the enchanted typewriter-第10部分

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neighbors　for　diversion。　The　type…writer　gave　no　sign　of　being。



Little　did　I　guess　that　Boswell　was　busy　working　up　my　scheme

in　his　Stygian　home！



But　it　came　to　pass　finally　that　I　was　roused　up。　Walking

one　morning　to　my　desk　to　find　a　bit　of　memoranda　I　needed；　I

discovered　a　type…written　slip　marked；　〃No　time　for　small　talk。

Boswell's　tours　grand　success。　Trolley…party　to…night。　Ten

cars　wanted。　Jim。〃



It　was　a　large　order　for　a　town　like　mine；　where　forty

thousand　people　have　to　get　along　with　five　carstwo　open

ones　for　winter　and　two　closed　for　summer；　and　one；　which　we

have　never　seen；　which　is　kept　for　use　in　the　repair…shop。　I

was　in　despair。　　Ten　car…loads　of　immortals　coming　to　my　house

for　a　trolley…party　under　such　conditions！　It　was　frightful！　I

did　the　best　I　could；　however。



I　ordered　one　trolley…car　to　be　ready　at　eight；　and　a　large

variety　of　good　things　edible　and　drinkable；　the　latter　to　be

held　subject　to　the　demand…notes　of　our　guests。



As　may　be　imagined；　I　did　little　real　work　that　day；　and　when

I　returned　home　at　night　I　was　on　tenter…hooks　lest　something

should　go　wrong；　but　fortunately　Boswell　himself　came　early

and　relieved　me　of　my　worryin　fact；　he　was　at　the　machine

when　I　entered　the　house。



〃Well；〃　he　said；　〃have　you　the　ten　cars？〃



〃What　do　you　take　me　for；〃　said　I；　〃a　trolley…car　trust？　Of

course　I　haven't。　There　are　only　five　cars　in　town；　one　of

which　is　kept　in　the　repair…shop　for　effect。　I've　hired　one。〃



〃Humph！〃　he　cried。　〃What　will　the　kings　do？〃



〃Kings！〃　I　cried。　〃What　kings？〃



〃I　have　nine　kings　and　one　car…load　of　common　souls　besides

for　this　affair；〃　he　explained。　〃Each　king　wants　a　special　car。〃



〃Kings　be　jiggered！〃　said　I。　〃A　trolley…party；　my　much　beloved

James；　is　an　essentially　democratic　institution；　and　private

cars　are　not　de　rigueur。　If　your　kings　choose　to　come；　let

'em　hang　on　by　the　straps。〃



〃But　I've　charged　'em　extra！〃　cried　Boswell。



〃That's　all　right；〃　said　I；　〃they　receive　extra。　They　have　the

ride　plus　the　straps；　with　the　privilege　of　standing　out　on

the　platform　and　ringing　the　gong　if　they　want　to。　The　great

thing　about　the　trolley…party　is　that　there's　no　private　car

business　about　it。〃



〃Well；　I　don't　know；〃　Boswell　murmured；　reflectively。　〃If

Charles　the　First　and　Louis　Fourteenth　don't　kick　about

being　crowded　in　with　all　the　rest；　I　can　stand　anything　that

Frederick　the　Great　or　Nero　might　say；　but　those　two　fellows

are　great　sticklers　for　the　royal　prerogative。〃



〃There　isn't　any　such　thing　as　royal　prerogative　on　a

trolley…car；〃　I　retorted；　〃and　if　they　don't　like　what　they

get　they　can　sit　down　in　the　waiting…room　and　wait　until　we

get　back。〃



But　Boswell's　fears　were　not　realized。　Charles　and　Louis　were

perfectly　delighted　with　the　trolley…party；　and　long　before

we　reached　home　the　former　had　rung　up　the　fare…register　to

its　full　capacity；　while　the　latter；　a　half…a…dozen　times；

delightedly　occupied　himself　in　mastering　the　intricacies　of　the

overhead　wire。　The　trolley…party　was　an　undoubted　success。　The

same　remains　to　be　said　of　the　vaudeville　expedition　of　the

following　week。　The　same　guests　and　potentates　attended　this；

to　the　number　of　twenty；　and　the　Boswell　tours　were　accounted

a　great　enterprise；　and　bade　fair　to　redeem　the　losses　of　the

eminent　journalist　incurred　during　Xanthippe's　administration

of　his　affairs；　but　after　the　bicycle　night　I　had　to　withdraw

from　the　combination　to　save　my　reputation。　The　fact　upon

which　I　had　not　counted　was　that　my　neighbors　began　to　think

me　insane。　I　had　failed　to　remember　that　none　of　these　visiting

spirits　was　visible　to　us　in　this　material　world；　and　while　my

fellow…townsmen　were　disposed　to　lay　up　my　hiring　of　a　special

trolley…car　for　my　own　private　and　particular　use　against

the　eccentricity　of　genius；　they　marvelled　greatly　that　I

should　purchase　twenty　of　the　best　seats　at　a　vaudeville　show

seemingly　for　my　own　exclusive　use。　When；　besides　this；　they　saw

me　start　off　apparently　alone　on　one　tandem　bicycle；　followed

by　twenty…eight　other　empty　wheels；　which　they　could　not　know

were　manipulated　by　some　of　the　most　famous　legs　in　the　history

of　the　world；　from　Noah's　down　to　those　of　Henry　Fielding　the

novelist；　they　began　to　regard　me　as　something　uncanny。



Nor　can　I　blame　them。　It　seems　to　me　that　if　I　saw　one　man

scorching　along　a　road　alone　on　a　tandem　bicycle　chatting　to　an

empty　front…seat；　I　should　think　him　queer；　but　if　following　in

his　wake　I　perceived　twenty…eight　other　wheels；　scorching　up

hill　and　down　dale　without　any　visible　motive　power；　I　should

regard　him　as　one　who　was　in　league　with　the　devil　himself。



Nevertheless；　I　judge　from　what　Boswell　has　told　me　that　I　am

regarded　in　Hades　as　a　great　benefactor　of　the　people　there；

for　having　established　a　series　of　excursions　from　that　world

into　this；　a　service　which　has　done　much　to　convince　the

Stygians　that　after　all；　if　only　by　contrast；　the　life　below

has　its　redeeming　features。









VII



AN　IMPORTANT　DECISION









For　some　time　after　the　organization　of　the　Pleasure　Tours；

the　Enchanted　Type…Writer　appeared　to　be　deserted。　Night　after

night　I　watched　over　it　with　great　care　lest　I　should　lose

any　item　of　interest　that　might　come　to　me　from　below；　but；

much　to　my　sorrow；　things　in　Hades　appeared　to　be　dullso

dull　that　the　machine　was　not　called　into　requisition　at　all。　I

little　guessed　what　important　matters　were　transpiring　in　that

wonderful　country。　Had　I　done　so；　I　doubt　I　should　have　waited

so　patiently；　although　my　only　method　of　getting　there　was

suicide；　for　which　diversion　I　have　very　little　liking。　On　the

twenty…fourth　night　of　waiting；　however；　the　welcome　sound　of

the　bell　dragged　me　forth　from　my　comfortable　couch；　whither；

expecting　nothing；　I　had　retired　early。



〃Glad　to　hear　your　pleasant　tinkle　again；〃　I　said。　〃I've

missed　you。〃



〃I'm　glad　to　get　back；〃　returned　Boswell；　for　it　was　he　who　was

manipulating　the　keys。　〃I've　been　so　infernally　busy；　however；

over　the　court　news；　that　I　haven't　had　a　minute　to　spare。〃



〃Court　news；　eh？〃　I　said。　〃You　are　going　to　open　up　a　society

column；　are　you？〃



〃Not　I；〃　he　replied。　〃It's　the　other　kind　of　a　court。　We've

been　having　some　pretty　hot　litigation　down　in　Hades　since　I

was　here　last。　The　city　of　Cimmeria　has　been　suing　the　State

of　Hades　for　ten　years　back　dog…taxes。〃



〃For　what？〃　I　cried。



〃Unpaid　dog…taxes　for　ten　years；〃　Boswell　explained。　〃We　have

just　as　much　government　below　in　our　cities　as　you　have；　and

I　will　say　for　Hades　that　our　cities　are　better　run　than　yours。〃



〃I　suppose　that　is　due　to　the　fact　that　when　a　man　gets　to

Hades　he　immediately　becomes　a　reformer；〃　I　suggested；　with

a　wink　at　the　machine；　which　somehow　or　other　did　not　seem　to

appreciate　the　joke。



〃Possibly；〃　observed　Boswell。　〃Whatever　the　reason；　however；

the　fact　remains　that　Cimmeria　is　a　well…governed　city；　and；

what　is　more；　it　isn't　afraid　to　assert　its　rights　even　as

against　old　Apollyon　himself。〃



〃It's　safe　enough　for　a　corporation；〃　said　I。　〃Much　safer　for　a

corporation　which　has　no　soul；　than　for　an　individual　who　has。

You　can't　torture　a　city〃



〃Oh；　can't　you！〃　laughed　Boswell。　〃Humph。　Apollyon　can　make　it

as　hot　for　a　city　as　he　can　for　an　individual。　It　is　evident

that　you　never　heard　of　Sodom　and　Gomorrahwhich　is　surprising

to　me；　since　your　jokes　about　Lot's　wife　being　too　fresh　and

getting　salted　down；　would　seem　to　indicate　that　you　had　heard

something　about　the　punishment　those　cities　underwent。〃



〃You　are　right；　Bozzy；〃　I　said。　〃I　had　forgotten。　But　tell　me

about　the　dog…tax。　Does　the　State　own　a　dog？〃



〃Does　it？〃　roared　Boswell。　〃Why；　my　dear　fellow；　where　were

you　brought　up　and　educated。　Does　the　State　own　a　dog！〃



〃That's　what　I　asked　you；〃　I　put　in；　meekly。　〃I　may　be　very

ignorant；　unless　you　mean　the　kind　that　we　have　in　our

legislatures；　called　the　watch…dogs　of　the　treasury；　or；

perhaps；　the　dogs　of　war。　But　I　never　thought　any　city　would

be　crazy　enough　to　make　the　government　take　out　a　license

for　them。〃



〃Never　heard　of　a　beast　named　Cerberus；　I　suppose？〃　said

Boswell。



〃Yes；　I　have；〃　I　answered。　〃He　guards　the　gates　to　the　infernal

regions。〃



〃Wellhe's　the　bone　of　contention；〃　said　Boswell。　〃You　see；

about　ten　years　ago　the　people　of　Cimmeria　got　rather　tired　of

the　condition　of　their　streets。　They　were　badly　paved。　They　were

full　of　good　intentions；　but　the　citizens　thought　they　ought

to　have　something　more　lasting；　so　they　voted　to　appropriate

an　enormous　sum　for　asphalting。　They　didn't　realize　how　sloppy

asphalt　would　become　in　that　climate；　but　after　the　asphalt

was　put　down　they　found　out；　and　a　Beelzebub　of　a　time　of　it

they　had。　Pegasus　sprained　his　off　hind　leg　by　slipping　on

it；　Bucephalus　got　into　it　with　all　four　feet　and　had　to　be

lifted　out　with　a　derrick；　and　every　other　fine　horse　we　had

was　more　or　less　injured；　and　the　damage　suits　against　the

city　were　enormous。　To　remedy　this；　the　asphalting　was　taken

up　and　a　Nicholson　wood　pavement　was　put　down。　This　was　worse

than　the　other。　It　used　to　catch　fire　every　other　night；　and；

finally；　to　protect　their　houses；　the　people　rose　up　en　masse

and　ripped　it　all　to　pieces。



〃This　necessitated　a　third　new　pavement；　of　Belgian　blocks；　to

pay　for　which　the　already　overburdened　city　of　Cimmeria　had　to

issue　bonds　to　an　enormous　amount；　all　of　which　necessitated

an　increase　of　taxes。　Naturally；　one　of　the　first　taxes　to

be　imposed　was　a　dog…tax；　and　it　was　that　which　led　to　this

lawsuit；　which；　I　regret　to　say；　the　city　has　lost；　although

Judge　Blackstone's　decision　was　eminently　fair。〃



〃Wouldn't　the　State　pay？〃　I　asked。



〃Yeson　Cerberus　as　one　dog；〃　said　Boswell。　〃The　city