　and　the

gentlemen　those　of　their　houshold；　better　than　either　of　them

have　hitherto　done；　is　the　hearty　desire　of；

Their　most　sincere　well…wisher；

M。S。










End