the enchanted typewriter-第1部分

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The　Enchanted　Typewriter



by　John　Kendrick　Bangs









I



THE　DISCOVERY









It　is　a　strange　fact；　for　which　I　do　not　expect　ever

satisfactorily　to　account；　and　which　will　receive　little

credence　even　among　those　who　know　that　I　am　not　given　to

romancingit　is　a　strange　fact；　I　say；　that　the　substance　of

the　following　pages　has　evolved　itself　during　a　period　of　six

months；　more　or　less；　between　the　hours　of　midnight　and　four

o'clock　in　the　morning；　proceeding　directly　from　a　type…writing

machine　standing　in　the　corner　of　my　library；　manipulated　by

unseen　hands。　The　machine　is　not　of　recent　make。　It　is；　in　fact；

a　relic　of　the　early　seventies；　which　I　discovered　one　morning

when；　suffering　from　a　slight　attack　of　the　grip；　I　had　remained

at　home　and　devoted　my　time　to　pottering　about　in　the　attic；

unearthing　old　books；　bringing　to　the　light　long…forgotten

correspondences；　my　boyhood　collections　of　〃stuff；〃　and　other

memory…inducing　things。　Whence　the　machine　came　originally　I　do

not　recall。　My　impression　is　that　it　belonged　to　a　stenographer

once　in　the　employ　of　my　father；　who　used　frequently　to　come

to　our　house　to　take　down　dictations。　However　this　may　be；　the

machine　had　lain　hidden　by　dust　and　the　flotsam　and　jetsam　of

the　house　for　twenty　years；　when；　as　I　have　said；　I　came　upon

it　unexpectedly。　Old　man　as　I　amI　shall　soon　be　thirtythe

fascination　of　a　machine　has　lost　none　of　its　potency。　I　am　as

pleased　to…day　watching　the　wheels　of　my　watch　〃go　round〃　as

ever　I　was；　and　to　〃monkey〃　with　a　type…writing　apparatus　has

always　brought　great　joy　into　my　heart　though　for　composing

give　me　the　pen。　Perhaps　I　should　apologize　for　the　use　here

of　the　verb　monkey；　which　savors　of　what　a　friend　of　mine

calls　the　〃English　slanguage；〃　to　differentiate　it　from　what

he　also　calls　the　〃Andrew　Language。〃　But　I　shall　not　do　so；

because；　to　whatever　branch　of　our　tongue　the　word　may　belong；

it　is　exactly　descriptive；　and　descriptive　as　no　other　word

can　be；　of　what　a　boy　does　with　things　that　click　and　〃go；〃

and　is　therefore　not　at　all　out　of　place　in　a　tale　which　I

trust　will　be　regarded　as　a　polite　one。



The　discovery　of　the　machine　put　an　end　to　my　attic

potterings。　I　cared　little　for　finding　old　bill…files　and

collections　of　Atlantic　cable…ends　when；　with　a　whole　morning；

a　type…writing　machine；　and　a　screw…driver　before　me　I　could

penetrate　the　mysteries　of　that　useful　mechanism。　I　shall

not　endeavor　to　describe　the　delightful　sensations　of　that

hour　of　screwing　and　unscrewing；　they　surpass　the　powers　of

my　pen。　Suffice　it　to　say　that　I　took　the　whole　apparatus

apart；　cleaned　it　well；　oiled　every　joint；　and　then　put　it

together　again。　I　do　not　suppose　a　seven…year…old　boy　could　have

derived　more　satisfaction　from　taking　a　piano　to　pieces。　It　was

exhilarating；　and　I　resolved　that　as　a　reward　for　the　pleasure

it　had　given　me　the　machine　should　have　a　brand…new　ribbon　and

as　much　ink　as　it　could　consume。　And　that；　in　brief；　is　how　it

came　to　be　that　this　machine　of　antiquated　pattern　was　added　to

the　library　bric…a…brac。　To　say　the　truth；　it　was　of　no　more

practical　use　than　Barye's　dancing　bear；　a　plaster　cast　of

which　adorns　my　mantel…shelf；　so　that　when　I　classify　it　with

the　bric…a…brac　I　do　so　advisedly。　　I　frequently　tried　to　write

a　jest　or　two　upon　it；　but　the　results　were　extraordinarily

like　Sir　Arthur　Sullivan's　experience　with　the　organ　into

whose　depths　the　lost　chord　sank；　never　to　return。　I　dashed

off　the　jests　well　enough；　but　somewhere　between　the　keys

and　the　types　they　were　lost；　and　the　results；　when　I　came　to

scan　the　paper；　were　depressing。　And　once　I　tried　a　sonnet　on

the　keys。　　Exactly　how　to　classify　the　jumble　that　came　out　of

it　I　do　not　know；　but　it　was　curious　enough　to　have　appealed

strongly　to　D'Israeli　or　any　other　collector　of　the　literary

oddity。　More　singular　that　the　sonnet；　though；　was　the　fact

that　when　I　tried　to　write　my　name　upon　this　strange　machine；

instead　of　finding　it　in　all　its　glorious　length　written　upon

the　paper；　I　did　find　〃William　Shakespeare〃　printed　there　in

its　stead。　Of　course　you　will　say　that　in　putting　the　machine

together　I　mixed　up　the　keys　and　the　letters。　I　have　no　doubt

that　I　did；　but　when　I　tell　you　that　there　have　been　times

when；　looking　at　myself　in　the　glass；　I　have　fancied　that

I　saw　in　my　mirrored　face　the　lineaments　of　the　great　bard；

that　the　contour　of　my　head　is　precisely　the　same　as　was　his；

that　when　visiting　Stratford　for　the　first　time　every　foot

of　it　was　pregnant　with　clearly　defined　recollections　to　me；

you　will　perhaps　more　easily　picture　to　yourself　my　sensations

at　the　moment。



However；　enough　of　describing　the　machine　in　its　relation

to　myself。　　I　have　said　sufficient；　I　think；　to　convince　you

that　whatever　its　make；　its　age；　and　its　limitations；　it　was

an　extraordinary　affair；　and；　once　convinced　of　that；　you　may

the　more　readily　believe　me　when　I　tell　you　that　it　has　gone

into　business　apparently　for　itself　and　incidentally　for　me。



It　was　on　the　morning　of　the　26th　of　March　last　that　I

discovered　the　curious　condition　of　affairs　concerning　which

I　have　essayed　to　write。　My　family　do　not　agree　with　me　as　to

the　date。　They　say　that　it　was　on　the　evening　of　the　25th　of

March　that　the　episode　had　its　beginning；　but　they　are　not

aware；　for　I　have　not　told　them；　that　it　was　not　evening；

but　morning；　when　I　reached　home　after　the　dinner　at　the

Aldus　Club。　It　was　at　a　quarter　of　three　A。M。　precisely　that

I　entered　my　house　and　proceeded　to　remove　my　hat　and　coat；

in　which　operation　I　was　interrupted；　and　in　a　startling

manner；　by　a　click　from　the　dark　recesses　of　the　library。　A

man　does　not　like　to　hear　a　click　which　he　cannot　comprehend；

even　before　he　has　dined。　After　he　has　dined；　however；　and

feels　a　satisfaction　with　life　which　cannot　come　to　him　before

dinner；　to　hear　a　mysterious　click；　and　from　a　dark　corner；

at　an　hour　when　the　world　is　at　rest；　is　not　pleasing。　To　say

that　my　heart　jumped　into　my　mouth　is　mild。　I　believe　it　jumped

out　of　my　mouth　and　rebounded　against　the　wall　opposite　back

though　my　system　into　my　boots。　All　the　sins　of　my　past　life；

and　they　are　manyI　once　stepped　upon　a　caterpillar；　and　I　have

coveted　my　neighbor　both　his　man…servant　and　his　maid…servant；

though　not　his　wife　nor　his　ass；　because　I　don't　like　his　wife

and　he　keeps　no　live…stockall　my　sins；　I　say；　rose　up　before

me；　for　I　expected　every　moment　that　a　bullet　would　penetrate

my　brain；　or　my　heart　if　perchance　the　burglar　whom　I　suspected

of　levelling　a　clicking　revolver　at　me　aimed　at　my　feet。



〃Who　is　there？〃　I　cried；　making　a　vocal　display　of　bravery　I

did　not　feel；　hiding　behind　our　hair　sofa。



The　only　answer　was　another　click。



〃This　is　serious；〃　I　whispered　softly　to　myself。　〃There　are

two　of　'em；　I　am　in　the　light；　unarmed。　They　are　concealed　by

the　darkness　and　have　revolvers。　There　is　only　one　way　out　of

this；　and　that　is　by　strategy。　I'll　pretend　I　think　I've　made

a　mistake。〃　　So　I　addressed　myself　aloud。



〃What　an　idiot　you　are；〃　I　said；　so　that　my　words　could　be

heard　by　the　burglars。　〃If　this　is　the　effect　of　Aldus　Club

dinners　you'd　better　give　them　up。　That　click　wasn't　a　click

at　all；　but　the　ticking　of　our　new　eight…day　clock。〃



I　paused；　and　from　the　corner　there　came　a　dozen　more　clicks

in　quick　succession；　like　the　cocking　of　as　many　revolvers。



〃Great　Heavens！〃　I　murmured；　under　my　breath。　〃It　must　be　Ali

Baba　with　his　forty　thieves。〃



As　I　spoke；　the　mystery　cleared　itself；　for　following　close

upon　a　thirteenth　click　came　the　gentle　ringing　of　a　bell；　and

I　knew　then　that　the　type…writing　machine　was　in　action；　but

this　was　by　no　means　a　reassuring　discovery。　Who　or　what　could

it　be　that　was　engaged　upon　the　type…writer　at　that　unholy　hour；

3　A。M。？　If　a　mortal　being；　why　was　my　coming　no　interruption？　If

a　supernatural　being；　what　infernal　complication　might　not

the　immediate　future　have　in　store　for　me？



My　first　impulse　was　to　flee　the　house；　to　go　out　into　the　night

and　pace　the　fieldspossibly　to　rush　out　to　the　golf　links　and

play　a　few　holes　in　the　dark　in　order　to　cool　my　brow；　which

was　rapidly　becoming　fevered。　Fortunately；　however；　I　am　not

a　man　of　impulse。　I　never　yield　to　a　mere　nerve　suggestion；

and　so；　instead　of　going　out　into　the　storm　and　certainly

contracting　pneumonia；　I　walked　boldly　into　the　library　to

investigate　the　causes　of　the　very　extraordinary　incident。　You

may　rest　well　assured；　however；　that　I　took　care　to　go　armed；

fortifying　myself　with　a　stout　stick；　with　a　long；　ugly　steel

blade　concealed　within　ita　cowardly　weapon；　by…the…way；　which

I　permit　to　rest　in　my　house　merely　because　it　forms　a　part

of　a　collection　of　weapons　acquired　through　the　failure　of　a

comic　paper　to　which　I　had　contributed　several　articles。　The

editor；　when　the　crash　came；　sent　me　the　collection　as　part

payment　of　what　was　owed　me；　which　I　think　was　very　good　of

him；　because　a　great　many　people　said　that　it　was　my　stuff

that　killed　the　paper。　　But　to　return　to　the　story。　Fortifying

myself　with　the　sword…cane；　I　walked　boldly　into　the　library；

and；　touching　the　electric　button；　soon　had　every　gas…jet　in

the　room　giving　forth　a　brilliant　flame；　but　these；　brilliant

as　they　were；　disclosed　nothing　in　the　chair　before　the　machine。



The　latter；　apparently　oblivious　of　my　presence；　went　clicking

merrily　and　as　rapidly　along　as　though　some　expert　young

woman　were　in　charge。　Imagine　the　situation　if　you　can。　A

type…writing　machine　of　ancient　make；　its　letters　clear；　but

out　of　accord　with　the　keys；　confronted　by　an　empty　chair；

three　hours　after　midnight；　rattling　off　page　after　page　of

something　which　might　or　might　not　be　readable；　I　could　not

at　the　moment　determine。　For　two　or　three　minutes　I　gazed　in