the beast in the jungle-第7部分

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　of　the　season　and　the　hour。　　〃And　yet；〃　she　said　at　last；　〃there　are　horrors　we've　mentioned。〃

It　deepened　the　strangeness　to　see　her；　as　such　a　figure　in　such　a　picture；　talk　of　〃horrors；〃　but　she　was　to　do　in　a　few　minutes　something　stranger　yetthough　even　of　this　he　was　to　take　the　full　measure　but　afterwardsand　the　note　of　it　already　trembled。　　It　was；　for　the　matter　of　that；　one　of　the　signs　that　her　eyes　were　having　again　the　high　flicker　of　their　prime。　　He　had　to　admit；　however；　what　she　said。　　〃Oh　yes；　there　were　times　when　we　did　go　far。〃　　He　caught　himself　in　the　act　of　speaking　as　if　it　all　were　over。　　Well；　he　wished　it　were；　and　the　consummation　depended　for　him　clearly　more　and　more　on　his　friend。

But　she　had　now　a　soft　smile。　　〃Oh　far！〃

It　was　oddly　ironic。　　〃Do　you　mean　you're　prepared　to　go　further？〃

She　was　frail　and　ancient　and　charming　as　she　continued　to　look　at　him；　yet　it　was　rather　as　if　she　had　lost　the　thread。　　〃Do　you　consider　that　we　went　far？〃

〃Why　I　thought　it　the　point　you　were　just　makingthat　we　HAD　looked　most　things　in　the　face。〃

〃Including　each　other？〃　　She　still　smiled。　　〃But　you're　quite　right。　　We've　had　together　great　imaginations；　often　great　fears；　but　some　of　them　have　been　unspoken。〃

〃Then　the　worstwe　haven't　faced　that。　　I　COULD　face　it；　I　believe；　if　I　knew　what　you　think　it。　　I　feel；〃　he　explained；　〃as　if　I　had　lost　my　power　to　conceive　such　things。〃　　And　he　wondered　if　he　looked　as　blank　as　he　sounded。　　〃It's　spent。〃

〃Then　why　do　you　assume；〃　she　asked；　〃that　mine　isn't？〃

〃Because　you've　given　me　signs　to　the　contrary。　　It　isn't　a　question　for　you　of　conceiving；　imagining；　comparing。　　It　isn't　a　question　now　of　choosing。〃　　At　last　he　came　out　with　it。　　〃You　know　something　I　don't。　　You've　shown　me　that　before。〃

These　last　words　had　affected　her；　he　made　out　in　a　moment；　exceedingly；　and　she　spoke　with　firmness。　　〃I've　shown　you；　my　dear；　nothing。〃

He　shook　his　head。　　〃You　can't　hide　it。〃

〃Oh；　oh！〃　May　Bartram　sounded　over　what　she　couldn't　hide。　　It　was　almost　a　smothered　groan。

〃You　admitted　it　months　ago；　when　I　spoke　of　it　to　you　as　of　something　you　were　afraid　I　should　find　out。　　Your　answer　was　that　I　couldn't；　that　I　wouldn't；　and　I　don't　pretend　I　have。　　But　you　had　something　therefore　in　mind；　and　I　see　now　how　it　must　have　been；　how　it　still　is；　the　possibility　that；　of　all　possibilities；　has　settled　itself　for　you　as　the　worst。　　This；〃　he　went　on；　〃is　why　I　appeal　to　you。　　I'm　only　afraid　of　ignorance　to…dayI'm　not　afraid　of　knowledge。〃　　And　then　as　for　a　while　she　said　nothing：　〃What　makes　me　sure　is　that　I　see　in　your　face　and　feel　here；　in　this　air　and　amid　these　appearances；　that　you're　out　of　it。　　You've　done。　　You've　had　your　experience。　　You　leave　me　to　my　fate。〃

Well；　she　listened；　motionless　and　white　in　her　chair；　as　on　a　decision　to　be　made；　so　that　her　manner　was　fairly　an　avowal；　though　still；　with　a　small　fine　inner　stiffness；　an　imperfect　surrender。　　〃It　WOULD　be　the　worst；〃　she　finally　let　herself　say。　〃I　mean　the　thing　I've　never　said。〃

It　hushed　him　a　moment。　　〃More　monstrous　than　all　the　monstrosities　we've　named？〃

〃More　monstrous。　　Isn't　that　what　you　sufficiently　express；〃　she　asked；　〃in　calling　it　the　worst？〃

Marcher　thought。　　〃Assuredlyif　you　mean；　as　I　do；　something　that　includes　all　the　loss　and　all　the　shame　that　are　thinkable。〃

〃It　would　if　it　SHOULD　happen；〃　said　May　Bartram。　　〃What　we're　speaking　of；　remember；　is　only　my　idea。〃

〃It's　your　belief；〃　Marcher　returned。　　〃That's　enough　for　me。　　I　feel　your　beliefs　are　right。　　Therefore　if；　having　this　one；　you　give　me　no　more　light　on　it；　you　abandon　me。〃

〃No；　no！〃　she　repeated。　　〃I'm　with　youdon't　you　see？still。〃　And　as　to　make　it　more　vivid　to　him　she　rose　from　her　chaira　movement　she　seldom　risked　in　these　daysand　showed　herself；　all　draped　and　all　soft；　in　her　fairness　and　slimness。　　〃I　haven't　forsaken　you。〃

It　was　really；　in　its　effort　against　weakness；　a　generous　assurance；　and　had　the　success　of　the　impulse　not；　happily；　been　great；　it　would　have　touched　him　to　pain　more　than　to　pleasure。　But　the　cold　charm　in　her　eyes　had　spread；　as　she　hovered　before　him；　to　all　the　rest　of　her　person；　so　that　it　was　for　the　minute　almost　a　recovery　of　youth。　　He　couldn't　pity　her　for　that；　he　could　only　take　her　as　she　showedas　capable　even　yet　of　helping　him。　　It　was　as　if；　at　the　same　time；　her　light　might　at　any　instant　go　out；　wherefore　he　must　make　the　most　of　it。　　There　passed　before　him　with　intensity　the　three　or　four　things　he　wanted　most　to　know；　but　the　question　that　came　of　itself　to　his　lips　really　covered　the　others。　　〃Then　tell　me　if　I　shall　consciously　suffer。〃

She　promptly　shook　her　head。　　〃Never！〃

It　confirmed　the　authority　he　imputed　to　her；　and　it　produced　on　him　an　extraordinary　effect。　　〃Well；　what's　better　than　that？　　Do　you　call　that　the　worst？〃

〃You　think　nothing　is　better？〃　she　asked。

She　seemed　to　mean　something　so　special　that　he　again　sharply　wondered；　though　still　with　the　dawn　of　a　prospect　of　relief。　　〃Why　not；　if　one　doesn't　KNOW？〃　　After　which；　as　their　eyes；　over　his　question；　met　in　a　silence；　the　dawn　deepened；　and　something　to　his　purpose　came　prodigiously　out　of　her　very　face。　　His　own；　as　he　took　it　in；　suddenly　flushed　to　the　forehead；　and　he　gasped　with　the　force　of　a　perception　to　which；　on　the　instant；　everything　fitted。　　The　sound　of　his　gasp　filled　the　air；　then　he　became　articulate。　　〃I　seeif　I　don't　suffer！〃

In　her　own　look；　however；　was　doubt。　　〃You　see　what？〃

〃Why　what　you　meanwhat　you've　always　meant。〃

She　again　shook　her　head。　　〃What　I　mean　isn't　what　I've　always　meant。　　It's　different。〃

〃It's　something　new？〃

She　hung　back　from　it　a　little。　　〃Something　new。　　It's　not　what　you　think。　　I　see　what　you　think。〃

His　divination　drew　breath　then；　only　her　correction　might　be　wrong。　　〃It　isn't　that　I　AM　a　blockhead？〃　he　asked　between　faintness　and　grimness。　　〃It　isn't　that　it's　all　a　mistake？〃

〃A　mistake？〃　she　pityingly　echoed。　　THAT　possibility；　for　her；　he　saw；　would　be　monstrous；　and　if　she　guaranteed　him　the　immunity　from　pain　it　would　accordingly　not　be　what　she　had　in　mind。　　〃Oh　no；〃　she　declared；　〃it's　nothing　of　that　sort。　　You've　been　right。〃

Yet　he　couldn't　help　asking　himself　if　she　weren't；　thus　pressed；　speaking　but　to　save　him。　　It　seemed　to　him　he　should　be　most　in　a　hole　if　his　history　should　prove　all　a　platitude。　　〃Are　you　telling　me　the　truth；　so　that　I　shan't　have　been　a　bigger　idiot　than　I　can　bear　to　know？　　I　HAVEN'T　lived　with　a　vain　imagination；　in　the　most　besotted　illusion？　　I　haven't　waited　but　to　see　the　door　shut　in　my　face？〃

She　shook　her　head　again。　　〃However　the　case　stands　THAT　isn't　the　truth。　　Whatever　the　reality；　it　IS　a　reality。　　The　door　isn't　shut。　　The　door's　open；〃　said　May　Bartram。

〃Then　something's　to　come？〃

She　waited　once　again；　always　with　her　cold　sweet　eyes　on　him。　〃It's　never　too　late。〃　　She　had；　with　her　gliding　step；　diminished　the　distance　between　them；　and　she　stood　nearer　to　him；　close　to　him；　a　minute；　as　if　still　charged　with　the　unspoken。　　Her　movement　might　have　been　for　some　finer　emphasis　of　what　she　was　at　once　hesitating　and　deciding　to　say。　　He　had　been　standing　by　the　chimney…piece；　fireless　and　sparely　adorned；　a　small　perfect　old　French　clock　and　two　morsels　of　rosy　Dresden　constituting　all　its　furniture；　and　her　hand　grasped　the　shelf　while　she　kept　him　waiting；　grasped　it　a　little　as　for　support　and　encouragement。　　She　only　kept　him　waiting；　however；　that　is　he　only　waited。　　It　had　become　suddenly；　from　her　movement　and　attitude；　beautiful　and　vivid　to　him　that　she　had　something　more　to　give　him；　her　wasted　face　delicately　shone　with　itit　glittered　almost　as　with　the　white　lustre　of　silver　in　her　expression。　　She　was　right；　incontestably；　for　what　he　saw　in　her　face　was　the　truth；　and　strangely；　without　consequence；　while　their　talk　of　it　as　dreadful　was　still　in　the　air；　she　appeared　to　present　it　as　inordinately　soft。　　This；　prompting　bewilderment；　made　him　but　gape　the　more　gratefully　for　her　revelation；　so　that　they　continued　for　some　minutes　silent；　her　face　shining　at　him；　her　contact　imponderably　pressing；　and　his　stare　all　kind　but　all　expectant。　　The　end；　none　the　less；　was　that　what　he　had　expected　failed　to　come　to　him。　Something　else　took　place　instead；　which　seemed　to　consist　at　first　in　the　mere　closing　of　her　eyes。　　She　gave　way　at　the　same　instant　to　a　slow　fine　shudder；　and　though　he　remained　staringthough　he　stared　in　fact　but　the　harderturned　off　and　regained　her　chair。　It　was　the　end　of　what　she　had　been　intending；　but　it　left　him　thinking　only　of　that。

〃Well；　you　don't　say？〃

She　had　touched　in　her　passage　a　bell　near　the　chimney　and　had　sunk　back　strangely　pale。　　〃I'm　afraid　I'm　too　ill。〃

〃Too　ill　to　tell　me？〃　it　sprang　up　sharp　to　him；　and　almost　to　his　lips；　the　fear　she　might　die　without　giving　him　light。　　He　checked　himself　in　time　from　so　expressing　his　question；　but　she　answered　as　if　she　had　heard　the　words。

〃Don't　you　knownow？〃

〃'Now'　…？〃　　　She　had　spoken　as　if　some　difference　had　been　made　within　the　moment。　　But　her　maid；　quickly　obedient　to　her　bell；　was　already　with　them。　　〃I　know　nothing。〃　　And　he　was　afterwards　to　say　to　himself　that　he　must　have　spoken　with　odious　impatience；　such　an　impatience　as　to　show　that；　supremely　disconcerted；　he　washed　his　hands　of　the　whole　question。

〃Oh！〃　said　May　Bartram。

〃Are　you　in　pain？〃　he　asked　as　the　woman　went　to　her。

〃No；〃　said　May　Bartram。

Her　maid；　who　had　put　an　arm　round　her　as　if　to　take　her　to　her　room；　fixed　on　him　eyes　that　appealingly　contradicted　her；　in　spite　of　which；　however；　he　showed　once　more　his　mystification。

〃What　then　has　happened？〃

She　was　once　more；　with　her　companion's　help；　on　her　feet；　and；　feeling　withdrawal　imposed　on　him；　he　had　blankly　found　his　hat　and　gloves　and　had　reached　the　door。　　Yet　he　waited　for　her　answer。　〃What　WAS　to；〃　she　said。



CHAPTER　V



He　came　back　the　next　day；　but　she　was　then　unable　to　see　him；　and　as　it　was　literally　the　first　time　this　had　occurred　in　the　long　stretch　of　their　acquaintance　he　turned　away；　defeated　and　sore；　almost　angr