the beast in the jungle-第2部分

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n't　have　so　much　as　noticed　her。　　He　would　have　liked　to　invent　something；　get　her　to　make…believe　with　him　that　some　passage　of　a　romantic　or　critical　kind　HAD　originally　occurred。　　He　was　really　almost　reaching　out　in　imaginationas　against　timefor　something　that　would　do；　and　saying　to　himself　that　if　it　didn't　come　this　sketch　of　a　fresh　start　would　show　for　quite　awkwardly　bungled。　　They　would　separate；　and　now　for　no　second　or　no　third　chance。　　They　would　have　tried　and　not　succeeded。　　Then　it　was；　just　at　the　turn；　as　he　afterwards　made　it　out　to　himself；　that；　everything　else　failing；　she　herself　decided　to　take　up　the　case　and；　as　it　were；　save　the　situation。　　He　felt　as　soon　as　she　spoke　that　she　had　been　consciously　keeping　back　what　she　said　and　hoping　to　get　on　without　it；　a　scruple　in　her　that　immensely　touched　him　when；　by　the　end　of　three　or　four　minutes　more；　he　was　able　to　measure　it。　　What　she　brought　out；　at　any　rate；　quite　cleared　the　air　and　supplied　the　linkthe　link　it　was　so　odd　he　should　frivolously　have　managed　to　lose。

〃You　know　you　told　me　something　I've　never　forgotten　and　that　again　and　again　has　made　me　think　of　you　since；　it　was　that　tremendously　hot　day　when　we　went　to　Sorrento；　across　the　bay；　for　the　breeze。　What　I　allude　to　was　what　you　said　to　me；　on　the　way　back；　as　we　sat　under　the　awning　of　the　boat　enjoying　the　cool。　　Have　you　forgotten？〃

He　had　forgotten；　and　was　even　more　surprised　than　ashamed。　　But　the　great　thing　was　that　he　saw　in　this　no　vulgar　reminder　of　any　〃sweet〃　speech。　　The　vanity　of　women　had　long　memories；　but　she　was　making　no　claim　on　him　of　a　compliment　or　a　mistake。　　With　another　woman；　a　totally　different　one；　he　might　have　feared　the　recall　possibly　even　some　imbecile　〃offer。〃　　So；　in　having　to　say　that　he　had　indeed　forgotten；　he　was　conscious　rather　of　a　loss　than　of　a　gain；　he　already　saw　an　interest　in　the　matter　of　her　mention。　　〃I　try　to　thinkbut　I　give　it　up。　　Yet　I　remember　the　Sorrento　day。〃

〃I'm　not　very　sure　you　do；〃　May　Bartram　after　a　moment　said；　〃and　I'm　not　very　sure　I　ought　to　want　you　to。　　It's　dreadful　to　bring　a　person　back　at　any　time　to　what　he　was　ten　years　before。　　If　you've　lived　away　from　it；〃　she　smiled；　〃so　much　the　better。〃

〃Ah　if　YOU　haven't　why　should　I？〃　he　asked。

〃Lived　away；　you　mean；　from　what　I　myself　was？〃

〃From　what　I　was。　　I　was　of　course　an　ass；〃　Marcher　went　on；　〃but　I　would　rather　know　from　you　just　the　sort　of　ass　I　was　thanfrom　the　moment　you　have　something　in　your　mindnot　know　anything。〃

Still；　however；　she　hesitated。　　〃But　if　you've　completely　ceased　to　be　that　sort？〃

〃Why　I　can　then　all　the　more　bear　to　know。　　Besides；　perhaps　I　haven't。〃

〃Perhaps。　　Yet　if　you　haven't；〃　she　added；　〃I　should　suppose　you'd　remember。　　Not　indeed　that　I　in　the　least　connect　with　my　impression　the　invidious　name　you　use。　　If　I　had　only　thought　you　foolish；〃　she　explained；　〃the　thing　I　speak　of　wouldn't　so　have　remained　with　me。　　It　was　about　yourself。〃　　She　waited　as　if　it　might　come　to　him；　but　as；　only　meeting　her　eyes　in　wonder；　he　gave　no　sign；　she　burnt　her　ships。　　〃Has　it　ever　happened？〃

Then　it　was　that；　while　he　continued　to　stare；　a　light　broke　for　him　and　the　blood　slowly　came　to　his　face；　which　began　to　burn　with　recognition。

〃Do　you　mean　I　told　you？〃　　But　he　faltered；　lest　what　came　to　him　shouldn't　be　right；　lest　he　should　only　give　himself　away。

〃It　was　something　about　yourself　that　it　was　natural　one　shouldn't　forgetthat　is　if　one　remembered　you　at　all。　　That's　why　I　ask　you；〃　she　smiled；　〃if　the　thing　you　then　spoke　of　has　ever　come　to　pass？〃

Oh　then　he　saw；　but　he　was　lost　in　wonder　and　found　himself　embarrassed。　　This；　he　also　saw；　made　her　sorry　for　him；　as　if　her　allusion　had　been　a　mistake。　　It　took　him　but　a　moment；　however；　to　feel　it　hadn't　been；　much　as　it　had　been　a　surprise。　　After　the　first　little　shock　of　it　her　knowledge　on　the　contrary　began；　even　if　rather　strangely；　to　taste　sweet　to　him。　　She　was　the　only　other　person　in　the　world　then　who　would　have　it；　and　she　had　had　it　all　these　years；　while　the　fact　of　his　having　so　breathed　his　secret　had　unaccountably　faded　from　him。　　No　wonder　they　couldn't　have　met　as　if　nothing　had　happened。　　〃I　judge；〃　he　finally　said；　〃that　I　know　what　you　mean。　　Only　I　had　strangely　enough　lost　any　sense　of　having　taken　you　so　far　into　my　confidence。〃

〃Is　it　because　you've　taken　so　many　others　as　well？〃

〃I've　taken　nobody。　　Not　a　creature　since　then。〃

〃So　that　I'm　the　only　person　who　knows？〃

〃The　only　person　in　the　world。〃

〃Well；〃　she　quickly　replied；　〃I　myself　have　never　spoken。　　I've　never；　never　repeated　of　you　what　you　told　me。〃　　She　looked　at　him　so　that　he　perfectly　believed　her。　　Their　eyes　met　over　it　in　such　a　way　that　he　was　without　a　doubt。　　〃And　I　never　will。〃

She　spoke　with　an　earnestness　that；　as　if　almost　excessive；　put　him　at　ease　about　her　possible　derision。　　Somehow　the　whole　question　was　a　new　luxury　to　himthat　is　from　the　moment　she　was　in　possession。　　If　she　didn't　take　the　sarcastic　view　she　clearly　took　the　sympathetic；　and　that　was　what　he　had　had；　in　all　the　long　time；　from　no　one　whomsoever。　　What　he　felt　was　that　he　couldn't　at　present　have　begun　to　tell　her；　and　yet　could　profit　perhaps　exquisitely　by　the　accident　of　having　done　so　of　old。　　〃Please　don't　then。　　We're　just　right　as　it　is。〃

〃Oh　I　am；〃　she　laughed；　〃if　you　are！〃　　To　which　she　added：　　〃Then　you　do　still　feel　in　the　same　way？〃

It　was　impossible　he　shouldn't　take　to　himself　that　she　was　really　interested；　though　it　all　kept　coining　as　a　perfect　surprise。　　He　had　thought　of　himself　so　long　as　abominably　alone；　and　lo　he　wasn't　alone　a　bit。　　He　hadn't　been；　it　appeared；　for　an　hour　since　those　moments　on　the　Sorrento　boat。　　It　was　she　who　had　been；　he　seemed　to　see　as　he　looked　at　hershe　who　had　been　made　so　by　the　graceless　fact　of　his　lapse　of　fidelity。　　To　tell　her　what　he　had　told　herwhat　had　it　been　but　to　ask　something　of　her？　something　that　she　had　given；　in　her　charity；　without　his　having；　by　a　remembrance；　by　a　return　of　the　spirit；　failing　another　encounter；　so　much　as　thanked　her。　　What　he　had　asked　of　her　had　been　simply　at　first　not　to　laugh　at　him。　　She　had　beautifully　not　done　so　for　ten　years；　and　she　was　not　doing　so　now。　　So　he　had　endless　gratitude　to　make　up。　　Only　for　that　he　must　see　just　how　he　had　figured　to　her。　　〃What；　exactly；　was　the　account　I　gave？〃

〃Of　the　way　you　did　feel？　　Well；　it　was　very　simple。　　You　said　you　had　had　from　your　earliest　time；　as　the　deepest　thing　within　you；　the　sense　of　being　kept　for　something　rare　and　strange；　possibly　prodigious　and　terrible；　that　was　sooner　or　later　to　happen　to　you；　that　you　had　in　your　bones　the　foreboding　and　the　conviction　of；　and　that　would　perhaps　overwhelm　you。〃

〃Do　you　call　that　very　simple？〃　John　Marcher　asked。

She　thought　a　moment。　　〃It　was　perhaps　because　I　seemed；　as　you　spoke；　to　understand　it。〃

〃You　do　understand　it？〃　he　eagerly　asked。

Again　she　kept　her　kind　eyes　on　him。　　〃You　still　have　the　belief？〃

〃Oh！〃　he　exclaimed　helplessly。　　There　was　too　much　to　say。

〃Whatever　it's　to　be；〃　she　clearly　made　out；　〃it　hasn't　yet　come。〃

He　shook　his　head　in　complete　surrender　now。　　〃It　hasn't　yet　come。　Only；　you　know；　it　isn't　anything　I'm　to　do；　to　achieve　in　the　world；　to　be　distinguished　or　admired　for。　　I'm　not　such　an　ass　as　THAT。　　It　would　be　much　better；　no　doubt；　if　I　were。〃

〃It's　to　be　something　you're　merely　to　suffer？〃

〃Well；　say　to　wait　forto　have　to　meet；　to　face；　to　see　suddenly　break　out　in　my　life；　possibly　destroying　all　further　consciousness；　possibly　annihilating　me；　possibly；　on　the　other　hand；　only　altering　everything；　striking　at　the　root　of　all　my　world　and　leaving　me　to　the　consequences；　however　they　shape　themselves。〃

She　took　this　in；　but　the　light　in　her　eyes　continued　for　him　not　to　be　that　of　mockery。　　〃Isn't　what　you　describe　perhaps　but　the　expectationor　at　any　rate　the　sense　of　danger；　familiar　to　so　many　peopleof　falling　in　love？〃

John　Marcher　thought。　　〃Did　you　ask　me　that　before？〃

〃NoI　wasn't　so　free…and…easy　then。　　But　it's　what　strikes　me　now。〃

〃Of　course；〃　he　said　after　a　moment；　〃it　strikes　you。　　Of　course　it　strikes　ME。　　Of　course　what's　in　store　for　me　may　be　no　more　than　that。　　The　only　thing　is；〃　he　went　on；　〃that　I　think　if　it　had　been　that　I　should　by　this　time　know。〃

〃Do　you　mean　because　you've　BEEN　in　love？〃　　And　then　as　he　but　looked　at　her　in　silence：　　〃You've　been　in　love；　and　it　hasn't　meant　such　a　cataclysm；　hasn't　proved　the　great　affair？〃

〃Here　I　am；　you　see。　　It　hasn't　been　overwhelming。〃

〃Then　it　hasn't　been　love；〃　said　May　Bartram。

〃Well；　I　at　least　thought　it　was。　　I　took　it　for　thatI've　taken　it　till　now。　　It　was　agreeable；　it　was　delightful；　it　was　miserable；〃　he　explained。　　〃But　it　wasn't　strange。　　It　wasn't　what　my　affair's　to　be。〃

〃You　want　something　all　to　yourselfsomething　that　nobody　else　knows　or　HAS　known？〃

〃It　isn't　a　question　of　what　I　'want'God　knows　I　don't　want　anything。　　It's　only　a　question　of　the　apprehension　that　haunts　me…　…that　I　live　with　day　by　day。〃

He　said　this　so　lucidly　and　consistently　that　he　could　see　it　further　impose　itself。　　If　she　hadn't　been　interested　before　she'd　have　been　interested　now。

〃Is　it　a　sense　of　coming　violence？〃

Evidently　now　too　again　he　liked　to　talk　of　it。　　〃I　don't　think　of　it　aswhen　it　does　comenecessarily　violent。　　I　only　think　of　it　as　natural　and　as　of　course　above　all　unmistakeable。　　I　think　of　it　simply　as　THE　thing。　　THE　thing　will　of　itself　appear　natural。〃

〃Then　how　will　it　appear　strange？〃

Marcher　bethought　himself。　　〃It　won'tto　ME。〃

〃To　whom　then？〃

〃Well；〃　he　replied；　smiling　at　last；　〃say　to　you。〃

〃Oh　then　I'm　to　be　present？〃

〃Why　you　are　presentsince　you　know。〃

〃I　see。〃　　She　turned　it　over。　　〃But　I　mean　at　the　catastrophe。〃

At　this；　for　a　minute；　their　lightness　gave　way　to　their　gravity；　it　was　as　if　the　long　look　they　exchanged　held　them　together。　　〃It　will　only　depend　on　yourselfif　you'll　watch　with　me。〃


〃Are　you　afraid？〃　she　asked。

〃Don't　leave　me　now；〃　he　went　on。

〃Are　you　afraid？〃　she　repeated。

〃Do　you　think　me　simply　out　of　my　mind？〃　he　pu